I got stood up...need some advice.

Lelouch · Aug 30, 2007

Hey guys. I've been lurking around this board for about a year or so, just reading the topics. I've decided to register today because of a recent experience I had.

I'm 19 years old, a sophomore in college. Lately, I've been trying to get over my oneitis. She was my first girlfriend, we dated for a year and a half. I lost my virginity to her, so it'd be sufficient to say that I'm having a hard time getting over her. We broke up about 6 months ago.

So, a couple weeks ago, I finally got the balls to ask this girl I know out on a date. She's a year younger than me, but I've known her for about 2 years. I started to take a liking to her when I saw her at a grad party about a month ago. Me and her, along with 2 other friends, went out to a movie. There was definitely some flirting going on, and I could tell that she was into me at least a little bit. However, she had a boyfriend at the time, so I decided to just play it cool. But, she told me at the end of the night that we should go see a movie again sometime. When her boyfriend broke up with her, I decided it was time to make a move. So, I went to a party with her and a few others, and I drove her home. The conversation went something like this...

Me: So, I'd really like to go out to a movie again with you sometime. I was a little hesitant to ask before because of your boyfriend. But, now that he's gone, what to you say about going on a date sometime?
Her: {enthusiastic} Yeah, that sounds great!
Me: It's been a while since I've been on a date.
Her: I know, me too. But I think it's gonna be really fun.
Me: Cool. I'm pretty busy the next few days, but I'll give you a call and we can set up a date.
Her: Alright. You have my number, right?
Me: Yep. And you have mine?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Alright then, goodnight!
Her: Bye!

So, I called her a few days later, and we set up a date for Sunday night. A few days later I realized that I'm going to have to reschedule (this is in the middle of the week, well before Sunday). I'm a trumpet player in a jobbing band, and I had a gig Sunday night. I called her up, and apologized. She said it's not big deal, and that we can go out Monday, the next day. I said cool, and I'll call her Monday morning and we can decide what we want to do.

Monday rolls around, and I call her around noon. Here's what happened...

Me: Hey, how are you doing?
Her: Ummm....hel....hello...hello?
Me: Oh, are you still sleeping?
Her: Yeah....
Me: Okay, I'll call you back in a little bit when your awake.
Her: Yeah, just call back in an hour or two. Sorry, I'm exausted.

**2 HOURS LATER**

Me: Hey there.
Her: Hey!
Me: So, are you ready for tonight? I thought we could get some dinner and see a movie.
Her: Sounds good....but I'm at a furniture store right now getting some stuff for college.
Me: Oh....well, what time will you be back?
Her: I'll be home around 5pm. I'll call you then and we can go out.
Me: Okay, see you then.

At 5pm, I get no phone call. I wait until around 7:30, then I just said "fvck this, I'm not gonna wait around for her to call" and called her up. No, answer. I didn't bother leave a voicemail. She never called back, and I just decided not to call her again. After all, she basically stood me up.

This occured about 3 weeks ago. Yesterday, I left her a message on Facebook. I wrote...

"How's school going? By the way, thanks for ditching me a couple of weeks ago... :O"

Today, she replied back with...

"You'll forgive me. Especially around Thanksgiving when I make it up to you. lol. School is great! How's the bachelors pad?"

*I just moved into an apartment in downtown Chicago, hence "bachelor pad"*

So, what should I do? I haven't replied back yet. Honestly, I don't really think she's an AW, because she's actually pretty smart and witty, and she's about an HB8 to boot. But, you never know...

Everything I've read here has said to never go out with a girl that stood you up. I kinda feel just like telling her to forget it, but I actually kinda like this chick. I definately don't want a LTR with this girl, I just want to see her casually and fool around with her.

So, any advice?

KontrollerX · Aug 30, 2007

"I don't really think she's an AW, because she's actually pretty smart and witty"

If she understands your sarcasm and clever phrases when you make them she's not an AW.

AW's say clever and smart phrases they get from the past guys they've been with but they don't understand them.

Anyway what was the Thanksgiving thing all about?

You two supposed to be around eachother then or is that some kind of joke on her part??

Lelouch · Aug 30, 2007

KontrollerX said:
"I don't really think she's an AW, because she's actually pretty smart and witty"

If she understands your sarcasm and clever phrases when you make them she's not an AW.

AW's say clever and smart phrases they get from the past guys they've been with but they don't understand them.

Anyway what was the Thanksgiving thing all about?

You two supposed to be around eachother then or is that some kind of joke on her part??

Well, Thanksgiving is usually when winter break starts, so I'm pretty sure that just meant that she wanted to get together when were both on break from school.

KontrollerX · Aug 30, 2007

Generally women with high interest will make up a flaked date right away by calling and apologizing and setting something else up.

You were the one who ended up calling three weeks later which isn't a good sign but anyway despite the rules of the site some people can just be flighty and a bit flakey which doesn't always mean they are totally disinterested in you so much as it means they can be absent minded.

