ebracer05
Senior Don Juan
All right guys... I'll try and be as concise about this as possible. Mistakes are bolded.
I've been seeing this girl since January. My goals since coming here have transcended the "I just want to get laid" idea... I want to find a woman I can spend the rest of my life with. So last year I went on a dating rampage figuring that the best way to do that was to rapidly increase my numbers. After about literally somewhere between 60-70 girls last year, I met my GF in January. I had about 5 other plates I was spinning (and fvcking). I dated my GF in to March, maybe 15 dates before I decided to let go of my plates and become official with her.
I was very emotionally detached from all of the other girls I was dating. I didn't care. If they dropped me, LJBF'd me, whatever, I didn't care. There was one girl who LJBF'd me out of the blue and it confused me, but beyond not understanding wtf happened, I didn't care.
Well holy sh*t guys... I am nuts about this girl. And I'm afraid I'm about to start or have already started to f*ck it up.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to really desire a woman. But a guy has to do it in such a way as to not lose track of the fact that he's a guy.
I am embarrassed to write the exchange that took place tonight, that isn't too far off from other exchanges we've had. I got sick of getting sexual with her in my parent's basement or her mom's living room, and honestly, I don't have any idea why I never thought of this sooner... I am a member of this locked and gated gun range in the woods, in the middle of nowhere, right between our houses. Like 2 minutes from my house. And I've never taken a chick there.... When I thought about all of the contingencies I could have avoided by doing that it about made me sick.
Anyways,
I have felt totally out of it lately because I've been studying about 12 hrs a day for graduate school work. I just got a part time job and am in the middle of a summer class. I have an exam tomorrow. I'm shot and don't even feel like myself. So we have a standing date on Wednesday night's and she buys me some ice cream right off the bat. She's really good to me... I don't do hardly anything for her. I bought her a rose for valentines day (one rose), a necklace for her bday, and of all the times we've gone to dinner, I paid like twice maybe. She buys me things all the time, makes me dinner, bakes me things, she's just like... awesome.
I lost my license so she has to drive me everywhere too, and she does without complaint. So she picks me up and we get ice cream, and this is where I start f*cking up. I tell her to pull in to the gun range because I was just super horny and we go in. And we make out for like 5 minutes and leave. I didn't make any moves for more, I don't know why... I think it was just a function of my state. We get ice cream and go to her house. I indulge her mom in conversation for about an hour and I'm texting her about how much I want to start kissing her. And she goes along with it all, as usual.
So I tell text her I want to go home, but I want to make a stop first. We take her dog out, she's bugging me about where I want to go. And I won't tell her. It's about 10 PM and dark. So I give her turn by turn directions and we're back at the gun range. This time we don't even get out of the car and I start making out with her. I tell her to move to the back seat where we have more room.
I hate to admit this, but we haven't had sex. She's a super Christian girl and getting sexual with her was hard. It took a bit of doing even to get her to start making out, let alone get head. I thought she was a virgin at first she came off so prude. Sex is the "biggest regret' of her life. :yawn:
I know how important abstinence is to her (even though it really isn't), and I liked her enough that somehow in a way I'm not even sure of, I've gone 6 months without banging her. This is exhibit one for my AFC case.
We're in the back seat, I get her shirt and bra off, she takes my shirt off, she pulls my pants down while I'm fingering her and starts sucking my d*ck and jacking me off (not too much like that unforgivable movie).
This is mistake 2. She doesn't bring me to orgasm. She is legitimately tired. There are some chicks who will say they are beat when they have no reason to be or they are trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do. This is not a rationalization, she really did go at it good. I don't know if I should have pushed for the orgasm or not. I have been running gear and I think my estrogen is a little high and have been having a slightly hard time maintaining an erection, and I think she could sense that. It would have taken more than just a little bit of time to finish the job, so again, I don't know what the right thing to do was there.
I have a condom in my pocket because I'm getting sick of this no sex crap and I'm not going to accidentally get her pregnant. I start kissing down her body, playing with her nipples on my way down, kissing her abdomen, making her think I'm going to start eating her out, but as soon as I get close, I move away a little bit. She's hot and sweaty, but definitely horny.
Well all of a sudden she's like "You don't have to do that if you don't want to babe".
That honestly caught me off guard. I've never had a chick who was not on their period give me an out for oral sex. The only thing I can think is that maybe she was afraid she would get too turned on and submit to having sex.
