i hate her

[NSUballer]

My mind is so messed up right now.

I actually hate my ex. I wish the worst things in life to her because she is such a liar. She deserves nothing less than the worst life has to offer.

I saw her at my friends wedding tonite and i thought i was over that cvnt. I knew she had been fuvking some guy since she told me she wanted to be single a month ago.

She really is a low life who will never accomplish anything and I want to see her fall. She will never be anything in life besides some poor schimucks child bearer.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

First, you are among friends.

You cannot be upset with her! I've been where you've been, as well as other men on this forum, whether they will admit it or not. She's being a woman. Your job, aside from the love BS, is to understand her (women) so this doesn't happen again.

99% percent of the time, she's leaving because she found a "better option." Now this is the hard part: You need to work on your mental well-being so her opinion of you doesn't matter.

We all have this general idea of our love being equal for parents, children, wives/girlfriends, and friends, which couldn't be further from the truth. The pyramid is: children<parents<friends<wives/girlfriends, depending on how screwed up you are.

There are one of two reasons you're hurting right now: childhood trauma created during childhood or you allowed a woman to assist you in creating your reality. Don't get me wrong, a woman will have to be involved in creating your reality when you're about to marry, but I don't think your ex was your finance. Your reality is the most important thing you have in life!

 

[sodbuster]

Love and hate are 2 sides of the same coin-you are STILL emotionally involved. You need to hit indifference. If you want to date my ex wife, I'll give you her number... and send you a card at the wedding[sympathy card if I like you]

 

[Bible_Belt]

Love and hate are 2 sides of the same coin-you are STILL emotionally involved. You need to hit indifference

bingo

 

[NSUballer]

Had a pretty good night last nite. Went out with friends and ended up making out and feeling up this beautiful 25 yr old who has a boyfriend. She would have come home with me if her friends had not dragged her into a cab.

 

[backbreaker]

you should never hate a person. hate is a very childish and immature emotion. No you shoudl not hate her beucase you have moved on, you should not hate her beucase she was not the right one for you, but you shoudl not hate her beucase it's... how can i put this.. you are hating her for not confirming to what you thought she shoudl be doing and beucase she does not do what you think she should do, hoping and praying that all the bad **** in the world can happyt o her. **** dude that's worse than her lying about fvcking someone after she broke up with you. technically she is in the right she doesn't owe you ****. you are just childish.

Look, it didn't work. But, I'm sure you had some good times, try to remember those and not the bad part. every relationship will end it's just the way it is. Also learn what you did wrong and don't make the mistake again. sitting at home hoping she catches the black plague isn't going to make you a better person and an in ironic sense proves shew as right for leaving you; you are a child in a man's body.

Relationships are a lot like street fights. You can take all the classes and read as many books on it as you can but the only way you will really learn is by getitng your ass kicked lol. some way or the other, you are going to get your ass kicked. it's just gonna happen. now, it's up to you to decide to be bitter and spiteful and stay where you are, still getting your ass kicked time and time again or use this ass kicking to realize what you did wrong, and how you can not get your ass kicked, at least not as bad next time.

 

[Desdinova]

you should never hate a person. hate is a very childish and immature emotion.

I'm going to take the opposite side on this one. There's nothing wrong with hating the bytch. You can't lie to yourself when you hate someone. It becomes a problem when you take that hate and use that energy to get revenge. THAT is what's wrong.

Over time, the feeling of hate disappears and you become indifferent toward it. It may take two years, it may take ten, but as long as you keep yourself away from the person you're hating, you're going to keep recovering.

I've had a handful of people in my life that I've hated. I hated my first fiancee after she dumped my ass. I hated her for years, but you know what? I'm a better person because she did that. She forced me to find answers to why the relationship went downhill, so I came here. I've turned so much of my life around because she decided she didn't want to marry me. Now, I'm one of those men that she would die to keep in her life, and she can't have me

There are always positives to the negative. You're going to meet a better woman. She's going to be hotter, nicer, and she'll fvck better than your ex. You know what the best part is? Your ex set you free to find someone who does it all better than she did.

 

[drak_ool]

I'm going to take the opposite side on this one. There's nothing wrong with hating the bytch. You can't lie to yourself when you hate someone. It becomes a problem when you take that hate and use that energy to get revenge. THAT is what's wrong.

