I Had a huge fight with my girlfriend (long read)

[special-k10]

I hope you guys have some insight on this, first of all I am new to the site, although I've been lurking in these forums for quite some time and I can honestly say that the info discussed here has helped me a lot when dealing with women. A little background info, I've been on and off with my gf of three years, the first year was amazing, we had tons of fun, we were inseparable and she would occasionally mention how I was the man of her dreams (pretty gay I know).


Things started to go downhill in the second year of our relationship, I lost interest in her and I started talking to other girls but for some reason I still had feelings for my gf. The majority of the time I met these girls at school knowing that my gf would never find out (she used to go to another school), unfortunately I ended up getting caught; she found out that I was talking to a couple of girls from school (she read my txt messages which were mostly about sex) and she lost all trust in me. Btw, I also have a one year old baby with her and I guess that facilitated her staying with me. A couple of months later I found out she was talking to some guy from work but it was clear she was talking to him as more than just a friend. I told her that now we were even and that we should learn to trust each other for our child's sake.


The third year of our relationship has been total chaos, we argue and break up almost every week, this has to do more with the fact that we don't live together and we barely see each other during the week, and she's a full time mother. Anyway our sex life is decent, I think, but recently she found out again that I was talking to a couple of girls from school (but this time just as friends yet she made a big deal about it and accused me of cheating on her), she lost all trust in me again and decided to get even with me, so she went on facebook and started talking to some guy from her old high school. I think this has been going on for quite sometime since they txt and call each other.


Anyway, today I was going through her phone and I saw all the conversations with that guy. I got really upset and I confronted her about it, I was so pissed off that I broke her cellphone and I put my hands on her ( I didnt hit her but I slammed her on her bed and put all my weight on her trying to hold her down; she then punched me in the face and I kinda grabbed her by the neck, she was crying hysterically and locked herself up in her room.

I don't know what to do guys I know she will never forgive me and I feel like ****, It hurts me because I will never see my daughter again, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to win her back. I think she told her parents and they've been calling my cellphone but I feel so low I dont think they will ever forgive me. Guys what should I do???????

 

[1337]

It's a wrap for you now that you touched her and your longing for her back. Society today is dominated by females so you better hope you don't get in a pickle for touching her. For the sake of the baby make some negotiataions and some rules with her. I doubt her talking to some facebook afcs will get her to leave you since she has a kid with you. The relationship sounds pretty immature like some high school college bullsh1t of revenge cycle of cheating except the babys childhood and growth is gonna be the victim of both you and your gfs insecurities and whack parenting skills if this continues.

 

[sharkbeat]

Well ****, so many lines are crossed here.

There are two options now: your little girl, or other women. Your gf is no longer part of the equation, considering how bad it has gotten. If you choose your little girl, be a good father. If your choose dating other women, live separately, and pay child support for the next 18 years.

 

[special-k10]

Yea I know things will never be the same, and I know for a fact she will never let me see my daughter again. It hurts me so much because she means the world to me. She's gonna make my life miserable. I feel like I've lost everything...

 

[Kailex]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to chime in, and not possibly a good way here.

I REALLY hope you learned your lesson. But after half of your opening paragraphs, THEN you mentioned you had a one year old. You were fooling around on your g/f when you had a newborn in your lives?

Maybe I'm not understanding the timeline of this situation.

But how can you possibly expect her to trust you after you cheated on her and then ... she cheated on you? Seriously?

I guess I just need clarification on the timeline. Other than that, forget winning her back, you two are clearly no good for each other and the only escalation in this relationship is chaos.

 

[special-k10]

Well, my gf became very insecure when she was pregnant because we couldn't have sex anymore,this was well into the 7th or 8th month of her pregnancy. I don't know if you guys would consider this cheating, but I only went as far as talking about sex with one of the girls(I never cheated on her physically with another girl), and I know for a fact she would never physically cheat on me with another guy. I think I'm gonna wait a week and then I'll try calling her house. I tried calling her today just to let her know that I will buy her a new cell phone but she didn't pick up.

 

[Nino-Tk]

Whatever you do, make sure you are there for your daughter...she didnt ask to be brought into this world

 

[mrRuckus]

Get a paternity test done on your "daughter."

 

[DavenJuan]

Special,

First, let me make it clear to you that this was an "abusive" relationshp WAY before you put your hands on her. to be honest, The back and forth cheating simply to get.."even" isnt something i would call a relationship.

Listen, im not here to judge you or her. you cheated, she cheated, blah blah. IMO, the maturity in this "relationship" seems minimal. The one thing to keep in mind is that if YOURE at the point in a relationship when you want to get your fix elsewhere, dont be suprised that SHE FEELS the same way.

forget trying to get her back right now. the only advice that i will give you is... STEP UP to the plate brother. take responsibility for your actions. ALL your actions. you cheated, you lost your temper, and you regret your actions.

the worst thing you can do is ignore her parents. these are the same people that will most likely be in your gf's ear telling her whats the best option for their grandchild. You want them to treat you liek a MAN when it comes to being a father, then act like one.

the most important thing is your daughter. which im sure you knwo this. you have to revalute a few things. never let ANYONE have such control over you that you cannot maintain your composure. no one should have this type of affect on you brother.

 

[special-k10]

Thanx DavenJuan for the advice. I do realize that we've both acted very immature in this relationship and I'm well aware that I lost my composure on more than one occasion.


Today I was issued a restraining order and I have to go to court to discuss the incident, she wants complete physical and legal custody of the child. There are some lies in her statement though and she's making me out to be this horrible person. She is saying that I allegedly attacked her in front of our daughter(but we were arguing in a different room) I did break her cellphone which is considered a crime according to the police officer, and she fears for her and our daughter's safety.

For the time being I cannot under any circumstances have any contact with her. I am willing to abide by what my ex wants but I am not willing to give up legal custody of our child (she has complete physical custody and legal custody to some extent, I do not have any say in her decisions regarding our child).

Her parents are respectful to me, yet I feel like they do not like me, maybe because I am currently unemployed (I'm a full time college student) and I have not been able to take on the financial aspect of raising the baby. although I do give my ex at least $300 a month for the baby. Maybe she hasn't told her parents this and that's why they don't like me.

I am willing to at least have partial legal custody of the baby and gradually reconcile with my ex if she's willing to do it. We've always talked about being a family and being there for our daughter. I've learned my lesson and I am willing to submit to any type of counseling to prove her that I can change my ways.

Do you guys think this is even remotely possible in a legal setting??