I dumped her, but I want her back...

[todays_news]

For 6 weeks my gf was under a lot of stress, the sex stopped and she wasnt as open anymore, she loved me still, but she was just tired all of the time.

Inevitably we started to argue, and thursday was the last straw for her. I had been a **** about one of her male friends hanging out with her. A lot of guys wouldn't let her full stop, but i trust her and she's been friends with them a lot longer than she has me. Because im a first year uni student and she's a second year. Two days before the argument she had cried her eyes out when we were in bed together, totally losing it. asking if she still made me happy. I tried to reassure her, which followed loads of other questions. She suggested we could be good friends because it would save on the jealousy. So I asked:

1: Do you love me? YES
2: Do you still find me attractive? YES
3: How would you feel if i met somebody else? It would kill me.

So we accepted we should stay together, we had make up sex she got ****ed hard as usual. And things were great.

But she told me the day before, that she was meeting her friend who was coming over. And I chose to be argumentative over it, it was my fault as I knew from the start she was friends with boys. We had an argument, and I was a ****.

While at work, she texted me saying I should come over as we needed to talk. Typical breakup scenario right? So I called her, and said if she wanted to end things to just do it. Because I didnt want to go to hers to be dumped. She replied I still want to be together but I dont know if its worth it anymore because we keep arguing. I still love you, but i cant stand it. bla bla bla.

So I get to her house, and we begin talking a while into my stay, and I say that i will make an effort not to be so argumentative, and she agrees she will too. But she was still being off with me, and after more questions I lost my temper again. I stood up and said '**** this **** you, we're done' and got my things together. She asked 'what do you mean done?' and I said 'me, you this relationship, its over' and walked out.

I ended it in style, but I want her back, we could really make things work if we didnt argue, and although I never felt like I loved her when I said I did, im starting to wonder if I do.

My friend though says," no do not go back, you're setting yourself up for a fall if she says no". But I might say "look, I know things have been hard and I was a **** the other day, but it bugs me that I dont think we've put our all into this, I think we could still work".

I want her back, but I cant lose face through her rejecting me. And as i lie here at 6.22am, having woken up an hour ago. After two hours sleep, I wander: What do I do?? Cos this is messing me up.

HELP ME!!!

 

[In2theGame]

For 6 weeks my gf was under a lot of stress, the sex stopped and she wasnt as open anymore, she loved me still, but she was just tired all of the time.

Inevitably we started to argue, and thursday was the last straw for her. I had been a **** about one of her male friends hanging out with her. A lot of guys wouldn't let her full stop, but i trust her and she's been friends with them a lot longer than she has me. Because im a first year uni student and she's a second year. Two days before the argument she had cried her eyes out when we were in bed together, totally losing it. asking if she still made me happy. I tried to reassure her, which followed loads of other questions. She suggested we could be good friends because it would save on the jealousy. So I asked:

1: Do you love me? YES
2: Do you still find me attractive? YES
3: How would you feel if i met somebody else? It would kill me.

So we accepted we should stay together, we had make up sex she got ****ed hard as usual. And things were great.

But she told me the day before, that she was meeting her friend who was coming over. And I chose to be argumentative over it, it was my fault as I knew from the start she was friends with boys. We had an argument, and I was a ****.

While at work, she texted me saying I should come over as we needed to talk. Typical breakup scenario right? So I called her, and said if she wanted to end things to just do it. Because I didnt want to go to hers to be dumped. She replied I still want to be together but I dont know if its worth it anymore because we keep arguing. I still love you, but i cant stand it. bla bla bla.

So I get to her house, and we begin talking a while into my stay, and I say that i will make an effort not to be so argumentative, and she agrees she will too. But she was still being off with me, and after more questions I lost my temper again. I stood up and said '**** this **** you, we're done' and got my things together. She asked 'what do you mean done?' and I said 'me, you this relationship, its over' and walked out.

I ended it in style, but I want her back, we could really make things work if we didnt argue, and although I never felt like I loved her when I said I did, im starting to wonder if I do.