Over time, the feeling of hate disappears and you become indifferent toward it. It may take two years, it may take ten, but as long as you keep yourself away from the person you're hating, you're going to keep recovering.

woaw man, you took the words right out of my mouth! I strongly believe that in order to get over a girl, especially one you were strongly attached to, you need some level of "hate" towards her. You need to replace that strong "loving" emotion with something else. Indifference is not really an option at this stage of the recovery because you cannot simply shut down your emotions at the turn of a switch.

I experienced this myself after my last 2 (and only 2 btw) LTRs ended. In the first one, I hated the bytch, really thought she had done me wrong and was nothing but a cvnt. Result: the very same day I told her it's over, I had a threesome! Now, 5 years later, we ran into each other and I had no more feelings towards her at all, neither hate nor love.

In the second one, I kept making excuses for her, stuff like "it's not her fault, it's the distance", "she s still a great person", "maybe I was being a bad bf", etc... Even though I kept NC, this state of mind really messed me up and I spiraled down into depression. It took some hard talks with people close to me, people who actually care about me, to look at her actions in an objective light and stop the excuses. I finally was able to have my hate moment, move past her and get back in the hunt at 100% (I was still hooking up with other girls before that, but didn't really enjoy it as comparisons to my ex kept popping in my head, which would kill the moment).

So go on, hate away, just don't let this hate become the focus of your thoughts, simply use it as a defense mechanism.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/rejection-revenge/

I can remember a time before I learned about indifference, and I got caught up in all of this passionate self-righteous indignation that younger men feel. At a very low point I remember thinking to myself, "she's entitled to the misery that her life and decisions will give her." And I let all that sh!t go, didn't care and moved on to bigger and better things.

I learned from that, and other experiences, but I refused to allow myself to be consumed by them.

Then I joined FaceBook in my late 30s and I no longer felt the that seething sense of betrayal when I viewed the results of the life choices ALL of these women who'd put me off. I actually felt pity for some. The Wall is a cruel mistress, and the women who'd chosen less wisely by yoking themselves to men, who they'd deemed better than myself at the time, were, to the woman, all single mothers, or remarrieds.

More than a few began our reconnection with curiosity about my relationship status and how impressive my line of work was. I can show you pics of women who I ached to get with and be a good beta BF for who's daughters I would turn down today.

Things change my friend. As a man you have far more SMV potential than any woman, take comfort in that. I would dare to say that all the women you know today will not have anything like the valuation you will at 36.

https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/final-exam-navigating-the-smp/

 

[Atom Smasher]

I've learned not to hate, but to either feel sorry for a person or feel nothing at all.

The person you hate owns you. That person is your jailer in absentia. While they are out thinking nothing of you, you find yourself obsessing about them. That is ownership.

When somebody wrongs me these days I assign the problem to them, knowing that they have issues that are no reflection on me.

NSU, your anger is understandable. You need to assign a certain amount of time to express your anger and hurt, and then decide to let it go. Tell yourself, "This far, and no more".

Remember that in relationships a man MUST maintain the upper hand by conveying a gut-level understanding that he has more value than her. A man must orchestrate the relationship so that this is an underlying assumption.

I find that most of the time when a man is dumped, it is because he started telegraphing to her that she is stronger/more valuable. Any time I've been dumped in the distant past it was because of this. I started feeding off of her instead of being the Leader, the Rock.

Assign this girl's problems to her. It sounds like she has some severe insecurities and major character flaws. You are hurt by and missing the person who you THOUGHT and HOPED she was, not who she really is.

Let this messed up girl go and know that you've dodged a bullet.

Finish up your grieving and then get out there and design your life as a masterpiece.

 

[SoSuave666]

It's definitely healthy to have emotions for someone you spent a long time with, especially if the breakup is recent. If you still hate her though, after say a year or two, you are bordering on spiteful/bitter. As RT and AS said, indifference is the opposite of love, and a far more powerful tool in your arsenal when having to deal with an ex. Someone's choice to not be with you is something that can't be changed through logic. It's not a choice for someone to lose positive emotions. I have a hard time believing people are ever in control of their emotions, otherwise the world would simply be a happy place. People would only need one relationship in their life if they could choose who to love. No one actively wants to be sad or hateful. The one who owns the power is the one who cares less, or the one who can feign such indifference better than the other.

