I find myself caring less and less about other people.

[Warrior74]

For the longest time in my life, I was the friend everyone could lean on. The ear to bend for hours on end. The sage advice to struggling friends. The guy who would let you sleep on their couch, help you through rehab, buy you groceries and listen to your sob stories. After my kid was born I cut that down to my close circle. After a few years unemployment everyone left but one or two friends but even they always want to lean on me and complain endlessly about their lives. Even my parents only want to talk to me to tell me about how well my old neighbors are doing and how successful their kids are and all of things they think I should be doing with my life. I don't care. I don't care about other people's problems or successes. I just don't. I try to listen but I can't muster up any fvcks to give.

I have one emotionally need bro who constantly texts me about how we are brothers and he needs a friend and it's just disgusting to me. He won't do one thing to fix his problems at 33 years of age. He makes every excuse in the book and when I call him on it, he whines about us being brothers and he just needs a friend. It's unmanly. I don't get it. I don't want to have emotional conversations about your feelings. I don't want to listen to your hopes and dreams if you aren't actively working to bring them to life. I only want to talk to people who are moving forward and who get where I am coming from. I get nothing from him of value. I feel exhausted after listening to him spew his emotions all over the place.

I totally don't give a crap about what most women have to say. I have two in my life who I care enough to listen. But even they aren't moving forward. It's just whining in their cage. They are long time friends but I just don't want to talk to them. I know they aren't picking up what I'm putting down when I speak and they are just waiting their turn to talk. It just feels useless. I don't even bother to have more than superficial conversations with women when I'm out and about. I really just don't want to know more about them.

I feel like none of the people in my life are even trying to move in the way I am trying to move and for the most part I've let them all go. I enjoy talking to other entrepreneurs and business people more than the people who are my friends. Hell I enjoy talking to random people at the bar more. The only person I really care about is my daughter. Is this normal?

Edit. I do carry on conversations well. I'm personable and can listen. I 'm not some socially awkward guy who cuts people off or is rude. It's just I'd rather not be having the conversation in the first place.

TL : DR - Tired of other people's emotional baggage and useless conversations about boring topics. Only care about myself and my daughter. Is this normal?

 

[apprenticedj]

It's as if each person is leech, they drain energy from you albeit a small bit. With every leech you add you're losing more energy until one day you have nothing left. No energy for yourself, energy that you need to pursue your own goals and dreams.

When you start cutting off the leeches your life improves dramatically.

 

[The_411]

For the longest time in my life, I was the friend everyone could lean on. The ear to bend for hours on end. The sage advice to struggling friends. The guy who would let you sleep on their couch, help you through rehab, buy you groceries and listen to your sob stories. After my kid was born I cut that down to my close circle. After a few years unemployment everyone left but one or two friends but even they always want to lean on me and complain endlessly about their lives. Even my parents only want to talk to me to tell me about how well my old neighbors are doing and how successful their kids are and all of things they think I should be doing with my life. I don't care. I don't care about other people's problems or successes. I just don't. I try to listen but I can't muster up any fvcks to give.

I have one emotionally need bro who constantly texts me about how we are brothers and he needs a friend and it's just disgusting to me. He won't do one thing to fix his problems at 33 years of age. He makes every excuse in the book and when I call him on it, he whines about us being brothers and he just needs a friend. It's unmanly. I don't get it. I don't want to have emotional conversations about your feelings. I don't want to listen to your hopes and dreams if you aren't actively working to bring them to life. I only want to talk to people who are moving forward and who get where I am coming from. I get nothing from him of value. I feel exhausted after listening to him spew his emotions all over the place.

I totally don't give a crap about what most women have to say. I have two in my life who I care enough to listen. But even they aren't moving forward. It's just whining in their cage. They are long time friends but I just don't want to talk to them. I know they aren't picking up what I'm putting down when I speak and they are just waiting their turn to talk. It just feels useless. I don't even bother to have more than superficial conversations with women when I'm out and about. I really just don't want to know more about them.

I feel like none of the people in my life are even trying to move in the way I am trying to move and for the most part I've let them all go. I enjoy talking to other entrepreneurs and business people more than the people who are my friends. Hell I enjoy talking to random people at the bar more. The only person I really care about is my daughter. Is this normal?

Edit. I do carry on conversations well. I'm personable and can listen. I 'm not some socially awkward guy who cuts people off or is rude. It's just I'd rather not be having the conversation in the first place.