My friend though says," no do not go back, you're setting yourself up for a fall if she says no". But I might say "look, I know things have been hard and I was a **** the other day, but it bugs me that I dont think we've put our all into this, I think we could still work".

I want her back, but I cant lose face through her rejecting me. And as i lie here at 6.22am, having woken up an hour ago. After two hours sleep, I wander: What do I do?? Cos this is messing me up.

HELP ME!!!

Let me tell you something pal, You did the right thing and stick with your decision. Ive been in your shoes and its funny because when i was you i felt like the world was crashing down on me, couldnt sleep, couldnt eat and couldnt stop thinking about "her". I look back and think, what a fool i was to want her back. TRUST ME! you'll be fine dude. That line when she said "What do you mean done?" lol my ex ran that line on me when i dumped her. What can you mean? Seriously theres so many other girls out there that are better than what your getting now and once you get a taste of the different flavors of women, you will wonder "WTF was i so caught up in this 1 girl"

Now that you have dumped her, Dont text her, Dont call her dont answer her calls for a while. Clear YOUR head first. I can pretty much assure you 100% she will come running back to you with "tears" in her eyes tell you how much she misses you and wanting to work things out. Dont fall into the bear trap. Im tellin you man to man, Stand your ground or else women will crush you into the ground with BS emotional roller coasters that you shouldnt have to deal with. As for her having guy friend, hey thats fine but if shes inviting guys over and its just the two of them, i wouldnt like that at all, sure some shmuck might say "Give her room to breathe and let her have guy friends" but lets see how much "room" her guy friend gives her when they are alone. Anybody can say what they want but when a guy is around an decent looking girl, his penis starts doing the thinking and every guy knows this. How much have we hear the girl say "He's just my friend" Meanwhile the guy friend is thinking of banging her. maybe not 100% of the time but a good 99%

 

[booom]

I was in a similar situation more than a month ago. I decided to try to get her back after dumping her. That was the biggest mistake and I regret it. Of course, I regret dumping her more, but I should have never tried to get back with her.

It didn't work out, we broke up after a week, a couple of weeks later I saw her with another dude, cut all contact with her, deleted her from fb, her number etc. The thing is, I went from being the one who dumped to the one who got dumped in the end.

After a month I still got that feeling in my stomach, its tough, but its getting better now. All the ladies make it easier to move on.

I would say Dont do it, dont get back with her, but the decision is yours.

 

[Dante420]

If you want her back it will take time my friend, but please listen. What your gonna need to do is withdraw interest. If your talking play the nice role like "Ya of course we'll be friends" when she asks but don't call her, ignore most her calls and give distance and silent treatment.

 

[CaptainJ]

Best way to get her back is to forget about her and pursue other girls. Cut all contact and just be polite and curt if she tries to talk to you.

 

[starplayer]

Be very careful with this.

It sounds like it wasn't working between you two. Remember, if it wasn't gonna work out then she sensed it too. You may have got lucky here and dumped her before she dumped you.

If you try and get her back there's 2 major threats to watch for:

1. She doesn't want you back.

2. You get back together then SHE dumps you, because she wants to be the one to end it.

If you feel bad now imagine how you'll feel if that happens.

If it didn't work before then what makes you think it'll work next time? It won't - there was obviously some underlying problems in your relationship. If it wasn't working out I would seriously try and move on.

You're just in the stage of missing her at the moment. Keeping busy, meeting other girls and time will make you feel better and get over her.

 

[bish0p]

Just gonna chime in here and say don't go back. I did the same thing to my ex because she became distant with me, but a few weeks later, I tried to hook back up with her only to get burned bad. She started talking to another guy and rejected me for him.

That **** hurt bad. That was in October and the pain lasted up until February. Hell, I still miss her even though I've been seeing a younger and prettier girl the past couple of weeks.

Stay the course. It's tough, but you can do it.

 

[Lord Sidious]

Dude,

Relationships work, or don´t work. That´s simple.

