"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

I have been drinking alot when I shouldn't be...

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
Mainly because,I have been taking ritalin to help focus,which it does,but also out of boredom/emptyness/self pity/escapism. Just whatever I can to take my mind off of stress/anxiety/lonliess/low self esteem. Which is why I was seeing a therapist in the first place. Now it hasn't gone away,its there,it feels like I can't get better. I just can't bring myself to change,keep living the same thing over and over no change. It may be OCD of some sorts as well. Jesus,I'm worried...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

PrinceBeavis

Banned
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
410
Reaction score
3
Have you done anything to address the primary issues that brought you to needing the therapist? (hit the gym, get up and get out, go to school, fix your house, paint your room, build a car, make some friends, just go out and say hi to chicks, etc) There's a million other things to be doing, besides drinking, and obsessing about your mental health. Just going out for a walk everyday can make a huge difference.
 

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
Yes and no. The problem is there,the need to fix it is there,yet I can't bring myself too. I can talk and think about it,yet I have yet to overcome it. Like working out,being more social,meeting more chicks,improving self/game,I keep obesseing over this negative stuff,its like i can't let go. It's bad,I know. Yet there are people out there improving living there lives,yet i cannot. I'm here,at home. Is it really that bad? Its like,I feel like I can't get chicks,or they don't want me for w/e reasons....
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
Forget about women for a moment. What type of payoff are you getting for not starting to make these life changes? There's a reason why you aren't and until you identify it you'll just keep spinning your wheels.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

Read more...

PrinceBeavis

Banned
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
410
Reaction score
3
One step at a time....break it down into smaller steps. It's a process, and a lifestyle change. You don't have to do it all at once.

Like right now, I'm going to put my shoes and jacket on, and go outside, and leave the house. I'll end up doing some running. While I'm doing that, I will tell myself something positive about myself several times. Then I'll come home, and chill. Simple.
 

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
I don't know. I know there's a reason,the reason may be either lazyness,fear,insecurity,low self esteem,feeling worthless,not knowing how to act,bad sh!t in general. Its like I am not the person I want to be. Im this loner person this empty person. this has me greatly worried. Maybe its just not learning,I dont know
 

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
Thats it,i dont know,do it all at once,or take small steps. That seems to be a confusion for me. I go to work,its positive,come home,im depressed. Im always depressed,just try to take my mind off of things.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
ItsOnNow said:
I don't know. I know there's a reason,the reason may be either lazyness,fear,insecurity,low self esteem,feeling worthless,not knowing how to act,bad sh!t in general...
Actually those are just the symptoms of what's going on, try looking past them. Try to remember when you first noticed these symptoms. Then try to remember the time before that when you felt your life was alright. Somewhere in between those two instances something happened. Identify what that was, link that with how you are acting today and somewhere within it is the reason you have these particular symptoms. Your therapist should be able to help walk you through the process.
 

tsmith2334

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 4, 2007
Messages
761
Reaction score
16
Location
NC
To avoid being cliche, overbearing, bossy, or condescending:

Be careful about drinking on prescription medicine, particularly medicine for ADD and ADHD.

Realistically, I've drank and smoked pot on presciption medicines before... but when I was on Concerta (and only during my time on that medication) I eventually had some very bad reactions to the synergistic affects of all the substances. As in, I wound up in the hospital.

So just keep that in mind.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
I know,they told me risk of seizure,so i don't drink when i am on it. I feel my problems are much deeper. This site has opened my eyes,yet I am still not the person I want to be/should be. It always feels like there is something wrong.
 

