I feel invisiable

[T|CK]

Sorry about the title. I didn't check before I submitted it. It should say "I feel invisible".

I've striven to make changes in my life. I've been trying so hard to be sociable. I greet people and I make the conversation about them mostly because I know that people like to talk about themselves, but I feel invisible. I feel like no one notices me or wants to even talk to me. Sh!t, my mom just went into the hospital for appendicitis and no one called me. Not my dad or anyone. I got a text message from my 13 year old niece. If she never sent it, I would have even known.

Tonight I went to a party for my church's singles group. We brought gifts and played a Dirty Santa game. It was pretty fun. When gift giving was over, it was social time. I tried to strike up conversations with a lot of people, but no one seemed to want to talk to me. So, I stood back and watched everyone have fun and socialize. So, I got my gift and walked out. A couple of people seemed concerned and came after me, but I just didn't want to stay. I just feel awful that I'm never included, noticed, and usually always invisible. I just feel like no one likes me, and I guess that's the way I'll always feel. My own family doesn't care about me.

I don't understand it. I'm a successful person, highly educated, a extremely young looking 33, attractive, but I'm invisible. No one cares, but me. It's heart breaking.

 

[epicwinner]

stop feeling sorry for yourself, man

 

[MisterMcGee]

are you female?

 

[T|CK]

stop feeling sorry for yourself, man

Yea, I can do that, but I'm looking for answers as to how to change. I don't want to be invisible. I want to be counted.

 

[daygameguy]

Yea, I can do that, but I'm looking for answers as to how to change. I don't want to be invisible. I want to be counted.

Well no one is going to notice you unless you talk to them, and be social, stand out in public... you know... make friends and have fun.

If they ignore you when u talk to them, there is something wrong with your personality. Read some stuff, apply it, and get good.

 

[T|CK]

Well no one is going to notice you unless you talk to them, and be social, stand out in public... you know... make friends and have fun.

If they ignore you when u talk to them, there is something wrong with your personality. Read some stuff, apply it, and get good.

I've read more stuff than I can stand to bare. I've read most of the tips here, the DJ bible, the bootcamp, blueprint videos, book of Pook, The Dating Wizard, Mystery Method, Magic Bullets, and the list goes on. I just don't get it. I don't understand why people just don't like me. I know a lot of people who don't even try, and I bet that there are a lot sitting at home reading my thread feeling the same way I do, but for some reason being liked has never been in my favor. I don't know what else to do except stop trying. I've put myself way out there, and I don't see any rewards in doing so.

Sure, I can get laid, and I can get women, but at this point in my life it's not what I want. What I want is to be able to make friends easily. I want to be able to go into any situation and be liked and attract friends. Man, I see guys do it all the time, and I try to watch and listen to what they do, but I can't seem to grasp it.

 

[DonJuan11]

Tonight I went to a party for my church's singles group. We brought gifts and played a Dirty Santa game. It was pretty fun. When gift giving was over, it was social time. I tried to strike up conversations with a lot of people, but no one seemed to want to talk to me. So, I stood back and watched everyone have fun and socialize. So, I got my gift and walked out. A couple of people seemed concerned and came after me, but I just didn't want to stay. I just feel awful that I'm never included, noticed, and usually always invisible. I just feel like no one likes me, and I guess that's the way I'll always feel. My own family doesn't care about me.

I don't understand it. I'm a successful person, highly educated, a extremely young looking 33, attractive, but I'm invisible. No one cares, but me. It's heart breaking.

First off, its tough to make new friends at 33. People are usually married with kids and they have their own social circle. They don't like newcomers to step and disrupt their life flow. You should know this at your age.

Second, from your thread I can see its all about you. People have to pay attention to you, people have to like you. I used to think like this and its got me into some bad and sticky situations. Once you start thinking about self-gratification, everything else becomes secondary and you'll start to do anything to achieve that goal. You have to make other people feel good about themselves, then people will start liking you, not the other way around.

You can get laid anytime you want? I'm surprised about that claim because if it was true, you'd be able to make friends with anybody you wanted. Just use the same principles. Half the people on here have tried everything to get some sex with a hot girl and they still can't, so I wouldn't be complaining if your claim is true.

 

[daygameguy]

Give credit to people. Add value to every interaction you have with other people. Make them feel good in your presence. Let them enjoy your company. Just smile and laugh and be selfless.

And if you are good with women, better keep women around you, so others will instantly feel like you have value, and they will want to be around you.

But be selective about your social group. Don't be desperate to make friends. Just let it happen naturally.

Join a social club or something. If it is out of your control completely, take a bootcamp by Adam Lyons London.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

You sound alot like me.

 

[daygameguy]

You sound alot like me.

How did you guys grow up? Didn't you learn how to make friends? I think you guys hate yourself so much that no one wants to be around you.

 

[T|CK]

How did you guys grow up? Didn't you learn how to make friends? I think you guys hate yourself so much that no one wants to be around you.

I grew up with the same friends my whole life. I really didn't ever have to go out and make friends until I moved. Then I got married, and I thought I was set. Well, she left me about a year ago, and I've been trying to build a circle of friends ever since. I'm in a town where I don't know anyone, and I really have never had to make new friends because I've always had friends.

I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe every recent divorcee at my age feels the same way I do. I really don't know.

 

[Jesus]

I have similar problems. I'm introverted and have always been a really self-conscious person so it's difficult to go out and make a real effort. Whenever I'm around people in social situations I always feel like a fly on the wall, and observer, instead of a participant.

 

[suavesuave]

stop whining like a sissy and be a man.

 

[Michael Chief]

What do you think it means to be a man?