If it works, great; if doesn´t works, even better. In my opinion, is far better not to suffer than trying to be happy. Why? Because the chances of things going bad are greater than going well.

I´ll tell you a story (true one) that happen to me:

- Two years ago I had a relationship with a gal (prettier, sexiest and hotter of all I had until today). We were together for a year. The best sex I had was with her. She was intelligent, nice, active. And, during the time we were together, she was obcessed with me, trying to give a bigger step with me. I had complete control. So much control that I even cheated on her several times (not proud of what I´ve done).

However, in spite of all the good things she had, she COMPLETELY killed my head and patiente. She had unbearable behaviours. Of course, I´m not perfect, so I had my share of mistakes. Whenever I say "I can´t take this anymore. It´s better for us to split up" she had panic attacks. And I said it several times.

Eventually, one day I ended it once and far all. She started to be very depressed, stop eating, etc, etc. She even went to her doctor. So, about 2 weeks later, I noticed that she was hanging to much with a friend of mine. Guess what, I begun to have the syndrome "another male is getting my previous chick".

I talked to her and said I wanted her back. She immediately agreed. During that time she never stop seeing him, but she said she wanted to be with me, have kids, introduced me to her parents, etc, etc. But at the same time she treated me harshly.

One day I got sick of her beeing to close of my friend. She was very rude and said that it was all over with us. At that point I begun to act like a mega AFC. I had a real bad time after that, having to see her every day with him. Later, I found out that they started to date few days after I broke up with her. And YEAH, she accepted me back while involved with him at the same time. How´s that for a real SLVT???


RESULT: + 1 giant AFC, + 1 huge slvt, - 1 friend.


So, my friend, not every thing has to work. You´ve done what should have been done. PERIOD. Yeah, hurts like hell. I know, we all know. Take a sh!t on your head. Your worse enemy now is yourself, especially your brain. It will take time, but after this, will be better and stronger.


Feel free to pm me if you want.


Take care, bro.

 

[In2theGame]

She replied I still want to be together but I dont know if its worth it anymore because we keep arguing. I still love you, but i cant stand it. bla bla bla.!

Typical Push - Pull tactic to throw you off.

We have all been in this type of situation and we can all say from experience, If you follow through with the "Lets get back together approach" You will get crushed emotionally later when she dumps you out of no where. for all we know she may be attracted to another guy already if she has alot of guy friends.

We can only show you the door, You have to walk through it.

 

[todays_news]

Update

well guys, i've been out the last two nights. friday i was a mess during the day whilst out with a mate. yesterday fine, but when it came to sleep i only got two hours. I've made the mistake of calling her, but her phone was off.

I've had nothing to do all day, and i've been torturing myself over it. Like i've smacked the wall on a number of occaisions and just generally seem to be jumping from the '**** it' 'i want her back' 'im angry about this' mood swings. I cant stop thinking about it. I've only just read your posts, and it seems that i've done the exact opposite of what I was told. So I think the only thing to do now, is give up on the whole thing and what will be will be.

However she doesnt know I'm cut up about this, and a mutual friend thinks we'll work it out. Im open to it.

However I'll definitely be seeing her at a bar on tuesday that everybody goes to, I've told my friends to be out in full force so they can take my mind off it. But how should I handle seeing her, should I talk? Ignore?

 

[todays_news]

and guys, initially i was skeptical about this website.


But the community on this website is amazing, I've already started to feel better knowing i've got advice from people that understand.

Thanks for your replies and support. :flowers:

 

[Lord Sidious]

I've made the mistake of calling her, but her phone was off.

Don´t do that again!

I've had nothing to do all day, and i've been torturing myself over it.

Find something to do as soon as you can. Gym is good!

Like i've smacked the wall on a number of occaisions and just generally seem to be jumping from the '**** it' 'i want her back' 'im angry about this' mood swings. I cant stop thinking about it.

Perfectly normal. Don´t listen to your brain. Plain and simple.

