After years of learning tid-bits here and there, I still didn't get "it". I used what I learned selectively and only towards one woman I thought I loved (there is no such thing as love but that is another discussion. Spoiler: it's a fantasy). That obviously did not work well for anyone.
Anyway, things fell apart very badly and I came back to reality fast and hard. Self improvement is picking up rapidly, the way I think and see the world is realistic, more cynical. Immediately I tried to get some plates going, as much as I hate the term. I know I need, no -have to move on. The reality is the onitis girl is past gone. Bridge burned. Game over. I made critical mistakes and she isn't who I allowed myself to believe she was....not reality.
I'm aware that I am not over my ex whatever-she-was. Since she is the still the one I pathetically want to be with emotionally despite intellectually knowing better, I approach women with an attitude of not caring about the outcome. The emotional attachment isn't there. I see and judge women quickly and accurately. I have wants, but no expectation. Huge difference there. Expectation/need=disappointment/jealousy/AFC reactions. I found myself with this I don't give a **** attitude for the wrong reasons, but it works like nothing else ever has. I'm not afraid to be brutally honest, overtly sexual, appropriately aloof, ****y and everything else that shows independence and confidence. It feels great! If I'd been this way with the last girl, she'd either still be my girl or I wouldn't give her a second look. Either way, win.
I'm getting to the point. My emotions are elsewhere. I deal with reality and do so fearlessly and without delusional excuses. If I can better myself and get my emotions focused on liking me instead of that girl AND maintain detachment from outcome or neediness for "closeness" with another, then I'm almost certain I will have learned what a DJ is really about. Fearless confidence, intellectual knowledge of human behavior (rather the unromantic reality of it), and an unshakable emotional core.
It ****in feels good to be climbing back to a good place! Thank you to those who try to help the blind like I used to be. Seriously. I didn't know about this stuff without y'all. Thanks SS
Anyway, things fell apart very badly and I came back to reality fast and hard. Self improvement is picking up rapidly, the way I think and see the world is realistic, more cynical. Immediately I tried to get some plates going, as much as I hate the term. I know I need, no -have to move on. The reality is the onitis girl is past gone. Bridge burned. Game over. I made critical mistakes and she isn't who I allowed myself to believe she was....not reality.
I'm aware that I am not over my ex whatever-she-was. Since she is the still the one I pathetically want to be with emotionally despite intellectually knowing better, I approach women with an attitude of not caring about the outcome. The emotional attachment isn't there. I see and judge women quickly and accurately. I have wants, but no expectation. Huge difference there. Expectation/need=disappointment/jealousy/AFC reactions. I found myself with this I don't give a **** attitude for the wrong reasons, but it works like nothing else ever has. I'm not afraid to be brutally honest, overtly sexual, appropriately aloof, ****y and everything else that shows independence and confidence. It feels great! If I'd been this way with the last girl, she'd either still be my girl or I wouldn't give her a second look. Either way, win.
I'm getting to the point. My emotions are elsewhere. I deal with reality and do so fearlessly and without delusional excuses. If I can better myself and get my emotions focused on liking me instead of that girl AND maintain detachment from outcome or neediness for "closeness" with another, then I'm almost certain I will have learned what a DJ is really about. Fearless confidence, intellectual knowledge of human behavior (rather the unromantic reality of it), and an unshakable emotional core.
It ****in feels good to be climbing back to a good place! Thank you to those who try to help the blind like I used to be. Seriously. I didn't know about this stuff without y'all. Thanks SS
