I feel like i'm turning into a pu*sy. SAD

[abase]

I've been with this girl for 6 months thus far. Since june we've been seeing eachother almost every weekday. Before this, it use to be once a week. We go to summer school together and she lives close to my house so I pick her up in the morning and then I drop her off. Then for 3 days of the weekday we have this supposed class together which is in the evening from 7-10pm, and we basically hang out instead. I do this because her parents wouldnt really let her go out for long and this is a good way to get time.

Question 1: Am I spending too much time?

She likes getting affection, but she is not very affectionate. She doesn't seem very sexual. Also, I initiate it first. And lately, i've been doing it a lot. I've been giving her affection almost all the time i'm with her. I feel like i'm falling into an AFC mentality. I got her flowers finally, I ask her what's wrong when she's pissed. She never talks, so I try to get her to talk and tell me what i'm doing that's making her pissed and make her feel better. I mostly take her out for the time we have. Not all for her, but for me as well. That's the thing. If I go to an expensive restaurant I do it because I want to go to one, but I still feel AFC.

Question 2: Should I cut down the affection? If so, how often?
The problem: I give her affection because I like doing it. The problem is that she's is not like that. Also, I feel like i'm giving too much. Even though it's also for me.

Question 3: Should I stop getting her talk and stop trying to make things better?

I give her oral and she did a couple of times to me, but she doesn't like giving. I don't want to force it because I would feel bad. We also have not had sex. She is making me wait. I heard somewhere that the more girl likes you, the more she makes you wait, but I dont know. She tells me she is afraid and needs time.

Question 4: Are there girls that are not sexual?
Question 5: Would a girl who really loves you make you wait?

This is what is mostly bothering me. I give her more than she gives me.

Most important
question 6:
If I give less will I get more?

Thanks.

 

[Adakkon]

It always amazes me when people have no problem giving/recieving oral but act like actual penetration and sex is some much bigger and different thing. It's a pretty childish mindset and you really see it in highschool girls more then anything.

I read a post here once about how some people have different ways of showing love. Some with words, some with touch and affection, etc.

I'm not sure I believe that myself.

The woman who destroyed me and made me seek out this site, she was always so cold to me. I was always the one giving affection and when I was with her it was like she could care less if I was there.

Yet she would write me little poems and tell me how much I meant to her. Even wrote me this one poem about how much she loved me and how I had changed her life, and gave it to me early on in the day she decided she wasn't interested in me anymore. (I could sense it that day, break up came a few days later)

In reality, this woman never cared about me. She was just feeding me lines to keep me while fishing around. She was always fishing around, afraid to be alone I think. Went through like 5 guys in the next 3 months. Which is a lot for a highschool girl. I actually acted half DJ in how I would often ignore her, never called her, called her on her crap, etc. Thats probably why I had her for 2 months, longer then anyone else she had ever been with.

Maybe I'm wrong, but lack of affection = lack of love/interest to me and always will. Forget what she says, if she isn't showing you she is interested it's time to start exercising your options.

My advice? Stop spending so much time with her and stop giving her affection, start flirting with other women and shopping around.

If she really does like you there is a chance this will shock her into realizing she is losing you and she might try to get you back. If she doesn't really have high interest in you anymore I imagine she will either dump you or complain a bit, but not make any real effort to win you back.

Either way, you are better off.

 

[josekortez]

I will say that seeing her or talking to her everyday is a big mistake. You give her that kind of attention and she will start taking you for granted. I know you enjoy her company and it's probably almost euphoric to hear her voice, but you've got to back off a little to make her want you more.

 

[abase]

She does actually show me affection, but i'm the one who has to initiate it most the the time. When I do, she reciprocates. Sometimes she even initiates it, but those days are few and far between. What do you think of me suddenly cutting off any affection? Will she become bored or will she start giving in order to receive? I'm thinking of giving the affection now as a sort of positive reinforcement.

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by abase
She does actually show me affection, but i'm the one who has to initiate it most the the time. When I do, she reciprocates. Sometimes she even initiates it, but those days are few and far between. What do you think of me suddenly cutting off any affection? Will she become bored or will she start giving in order to receive? I'm thinking of giving the affection now as a sort of positive reinforcement.

Guy just listen what you're saying. "She rarely initiates it". That's a big red flag!

Just please...for your sake, listen to Addakon, and don't make the same mistake me and him made.
I recently feel in love with a girl (7 months), and later found out she never cared about me. Not once.

I was her first boyfriend in 2 years. Do you know what that makes me? A validation tool. Not a real boyfriend. Just guy she can go out with to show herself that she's still worth something. She never once loved me. Sick. Just Sick.

They can be the sweetest, most thoughtful girl in world (She was to me). Telling you nice things, giving you great big hugs, saying things like "I miss you", giving you gifts just because. Constantly complementing you, even saying things like "You're the perfect boyfriend for me!"
Keep in mind, I kept myself unavailable this entire time. We only saw each other once or twice a week, and when we did, we made it count.

But, her words...

It don't mean a DAMN thing. If she's not showing you affection sexually, with her ACTIONS.
My girl was usually "too tired" too have sex, or "can we wait until the morning?". On my BIRTHDAY, she even shrugged me off until the weekend. I ignored these signs, and just said, "Oh, that's just how she is". Well guy, it's NOT just how she is. If a girl really loves you, she will be DYING to gain your affection, and will make the sacrifice most of the time. Don't ignore the signs, if there are any.

She ignored me sexually, and was showing me definite signs of low interest, all at the same time as being a joyful, thoughtful, sweet and kind girl.

They can show you one side with their words, and another with their actions. Actions are all you should care about. If you're not willing to look past the bull****, you are going to get burned like me and Addakon.

One day, out of the blue...Things were going great, just like they always had, and then, "I don't think we should see each other anymore. I'm not madly in love with you". And Whamo. Game over.

I want you to ask yourself. Does what she do (her ACTIONS, not her WORDS) in bed, and in intimate moments really rell you that she is interested in you? Really. Is she overly hesitant? Even though she should be initimately comfortable with you now?
Is she putting sex off? Does she have somewhere else to be, or is she too tired?
Does she rarely initiate sexual contact?

If the answers are yes, or if you ever have that feeling, "why isn't she into this" too often...guy, protect your heart. I'm sorry to tell you, she may not care about you at all.

-Nish Up.