I feel invisiable

[Luke Skywalker]

duplicate post.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

When gift giving was over, it was social time. I tried to strike up conversations with a lot of people, but no one seemed to want to talk to me. So, I stood back and watched everyone have fun and socialize. So, I got my gift and walked out. A couple of people seemed concerned and came after me, but I just didn't want to stay.

I understand this, basically, people are just brushing you off, or giving you a 'hi and buy' cold shoulder rather than including you in their conversations or trying to engage you, and this is a Christian group - you'd expect that they would at least be a bit more social and inclusive. It's really shameful the way they have behaved and it's no wonder that people get disillusioned and just leave the church because most people there aren't taking a genuine interest in people outside the clique and social circle. Sometimes I can go to a church and feel so lost that I may as well be approaching strangers in a mall. Some people have this air about them or have these exclusive cliques.

However, do you just want people to socialize with you out of duty because they are Christians? It seems that a cuople of people were concerned, because the Spirit must have moved on them and they noticed something was wrong. However, at this point, you developed a negative attitude and you closed yourself off and left.

I have the same problem too. When you get in that state of mind and want to leave, even if an hb10 approached you to talk to her, your attitude is 'the heck with everyone -- fvck it' and leave. However, we have to learn to take a deep breath and stick around, and not worry if someone is being genuine or ingenuine. It's like, you either have a positive momentum, or you have this negative momentum, and finally you just GIVE UP -- but maybe you should not give up until the battle is really over - OR you really feel too tired to socialize -- but if that's the case, then you'd take ownership to this and not complain. I remember I was at a Christmas party, this girl stopped to talk to me, but I was in an either tired or pissed mood, and was already in that 'state of mind' of leaving -- maybe I would have had a nicer time if I fought that and said, yeah, "I was about to leave, but didn't see you before, let me sit over here." But again, if you feel tired and don't want to socialize that's a different story.

If you really want to be true with yourself, you should have communicated with the couple of people, and maybe even complain to them that you do not feel included in this atmosphere as nobody is really taking you on. However, that would again lead to 'duty socialisation', and you want people to take a genuine interest, not a forced interest on obligation of their faith, right?

All in all, I am trying to size this situation and put it into perspective with you. It appears that a couple of people did notice you and responded to you, but if you did not succumb to your negative attitude you would have at least had two friends there. I mean, if you are starting out, you have to start somewhere.

 

[ExcelNPrevail]

Whats wrong with most of you guys? He asks for help and all you all give him is.

*Be a man
*Be a man
*Be a man

Seriously, you could tell a man to be more confident,calm,strong but that will have no effect. He already knows what to do. He just wants us to help aid him find an easier way. There is no short cut.

I wrote a post on why most of us come to be like this, It will be beneficial to you.

Have a read... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154966


PS. Your not invisible....I wish I was..

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Whats wrong with most of you guys? He asks for help and all you all give him is.

*Be a man
*Be a man
*Be a man

Seriously, you could tell a man to be more confident,calm,strong but that will have no effect. He already knows what to do. He just wants us to help aid him find an easier way. There is no short cut.

I wrote a post on why most of us come to be like this, It will be beneficial to you.

Have a read... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154966


PS. Your not invisible....I wish I was..

The OP makes claims he can get a woman and can get laid, so it can not be that bad. Unless he is the pastor's son, or everyone on there really knows him, no matter what the heck he does it is not going to make a difference.
How do you really expect him to come across in an environment like that? Sometimes the chemistry or group atmosphere just sucks and there's nothing that can be done about that other than trying out other groups that are more inclusive.

This is more of a status issue - and he really has no status in that environment and nobody knows him. If he got up and preached or had some function in the church where people saw him then that would be different. They should also have games that get people to socialise with each other.

 

[theunflushables]

If you ever feel like you're invisible and nobody cares, miss a few payments.

Skywalker, let's not blame the group. That's a cop out. "I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to talk to me and they're not, it's their fault!" No, sitting there and not talking with people will give off an air of arrogance. People will be looking at him thinking "Oh, look, he isnt interacting with us he must think he's better than us."

 

[Luke Skywalker]

If you ever feel like you're invisible and nobody cares, miss a few payments.

