I don't want to kill myself, but at the moment I am very depressed and unhappy.

[Viper]

Mike here and for a while now, I've been very depressed and unhappy with myself. I've come to realize, that away from school related activities, my life is a complete piece of ****. At home, there's nothing to do but sit around the computer all day, watch TV and play video games; while I have other hobbies like Saxophone and Guitar, they usually don't keep my interest for too long, either. To add to that, I have absolutely no friends away from school, so most of my summer consists of sitting at my computer chair -- doing absolutely nothing and because it's only the afternoon, I can't go back to sleep, which is the only thing that I actually WANT to do anymore. When I'm bored and unhappy, I start thinking about things that scare me, that make me feel sad, like death, ghost, paranormal activities, life after high school, the end of the world, getting old, I know this **** is crazy, but that's honestly how unhappy I am with myself. The only things in life I anticipate at the moment are school, band, you know, places where I can actually associate with other people. Heck, if it weren't for things like band camp and school, things that give my life a meaning, I would've probably already pulled the trigger; I don't have a good relationship with my family, so I could care less what they think.

Back to making friends, I TRY to make friends with people, but first of all, I'm not a good conversationalist and second, I have a voice, that I would call 'faggish'. The type of guy I want to be is the popular guy, who's friends with everyone, get's all the ladies, get's good grades and has that smooth, deep voice that everyone adores; but for a guy like me, that will simply never happen. I also don't have a very loud voice, which sucks ass, because people always ignore me or I have to say something a good 3 times for someone to understand it and usually, by the third time I say it, it won't even matter anymore and I'll just tell them to "Forget it.". It doesn't even have to be anything big, I mean really, I could ask them something simple like, "What time is it?" and I'll have to say it a good 3 times before understand me. To add to that I have a very bad memory and a hard time staying focused on things, so even if someone DOES talk to me, I have a hard time listening/staying interested with them.

I use to ****ing hate bands like Linkin Park for their emo lyrics and ****, but now, at this point in my life I can really connect with them. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore, nothing makes me happy anymore, nothing is really FUN anymore. But enough complaining, I'll be honest with you guys, I REALLY do want to be happy again, I REALLY do want to be motivated to play saxophone again, I REALLY do want to become a social person, but I have to no clue where to start. So please guys, I beg of you, if you have any tips and motivational comments that could help me get through this, PLEASE post them, you have no idea how much you would be helping me.

 

[WesCottII]

I feel you man, thats exactly how i was.

The problem was that I was waiting for someone else to come and "fix" the problem. I was blaming everyone else.

"why does no-one ring me"
" I wish i could go out"

The thing was I was the only person stopping myself from achieveing these things. If no-one wants to go out with you - you take yourself out. Life is too short to be thinking about ending it.

 

[Void]

You are me about 6 months ago...anyways to be honest you just have to get your mind off these things. You have to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to get these problems gone. I thought one day I would just stop thinking about them and it would be fixed like someone would say "The end of the world is not coming and www.survive2012.com is WRONG! because blah blah..." Yeah I even found a site that said that. But that site IS WRONG. So no worries. You have to just realize that one day YOU will die but now you're going to have as much as possible until then. And just forget about all these non-helpful thoughts that drown you during the day. Watching TV and **** is good to get your mind off that. But a lot BETTER idea would be to go the city and just socialize with people. I doubt you live in the middle of the desert or a stranded island. If you have a "FAGGISH" voice then CHANGE IT. The reason why "losers" or "the unpopular fags" are that way is because they don't change. So stop *****ing and start a inner-revolution. Go out their and finally start trying to become what you want to be. I'll tell you from first-hand experience that I didn't start trying to become who I want to be until not so long ago. And I've been on this site for over a year now. I thought by just "learning the information" would help me. But you really gotta apply it. There's no boundaries/limitations on what you can and cannot be. ****, you could go to school next year and look like some pimp with a feather hat and a goochie coat and people can't do ****. It's never too late to change dude. Except change now.

 

[dannowillbookem]

i used to have a quiet voice. til one day i just started screaming.

no one was home and i was in my bathroom, door closed. i dont think the neighbors heard me (hope not lol) and i just started yelling and screaming. i would scream with music. i read a comic book out loud, screaming. it felt great. u find ur lungs are capable of so much more than you thought.

i kno this is a deep thread but that was just a lil side note

 

[Reborn Don Juan]

Viper, I was about the same at your age.

The thing is, most of those problems seem to be in the head. And you certainly can do a lot about it. You are certainly young and have loads upon loads of time to do things I wish I'd done.

First, join a gym. You might not want to lift a lot of weight, but you might want to focus on a lot of things that stretch you out.

Second, join fun classes. If you like playing the guitar, try taking classes for it anyway. You'll have the upper hand there, and meet people who'll be rookies. And never underestimate the power of teaching someone something. Especially teaching a guy.

Join basketball, hell, join chess camps, join the hell out of anything you can.

Really, I wish I could've just gone out and done those things instead of sit on my butt and worry about the future when I was 15.

