I flunked a married woman sh!t test

[expos]

Last night, a few of my friends and I were having beers after our soccer game. Our waitress, who was very much my physical type, wasn’t wearing a ring and I told my buddies that I was going to make a move. Apparently, they were shocked at how confident I was to do this cold approach.

My friends took off and went home, and the waitress came back to the table where I was sitting alone. She asks if I need something, and I smiled and said “yes, I actually was waiting to talk to you”. To which she quickly replied “oh…that’s sweet but I’m married – but I’m very flattered! – I don’t wear my ring because I lost a bunch of weight and it doesn’t fit anymore”. I said “cool, have a nice night” – and I was out of the their fast and didn’t even look at her.

Now, I didn’t believe that she was married. Women love to flaunt their diamonds and will get it resized STAT if it doesn’t fit. It’s a status symbol. But I wasn’t going to waste my time talking to her after that. She just wasn’t into me. I was wearing my soccer warmup gear and probably looked like a bum!

We go this bar every Thursday and I will end up ignoring the next time we are all there.

But are what are some good counters to that sh!t test? Is there anything you can do or say to a woman that may or may not be married to give you the best chance at success?

 

[TheWolfMan]

I woulda been like "You don't wear your ring?!" or "Why don't you get it resized then?"

 

[TheException]

But are what are some good counters to that sh!t test? Is there anything you can do or say to a woman that may or may not be married to give you the best chance at success?

This scenario wouldnt even be put into the sh1t test category if it was up to me. Reason being...I feel theres no real ways to "pass it". Odds are....she really is married, and that being the case shes not getting a divorce to go on a first date with you(exaggeration obviously). Second...I feel if a girl pulls this off...shes not interested. PERIOD. Its the same with the "I have a boyfriend". I just take it as a sign that she is not interested and find a girl more interested.

 

[SamTheHobit]

If your trying to counter "sh1t tests" you're doing it wrong.

 

[TheCWord]

Second...I feel if a girl pulls this off...shes not interested. PERIOD. Its the same with the "I have a boyfriend". I just take it as a sign that she is not interested and find a girl more interested.

Do you never pursue girls who drop the IHABF, Ex?

I'm fond of the analogy that girls are like monkeys swinging from branch to branch - they'll only let go of one branch once they have another in their hand.

Most hot, high quality girls are rarely single. That's because they relationship hop. And the only way they start something with a new guy is when this new guy doesn't see her being taken as a problem.

BeginningDJ handled a IHABF girl expertly in this thread.

 

[expos]

I woulda been like "You don't wear your ring?!" or "Why don't you get it resized then?"

Yes - but still wouldn't have worked! I think if a chick isn't at least physically attracted to someone in the beginning, you might run into the problem later when her type rolls around and makes himself available.

I think I'm answering my own question here...but I think you can game all you want and sometimes it's never going to make a difference.

 

[TheException]

Do you never pursue girls who drop the IHABF, Ex?

I'm fond of the analogy that girls are like monkeys swinging from branch to branch - they'll only let go of one branch once they have another in their hand.

Not really no. Lets be honest here...they mainly IHAB when...

1.) They really do have a BF and they find him more attractive than you, so they say this in hopes you stop chasing her

2.)After you attempt to escalate...in which the reason is the same. Shes not interested enough.

Even if they hit you with it right off the bat on the approach, and you could eventually win her over by being smooth...its just a lot of effort. Id prefer to find a girl thats excited and makes it easy for me to get with her.

Most hot, high quality girls are rarely single. That's because they relationship hop. And the only way they start something with a new guy is when this new guy doesn't see her being taken as a problem.

Id agree with the first statement here. But I find that women, who are in relationships that find you attractive....will not tell you about the BF. Ive had ONS where ive been told AFTER but never BEFORE sex. If they do mention a BF...and you continue to chase her....what does that really say about you? Its a try-hard move and id simply prefer to go after interested girls that want to have sex here and now.....not 3 months down the road when she develops a crush on you and dumps her BF. That will happen all on its own. You dont need to actively pursue these types of women. If anything...you being laid back and not "actively pursuing" here makes her even more interested.

BeginningDJ handled a IHABF girl expertly in this thread.

Little bit different than the scenario we are talking about here. OP is trying to attract this girl, while BDJ already has determined she is interested and hes meeting up with her. Still as played...BDJ owned it.

 

[expos]

[If anything...you being laid back and not "actively pursuing" here makes her even more interested.

And here is the answer. I have to ignore her now since we'll be in that place a lot over the next couple of months because it's our go-to spot after games.

I want to bring up a second scenario that happened a few years ago and I need a DJ opinion on this and what I should have done.