ItsOnNow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
530
Reaction score
2
Location
a house
To Francisco,the last time I actually remember feeling good was maybe when I was 15,16,and even then, I think I may have had some of the same problems I have no,social things,etc. And then one day,I just started feeling very depressed. Alot of it was I suppose typical adolesence stuff,but it seems like it has turned into something more now that I am an adult. I don't know if it's a real problem,or if it's all in my head....
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
ItsOnNow said:
To Francisco,the last time I actually remember feeling good was maybe when I was 15,16,and even then, I think I may have had some of the same problems I have no,social things,etc. And then one day,I just started feeling very depressed. Alot of it was I suppose typical adolesence stuff,but it seems like it has turned into something more now that I am an adult. I don't know if it's a real problem,or if it's all in my head....
There's an event which has rooted it like a tree within your psyche. If it wasn't one specific event it could be that you got use to this type of lifestyle in high school and instead of stepping out of it, you accepted it as your lifestyle. It happens, it's one of the factors which cause people to get certain habits ingrained within them. The good thing is that good habits can be learned to replace the bad ones. They just need to be defined and incorporated into your lifestyle.
 

PRMoon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2003
Messages
3,739
Reaction score
41
Age
45
Location
-777-Vegas-777-
Drinking alone is only bad when it becomes habitual. My advice...use it to your advantage, go to a bar and drink with no friends or anyone. If there are bartenders there, they will talk to you because they have nothing to do. If there are single girls there, it's more then likely you will notice them and you'll get yourself back into the social game from that angle.

The whole saying, "No man is an island unto himself" is a universal statment. Regardless of how alone you feel, there are always others who are looking to reach out to you. Just be aware and be receptive and you'll make it no problem.
 

PrinceBeavis

Banned
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
410
Reaction score
3
ItsOnNow said:
Thats it,i dont know,do it all at once,or take small steps. That seems to be a confusion for me. I go to work,its positive,come home,im depressed. Im always depressed,just try to take my mind off of things.
Actually, you CAN'T do it all at once, so there's no confusion about that. We ALL have to live life in small steps. All you have to do is do SOMETHING.
ONE thing. That's why I suggested taking a walk every day. It's as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. Just get out of the house for awhile.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

Read more...

xenten

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2005
Messages
93
Reaction score
1
ItsOnNow said:
Thats it,i dont know,do it all at once,or take small steps. That seems to be a confusion for me. I go to work,its positive,come home,im depressed. Im always depressed,just try to take my mind off of things.

That sounds like about how my life is right now. I am kind of a loner, but I know I can fix this. I just go out and if I feel uncomfertable in a situation, learn from it so you know what to do next time. For me, I have to be in a situation to totally understand how to act. That's what I'm trying to be so I can be more social. I came home from a Bible study tonight all happy and I sat down at the tv and got depressed. Just keep your mind running and you will have a better life than before. This is all just my opinions to take it as you wish. Others may say something different.
 

PRMoon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2003
Messages
3,739
Reaction score
41
Age
45
Location
-777-Vegas-777-
JMooney5115 said:
That sounds like about how my life is right now. I am kind of a loner, but I know I can fix this. I just go out and if I feel uncomfertable in a situation, learn from it so you know what to do next time. For me, I have to be in a situation to totally understand how to act. That's what I'm trying to be so I can be more social. I came home from a Bible study tonight all happy and I sat down at the tv and got depressed. Just keep your mind running and you will have a better life than before. This is all just my opinions to take it as you wish. Others may say something different.
What exactly are you saying? I don't think I saw a single thing in this paragraph that made a single bit of sense.

Just keep your mind running? What the f*ck does that mean? What is your opinion? Maybe english is your second language?? I feel lost and confussed and scared!! Can somebody tell me what this human is saying?
 

xenten

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 3, 2005
Messages
93
Reaction score
1
I am trying to get out and hang out with more people so those lonely alone times won't come anymore when I would just be sitting at home. It gets my mind off things. I think that's pretty much what I was saying. Wasn't meant to be confusing but I was half awake when I wrote it. Still confused?
 

PRMoon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2003
Messages
3,739
Reaction score
41
Age
45
Location
-777-Vegas-777-
I see.

Well I believe each of us should find strengths in ourselves before we interact with others. Learn to tap your inner power, or inner player for some, by getting to know who you really are and what you really want.

I live a very social life where I have to interact with people on some level almost all day. But when I cherish the time I have alone because it GIVES me time to think. I can put things in order and prioritize things better when I'm riding solo.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

Top