And really, man, do what you like doing. If you do it often enough, sooner or later you will be enjoying yourself so much you won't be worried about such things.

Also, being so active will certainly introduce you to a whole load of people, and the more you meet 'em, the better it gets.

And though this might be chided, you say you like ghosts and paranormal stuff. Why don't you write it out? Tell yourself a few horror tales by writing them out. Might get it out of your system.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

according to ypur post your are not popular at all, nope im not rubbing it in, im just saying that you are aiming to be the most popular guy when you are not even popular, im popular every one seems to know me and like me yet i dont seem to be respected.

Your problem is, instead of taking things step by step you are trying to be that guy every one loves, trust me im not as liked as i would want to be, i have people calling me a 'legend' and tihngs like that saying how great i am but these are not true freinds.

What you are trying to do is like going ot university before you go to school, so dont just tihnk, im going to try and be the guy every one likes, just think, im going to make a few good freinds this year, and once you do that you will at least start to feel good again.

 

[FullyLoaded]

Dude, I know how you feel. Except my problem is different in causing my little "depression" I don't feel like making a thread of it, because I think I'll get crtizisim by people who don't understand how I feel. I just feel like writin some of it out, and the feelings have to do with the thread so, yeah..

Anyway, here's something for you to read about myself. You're not the only one feelin down. -Wall of Text- =P

Well, I was going out with a girl I've known for quiet some time now. I played with her alittle bit when we were kids, not alot though. She lives in the same townhouse as I do. She's just the girl next door who I never talked to all that much.

Until one day, I applyed at a mcdonalds. (I hate it there btw, I'm still there...) and I found that the girl worked there aswell. I make friends very easily, and it was easy for me to get to know everyone. Anyway I got to know this girl more and more, and I learned that she had crohn's disease. Unfortunately, and I wish I could cure her of it.... but anyway, we flirted back and forth. and I found that she gave me Enough hints for me to shoot, but because I was a little peice of Garbage I didn't have the guts.

Eventually she transfered to a new store which isent far from where we live. I stayed at that original one for some time, and I realized that I lost a good chance of finding a gf. oh well.

Time went on and she came back to work for a day. We were down people so our store called other stores to lend a hand. I noticed that she still had a thing for me, and my feelings were the same. So she gave me her MSN, and we chatted forawhile. There was a period when I didn't use the computer much though, so I didn't talk to her all that much. Too be honest I didin't talk to her alot back then, she was just the quiet type, and I didn't work with her much anyway.

Well, fast forward through everything. One day she askses me out over MSN. (Ignore some of the people who say doing that is a bad thing. Who the hell cares where a relatonship starts? There's a difference between where it starts, and what happens After And During it) a few days later I started spending time with her, going over to her place, having her over here, going across the street to the candy shop. We live so close, that it's perfect. Anyway, I truely loved every moment I spent with her. And one day I decided to transfer over to her store. Because of "Fellow crew problems" I just felt that the people who worked there were jerks and all my old friends have already left, and the managers wern't helping.

Now I still don't work with her much, and I still hate working at a mcdonalds. Anyway we dated and we were close for 2 monthes until she confronted me, telling me that she has personal problems in her life, making her not ready for a relationship. She's had a tough past by the way, and there are plenty things that get in her way making her depressed. (I won't get into all of that)

I understand everything she's going through, and we still hangout. we even still kiss sometimes, but it's not all"Official" So basically since then I've been a mess ever since. I know it all sounds kinda strange or bland or whatever, but if you only knew how much happiness I had being with her, you'd know.

Of course hanging out with her still is better then completly breaking up, and to be honest I really do not think that I will be put into the dump truck after all this. We talk alot to eachother, and I know that; even though she wants to date, she can't at this time. It all sounds like weird stuff when I say it, but I understand everything. The fact that I'm still around this long, makes her greatful. (I know, to you people it sounds like it's all lies, but really you don't know anything about what her and I do)

I guess the bottomline is, that over the past few monthes, I just cannot stand not seeing her. Obviously I have fallen in love with her, (as stupid as it sounds.) I don't see her as often anymore, and she has been pretty sick lately. I have been sick lately myself because of my Acid reflex disorder and things have just been weird. Now all I do is sit on my arse all day on the PC, or playing video games all day on the couch feelin like garbage. I just feel that I would not have a meaning on this earth, if I couldent be with her. All I can do is wait, and continue spending time together.

Ive never had anybody like her before. Even with my fun personality and good social traits, I never got the girl, until I was approached by her.. And just to add something, even as corny as it sounds, and I know alot of you guys feel the same way when you're around that special girl. It feels like the whole thing is a dream.. It's just all crazy..

Anyway, I'm feeling as bad as you are, and I'm actually alittle glad to know that there are others feeling the same (Well ofcourse there are. but you forget those things right? )

I thank anybody who bothered to read this whole pathetic thing. Even if you don't reply to it, I'm just glad somebody read it.
Thanks..

And Viper, take care.

 

[08aisaac]

I used to feel the same but then I found the road o self improvement a few years ago. I played baritone in Marching band. But yeah it just takes some time to change.