i have 2 relationship problems:friend and gf

[Jamesdl]

first one: my long time friend of over 10 years, we went to see this girl that he supposely loves. She's a mutual friend of us. He's been after her since he met her. they dated for like a month, and she found out she wasnt into him like that. Anyhow we go visit her (she moved out of state), and on the trip back, a month later i end up going back to hang out with her again with a different friend, clubbing,drinking,etc. Anyhow, my olde friend not answering his phone, and the last email i got from him, was that i was leading her on (the twist: she likes me), and he feels inadequate. I guess the second trip, wasn't a good idea. honestly its pissing me off because he's letting a girl get into the middle of our friendship, and i told him a long time ago if i wanted to date her i would of. i don't know if he just wants to stop talking to me or he just needs his time...??


second: my gf of about 4 years, moved 2 hours away out of state. I see her like once every 2 weeks, or sometimes once a month. It's been about 2 years since she moved. I got used to seeing her 3-4 times a week to basically nowhere now. She's busy with her job, that i get an occasional 5 minute a day talk with her. I think she's losing interest on me, and focusing more on her job&new friends. At the same time it's pissing me off because all i hear about is her going out with her "new" friends at night. But she doesn't have time to see me. I'm trying to be considerate about it because of the distance issue. she told me to get an apt with her, but she lives in nyc, which is a fortune. I'm ready to end it out of anger, but it feels a waste of 4 years especially when it's distance.I do love her,so really it's not what i want to do. how do i gain her interest back?

 

[Phyzzle]

Sorry, but I think we can all agree: you need to drop any and every girl who lives in another state. These long distance phone buddies should not be interfering with your social life.

If you want your friend to lighten up, suggest another trip together to see this girl. He's just an AFC fussing over the fact that you two were alone without him, and he's letting his imagination run wild.

And let's face it: you've had 2 years to move closer to your girlfriend, and nothing's happened. Another 5 years isn't going to change anything. Just end it already.

how do i gain her interest back?

Oddly, ending it might work. She might assume that you dropped her for another girl. That's often enough to get her stalking you. But I'm not optimistic.

 

[MacAvoy]

Irony. Your friends totally AFC, you know it, he knows it....the whole world knows it. I think you should call him and tell him you fvcked his prize and are dumping her cuz wh0res are a waste of time. He needs a wake up call.

#2 See #1 but this time your your friend.

 

[Jamesdl]

he's not picking up the phone, or answering his email.

 

[decades]

dump the GF. its over. it was over as soon as she moved 2 hours away...FROM YOU. For two years you settled for table scraps, which is a classic AFC "oneitis" construct. My opinion is she was NOT settling for table scraps in NYC, which is a kind of Shangri-LA for a single unattached female.

as for your friend when there is BABY drama between Men its time to go no contact with that person to see if he can recognize his immarturity. But remember its bros before hos and you may have broken the rule. if you have no sexual intentions with this female, why are you her freind? At some point you guys may be able to renew your frendship but after both of you have matured.

 

[DJDamage]

Men and women cannot be true friends, the sex always gets in the way.

Your girl HAS already lost interest in you. Dump her and go sarge for others in your town.

 

[joekerr31]

your girl is keeping you on the backburner in case she doesn't find an upscale alpha NYC man in the mean time.

sounds like she might already have one or two on the hook given she is making next to no effort to stay connected to you.

when you start getting mad at a woman you need to STOP and THINK. are you getting mad because of low self esteem, or are you getting mad because she wants you to? is she basically giving you your walking papers but because she doesn't explicitly say she is you are left in the conventional "what the h*ll is going on here?" state of mind.

its usually at this point that a man throws his balls away and asks the woman what HE has to do to change, to make this work, to get her love back, etc.

i'd cut loose of your girl, doesn't sound like anything but pain is waiting for you on that front down the road.

as for your bud. just give him some time. although i dont know why you are partying with a chic you know he wants to bang. i mean, there's nothing objectively wrong with it - but how would you feel if you REALLY wanted to bang a chic and she blew you off and then you watched your buddy start hanging out with her while you were excluded.

although his response is immature, it's to be expected. you placed your own enjoyment over his issues so right now he's wondering whether you are even a friend in the first place.