Part of the grieving process is the feeling of hatred. But really you don't hate the other person. You just disagree with them. You disagree that you weren't "meant to be." You disagree that she is better off with someone else. You disagree with her. Soon you'll find out that the breakup was the best thing that could have ever happened to you. You won't hate her anymore. You won't love her anymore. You won't care.

It takes some people longer to get to this place than others. You're mad now because your ex beat you to it. Hate her for now, but allow yourself some time, and this too shall pass.

 

[NSUballer]

The fact is I dont really hate her. I was drunk and upset when I got home and wrote the OP.

She was the furthest thing from my mind saturday nite when this HB 9 was letting me feel her up and making out:yes:

 

[backbreaker]

you are more than entitled to your opinion but white knighting I am not. Do not confuse what I am stating with saying she played no role in the breakup or was not the main cause for the breakup.. i'm simply stating that hating her for being her, after you are the one that screened her and chose her, is stupid and it not productive.

The real problem here, is not that she is a bad LTR, or that he is childish, but that he chose her in the first place when she clearly was not LTR material.

I'm anything but a white knight; I'm extremely analytical by nature and I just do not see the point in getting mad at a woman for being who she is. **** you chose her. That's what women do. They chose ****ty BF's who have no feature and who do not look out for their best interest and then ***** and go right back to them even though they do not improve.

It's much more constructive to realize that she had issues but i chose her with her issues and figure out what those issues are, figure out how to screen for them and next time, do not jump into a relationship until youa re 100% sure what you have.

I have a few women that did some pretty fvcked up **** to me on in the past. and at the time i did hate them. i hve not always been where i am now. but as rollo points out, time and experience lol and facebook adds a new prespectiove on things. The bottom line is I chose those women and it's not like their ****ty behavior was not apprant at the beginning i just did not care beucase they liked me. Me hating them for being who they were when i met them, doesn't make sense,. What makes sense is to figure out what it was the signs i shoudl have nocied at the beginning and put them in my memory bank

when I was 17 years old I met this broad named jennifer who worked with me at best buy. girl was infatuated with me. followed me around like a nat. i was dating someone and was not interested but that did not stop her. she followed me around, came to my house one night, tried to sneak over my house one night, every time i saw her she was going to kick it with some party or group of friends, she pratically raped me a few days after i broke up wtih my GF, and come to find out all this time she had a BF. and yet i still dated her, and then i got mad when 3-4 months later she came to work bragging in front of me how her new man was laying it to her. Yeah i can hate her but i signed up for that ****. a hoe is going to be a hoe. i tried to make a hoe into a LTR and you can't do that. ironically enough after i grew up she became probably my most long term booty call ever lol. a few years. yeah she too lied to me why she wanted to break up. but at the same time, how can i get mad at her when she lied to her ex BF about me lol? it's not possible. the girl held up a big neon sign that said "warning i'm a slut with very low character and i like to have sex with lots of men and i like the newness of a relationship but quickly get board and move on" and i refused to read it.

some guys like to play the victim card to the point where they do not realize they are the ones that keep walking into the same god damn traps time and time again.

blindly hating and curing asnd spewing isn't going to get you anywhere unless you like acting like a woman

 

[st_99]

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" - Ben Franklin

I think most of us get into a highly emotional state (hate, anger, etc..) simply by letting yourself fall into the wrong side of the relationship equation. You need to prevent that and you wont fall into these emotional traps.

How do you do that? IMO, you have mentally invested a TON more into this girl than she invested in you. You probably let yourself fall hard at some point and became her b!tch. Keep a healthy perspective by understanding, she is just a girl.

Also, reconcile in your mind that its ok to dig a girl but realities of life don't always have happy endings. Thats more of a maturity thing..

 

[HBK]

you are more than entitled to your opinion but white knighting I am not. Do not confuse what I am stating with saying she played no role in the breakup or was not the main cause for the breakup.. i'm simply stating that hating her for being her, after you are the one that screened her and chose her, is stupid and it not productive.

The real problem here, is not that she is a bad LTR, or that he is childish, but that he chose her in the first place when she clearly was not LTR material.

I'm anything but a white knight; I'm extremely analytical by nature and I just do not see the point in getting mad at a woman for being who she is. **** you chose her. That's what women do. They chose ****ty BF's who have no feature and who do not look out for their best interest and then ***** and go right back to them even though they do not improve.

It's much more constructive to realize that she had issues but i chose her with her issues and figure out what those issues are, figure out how to screen for them and next time, do not jump into a relationship until youa re 100% sure what you have.