I've only just read your posts, and it seems that i've done the exact opposite of what I was told.

Yes, that´s a fact. A little advice: listen to us, not to your will. It will make you worse.

However she doesnt know I'm cut up about this, and a mutual friend thinks we'll work it out. Im open to it.

Don´t be! That´s the first step to getting worse. If there´s any chance of things to work out in the future (I wouldn´t think about that, if I were you), it´s not by being available for that at the moment. You feel lonely, confused and lost. That´s absolutely normal. That´s your brain playing tricks on you. Literally.

However I'll definitely be seeing her at a bar on tuesday that everybody goes to, I've told my friends to be out in full force so they can take my mind off it. But how should I handle seeing her, should I talk? Ignore?

Say "Hi" or "How´re you doing?", but don´t allow things to go further. And if you go, go for yourself, not because of her. Don´t go thinking about it´s possible to work things out.

If you feel you´ll fragile, don´t go! However, make sure for someone how goes know that you had something important to do.

 

[Ease]

This is what we call a break up on this forum.

You dump her, and go 'no contact'. No comminucation, no emotion, no replies. For 4 weeks at least. If you see her, say 'hi ', and walk past.

You have id say about 3 days recovery time left now: you are allowed to be 'sad', and 'upset', for this time and drink as much alcohol as you need. Remove her stuff from your place.

After your 3 days, you must go and have sex with as many new women as possible. New clothes, new perfume, gym at least 2-3 times a week. Go crazy with your friends and approach as many girls as you can.

By 2-3 weeks time you will hopefully have some girls on the go. The actualy number required can vary from person to person, but eventually when you date/**** enough women you will realize that your old gf was a dirty skank and you no longer need her.

Then you repeat with your next gf when she stops looking excited to see you and you find yourself arguing over nothing.

Btw: The emotions you are feeling right now is not 'love'. It is a fixation on the past and the fear of not being able to replace your gf. You will find the same happiness with a brand new slut as soon as you like, enjoy your singledom.

 

[amoka]

Wow... I wonder how many people feel this way. "You never miss your water until your well runs dry". I certainly can relate to you. I dumped my ex at least 6 times and she crawled back and got back with her. At a point I told her I don't want to be with her and that she should find another man to date. Well, she STILL wanted to be with me then one day... bump. She told me she found someone to date and that things we can't see each other anymore. I was completely stunned. I went from never wanting to have anything to do with this woman to wanting shopping for wedding ring. Yeah, we dated for over two years and because of the breakups, she wanted something to assure her that I won't breakup with her again. Well, after thinking things through, I told myself fvck this, I was the one who did not want to be with her in the first place, why the fvck I am shopping for rings for her now. Well, I told her it is not going to work... she said cool. I then noticed from then on that the power has shifted to her. Well, at some point, she won't even pick up my calls. I said fvck this sh!t and even after dating at least 4 women after our breakup, I still see no satisfaction in any of the women. Maybe because I expected them to give me the same treatment that my ex gave me.

The point is you can give it a try but if it does not workout, you will feel so worse. It was difficult for me because we live like a block from each other.

 

[todays_news]

Are you sure this can work? How do you know shes faithful?

well, I just trusted her I guess. Her ex cheated on her a lot until she found out, and it really disgusts her when people do it. Plus theres no reason for her to cheat, and she didnt have time even when things were bad between us. However I've taken the no contact challenge, so we'll see how it goes.

 

[amoka]

well, I just trusted her I guess. Her ex cheated on her a lot until she found out, and it really disgusts her when people do it. Plus theres no reason for her to cheat, and she didnt have time even when things were bad between us. However I've taken the no contact challenge, so we'll see how it goes.

This is a wrong mindset you should have heading into this. Most women cheat. My ex cheated on her ex and they don't know about it... on I know. I cheated on her and stupidly told her at the last minute of our breakup and she STILL wanted to be with me. Don't be naive.

