I get IOI's, but I don't approach... WTH?

[omkara]

See, my problem is the opposite of the problem that a lot of guys have. I've been reading Mystery Method lately, and he describes all the IOI's that girls unconsciously give to you, and I went out last night for the first time in a while, and I was getting all of those.

- girls seeking rapport with you
- girls trying to get in your space
- girls touch me while I'm dancing (plausible deniability)

Then you have guys on the other end of the spectrum who can approach all day long and not be able to get the hook. If I were a PUA I would clean up because I'm getting IOI's by doing jack s*** but being myself.

Ok you may say that I'm delusional, but actually psychological studies have shown that people who are less honest in their self analysis tend to be happier. In other words, even if your self-confidence is somewhat delusional, it will still create real results.

Anyone else ever dealt with anything like this and how did you get over it? thx

Sincerely,
The Great Pumpkin

 

[LuisGarcia10]

I don't know what to say really, if you honestly believe that you're getting IOI then what's stopping you approaching?
IMO You're not totally convinced that you're getting IOI's, albeit subconcciouslty perhaps, and are sh*tting out of approaching for fear of rejection.
Whatever the logic, just start approaching. If you struggle with a cold approach, then go and sit with a girl you know who's with a friend and engage both of them, that's not a total cold approach, you have a right to be there because you're saying hello to a friend, but also engage her other friend and make her laugh etc etc, become comfortable talking to girls you don't know and become used to getting positive results out of it- also it's not just about number closing, kiss closing or whatever, some girls will have boyfriends, ex boyfriends, mental issues, whatever, it won't always end well- but if you can make a girl laugh, want to share your company etc etc, then you're doing the right things, keep doing that to lots of girls and eventually you'll get what you want- the key is patience, because if, like most on here, you're not spinning loads of plates at once, then the opportunitys aren't always as consistent as we might like.

 

[gaspipe]

I understand what your saying because it is something Ive also been struggling with.

You say you are getting IOIs but maybe you are not 100% sure so instead of risking rejection you hesitate. I know at least for me that if I dont get a definite go signal I have difficulty approaching a girl. I think it sucks because of the missed opportunities. Maybe the fact that you were painfully rejected in the past and have difficulty in believing that you can attract hot women is holding you back. Perhaps self esteem issues?

You have to go on your gut instinct. You have to assume that if your gut is telling you some chick digs you based on the signals you are getting you then dont think about it any further and act accordingly. The mind has a tendency of creating false doubts based on past experiences that inhibit your game.

Remember the saying he who hesitates masturbates.

 

[Aaron B]

what is the worst that can happen when you get an IOI and approach her immediately without hesitation?

what is the best that can happen when you get an IOI and approach her immediately without hesitation?

these are serious questions and I think you will benefit from answering them honestly

 

[Masculinity]

An IOI is the green light to proceed. You just gotta grab your b@lls and approach her Nike style: Just Do It!

You are blocking yourself from getting any action if you continue to do this. I used to be like this a few weeks ago and trust me, once you man up and just go for it, you're going to ask yourself how you could ever NOT approach that girl last week.

Start by approaching people you on whom you have no sexual interest (old lady at the intersection, the guy at the gas station) and simply start a conversation or ask how their day is going. Sure, some will ignore you or be awkward. However, you'll be surprised at how many of them will response positively. Some girls will give you a look like this:http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e367/leo1408/Nigga_Please.jpg Some will talk to you and have no interest in you, and others will talk to you and wanna do you. It's all a big game that women like to play. She misses out if she doesn't want to talk to you because you're an interesting guy who can offer a lot of value (if you have been doing your homework).

Good luck!:wave:

 

[omkara]

Well part of it is that I'm just getting used to being out again, and seeing girls in real situations vs. just "approaching" them online. I'm starting to get a social circle, because of involvement with music, and I'm getting to the point where I want to cross that line and start responding to the IOI's.

I think Mystery makes a very good point that, if you intitiate something with a girl where there is mutual interest, you are basically doing both of you a favor. You are making something happen that you both want to happen but because of societal restraints, slut-shaming, she is socially conditioned to pretend that she doesn't want.

 

[Masculinity]

Then you're on the right track, just make sure you always keep moving forward with your self-help. Another thing you should know is that theory is not always applicable to every situation. There are going to be times when things that are not in the books are going to come up and you are going to have to make your own decisions and learn based on the outcomes. After all, this is your life and you shouldn't depends on others to tell you how to live it.