Mistake 3. I stopped and basically asked her wtf she was talking about. After some half talking, half kissing, she said she felt sweaty. That's a lame @ss excuse, IMO, which is why I think based on the way she was responding to everything, she didn't want to get anymore turned on. I mean, girls are self conscious and she was sweaty, but it didn't stop her from cuddling up against me or anything else.
Mistake 4. She's beat sh*t tired by this point and out of gas. I get rx'd amphetamines for a sleep disorder (legitimately) so I don't have an off button sometimes. So she's laying there, naked in my arms, and I start talking. I didn't say anything I've never said before, but this is why I am so concerned. My words and my actions pertaining to the sexual to a lesser extent (I am getting somewhere, just not all the way) are AFC!
When I hold her like that, I tell her about how beautiful she is.. this is different from whatever sh*t I'm saying while she's sucking me off about how sexy she is... this like intimate talk. I tell her she's the best girl I've ever been with, how much I love her, how no one has ever made me feel like she does, how I feel like I can do anything with her, she makes me happier than I ever thought I could be, I feel like we could accomplish anything we want together, and she can go home, but she can't leave. I told her no one has ever made me feel the way she does and it's the most amazing feeling in the world... a mix of absolute elation and fear because I feel vulnerable with her. Then I start telling her I should even be saying that stuff and I don't give a reason why, and that I'm never this honest with girls and never say this stuff to anyone. She reciprocated everything enthusiastically and didn't seem to understand why I felt like what I was saying was an issue.
To be fair, she told me about a month or 2 ago that it didn't matter what I do, even if I did something really bad, she wasn't going to leave me.
But that doesn't excuse that sh*t I was saying up there. It might be one thing if we were married, but guys, that it textbook AFC!!!!
I don't notice that anything is going south in the relationship, yet. Nothing has downregulated, and if anything, her texting, date planning, sexual advances... they've all increased.
I've got my dad on the one hand telling me I need to marry this girl along with every other male figure in my life that I respect who knows her. And then on the other hand I have the stuff from this website. It doesn't square up.
I don't know what to do here. I haven't asked for help like this in a while and the fact that I really really don't want to screw this up indicates a significant level of emotional investment on my part. I feel like I need her. I don't feel like my life doesn't have value because it's obvious I add a lot of value to hers. But she adds a lot of value to mine too, and I'm not unaware of that. I see it, I feel it, and I understand it.
I've been seeing this girl since January. My goals since coming here have transcended the "I just want to get laid" idea... I want to find a woman I can spend the rest of my life with. So last year I went on a dating rampage figuring that the best way to do that was to rapidly increase my numbers. After about literally somewhere between 60-70 girls last year, I met my GF in January. I had about 5 other plates I was spinning (and fvcking). I dated my GF in to March, maybe 15 dates before I decided to let go of my plates and become official with her.
I was very emotionally detached from all of the other girls I was dating. I didn't care. If they dropped me, LJBF'd me, whatever, I didn't care. There was one girl who LJBF'd me out of the blue and it confused me, but beyond not understanding wtf happened, I didn't care.
Well holy sh*t guys... I am nuts about this girl. And I'm afraid I'm about to start or have already started to f*ck it up.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to really desire a woman. But a guy has to do it in such a way as to not lose track of the fact that he's a guy.
I am embarrassed to write the exchange that took place tonight, that isn't too far off from other exchanges we've had. I got sick of getting sexual with her in my parent's basement or her mom's living room, and honestly, I don't have any idea why I never thought of this sooner... I am a member of this locked and gated gun range in the woods, in the middle of nowhere, right between our houses. Like 2 minutes from my house. And I've never taken a chick there.... When I thought about all of the contingencies I could have avoided by doing that it about made me sick.
Anyways,
I have felt totally out of it lately because I've been studying about 12 hrs a day for graduate school work. I just got a part time job and am in the middle of a summer class. I have an exam tomorrow. I'm shot and don't even feel like myself. So we have a standing date on Wednesday night's and she buys me some ice cream right off the bat. She's really good to me... I don't do hardly anything for her. I bought her a rose for valentines day (one rose), a necklace for her bday, and of all the times we've gone to dinner, I paid like twice maybe. She buys me things all the time, makes me dinner, bakes me things, she's just like... awesome.
I lost my license so she has to drive me everywhere too, and she does without complaint. So she picks me up and we get ice cream, and this is where I start f*cking up. I tell her to pull in to the gun range because I was just super horny and we go in. And we make out for like 5 minutes and leave. I didn't make any moves for more, I don't know why... I think it was just a function of my state. We get ice cream and go to her house. I indulge her mom in conversation for about an hour and I'm texting her about how much I want to start kissing her. And she goes along with it all, as usual.