From her Thanksgiving response it sounds like she's interested at least if not highly interested.

Keep talking to her and spinning other plates as you can and if her promise to make things up to you is true then great if not also great since you will have been spinning other plates on the side and filtered out an uninterested woman.

Lelouch · Aug 30, 2007

KontrollerX said:
Generally women with high interest will make up a flaked date right away by calling and apologizing and setting something else up.

You were the one who ended up calling three weeks later which isn't a good sign but anyway despite the rules of the site some people can just be flighty and a bit flakey which doesn't always mean they are totally disinterested in you so much as it means they can be absent minded.

From her Thanksgiving response it sounds like she's interested at least if not highly interested.

Keep talking to her and spinning other plates as you can and if her promise to make things up to you is true then great if not also great since you will have been spinning other plates on the side and filtered out an uninterested woman.

Well, she was leaving for school the very next day after our date, so perhaps that may have had something to do with her not rescheduling...?

Thanks for the advice.

Last Man Standing · Aug 30, 2007

If she is going o school out of town then it makes sense - but the three week delay is still suspect. You made your romantic interest known and thus you did your job -- wait for her to contact you first and let her bring up the convo of doing something!

Serg897 · Aug 30, 2007

Lelouch, it sounds to me like she might be just playing games with you. Try something for Thanksgiving, but dont invest too much in this girl. Find others.

Phyzzle · Aug 30, 2007

This is the 1st commandment of Phyzzle. I say this in half my posts.

When you call a girl to make a date, MAKE A DATE. Don't call her just to say that you're going to call her later.

Her: I'll be home around 5pm. I'll call you then and we can go out.
Me: Okay, see you then.

This was a problem. Just say "okay, I'll see you at theater x at 7:00" or "I'll pick you up at 7." Then just show up.

You could have made that date on Wednesday when you were cancelling Sunday. Just get the scheduling crap over with.

If she gives you any, "Well, I don't know how things will be 2 hours from now, call me later," then you know she's not going to show, and you just saved your time.

Last Man Standing · Aug 30, 2007

Phyzzle said:
This is the 1st commandment of Phyzzle. I say this in half my posts.

When you call a girl to make a date, MAKE A DATE. Don't call her just to say that you're going to call her later.

This was a problem. Just say "okay, I'll see you at theater x at 7:00" or "I'll pick you up at 7." Then just show up.

You could have made that date on Wednesday when you were cancelling Sunday. Just get the scheduling crap over with.

If she gives you any, "Well, I don't know how things will be 2 hours from now, call me later," then you know she's not going to show, and you just saved your time.

Of course - but it doesn't matter - the no-show - no-call is a sign of disinterest - whether minor or major - now or later.

Phyzzle · Aug 30, 2007

Everything I've read here has said to never go out with a girl that stood you up.

A different point of view:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=129725

Of course - but it doesn't matter - the no-show - no-call is a sign of disinterest - whether minor or major - now or later.

Yep. Still, I'd much rather find out now. Plus, I think rare phone calls/long disappearances subtly suggest that you have a serious gf or wife. Subconciously, I think a lot of women are intrigued by this.

Ace_McGregor · Aug 31, 2007

So I'm assuming she goes to school in another city? You've got nothing to sweat man. Just casually flirt and talk to her and maybe you'll hook-up with her on Thanksgiving break - but honestly you need to find girls closer to you.

Lust · Aug 31, 2007

DjDan said:
tell her you aren't interested in her anymore, you thought she was more mature but she showed she is just a child.

No you nut, you don't need to say useless sh!t like that, because 1) you really shouldn't hold a grudge and 2) it will just make you seem like a little baby having a hissy fit because of what she did.

Just keep it cool, attract her passively, meet other women, have fun, enjoy life, make her regret it.

Obsidian · Aug 31, 2007

J-Bone · Aug 31, 2007

seriously all the bs aside. fvck her! and i mean that in a nonsexual way! shes flaking you, bringing down your self-esteem, and shes disrespected you bro. you gotta respect yourself and find another girl.

Maximus Rex · Aug 31, 2007

Why?

1) Why is your first date to dinner and a movie?

2) Why was this chick the only lead you were working on?

3) Why did you have a girlfriend at 19?

4) Why are you spending more than $40 on a date?

I STRONGLY SUGGEST that you run out to Barnes and Noble or go to Amazon.com and get "How To Succed With Women," by Ron Louis and David Copeland. Pay close attention to the chapters on flirting, The Priming Date, and The Seduction Date. Report back and tell me what you think.

Lelouch · Aug 31, 2007

Maximus Rex said:
1) Why is your first date to dinner and a movie?

2) Why was this chick the only lead you were working on?

3) Why did you have a girlfriend at 19?

4) Why are you spending more than $40 on a date?

