This is kind of long, but PLEEEEASE read it. I need some bigtime advice.
I've been dating this girl long-distance for the past 3.5 months. She lives about 2hrs or so away from me in a small town with her folks. She's 25 and a teacher. I see her about once every 1.5 weeks and each time I drive up to see. Not that she doesn't want to drive down to see me, but its kinf od the way that i liked it. Things have been going great. Met her folks and they like me. Met her best friend and she likes me. Met some of other family members. Been to a few important events that she invited me to(her grad, dinner, etc). She's told me that she really likes me and I reeeeally like her. But recently something happened that through things completely off course.
Last Fri. night while I was in bed with my girl, I got a text message at 5am from a girl who works in the office of the company I do sales for. She's kind of like a buddy buddy girl who I talk to every once in awhile and who texts me sometimes on the weekend to find out what I'm up to and let me know if there's a party going on or something. But this time the message was different("Hi I'm buzzed....wanted to say hi...hope I didn't wake u....u know you should be in my bed....ha ha"). I wa a little surprised to see it and made the mistake of showing it my girl when she asked me what it said. She didn't make a big deal out of it, but I could see that she was suspicious and even though I said it was just a friend, she said that "anyone who would message you at 5am is interested in u as more than just a friend". I basically explained my way out of it because the girl really is just a friend and not even really that much.
My girl and I spent the rest of the weekend together and we had a good time. We actually slept together for the first time on the Sunday night. things didn't go so smoothly since she was allergic to the ribbed condom so we had to stop 2 minutes into it. We both agreed that maybe we rushed into it a bit, but everything as we left it was ok.
I spoke with her again when I got back to my town on the monday night and we had our usual good conversation. Only glitch was that one of my female neighbors stopped by to see both myself and my roomate(who is female, but wasn't home) at about 12am, but I sent her home and continued talking to my girl who was acting a bit jealous and I called her on it. No big deal though....we said goodnight and things seemed fine as usual.
Then on Weds night I got a message on my cell phone from my girl asking me to call her because "I think we really need to talk" . I really did not like the sound of that so I called back to find out what was up. She brought up the situation about the late night text message and how had noticed her jealousy a few days before. She said that she realized she must not trust me because she's never been a jealous person in the past. She also said that she really hated feeling that way. She said she thought she should call me because her best friend said that it would just continue to bug her until she did. Anyway, we debated back and forth. She said that if the situation had been reversed that I probably would stop seeing her. And although she never mentioned it, I think that it might have been in the back of her mind to break it off with me.
During the conversation she said that she realized that she didn't know me as well as she thought because she hasnt yet been to my hometown or seen how I am with my friends etc. I told her I understood, but we had already been making plans for her to come down to my city in the near future. The conversation went on and I think she was most upset with the way I handled the situation. She thought that it would have been best for me to call the girl up right away (at 5am when she wrote the drunken message) and tell her that I was with someone and that it wasnt cool. I on the other hand thought that I was right in waiting since I was able to talk to the girl face-to-face when I saw her on the monday when she was sober and kill it at that time. We talked about a few other things as well.
Her dad had been talking to a friend of his and mentioned that she had been dating a guy from out of town, but wasnt sure if it was her boyfriend or almost boyfriend. SHe also mentioned that her mom asked her if we were serious and she told her she was unsure and again brought up the text message to which her mom planted a few seeds of doubt when she said that "maybe he wouldve messaged her back if he were alone". Anyway, that was the serious part of the conversation and it seemed that I put her mind at ease about some things, but I'm still not sure at all.
We were on the phone for quite awhile. The last half of our conversation returned to the way things were before with us joking around and talking about sex stuff we might do down the road.
I felt ok when I got off the phone with her, but now I'm paranoid. I know that she analyzes everything and is always thinking about things and reading into things as well. Although we left things on a decent note, I feel like she could call me up any second and say "I don't think this is working out". If that happened I'd be pretty devastated. I've dated alot or girls and never been this affected when things didn't go smoothly, but this girl is different. I can't focus for work and it's all I keep thinking about. I'm even losing some sleep over it. Is there any way to fix this situation? I thought about taking some pictures of some of my family members and friends and emailing them to her in the meantime to show her that I want to make an effort to gain her trust back. I need all the help I can get so... Help!!! Thanks.
