I had an epiphany!

[Porky]

And this will probably do more for my peace of mine than anything else I've learned.

Women are DIFFERENT from us. They don't think the same we do, which is logically. So, looking at any relationship with a woman logically is a stupid thing to do.

I had a date with a girl last week. I like her a lot. I like her so much it scares me. I haven't felt this way in three years. When you're only 16, three years is a damn long time. I see a lot of myself and my brother in her. I'm placing her on a pedestal and it's hard for me not to call her constantly and just confess my love.

Anyway, I'm afraid of commitment. I don't want to be bogged down by a girlfriend. Because I'm afraid of committing and admitting that I like people, I expect other people to feel the exact same way.

I've "liked" a multitude of girls in the past year...but I lose interest really quickly when I think things start to go sour. I think it's a defense mechanism. I expect the girl to lose interest as quickly as I do, which is ludicrous - women tend to stick with guys longer than guys want to stick with women.

That's my rant. Can anybody back me up here? I think I may be on the way to having a raging one-itis for this girl - I hate the idea but at the same time I'm willing to rush headlong into a relationship with her. I'm nervous and quiet because I called her tonight and didn't reach her. I'm hating this situation, but at the same time...I can't wait to see her.

Uch. Somebody save me and my peace of mind. I guess I'm asking two things.

1) This girl had a year long relationship with a guy and to my knowledge hasn't had a boyfriend since he moved away last summer. I don't think she's even gone on a date. So, it is ridiculous of me to think she'll lose interest so quickly, right?
2) I don't want to care so much about her. Has anybody gone through something similar and managed to hold the feelings off?

 

[Vigilante7]

Look basically, advice is simple....

Go to the sink, and go splash water in your face and look in the mirror and say "Im a DJ"

Your one of the more advanced DJ's on the board, and naturally when you meet someone more interesting and different, you go through these AFC stages again....jsut relax breathe in and realize everyone has gone through this...once you see that a girl is similaior in personality / characteristics / hobbies...most people automatically think 'theyre the perfect fit'....

just realize that this HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR GAME and thats it by chance that she reminds you of herself.....

I think most people have the defence mechanism when a relationship goes sour, that they think they have no hope and lose interest....but realize, when your supposed to leave at the PEAK of aconversation, your also supposed to stop thinking of her....

Just think about what you have accomplished and realize that there are 100's of girls like this, its just one of the first times, youve met a girl like this......

 

[Porky]

The way I see it is that I have 2 huge problems that get in the way of my DJing

1) My conscience keeps me from hooking up with more than one girl at a time. I just couldn't do that. I can pull and attract as many as I want, but when it comes down to it I won't play the field.
2) I don't lose interest when the relationship goes sour - I lose interest when the relationship conceivably could maybe might go sour. ie I get a girl's number, call her twice over the course of a week, don't leave any messages, and then just give up. She wants me, I like her...but at that point I just pull out rather than risk myself anymore.

And this girl...I need to distract myself from her. The easiest way would be to play the field...but I'm not willing to give up #1.

Just reassure me...it IS abnormal that I lose interest so quickly, right? I can badly want to date a girl one week and then the next week feel no attraction to her.

 

[Vigilante7]

Originally posted by Porky


Just reassure me...it IS abnormal that I lose interest so quickly, right? I can badly want to date a girl one week and then the next week feel no attraction to her. [/B]

Its completely normal, but rare....think about it, your going through a similair stage that girls go through

"Their mysterious because you dont know them until you actually get to know them"

then thats where u lose attraction

maybe its the personality that turns u off or another personailty trait that u have, but i cant tell, maybe same type of situations in other sports, activities ect occurs

 

[DirkPitt]

you see ur brother in her?

 

[Porky]

Haha. She's a math nut, like him. Please, no incest jokes.

And, typically, I'm no longer very interested in her.

 

[Porky]

Haha. Women are so fvckin' easy sometimes. She never called me about going out on sunday, and I'm in a very very good mood right now because 1) it helped me get over my budding one-itis, 2) it helped me realize I need to throw out my conscience when dealing with conniving shrews (women), and 3) she just called me.

I sent her a variation of an e-mail Fingers sent to a girl who flaked on him:

Dear R,

Ohhhhhhhh, I understand your logic now.

"Let me check my schedule" = "I will completely flake on you and not call or write or leave messages."

Well my dear, I don't know how successful this approach has been for you in the past, but I certainly don't put up with this sort of behavior, ever. So until you get your act together and dream up a creative way to make it up to me, you can kiss this movie opportunity goodbye!

In the name of fairness, I will give you the benefit of the doubt here. Perhaps you were sick all weekend, or your computer bursted into flames or maybe, just maybe you finally gave in to your wild cravings and ran off with the math team to tour the International Math Meet. Whatever the case may be, at least you know where I stand on the issue of flakiness. And you have to appreciate that because it is rare to encounter someone who places such a high value not only on their time, but also on complete honesty. Hell, it's not easy being this direct. It has cost me some friendships along the way and some people truly hate me for it! Fortunately, they are the sort of element I would not want in my life to begin with, so I guess it all works out in the end.

Ultimately R, it's a shame because I believe you and I would have had a great time vibing, laughing and getting to know each other...but then again, perhaps you are not as open-minded and adventurous as I had originally thought.

oh well

She calls me, and straight off tells me that she IS a horrible person, and she IS open minded and adventurous and she's really really really sorry. Blah blah blah. She hinted that I should make plans with her tonight to reschedule, but her excuse didn't make the cut so I told her to call me sometime this week and I'd see if she could make it up to me.

Thanks Vigilante, and thanks Fingers. I would have let this slide, normally. My friends, guilt tripping is a powerful tool.