So I tell text her I want to go home, but I want to make a stop first. We take her dog out, she's bugging me about where I want to go. And I won't tell her. It's about 10 PM and dark. So I give her turn by turn directions and we're back at the gun range. This time we don't even get out of the car and I start making out with her. I tell her to move to the back seat where we have more room.
I hate to admit this, but we haven't had sex. She's a super Christian girl and getting sexual with her was hard. It took a bit of doing even to get her to start making out, let alone get head. I thought she was a virgin at first she came off so prude. Sex is the "biggest regret' of her life. :yawn:
I know how important abstinence is to her (even though it really isn't), and I liked her enough that somehow in a way I'm not even sure of, I've gone 6 months without banging her. This is exhibit one for my AFC case.
We're in the back seat, I get her shirt and bra off, she takes my shirt off, she pulls my pants down while I'm fingering her and starts sucking my d*ck and jacking me off (not too much like that unforgivable movie).
This is mistake 2. She doesn't bring me to orgasm. She is legitimately tired. There are some chicks who will say they are beat when they have no reason to be or they are trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do. This is not a rationalization, she really did go at it good. I don't know if I should have pushed for the orgasm or not. I have been running gear and I think my estrogen is a little high and have been having a slightly hard time maintaining an erection, and I think she could sense that. It would have taken more than just a little bit of time to finish the job, so again, I don't know what the right thing to do was there.
I have a condom in my pocket because I'm getting sick of this no sex crap and I'm not going to accidentally get her pregnant. I start kissing down her body, playing with her nipples on my way down, kissing her abdomen, making her think I'm going to start eating her out, but as soon as I get close, I move away a little bit. She's hot and sweaty, but definitely horny.
Well all of a sudden she's like "You don't have to do that if you don't want to babe".
That honestly caught me off guard. I've never had a chick who was not on their period give me an out for oral sex. The only thing I can think is that maybe she was afraid she would get too turned on and submit to having sex.
Mistake 3. I stopped and basically asked her wtf she was talking about. After some half talking, half kissing, she said she felt sweaty. That's a lame @ss excuse, IMO, which is why I think based on the way she was responding to everything, she didn't want to get anymore turned on. I mean, girls are self conscious and she was sweaty, but it didn't stop her from cuddling up against me or anything else.
Mistake 4. She's beat sh*t tired by this point and out of gas. I get rx'd amphetamines for a sleep disorder (legitimately) so I don't have an off button sometimes. So she's laying there, naked in my arms, and I start talking. I didn't say anything I've never said before, but this is why I am so concerned. My words and my actions pertaining to the sexual to a lesser extent (I am getting somewhere, just not all the way) are AFC!
When I hold her like that, I tell her about how beautiful she is.. this is different from whatever sh*t I'm saying while she's sucking me off about how sexy she is... this like intimate talk. I tell her she's the best girl I've ever been with, how much I love her, how no one has ever made me feel like she does, how I feel like I can do anything with her, she makes me happier than I ever thought I could be, I feel like we could accomplish anything we want together, and she can go home, but she can't leave. I told her no one has ever made me feel the way she does and it's the most amazing feeling in the world... a mix of absolute elation and fear because I feel vulnerable with her. Then I start telling her I should even be saying that stuff and I don't give a reason why, and that I'm never this honest with girls and never say this stuff to anyone. She reciprocated everything enthusiastically and didn't seem to understand why I felt like what I was saying was an issue.
To be fair, she told me about a month or 2 ago that it didn't matter what I do, even if I did something really bad, she wasn't going to leave me.
But that doesn't excuse that sh*t I was saying up there. It might be one thing if we were married, but guys, that it textbook AFC!!!!
I don't notice that anything is going south in the relationship, yet. Nothing has downregulated, and if anything, her texting, date planning, sexual advances... they've all increased.
I've got my dad on the one hand telling me I need to marry this girl along with every other male figure in my life that I respect who knows her. And then on the other hand I have the stuff from this website. It doesn't square up.
I don't know what to do here. I haven't asked for help like this in a while and the fact that I really really don't want to screw this up indicates a significant level of emotional investment on my part. I feel like I need her. I don't feel like my life doesn't have value because it's obvious I add a lot of value to hers. But she adds a lot of value to mine too, and I'm not unaware of that. I see it, I feel it, and I understand it.