TL : DR - Tired of other people's emotional baggage and useless conversations about boring topics. Only care about myself and my daughter. Is this normal?

Yes, it is normal. Not every friend/person you meet or are acquainted with has an unlimited lifespan in terms of their viability in your life.

I'm of the mind that you meet people for certain reasons if even the reason isn't always immediately understood or clear.

People tend to become boring when they accept their routines as their life. They've acquiesced to being sheep like consumers. (Think fo Dorothy in the poppy fields in the Wizard of Oz) Not everyone is willing to challenge the status quo, take issue, fight complacency etc.

You've outgrown those people who are stuck and you need more stimulation to feel like you are living life instead of existing.

Just as men need to filter women they also need to filter other people and only give as much attention as the person holds value. Some people actually hold negative value and those are the people that actually make you tired, sap your energy, and put you into the is this really my life state.

Just as you wouldn't stay loyal to a woman who wasn't putting out, or was being disrespectful you shouldn't tolerate crap behavior.

Sure loyalty is great, but there needs to be a give and take.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Just like u run game to pick out quality, interesting women, you must do the same for all people in your life.
The saying is "..a man is known by the company he keeps.."

You have to improve yourself , your abilities, interests and intellectual pursuits, project strength and integrity to hang with a higher class of people. Self improvement works all way around.

 

[Desdinova]

I find it really difficult to meet people I can really connect to. Most of the people I have in my life I see as temporary friends. I almost feel like I'm a fad for people, and when they find a new fad, they more on. After decades of never having a deep friendship with anybody, I've grown used to it. Friends just seem to come and go.

I'm extremely different from the run-of-the-mill guy who likes to watch sports, drink beer, and talk about how hot chicks are. I'm more interested in building 5hit, entertaining people, brewing my own alcohol, and fvcking the hot chicks. I mainly do things for my own entertainment and my own self-sufficiency. Most men I know have no clue how to do either. In all honesty, Sosuave is the only place I find I can connect to other men.

 

[Alvafe]

well I did say this here before, I keep facebook more to keep in touch with my old college and high school friends, and I know why we stoped talking and wonder why I still even have then on there, simple put you change your focus you evolved, you think by your own and then you see they didn't change much or changed to worse.

 

[latinnova]

I find it really difficult to meet people I can really connect to. Most of the people I have in my life I see as temporary friends. I almost feel like I'm a fad for people, and when they find a new fad, they more on. After decades of never having a deep friendship with anybody, I've grown used to it. Friends just seem to come and go.

I'm extremely different from the run-of-the-mill guy who likes to watch sports, drink beer, and talk about how hot chicks are. I'm more interested in building 5hit, entertaining people, brewing my own alcohol, and fvcking the hot chicks. I mainly do things for my own entertainment and my own self-sufficiency. Most men I know have no clue how to do either. In all honesty, Sosuave is the only place I find I can connect to other men.

No sports here either, I don't have 3-4 hours to waste watching football like most other guys do. I could accomplish so much more in that time to better myself then sitting on the couch. Getting some cardio, doing some studying, hitting the weights, enjoying other things that are productive. At least that is the way I look at it. I do enjoy watching a movie every other couple of weeks, but other then that I don't even watch t.v. .

 

[logicallefty]

Good post OP, and good thread overall. I think your view on people is reasonable. I am not far behind you on the number of people I care about. My daughter plus a few more but the list is dwindling.

I am the guy who people run to to solve all of their hard problems. Most of which is the doing kind of problem solving that actually takes my time, but some of it is just listening and giving advise too.

Within the past two years though I have been cutting a lot of people out of my life. At least 15 people have got by big left boot up their asses sense early 2012 and I have went complete NC/dark to them.

These are people, family and friends, who:

1) Always would let me do for them and then when I asked them to do for me, they scattered like c0ck roaches and had 1001 excuses

2) I would bust my a$$ and be loyal to them to the death only to find out they talked smack about me behind my back

OP, all I can say is don't be afraid to cut people, be it family, friends, whoever. Talk to only the people you enjoy talking to, and if that's only random people at bars, so be it. Be a good listener to the people who show you respect and would listen to you the same. Keep people in your life who benefit you. The ones who don't benefit you, kick them to the curb and don't look back. People are expendable. Even my daughter. She is 11 now and I love her to death.. But you bet your a$$ if she ever kicks me below the belt and did something really big to me like accuse me of really bad stuff or steal from me or commit ID theft in my name or anything really bad like that, I would not hesitate to kick her to the curb for the rest of my life too. :kick:

 

[Atom Smasher]

No, it's not normal.