Skywalker, let's not blame the group. That's a cop out. "I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to talk to me and they're not, it's their fault!" No, sitting there and not talking with people will give off an air of arrogance. People will be looking at him thinking "Oh, look, he isnt interacting with us he must think he's better than us."

I don't think so. The OP said he made lots of attempts to talk and connect with the people there, but it's like nobody had showed any genuine interest in him, at the very least to have a conversation or some connection. The only interest shown as a pity interest when a couple of people saw that he was basically rejected by the whole group and he had none of that.

Like I said, one thing I find with churches is that it's difficult to find people that there is a genuine connection, or real interest in you, and they are not just interested in you for pity, or out of religious duty. Unless you meet people, or know people who are outside of the group and invite them inside, (especially if they are hot) - then at least you've got social proof or something. I think most people in these groups have lives with the other people apart from the group setting, and if you are not part of that, you are always an outsider.

I don't think there is a solution if you got no status or social proof or exuberate a powerful aura in these situations and are just a sitting duck unless the people in that group is inclusive to strangers - just seems like he went into the wrong group. I wouldn't go to a group like that a second time if I got cold shouldered like that.

Snobbish if you stand allof. Look like a needy desperate case looking for friends if you try to socialize. Either way you lose.

 

[daygameguy]

If you cannot talk to people in general then you shouldn't be on a men's seduction and dating forum. Go see a life coach.

The actual solution is pretty clear and simple:

1. Try to look clean and not disgusting.

2. Try to have a positive outlook.

3. Give value and credit to people you meet in a polite way.

4. Say hi without needing a response back. Add value and positivity warmth and fun to every interaction you have with another human being.

5. Develop a hobby or a skill. It will make you valuable in your eyes, as well as others.

 

[nismo-4]

Sorry about the title. I didn't check before I submitted it. It should say "I feel invisible".

We all understand but your apology's appreciated.

I just feel like no one likes me, and I guess that's the way I'll always feel. My own family doesn't care about me.

Respect and be confident in yourself.

I don't understand it.

Be more social. Google this sh*t. You will soon.

I'm a successful person,

You might be more focused on money as opposed to women. Be wary of golddiggers. Stop flaunting this if you are.

highly educated,

Women find book smarts boring these days. They don't teach you how to meet and attract women in college.

a extremely young looking 33,

You should have been more social starting at 13 and you wouldn't be going through this kind of sh*t. Most men like you at 33 are married or have girlfriends which means they have a social circle. Find a girlfriend if you can, quick! You can be introduced into social circles by the girl. It won't be easy, but keep looking.

attractive,

Are you sure? Right now, by the tone of your post, RIPLEY'S WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT SH*T! :crackup:

but I'm invisible.

I do believe if getting any woman you could at any time was a superpower, I'd put that tactic on ebay and be a millionaire!:crackup: You're acting like the invisible woman from the fantastic four. Stop it.

No one cares, but me.

You better get out the house and get a life motherf**ker!!! That's a great start to gettting out of this slump.

It's heart breaking.

You'll get used to it...I think you're already there.

Read between the lines.

 

[Mr Autobahn]

Dude,

Yes... it sounds like you wanted to belong but are you acting desperate and forcing the issue? You know that acting a little needy makes a lot of folks uncomfortable.

I think your experience at the Church social came about because of your unreasonable expectations. It seems you are trying to force the idea that you are a alpha guy whereas you are not. And that is causing the conflict.

So if you took a step back and analyzed yourself that evening... what do you think you were doing to put folks off? And the fact that they noticed you leaving early, tells me that you were included...

Just my thoughts...

 

[Mavrick]

If you ever feel like you're invisible and nobody cares, miss a few payments.

Too funny. I like that.

 

[Mavrick]

When I was in school I was the outsider. In a group I'd be the one on the outside listening to the others interactig with each other. I was the invisable man. I felt like nobody liked me. When people did talk to me it felt uncomfortable for me for some reason.


Looking back now I know what was happening. I was on the outside always waiting for somebody else to say something to me. I wanted them to include me. Read that again, I wanted them to include me. In other words I wanted them to give me something. This is also classic AFC behaviour.


What you must realise is that it's all up to you. Don't ever look for people for anything. Be happy with yourself and always look to give. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=150524

Good post!