 

[Commandante]

Hi,

your problem in bold, her problem underscored:

For 6 weeks my gf was under a lot of stress, the sex stopped and she wasnt as open anymore, she loved me still, but she was just tired all of the time.

Inevitably we started to argue, and thursday was the last straw for her. I had been a **** about one of her male friends hanging out with her. A lot of guys wouldn't let her full stop, but i trust her and she's been friends with them a lot longer than she has me. Because im a first year uni student and she's a second year. Two days before the argument she had cried her eyes out when we were in bed together, totally losing it. asking if she still made me happy. I tried to reassure her, which followed loads of other questions. She suggested we could be good friends because it would save on the jealousy. So I asked:

1: Do you love me? YES
2: Do you still find me attractive? YES
3: How would you feel if i met somebody else? It would kill me.

So we accepted we should stay together, we had make up sex she got ****ed hard as usual. And things were great.

But she told me the day before, that she was meeting her friend who was coming over. And I chose to be argumentative over it, it was my fault as I knew from the start she was friends with boys. We had an argument, and I was a ****.

While at work, she texted me saying I should come over as we needed to talk. Typical breakup scenario right? So I called her, and said if she wanted to end things to just do it. Because I didnt want to go to hers to be dumped. She replied I still want to be together but I dont know if its worth it anymore because we keep arguing. I still love you, but i cant stand it. bla bla bla.

So I get to her house, and we begin talking a while into my stay, and I say that i will make an effort not to be so argumentative, and she agrees she will too. But she was still being off with me, and after more questions I lost my temper again. I stood up and said '**** this **** you, we're done' and got my things together. She asked 'what do you mean done?' and I said 'me, you this relationship, its over' and walked out.

I ended it in style, but I want her back, we could really make things work if we didnt argue, and although I never felt like I loved her when I said I did, im starting to wonder if I do.

What a surprise! Your problem and her problem are the same!

Stop talking! Pull your d!ck out and show her who the king is! That´s what she wants! For talking, arguing, answering her questions there are the loosers... you call them "her male friends".

Yeah, i know, you dumped her. Learn out of it and don´t make the same mistake with your next GF!

By the way, have you ever read any books from this site? I mean after reading the first 10 pages of any book it should be clear for you what you have done wrong...

 

[In2theGame]

well guys, i've been out the last two nights. friday i was a mess during the day whilst out with a mate. yesterday fine, but when it came to sleep i only got two hours. I've made the mistake of calling her, but her phone was off.

I've had nothing to do all day, and i've been torturing myself over it. Like i've smacked the wall on a number of occaisions and just generally seem to be jumping from the '**** it' 'i want her back' 'im angry about this' mood swings. I cant stop thinking about it. I've only just read your posts, and it seems that i've done the exact opposite of what I was told. So I think the only thing to do now, is give up on the whole thing and what will be will be.

However she doesnt know I'm cut up about this, and a mutual friend thinks we'll work it out. Im open to it.

However I'll definitely be seeing her at a bar on tuesday that everybody goes to, I've told my friends to be out in full force so they can take my mind off it. But how should I handle seeing her, should I talk? Ignore?

Dont EVER dail her number again. Come on dude, Be a MAN. a Queen will always follow the King, Princess will always follow the Prince, Woman will always follow the Man, Woman talk so much emotional sh*t that try to throw you off. Your saying your cut up about it, ok fine we all feel down after a break up but dont let it get the best of you and if she finds out your hurt about it, She will do more to crush you. Its messed up but alot of times a woman will kick you while your down. never show weakness and improve yourself. Hit the gym for example. You need sleep, Dont Stress about it!

 

[todays_news]

haha you're all right, i've been a ***** about this.
i've taken the no contact challenge.
and all my friends were away this weekend which is why i was caught in a moment of weakness. one of them actually ***** slapped me for ringing her, and told me to man up and forget the ***** and has continued to do so everytime i mention her. sounds on point to me.

once again, thanks for your replies and support. this is a decent thread aswell for people similar to my position.