"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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I feel like I'm married to my mom!!

T

Tarzan aka King Dong

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This is Bullsh!T!!

My dad's going away on buisness again and my mom tells me she's going on vacation and I have to go with her as she doesn't trust me home alone! I'm going to be 21 next February and I feel like it's time I move the hell out of my house!

She insists that I go on vacation to the Bahamas with her and says "she can help me find a nice girl!!" I feel like I can't do anything for myself!

Who the hell wants their mom to help them pick up girls?! I get very flustered and red in the face as it is in social situations and I know people can tell I get embarrsed easily because I have fair skin. To add to the fact "mommy dearest" wants to stand there and introduce me like I'm her retarded son!

She even wants to introduce me to "nice church going girls" at our church! She tells me church girls "respect" guys who are "pure"! How the hell would she know I'm pure? I am a virgin but I'm NOT pure!

This b!tch is ruining my life!! I really want to move out but she needs me around because my dad goes away for work so much and needs me to do things for her around the house.

My moms my wanna be wingwoman! What she going to do if some girl likes me? Go to the movies and dinner with us on our first date?!

And no I will not try the ventriloquism act again. It failed miserably and I leared my lesson. Any talents I have I will wait till after I am in a commited relationship and after...AFTER I have had my first REAL sex!!!
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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nismo-4

nismo-4

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Order in the court!

I'll go on this trip to the Bahamas, no matter what.

Hey, having your mom as a wingwoman, it's better than having no woman around you. Don't let these girls know that the woman that's with you is actually your mom. Hell, you're getting introduced, that's more than what I'm assuming you'd get otherwise. Social proof, anyone?

Fact is, mommy doesn't know what she wants, and she wants to see you with a good woman. Also, since she wants to help, you must have a suck ass dating life. Take advantage of this situation and make the best of it, instead of watching Cinemax, South Park reruns or whatever. But draw the goddamn line somewhere. That's Judge Nismo's ruling!

Case closed.
 
J

jafyk

Master Don Juan
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ha ha this thread is funny. Dude go to the Bahamas with your mom but once you meet a nice girl ditch mommy and go mingle.
 
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