I have a few women that did some pretty fvcked up **** to me on in the past. and at the time i did hate them. i hve not always been where i am now. but as rollo points out, time and experience lol and facebook adds a new prespectiove on things. The bottom line is I chose those women and it's not like their ****ty behavior was not apprant at the beginning i just did not care beucase they liked me. Me hating them for being who they were when i met them, doesn't make sense,. What makes sense is to figure out what it was the signs i shoudl have nocied at the beginning and put them in my memory bank

when I was 17 years old I met this broad named jennifer who worked with me at best buy. girl was infatuated with me. followed me around like a nat. i was dating someone and was not interested but that did not stop her. she followed me around, came to my house one night, tried to sneak over my house one night, every time i saw her she was going to kick it with some party or group of friends, she pratically raped me a few days after i broke up wtih my GF, and come to find out all this time she had a BF. and yet i still dated her, and then i got mad when 3-4 months later she came to work bragging in front of me how her new man was laying it to her. Yeah i can hate her but i signed up for that ****. a hoe is going to be a hoe. i tried to make a hoe into a LTR and you can't do that. ironically enough after i grew up she became probably my most long term booty call ever lol. a few years. yeah she too lied to me why she wanted to break up. but at the same time, how can i get mad at her when she lied to her ex BF about me lol? it's not possible. the girl held up a big neon sign that said "warning i'm a slut with very low character and i like to have sex with lots of men and i like the newness of a relationship but quickly get board and move on" and i refused to read it.

some guys like to play the victim card to the point where they do not realize they are the ones that keep walking into the same god damn traps time and time again.

blindly hating and curing asnd spewing isn't going to get you anywhere unless you like acting like a woman

I agree with this view. It reminds me of the story of the Scorpion and the Frog.

The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature.

The fable is used to illustrate the position that the behaviour of some creatures is irrepressible, no matter how they are treated and no matter what the consequences.

We cannot hate women for being who they are. It's our duty as men to be men, and to learn on how to weather the storms of life, especially the emotional storms that are female.

We cannot change them, but can we choose on how we deal with them.

 

[backbreaker]

I agree with this view. It reminds me of the story of the Scorpion and the Frog.

The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature.

The fable is used to illustrate the position that the behaviour of some creatures is irrepressible, no matter how they are treated and no matter what the consequences.

We cannot hate women for being who they are. It's our duty as men to be men, and to learn on how to weather the storms of life, especially the emotional storms that are female.

We cannot change them, but can we choose on how we deal with them.

and not just girls you are dating. I got a client right now, who, pound for pound might possibly be the stupidest person alive. i did not think it was possible to be this slow yet every day she takes her stupidy to new levels. But, I knew within 10 mintues of talking to her she was.. behind... but i wanted the project beucase it was a very uinque project and one that is worth the trouble in the long run so I have to deal with it. I remember when i was first starting this company out and i would set monthy projections financially that i wanted to hit and i woudl take jobs that in the back of my mind i knew were trouble from jump street in my gut yet i still took them and then would get mad at the client when the jobs turned out to be trouble. you can't do that. when someone shows you who they are you have to believe them and you have to accept the consequences that come from dealing with them. sometimes it's wroth it sometimes it's not.

like my mother.. regardless of what is at stake, her seeing her only son (me), her seeing her only grandchild and considering my toher si ster is only 12, hopefully her only grandchild she will have for quite a while, the fact that she is getting older and you know when mom's get older and if they are single they try to re connect with their kids and ****.. none of this **** matters to her lol, she is a freaking habitual line stepper with this religion stuff. i don't care what what bounderies i put out there what i threat, what i do, if i talk to her for a pro longed period of time it's coming. make no mistake. that' sjust who she is. she's a hard core southern batpsit and will be until the day she dies. so when i deal with her i know regardless of what she says , what's going to happen, and then i base my decision on if i want to deal with her or not on that, not what she says.

lol my wife can't fvcking cook. i knew that **** within 3 weeks of meeting her i can't get mad when i want some ziti or some **** and she attempts to make it and burns the freaking kitchen down. if i want some good italitan food i need to take my ass to the nearest Italian restaurant. i can't get mad at her for being who she is. she just can't cook and never will be able to cook. lol i really wouldn't mind a plate of ziti right now.

no freaking woman is going to tell you she's a *****. she will tell you "she hasn't found the right man yet"