These are the classic symptoms of being self-absorbed. You asked. This is what I've found in life.

It's a given that under the right set of circumstances most people will turn on you. It's just a fact of life. One can become bitter and calloused to that, or he can decide to set an example by acting from an internal set of principles that he exercises regardless of the perceived, tangible payoff. He understands that the payoff actually comes in intangible ways.

For example, he is granted leadership, he garners respect, and he builds his own character and self-respect by living to set example instead of living for a perceived fair trade between himself and others. A man who rises to the top is painfully aware of the disparity in character between himself and those within his sphere of influence, but he learns to take his gratification from being the best man he can be, independent of tangible reward, instead of taking his gratification from perceived "fairness".

The general population is incredibly stupid, confused about life, and sedated with TV, movies and sports. All men who are leaders understand this, and use it to their advantage.

I agree that it's awful hard to give a crap about what women say. Awful hard. Western women on the whole are clinically insane, if we define insanity as being unable to think rationally and unable to deviate from herd paradigms. But I guess dealing with that is part of the essence of game.

I found that by dealing with the ear-benders and the users nicely but firmly, with a definite sense of control of the interaction, I stay very stable mentally. It's those times when I let that sense of control slip away that people trouble me.

See my post in the "Tips" section about "Hitting your reset switch" in order to learn a way to re-compose oneself when he feels his locus of control slipping away.

 

[guru1000]

It's a given that under the right set of circumstances most people will turn on you. It's just a fact of life. One can become bitter and calloused to that, or he can decide to set an example by acting from an internal set of principles that he exercises regardless of the perceived, tangible payoff. He understands that the payoff actually comes in intangible ways.

For example, he is granted leadership, he garners respect, and he builds his own character and self-respect by living to set example instead of living for a perceived fair trade between himself and others. A man who rises to the top is painfully aware of the disparity in character between himself and those within his sphere of influence, but he learns to take his gratification from being the best man he can be, independent of tangible reward, instead of taking his gratification from perceived "fairness".

Genius. Unfortunately, only a select few can truly understand this concept.

 

[Desdinova]

I've actually been very tempted to try sarging for good frienships. The problem is most of the typical male population consists of beer-drinking, sports-watching, women-worshipping dolts. Finding dudes who don't give a fvck about that stuff is rare, which is probably why I find myself befriending women more than men. Today's women generally don't have a husband/boyfriend who makes them stay home. It's pretty pathetic that I find women make much more loyal friends than men.

 

[Tenacity]

Warrior,

I would only hang around people that are "above" me financially or at least "on the same level as me" financially. This allows you to continue to focus on fixing your own financial issues, managing your budget, etc., without people around you that will continue to set you back.

Seeing as you are a grown man now, I wouldn't allow the shaming of "I'm your family member" to lower your standards for people you allow into your circle. You can love a family member "from a distance," which means I can call you every now and then to make sure you are still breatheing, or hell, inbox you on Facebook.

But if someone isn't on a solid financial footing that's better than you AND if they aren't going in the same direction as you in life, I wouldn't hang around them. Move to a different STATE if you have to just to get away from your family members and if they call/text you for money, just say you don't have it as you have to pay off X, Y, Z. Eventually, they will GET THE POINT that they can't leech off of you.

You have to look out for yourself first, because contrary to popular belief, that's what everybody else is doing anyway. That might seem like the a.sshole thing to do but hey....you aren't going to get ahead in this life unless you are an a.sshole. You'll be used, manipulated, programmed, controlled and abused for somebody else's personal gain.

 

[Warrior74]

No, it's not normal.

These are the classic symptoms of being self-absorbed. You asked. This is what I've found in life.

You may be right. I am self absorbed. I think it's a bi product of being in monk mode.

It's a given that under the right set of circumstances most people will turn on you. It's just a fact of life. One can become bitter and calloused to that, or he can decide to set an example by acting from an internal set of principles that he exercises regardless of the perceived, tangible payoff. He understands that the payoff actually comes in intangible ways.

For example, he is granted leadership, he garners respect, and he builds his own character and self-respect by living to set example instead of living for a perceived fair trade between himself and others. A man who rises to the top is painfully aware of the disparity in character between himself and those within his sphere of influence, but he learns to take his gratification from being the best man he can be, independent of tangible reward, instead of taking his gratification from perceived "fairness".