I STRONGLY SUGGEST that you run out to Barnes and Noble or go to Amazon.com and get "How To Succed With Women," by Ron Louis and David Copeland. Pay close attention to the chapters on flirting, The Priming Date, and The Seduction Date. Report back and tell me what you think.

1. It seemed logical. When I saw her before, she had told me that it'd be fun to go to another movie with me, and later on she actually suggested to get some dinner. So, I kinda just put two and two together. Why, is dinner and a movie too much for a first date?

2. Well, part of that is because I was home from college in the summer. I live in a pretty small town, with not many females too choose from, and very few who I'm interested in. And, like I said, I'm still trying hard to get over my oneitis with my ex, so any other girls weren't exactly a priority at the time. I was extremely proud of myself for asking myself out.

3. Because I found a girl that I really liked and that I clicked with. Isn't that why people date, because they found somebody that they liked? Plenty of people have girlfriends at 19.

4. I was going with the "If she offers to pay, then she can pay. If not, than I will." mentality. I wasn't really planning out how much to spend or anything.

Wow, lot's of criticisms here from everybody. Thanks for all the advice. First off, let me say that I don't have any emotional attachment to this girl. Like I said before, she's just someone that I'd like to see casually and fool around with. If something happens, then it happens. If not, then it really wouldn't be a big deal for me.

Secondly, I will agree with most of you that it was partially my fault for not being 100% clear with the arrangements of the date. I realized that right after she stood me up. But, live and learn, I guess. Thirdly, about the whole "It's been a while since I've been on a date" thing, yeah, that probably wasn't a very good thing to say. It was one of those "Oh sh!t, I feel like a moron" moments going through my head after I said that. Still she responded to it well enough. But, I was really nervous, so that probably had something to do with it.

I think I'm just gonna see what happens over winter break, and continue to try with other girls. Since it was partially my fault, I think it would be fair to give her one more chance. And, since I don't have any emotional attachment to her, if things don't work out, then it won't be any big deal for me. If she flakes again, she's gone.

Still, I'm still not sure what to say in response to her message. Any thoughts on that?

Maximus Rex · Aug 31, 2007

It seemed logical.

Just like two d*cks and no chick, logic and women don't mix. You must of RIGHT NOW stop trying to deal with women in a logical sense. Women simply CANNOT AND WILL NOT RESPOND TO LOGICAL, RATIONAL, AND COGENT lines of thought and action. You have to appeal to their emotions.

When I saw her before, she had told me that it'd be fun to go to another movie with me, and later on she actually suggested to get some dinner.

Translated from ********: Hey Lelouch. I want to go see Transformers and go to Friday's afterward. Guess what? YOUR PAYING FOR IT!!!!

Why, is dinner and a movie too much for a first date?

Wow. Where to begin on this one. I'm going to parapharse, but to really understand why a dinner and movie are ineffective first dates, you'll have to read "How To Succed With Women."

When you initially trying to get know a chick, you want to limit your time with her. People, (especially women,) are resistant to change, even a change that can possibly be good. Where as we (men,) are trying to score some ass. Women are trying to qualify boyfriends and husbands. The more time you spend with her, the more likely you'll do or say something that will turn her off thus disqualifying yourself from being a boyfriend.

A dinner a movie will take a minimum of 4 hours. During that 4 hours your going have to have entralled and utterly fascinated with personality. Not likely. Plus during the movie, you'll have zero chance for demonstrating value and establishing emotional connection. During the dinner. They're will be too many other distractions. Such as the meal and people that you run into at the resturant. The potential for a cluster f*ck during the movie and dinner date is too great. It puts too much unnneccssary pressure on you.

Louis and Copeland suggests that the first date be what they call a "priming date." The priming date is basically reconnaissance mission where you find out the chick's likes, dislikes, and what she finds romantic. In other words, it's intel you'll need eventually get her tits and get your c*ck in her mouth. The priming date is short. No longer than 75 minutes and usually takes place in a coffee shop type setting.

Also you want to limit the amount of money you drop on a chick. You should spend no more than $40 on a date. 0 is optimal. You don't want this broad to think your a trick that willing to waste money on her. Like I said, pick up a copy of "How To Succeed With Women," and it will walk you through all of this sh*t.

Obsidian · Aug 31, 2007

this is a girl he already knows, Maximus; it's not some stranger. That said, I think dinner by itself would be better. I agree that dinner and a movie is too long.

And read the dang links I posted, Lelouch.

Cremasta · Sep 1, 2007

Lelouch said:
"You'll forgive me. Especially around Thanksgiving when I make it up to you. lol. School is great! How's the bachelors pad?"

There's no need to get so serious about this. She's confident and she's playing the game. Turn the heat up on this one, she can handle it. This could be fun.

Someone Much cooler · Sep 1, 2007

I thgink it would be fun. I think if you had some other girls around you then that would be good too.

I got stood up...need some advice.

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