I feel so depressed; just broke up with my life-long friend, need support

[robrulesyou]

Well I feel really down right now. I talked to my girl yesterday about how I feel. I've been dating her for 8 months, and I felt like if I didn't get out now marriage would be right around the corner. I know a guy usually proposes but her parents had been "hint-hinting" at it for a while. I've been friends with this girl for so long.

So anyway if anyone is wondering about the back story: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=107120

I told her how I really have enjoyed the times we've been together, and as soon as I started I think she knew what was coming and started to cry. I kept at it and explained that I do love her but in the way that I want to see her happy. I know she's been happy with me, and I said I'd always be there for her.

She cried and I felt so bad. I mean she's the closest person I've ever known and I feel like I destroyed her world. She even asked if it was because I've met someone else. No way.

A couple hours after talking to her I went home and just thought it through. Though about all the times we spent together. and I cried. I'm a grown man, maybe not taht old but I freaking cried real tears. I mean, it hurts letting her down like that, and now I don't know if I should have done it. I mean, maybe it would have been difficult to with her because of her disability, but I'm afraid I'll never find anyone like her. Part of me thinks it's okay because she's still here, but I don't want her to hate me for this.

I still feel like I got something off my chest by going through with this. Thanks for your support and advice. But where do I go from here? She was like the one woman that really mattered to me for most of my life. i've had girlfriends, but even then I would still spend time with her. She was and is my best friend ever.

thanks for letting me rant. I really don't have friends close enough to talk about this with and my only other good friend has never even dated a girl so there's only so much I can talk to him about.

so any advice would be helpful?

 

[kickureface]

hobbies, anything to keep your self busy. good stuff, not stupid stuff like video games. sports is good, reading, etc.
comedy will cheer you up.

just talk to your other friend about it. gets it off your chest and is lifting.

 

[Delta]

i'm sorry rob. i really am and here's me wishing good on both you and her.

i guess you felt you need to do it and you did it like ripping off a bandaid and that was the best way. you didn't let it drag on and fester. so good for you. you were open and honest and laid it all out. that was the honorable thing to do.

take time to grieve if you must. unlike many here on this site, i'm not going to tell you to rebound like a superball and get happy and positive in the next day. i personally don't feel that that's human.

so grieve. take the time you need but no more and grieve.

don't initiate contact with her if you can help it. it'll drag the pain on longer for both of you. i don't know what to tell you to do if she comes to you.... you do need to help her get over it but i'm not sure what you could do that wouldn't make things worse.

grieve. allow yourself to feel bad. don't feel bad that you're not feeling better.

but when you're ready to start a bounce back, cardio does do wonders on your mood. force yourself if you have to. even if you're choking back tears in the beginning, the raw exertion will eventually leave you raw and numb and even a bit better.

building muscle mass floods your body with hormones that veer you toward agression and confidence so that's something to think about starting to do. maybe getting a gym membership for a few months to try it out.

talk to the friends you have. i have very few friends myself so i sympathize. and i understand how some friends are of no help when it comes to certain things...

they probably won't be able to help you deal with this directly. but just engage in them as you usually do. just being with others, hopefully hanging out in public and stuff will make the pain subside and speed your recovery.

watch some comedies and really try to get into them. again, this might not be for a while but later, when the wound has stopped bleeding, this is a way to recovery.

oh and go out... nature. beach. mountains. someplace big and expansive. take deep breaths and meditate on the sensation of here and now.

good luck man. know that you are certainly not alone... not the first and definitely not the last. every relationship ends in either marriage or break up and guess what, most end in break up. hang in there. and i'm sure you'll have the prayers of those here who pray.

delta

 

[Consent]

rob, you did the right thing if you did not want to progress in the relationship. She will meet someone and will be happy, and you will hopefully be happy for her (maybe not right this moment, but as a bit of time passes). I was in a similar situation before. I remember at first I thought I had wasted time being with someone that things didn't work out with; but now I think that if we both shared happy times together and went through all that we went through, it was all worth it. =)

 

[Lucas718]

I'm sure it hurts right now, but you should be commended for doing this like a man. You didn't just stop calling or talking to her like most little boys do, you showed her respect and told her how you were honestly feeling. That's being a man.