I 'll have to think about this.

The general population is incredibly stupid, confused about life, and sedated with TV, movies and sports. All men who are leaders understand this, and use it to their advantage.

Sadly I agree with this.

I agree that it's awful hard to give a crap about what women say. Awful hard. Western women on the whole are clinically insane, if we define insanity as being unable to think rationally and unable to deviate from herd paradigms. But I guess dealing with that is part of the essence of game.

Monk Mode means I'm not trying to deal with it at the moment. usually it's coworkers, associates and randoms I have to deal with.

I found that by dealing with the ear-benders and the users nicely but firmly, with a definite sense of control of the interaction, I stay very stable mentally. It's those times when I let that sense of control slip away that people trouble me.

See my post in the "Tips" section about "Hitting your reset switch" in order to learn a way to re-compose oneself when he feels his locus of control slipping away.

I'll check that out.

Replies in bold. Thanks for the honest post.

 

[Warrior74]

Warrior,

I would only hang around people that are "above" me financially or at least "on the same level as me" financially. This allows you to continue to focus on fixing your own financial issues, managing your budget, etc., without people around you that will continue to set you back.

Seeing as you are a grown man now, I wouldn't allow the shaming of "I'm your family member" to lower your standards for people you allow into your circle. You can love a family member "from a distance," which means I can call you every now and then to make sure you are still breatheing, or hell, inbox you on Facebook.

But if someone isn't on a solid financial footing that's better than you AND if they aren't going in the same direction as you in life, I wouldn't hang around them. Move to a different STATE if you have to just to get away from your family members and if they call/text you for money, just say you don't have it as you have to pay off X, Y, Z. Eventually, they will GET THE POINT that they can't leech off of you.

You have to look out for yourself first, because contrary to popular belief, that's what everybody else is doing anyway. That might seem like the a.sshole thing to do but hey....you aren't going to get ahead in this life unless you are an a.sshole. You'll be used, manipulated, programmed, controlled and abused for somebody else's personal gain.

I don't want to be *******, but I do want to put myself first. As for hanging out with those on better financial footing. Hell I can't afford to. I think my family has gotten the point. When they give me crap, I go ghost. My broke relatives never bother me for cash. They know they don't want those types of problems. Thanks for the response.

 

[VladPatton]

I agree with you 100%, based on your thinking and past experiences in life that are very similar to yours. When you can't have stimulating conversations with your "friends" about things you care about, it's game over. I stopped talking to a lot of people because they weren't into the same music, line of work, or actually in work, or whatever.

And at times I feel I am in need of friends, but then I can do a number of things that I actually enjoy that no one around me can identify with. The only thing in common is we all like to fück chicks. Great, but I don't wanna chase puṣṣy all the time simply because, well I just don't feel like it.

You gotta cut the energy zappers from your life to be mentally sound, regardless if it seems abnormal. WTF is normal anyway? That's a a whole other animal.

 

[Alvafe]

I agree with you 100%, based on your thinking and past experiences in life that are very similar to yours. When you can't have stimulating conversations with your "friends" about things you care about, it's game over. I stopped talking to a lot of people because they weren't into the same music, line of work, or actually in work, or whatever.

And at times I feel I am in need of friends, but then I can do a number of things that I actually enjoy that no one around me can identify with. The only thing in common is we all like to fück chicks. Great, but I don't wanna chase puṣṣy all the time simply because, well I just don't feel like it.

You gotta cut the energy zappers from your life to be mentally sound, regardless if it seems abnormal. WTF is normal anyway? That's a a whole other animal.

not liking the same music or same line of work I think can be a good thing, problem with people on the same kind of work is they tend to bring that up, and I find talking about work too much is a bad thing, even with problems to solve I belive you need a time out of it to rest and then try to solve it in a diferent way, or having a look outside can help you more to solve it, with always worked for me.

plus its a good thing to have some network outside your line of work you never know when you can need a expert in a area not yours, and if you know the person he can at least direct you to the right path.

@atomSmash

even though I agree, I find it more harder to deal with people I did know in the past then any new one I find, even though I don't care and stay out of any contact normally they try to contact you, and wanting/caring or not you take the image you had of the person then it colide with the person, and like I said some didn't change (he does the same thing for years) or his change is annoying to me in a certain way

 

[[S]alvatore]

Depression is a part of it, I am going through the same thing. But it's almost like my mind is instinctively filtering out the people that drain my life.