I'm not trying to offend you, but I can see why MisterMcGee asked if you're female. It seems to me that you're used to taking a passive role in life, more comfortable with being chosen than with being the chooser. Even though you initiate conversations, there's still something preventing me from defining your actions as proactive.

You've placed yourself in a mindset that makes you want other people to give you positive energy because you feel like you've got no positive energy to give to others. When you initiate conversations with people you want to befriend, I bet you're doing it while expecting them to give you some sort of validation. Doing this makes you subconsciously project a needy validation-seeking value-sucking energy that turns people off.

Now, imagine initiating a conversation with the intention of giving the other person a twenty dollar bill out of the blue purely out of spontaneous generosity. Seriously, visualize doing that RIGHT NOW. What's your facial expression like? What do you say? What does your body language look like? How does it feel to know that the other person is going to respond with gratitude and altruistic inspiration? It's a very different feeling than you're used to, isn't it?

Well, let me tell ya, buddy. You've got an unlimited supply of something far better than money, and you haven't been giving it out to people. You should start doing that.

If by any chance you don't like yourself, it means you haven't yet discovered what this unlimited supply of treasure is. Meditate on it. ;-)

 

[T|CK]

What do you think it means to be a man?

I'm not trying to offend you, but I can see why MisterMcGee asked if you're female. It seems to me that you're used to taking a passive role in life, more comfortable with being chosen than with being the chooser. Even though you initiate conversations, there's still something preventing me from defining your actions as proactive.

You've placed yourself in a mindset that makes you want other people to give you positive energy because you feel like you've got no positive energy to give to others. When you initiate conversations with people you want to befriend, I bet you're doing it while expecting them to give you some sort of validation. Doing this makes you subconsciously project a needy validation-seeking value-sucking energy that turns people off.

Now, imagine initiating a conversation with the intention of giving the other person a twenty dollar bill out of the blue purely out of spontaneous generosity. Seriously, visualize doing that RIGHT NOW. What's your facial expression like? What do you say? What does your body language look like? How does it feel to know that the other person is going to respond with gratitude and altruistic inspiration? It's a very different feeling than you're used to, isn't it?

Well, let me tell ya, buddy. You've got an unlimited supply of something far better than money, and you haven't been giving it out to people. You should start doing that.

If by any chance you don't like yourself, it means you haven't yet discovered what this unlimited supply of treasure is. Meditate on it. ;-)

Awesome!

 

[Allurre]

What up bro, I'd love to help you work your way through your life predicaments. Feel free to contact me anytime.

[email protected]

 

[slaog]

When I was in school I was the outsider. In a group I'd be the one on the outside listening to the others interactig with each other. I was the invisable man. I felt like nobody liked me. When people did talk to me it felt uncomfortable for me for some reason.


Looking back now I know what was happening. I was on the outside always waiting for somebody else to say something to me. I wanted them to include me. Read that again, I wanted them to include me. In other words I wanted them to give me something. This is also classic AFC behaviour.


What you must realise is that it's all up to you. Don't ever look for people for anything. Be happy with yourself and always look to give. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=150524

You've placed yourself in a mindset that makes you want other people to give you positive energy because you feel like you've got no positive energy to give to others. When you initiate conversations with people you want to befriend, I bet you're doing it while expecting them to give you some sort of validation. Doing this makes you subconsciously project a needy validation-seeking value-sucking energy that turns people off.

 

[TheRealSupreme]

google toastmasters international and find a club near you and join it.

 

[Furyguy]

Have you considered seeking professional help? You may have a mild social disorder or something like that. Depression perhaps.

Just a thought.

Anyways, everyone else gave you much better advice on being social than I ever could, so I'll just say this:

Changes of this magnitude CAN and often DO happen. Less than a year ago I felt exactly like you did, like there was something wrong with me, something that I just didn't get that kept me on the outside, always unhappy. I figured that was just "who I am" and that it would never change. I wondered why no one gave a ****. Less than a year later I've basically swung in the complete opposite direction, I'm not "the most awesome dude in the world that everyone wants to hang out with all the time" yet, but I feel like I'm getting pretty damn close. Life feels a lot LOT better lately.

I can tell from what you write that you're a smart guy, so hang in there, put in the hard work and I know you'll come through and get what you want. It takes time to figure these things out and it's not going to happen quickly. Don't lose hope though. Little by little things click into place and it all eventually starts to come together. Just keep trying.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What do you think it means to be a man?

I'm not trying to offend you, but I can see why MisterMcGee asked if you're female. It seems to me that you're used to taking a passive role in life, more comfortable with being chosen than with being the chooser. Even though you initiate conversations, there's still something preventing me from defining your actions as proactive.

You've placed yourself in a mindset that makes you want other people to give you positive energy because you feel like you've got no positive energy to give to others. When you initiate conversations with people you want to befriend, I bet you're doing it while expecting them to give you some sort of validation. Doing this makes you subconsciously project a needy validation-seeking value-sucking energy that turns people off.

Now, imagine initiating a conversation with the intention of giving the other person a twenty dollar bill out of the blue purely out of spontaneous generosity. Seriously, visualize doing that RIGHT NOW. What's your facial expression like? What do you say? What does your body language look like? How does it feel to know that the other person is going to respond with gratitude and altruistic inspiration? It's a very different feeling than you're used to, isn't it?

Well, let me tell ya, buddy. You've got an unlimited supply of something far better than money, and you haven't been giving it out to people. You should start doing that.

If by any chance you don't like yourself, it means you haven't yet discovered what this unlimited supply of treasure is. Meditate on it. ;-)

gRIM,

Great post... Very insightful.

Most answers to guys in need = "Read some books. Get confidence. Stop being a *****". Very helpful eh?

Your answer = Pure, practical gold.