Girl was a hostess at a steakhouse I used to frequent. Same situation, my physical type.

I talked to her briefly the first time I was in there. The second occasion she remembered me and was really nice. I then asked what days she worked, and I told her I’d be back on Thursday. Sure enough, she was there Thursday and I continued to make good small talk after I ordered take out from the place. I asked for her number and she said “IHABF, he goes to “insert local college”.

I said, “well that’s too bad” and she says “well, maybe someday…”. I said, “no, that’s cool – if you have a BF I can’t bother.”
I never saw her again.

So, apparently she was interested, but I wasn’t going to come and camp out at her workplace, and she didn’t want pass her number along. She gave me mixed signals….but I didn’t know where to go with it.

I'm sure these girls get hit on a ton...so they are equipped with a lot of interesting responses.

 

[Aristippus]

Expos,

There's a few things to keep in mind. First, she may be married or may be single or she might have a boyfriend. Some married men where I work don't wear their wedding rings because they will get damaged. Some women probably do the same thing when they go to work.

But let's not over-analyze this. There are 2 types of women you should never waste your time on. Married women and women with low interest. Avoid married women because even if she's interested, it's just not the right thing to do. Avoid women with low interest regardless of the reason.

So if she's not interested because you're too short or too tall or she doesn't like your hair, you avoid her. If she's not interested because she has a boyfriend, she's a woman with low interest so you avoid her (i also recommend leaving women in relationships alone, even if they are not married). The point is, if she has low interest, the reasons behind the lack of interest are irrelevant.

The only thing that is relevant is for you to weed out the women with low interest and to only spend time with women who have high interest in you. Women who love you for who you are and who will be easy to deal with. Look for women with high interest but still, avoid a woman who is interested in you if she's married or in a relationship.

If you decide right now to be determined to set certain boundaries, that there are certain types of women that you will NOT waste your time on, that you've set boundaries for yourself and will avoid certain women, there's great power in that. By not deciding that certain women are unacceptable to you, you set yourself up for desperation automatically because nothing is off limits. Now that you're willing to accept ANYTHING, your desperation will only increase. I'm not talking about just ugly women, but that certain attractive women, for other reasons, are unacceptable and you will weed them out and ignore them. That you will not pursue anything with them and will keep them out of your life.

There are certain women that are good-looking, that are physically attractive, that you will reject. That blonde with the big tits and a terrible, disrespectful attitude, you'll REJECT her. The brunette that is turning heads but who is totally boring and not interested in you as a person, you won't want to go out with her. The married woman who wants to have sex with you and has been flirting with you since you started talking with her 20 minutes ago?

You will enjoy your conversation with her and let that be the end of it. You will make it a point not to be in a situation where the two of you are isolated and you will at some point either excuse yourself and go talk to other people or leave the party, social gathering ,bar, club, or wherever you are, WITHOUT her number, WITHOUT making arrangements for a sexual liason and WITHOUT being disrespectful by knowingly sleeping with a married woman who should know better. You will leave WITH your dignity, WITH your self-respect, WITH your pride knowing that you chose to walk away from that situation and that you lived up to a good standard of principles, values and behavior.

Now you're rejecting attractive women and doing it for the right reasons. Do you think that maybe by doing this that you'll have more power of choice? Hmmmmmmm! You have to know for certain what you will walk away from. What you will choose to pass up. This will put you in a position of power where there was once desperation. Now you also know what you will accept. Attractive women with high interest AND good qualities! This shouldn't be work but should be as easy as pie. Or for a better analogy, as easy as calling up one of your male friends that you hang out with pretty often and making plans with him to get together.

If you're like the average person, it probably doesn't feel much like work to call up a friend and to plan something fun or relaxing or (fill in the blank with your favorite word that describes things you like to do). Just think of someone you're comfortable with. It could be an old friend or a family member or a neighbor or someone from school or church or wherever. Whoever you deal with in a comfortable way, with ease, this is how it should be with women who have high interest.

Let it be easy for you and at the same time, take on the same mentality as with these people you're comfortable with and transplant it to your dealings with women who have high interest in you. 50% of your power comes from the ability to consciously pass up women with undesirable qualities or who have low interest. The other half comes from choosing only women with high interest and having easy dealings with them.

 

[Greasy Pig]

My standard counter was: "But are you happily married?" With a big cheeky grin.

It's worked on three married women and not worked on about 100. I'm not proud of having fvcked married women but my philosophy was always: it's not my fault he's married to a slvt.
As I've aged though, I wouldn't go there at all. A good friend once told me: a girl's boyfriend will beat you up, a girl's husband will kill you.
The less drama in your life the better.