Asking for advice never hurts, though. I used to be the shyest guy in my school and I got literally no action whatsoever in middle school or high school. I got my first kiss at almost 19 years old. Today, I can select, qualify, number close, and go out on a get together with a girl I'm interested in. This is a skill just like any other one. You can read the driving manual all you want. However, there will be a time when you're going to have to get behind the wheel and then go full speed on the highway and it's going to be a challenge. Once you get it down though, it'd all downhill from there.

 

[Aaron B]

I think Mystery makes a very good point that, if you intitiate something with a girl where there is mutual interest, you are basically doing both of you a favor.

When she gives you an IOI and you don't approach, she is disappointed.

Go read "Missed Encounters" on craigslist.org if you don't believe me.

As the man its your job to do the approaching. No matter how much women act like men in the professional world, they revert to tradition when it comes to meeting men (there are always exceptions).

Male = active = approaches
Female = passive = waits to be approached

The yin and the yang.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

May be omkara is not able to approach considering he has already entered old age and he feels like an uncle to them girls?

 

[omkara]

May be omkara is not able to approach considering he has already entered old age and he feels like an uncle to them girls?

Does it make you feel better about yourself to rip on people who are here to try to improve themselves? It's pretty sad that you would cheaply take advantage of information that I have revealed about myself just to make yourself feel better in a cheap way. It will never really help you in the long run though. After all, you will have to get old too, and you will still have to live with yourself then.

 

[omkara]

...

 

[r0cky]

You have approach anxiety. the DJ bible has many resources on how to work on this.

 

[serDUDE]

See, my problem is the opposite of the problem that a lot of guys have. I've been reading Mystery Method lately, and he describes all the IOI's that girls unconsciously give to you, and I went out last night for the first time in a while, and I was getting all of those.

- girls seeking rapport with you
- girls trying to get in your space
- girls touch me while I'm dancing (plausible deniability)

Then you have guys on the other end of the spectrum who can approach all day long and not be able to get the hook. If I were a PUA I would clean up because I'm getting IOI's by doing jack s*** but being myself.

Ok you may say that I'm delusional, but actually psychological studies have shown that people who are less honest in their self analysis tend to be happier. In other words, even if your self-confidence is somewhat delusional, it will still create real results.

Anyone else ever dealt with anything like this and how did you get over it? thx

Sincerely,
The Great Pumpkin

i have this same problem, when i get IOI's i cant do **** [except to feel some butterflies]
but i can approach when i dont have any of this [cold approach] without thinking and at least have a conversation

btw. i think that mystery method sucks i like direct natural but now i follow
The Mastery Program by Ron Louis and David Copeland
and you can follow my road at here
The Mastery Program @ SDB

 

[influencemaster]

When you have a IOI, just open direct. Don't use opinion openers.

 

[Aaron B]

May be omkara is not able to approach considering he has already entered old age and he feels like an uncle to them girls?

the older I get, the more attention I get from females

if a man has good genetics and takes care of himself, he will become more physically attractive as he ages, not less

we're not women

I'm noticeably gray on the sides of my head now and it just gets me more attention. A friend started going gray in his beard in his late 20's and women loved it.

 

[SlapJackPat]

Remember the saying he who hesitates masturbates.

Good one

 

[Fumbduck]

It's called approach anxiety. I get it when i'm in a new place, but think about it; you will never see 99% of the people in the venue ever again; and the exact same group of people will never be together at that venue again, and even if they were, no one would remember if she rejected you or not. I like to say a few sentences to myself about being "the catch" and it usually helps with the anxiety. Think about your good qualities before you approach and think about how you're doing her a service by giving her your attention.

Men act. Do it!

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

the older I get, the more attention I get from females

Can I wing with you sometime? My biggest sorrow is getting old, it would help me if I can learn there is still reason to stay alive in one's thirties.

 

[Aaron B]

Can I wing with you sometime? My biggest sorrow is getting old, it would help me if I can learn there is still reason to stay alive in one's thirties.

sure where do you live?

 

[omkara]

When you have a IOI, just open direct. Don't use opinion openers.

Yeah this is what I am going to do. I'm sure I will not know what the heck I am doing the first couple of times, but it will get better from there. On Friday night I was kind of drunk and saw a chick I liked and thought of something to say afterwards. It's like I'm so not used to approaching that it didn't even occur to me that I could approach. Hence the reason for this thread: trying to solidify my intentions and thought process.

Also, I'm going to be pretty selective about my targets, like when the moment seems right and I think they're my type (ie worth investing time in). I'll let you guys know how it goes.

In the meantime, if anyone else has any more perspective it would be great to hear. And thank you all for sharing the results of your cumulative experience. Part of the reason I started this topic is because I thought maybe other people could benefit from it and I don't see it discussed all that much on here.