For the record, I do not like making topics like this. But I've been wrangling with this situation for a while and really feel like this place may be the best to get some level headed advice. I don't want to drone on about this too much, so I'll keep it concise.
Brief background: I've always liked being in relationships and have enjoyed a lot of success with women in my late teens and early twenties. I've had my share of experience in hookups and relationships. Girl A was my first super serious relationship (we lived together, fell in love almost at first sight, made plans together, etc).
Two years ago, I met this girl (Girl A), and we just hit it off immediately. I was going through a rough time and like a light at the end of a tunnel she came out of no where and seemed to pick me up off my feet. It was fantastic. We started dating immediately, then as things became serious we moved in together. The sex was fantastic and we had so many incredible things in common, yadda yadda. She was incredibly romantic and I'm a closet romantic at heart and all her cheesy "I'm her soulmate" talk eventually got to me.
Eventually things went south (rather abruptly, actually) and I broke up with her last year (for those seeking more context, the thread is here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2126517 ) and dated around quite a bit after that. I had two different fvckbuddies and entered another serious relationship five months after the breakup. But Girl A was always on my mind. This new girl I was seeing (Girl B) was objectively better (she had her sh!t straight, she wasn't dramatic, she was smart and level headed and a great companion to me), but no matter what I just never felt those same feelings that I felt with Girl A. Like I eventually fell in love with Girl B, but the intensity of those feelings never quite matched up with what I felt for Girl A.
Girl A reached out and reconnected with me last December and she was in another relationship, living with her new boyfriend in Chicago, but she constantly would call me and we'd talk for hours behind this dude's back. I asked her if he knew about this and she told me he had no idea, and I remember kind of being a little put off by that. I think I made some kind of playful cuckold joke about him to diffuse the situation, but it felt awkward. I'm not the kind of guy to do that to another dude intentionally, but I guess since it was Girl A and I still felt that way about her I made an exception. One night, against my better judgment, I was drunk and ended up sending her a few pictures of us from one of our homemade videos that we made (you know the kind), and she never commented on it outright, but continued to text me aggressively - and the next week she was saying she was in town and nearby my house. She eventually wanted to meet up with me for coffee, and I had to tell her it wasn't a good idea because both of us were in relationships.
I eventually ended things with Girl B last month because the relationship wasn't hitting those same notes that they hit with Girl A (note: I didn't end it because Girl B wasn't Girl A, but because I feel like I have a new barometer to measure a passionate relationship with that was set by Girl A and Girl B wasn't making me feel it) and I clearly wasn't in a good state of mind to do right by Girl B and give her the relationship she deserved.
Now I've been single for about a month and a half and it's really got me thinking. I couldn't replace Girl A with another relationship with an objectively better girl who had her sh!t straight and I think it's fvcking with me. Girl B wasn't perfect, mind you, but she maybe just wasn't my "type" and until I date someone that's more my "type" I won't be able to shake the feelings I still have for Girl A.
I'm sure with a lot of guys on this site who have had their fair share of relationships, I might be able to get some much needed perspective. Why am I feeling like this? Is it because Girl A was the first person I actually moved in and lived with? Is it because we spent so much time living together? Is it because of what she represents to me career wise (I'm an aspiring writer and director, and she was an indie actress, artistic, etc). Was it because the sex was so great? Was it because it was my first real relationship that I seriously was considering marriage with at the time?
I really need to get my sh!t straight and move on, and for some reason I feel like I've been emotionally crippled by this and it's really messing with me. I know that I may always have feelings for her, but I also know that a serious future isn't possible with her (her parents are insane, her dad's a redneck, she's irresponsible, she's broke as ****, and if her family is any indication, she may be hot in her early 20's but she'll age terribly). For those of you being in a similar situation with getting over a past relationship - even after being in another relationship - how did the healing process work for you?
Brief background: I've always liked being in relationships and have enjoyed a lot of success with women in my late teens and early twenties. I've had my share of experience in hookups and relationships. Girl A was my first super serious relationship (we lived together, fell in love almost at first sight, made plans together, etc).
Two years ago, I met this girl (Girl A), and we just hit it off immediately. I was going through a rough time and like a light at the end of a tunnel she came out of no where and seemed to pick me up off my feet. It was fantastic. We started dating immediately, then as things became serious we moved in together. The sex was fantastic and we had so many incredible things in common, yadda yadda. She was incredibly romantic and I'm a closet romantic at heart and all her cheesy "I'm her soulmate" talk eventually got to me.
Eventually things went south (rather abruptly, actually) and I broke up with her last year (for those seeking more context, the thread is here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2126517 ) and dated around quite a bit after that. I had two different fvckbuddies and entered another serious relationship five months after the breakup. But Girl A was always on my mind. This new girl I was seeing (Girl B) was objectively better (she had her sh!t straight, she wasn't dramatic, she was smart and level headed and a great companion to me), but no matter what I just never felt those same feelings that I felt with Girl A. Like I eventually fell in love with Girl B, but the intensity of those feelings never quite matched up with what I felt for Girl A.
Girl A reached out and reconnected with me last December and she was in another relationship, living with her new boyfriend in Chicago, but she constantly would call me and we'd talk for hours behind this dude's back. I asked her if he knew about this and she told me he had no idea, and I remember kind of being a little put off by that. I think I made some kind of playful cuckold joke about him to diffuse the situation, but it felt awkward. I'm not the kind of guy to do that to another dude intentionally, but I guess since it was Girl A and I still felt that way about her I made an exception. One night, against my better judgment, I was drunk and ended up sending her a few pictures of us from one of our homemade videos that we made (you know the kind), and she never commented on it outright, but continued to text me aggressively - and the next week she was saying she was in town and nearby my house. She eventually wanted to meet up with me for coffee, and I had to tell her it wasn't a good idea because both of us were in relationships.
I eventually ended things with Girl B last month because the relationship wasn't hitting those same notes that they hit with Girl A (note: I didn't end it because Girl B wasn't Girl A, but because I feel like I have a new barometer to measure a passionate relationship with that was set by Girl A and Girl B wasn't making me feel it) and I clearly wasn't in a good state of mind to do right by Girl B and give her the relationship she deserved.
Now I've been single for about a month and a half and it's really got me thinking. I couldn't replace Girl A with another relationship with an objectively better girl who had her sh!t straight and I think it's fvcking with me. Girl B wasn't perfect, mind you, but she maybe just wasn't my "type" and until I date someone that's more my "type" I won't be able to shake the feelings I still have for Girl A.
I'm sure with a lot of guys on this site who have had their fair share of relationships, I might be able to get some much needed perspective. Why am I feeling like this? Is it because Girl A was the first person I actually moved in and lived with? Is it because we spent so much time living together? Is it because of what she represents to me career wise (I'm an aspiring writer and director, and she was an indie actress, artistic, etc). Was it because the sex was so great? Was it because it was my first real relationship that I seriously was considering marriage with at the time?
I really need to get my sh!t straight and move on, and for some reason I feel like I've been emotionally crippled by this and it's really messing with me. I know that I may always have feelings for her, but I also know that a serious future isn't possible with her (her parents are insane, her dad's a redneck, she's irresponsible, she's broke as ****, and if her family is any indication, she may be hot in her early 20's but she'll age terribly). For those of you being in a similar situation with getting over a past relationship - even after being in another relationship - how did the healing process work for you?
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