M.
I've been dating this girl long-distance for the past 3.5 months. She lives about 2hrs or so away from me in a small town with her folks. She's 25 and a teacher. I see her about once every 1.5 weeks and each time I drive up to see. Not that she doesn't want to drive down to see me, but its kinf od the way that i liked it. Things have been going great. Met her folks and they like me. Met her best friend and she likes me. Met some of other family members. Been to a few important events that she invited me to(her grad, dinner, etc). She's told me that she really likes me and I reeeeally like her. But recently something happened that through things completely off course.
Last Fri. night while I was in bed with my girl, I got a text message at 5am from a girl who works in the office of the company I do sales for. She's kind of like a buddy buddy girl who I talk to every once in awhile and who texts me sometimes on the weekend to find out what I'm up to and let me know if there's a party going on or something. But this time the message was different("Hi I'm buzzed....wanted to say hi...hope I didn't wake u....u know you should be in my bed....ha ha"). I wa a little surprised to see it and made the mistake of showing it my girl when she asked me what it said. She didn't make a big deal out of it, but I could see that she was suspicious and even though I said it was just a friend, she said that "anyone who would message you at 5am is interested in u as more than just a friend". I basically explained my way out of it because the girl really is just a friend and not even really that much.
My girl and I spent the rest of the weekend together and we had a good time. We actually slept together for the first time on the Sunday night. things didn't go so smoothly since she was allergic to the ribbed condom so we had to stop 2 minutes into it. We both agreed that maybe we rushed into it a bit, but everything as we left it was ok.
I spoke with her again when I got back to my town on the monday night and we had our usual good conversation. Only glitch was that one of my female neighbors stopped by to see both myself and my roomate(who is female, but wasn't home) at about 12am, but I sent her home and continued talking to my girl who was acting a bit jealous and I called her on it. No big deal though....we said goodnight and things seemed fine as usual.
Then on Weds night I got a message on my cell phone from my girl asking me to call her because "I think we really need to talk" . I really did not like the sound of that so I called back to find out what was up. She brought up the situation about the late night text message and how had noticed her jealousy a few days before. She said that she realized she must not trust me because she's never been a jealous person in the past. She also said that she really hated feeling that way. She said she thought she should call me because her best friend said that it would just continue to bug her until she did. Anyway, we debated back and forth. She said that if the situation had been reversed that I probably would stop seeing her. And although she never mentioned it, I think that it might have been in the back of her mind to break it off with me.
During the conversation she said that she realized that she didn't know me as well as she thought because she hasnt yet been to my hometown or seen how I am with my friends etc. I told her I understood, but we had already been making plans for her to come down to my city in the near future. The conversation went on and I think she was most upset with the way I handled the situation. She thought that it would have been best for me to call the girl up right away (at 5am when she wrote the drunken message) and tell her that I was with someone and that it wasnt cool. I on the other hand thought that I was right in waiting since I was able to talk to the girl face-to-face when I saw her on the monday when she was sober and kill it at that time. We talked about a few other things as well.
Her dad had been talking to a friend of his and mentioned that she had been dating a guy from out of town, but wasnt sure if it was her boyfriend or almost boyfriend. SHe also mentioned that her mom asked her if we were serious and she told her she was unsure and again brought up the text message to which her mom planted a few seeds of doubt when she said that "maybe he wouldve messaged her back if he were alone". Anyway, that was the serious part of the conversation and it seemed that I put her mind at ease about some things, but I'm still not sure at all.
We were on the phone for quite awhile. The last half of our conversation returned to the way things were before with us joking around and talking about sex stuff we might do down the road.
I felt ok when I got off the phone with her, but now I'm paranoid. I know that she analyzes everything and is always thinking about things and reading into things as well. Although we left things on a decent note, I feel like she could call me up any second and say "I don't think this is working out". If that happened I'd be pretty devastated. I've dated alot or girls and never been this affected when things didn't go smoothly, but this girl is different. I can't focus for work and it's all I keep thinking about. I'm even losing some sleep over it. Is there any way to fix this situation? I thought about taking some pictures of some of my family members and friends and emailing them to her in the meantime to show her that I want to make an effort to gain her trust back. I need all the help I can get so... Help!!! Thanks.
M.
