I don't want to get her a Valentine's gift.

[Yeah OK]

So I've been seeing this girl for 6 months and it's basically a oneitis... we're not in any sort of "official" relationship. We go out every week with each other, but both of us are allowed to see other people.

I love--or at the very least, am strongly infatuated by--this girl. Recently, I've gained a tremendous amount of power in the "relationship" (or whatever term can be used to describe whatever it is we are to one another). The girl I'm seeing is quite socially aware of herself, and seems to have noticed that I have almost total power now. Ever since her realization, she's been playing a lot of games that I personally view as an attempt to regain her previous undeniable power in our interactions.

I've invited her out for Valentine's Day, and she accepted. I do not plan to do anything particularly romantic with her, and am basically going to take her on an action date like I do every week. She herself told me that she does not celebrate Valentine's Day, although I can't help but think she's merely saying this because she has quite a bit of emotional baggage from a prior relationship (I know there are many people who might suggest that I should stay away from her because of this... but to be honest it hasn't caused any real problems in our interactions as of yet, so I'll cross that bridge when I get to it).

The only thing I had planned was to get her a small but meaningful Valentine's Day gift... and by small I mean that it will cost me less than 3 dollars. I'm a baller, I know. I am now thinking I won't even bother even getting the gift, because I've become so hell bent on not losing my current power that I even view this small gesture as somewhat supplicating. On the other side of the coin, I can't help but think it's silly to think a cheap but meaningful gift on a holiday devoted to this type of lovey dovey crap would really do that much damage.

As a footnote: I am a hopeless romantic at heart (or in other words, a textbook AFC who's currently trying his best to hide it). About a month ago I told her that I will no longer do anything romantic for her, that I don't want a relationship with anyone (including her) right now, and that I will no longer verbalize to her how I feel about her, because she knows how I feel about her already. Therefore, I also feel that getting her a gift on V-Day would also be contradicting my prior statement, and also possibly send the message that all her games have actually been working.

My question, in essence, is this: Should I stick to my guns, and not get her a gift because I personally (and possibly incorrectly) view it as supplicating? Or, will it do more damage than good to not do ANYTHING special with her on this holiday where something special is generally expected?

Deem this all to be an over-analysis on my part if you must, but a reply would be more than welcomed and appreciated.

 

[everywomanshero]

I think you've spent way too much time internalizing the framework of female conspiracy by these so called gurus on the Internet. Allegations that women are out to get us, that they are using mind control techniques to take over our lives and turn us into their slaves, that they see the world at them versus us, and other imagined conspiracies are the work of desperate, depraved men.

Most of the women I meet are supportive, fun, and enjoyable to be around. If they are not, then they won't last long with me because I like to come home feeling like I just had the time of my life. The fact that one cannot just have a relationship, assert his own input, and then go forward without detailed analysis and worry is a sign that something is troubled to me.

 

[CarlitosWay]

So I've been seeing this girl for 6 months and it's basically a oneitis... we're not in any sort of "official" relationship. We go out every week with each other, but both of us are allowed to see other people.

I love--or at the very least, am strongly infatuated by--this girl. Recently, I've gained a tremendous amount of power in the "relationship" (or whatever term can be used to describe whatever it is we are to one another). The girl I'm seeing is quite socially aware of herself, and seems to have noticed that I have almost total power now. Ever since her realization, she's been playing a lot of games that I personally view as an attempt to regain her previous undeniable power in our interactions.

I've invited her out for Valentine's Day, and she accepted. I do not plan to do anything particularly romantic with her, and am basically going to take her on an action date like I do every week. She herself told me that she does not celebrate Valentine's Day, although I can't help but think she's merely saying this because she has quite a bit of emotional baggage from a prior relationship (I know there are many people who might suggest that I should stay away from her because of this... but to be honest it hasn't caused any real problems in our interactions as of yet, so I'll cross that bridge when I get to it).

The only thing I had planned was to get her a small but meaningful Valentine's Day gift... and by small I mean that it will cost me less than 3 dollars. I'm a baller, I know. I am now thinking I won't even bother even getting the gift, because I've become so hell bent on not losing my current power that I even view this small gesture as somewhat supplicating. On the other side of the coin, I can't help but think it's silly to think a cheap but meaningful gift on a holiday devoted to this type of lovey dovey crap would really do that much damage.

As a footnote: I am a hopeless romantic at heart (or in other words, a textbook AFC who's currently trying his best to hide it). About a month ago I told her that I will no longer do anything romantic for her, that I don't want a relationship with anyone (including her) right now, and that I will no longer verbalize to her how I feel about her, because she knows how I feel about her already. Therefore, I also feel that getting her a gift on V-Day would also be contradicting my prior statement, and also possibly send the message that all her games have actually been working.

My question, in essence, is this: Should I stick to my guns, and not get her a gift because I personally (and possibly incorrectly) view it as supplicating? Or, will it do more damage than good to not do ANYTHING special with her on this holiday where something special is generally expected?

Deem this all to be an over-analysis on my part if you must, but a reply would be more than welcomed and appreciated.

If you have been banging her and all that ..giving her some nice flowers isn't a big deal. Hey it might even surprise her!

 

[Warrior74]

Get her a card and some candy or something cheap. It's just a tradition, not the end of the world. It's when you go breaking yourself, buying all sorts of **** and expecting to get laid,that's when you get in trouble with supplicating. It should just be sorta off handed...btw I got you a little something. Not a big deal. Don't make it one. It's an almost an after thought.

 

[1337]

all this pondering and thought you've given to this, second guessing and doubting and being too careful are all signs of insecurity. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and decisions. Analyzing and thinking about this too much will give up your power to her and make her seem greater in your mind. Keep at it and every move your about to make with her you will hesitate and second guess yourself. Your both humans so relax and do as you feel with out worrying about the consequences life goes on.

If it was me and we werent in a official relationship gf bf status i wouldn't get her a gift.

 

[KingofHearts]

i can't help but look at this post and think that this is a person in transition. He is changing from an AFC (a slave to social conventions & expectations) into a man (that opposes society's pressure to conform). I'm encouraged by his recognition of what he use to be and what he is trying to become. He called himself "a hopeless romantic at heart" and realizes that he is acting like "a textbook AFC". This is somebody that is actually applying what he is learning here!

My advice to the OP: Stick to your guns. Maybe your AFC side is saying be romantic. But your masciline side is saying be your self (your masculine self). In your case I say swing that pendulum far and see how it feels. If this girl is really into you, then she will just be happy that you chose to share your time with her on valentines day. Normally I would say moderation or keeping balance is a good idea (and I would say a small gift is ok). But based on what you wrote, I think it would be great for you to experiment with this and see how it feels to not "supplicate" or give into the pressure of valentines day. It will help you realize that you have a choice when it comes to how you celebrate special days with someone, instead just doing things because its expected.

FYI - If she does get upset for you not being mushy and romantic, then it reveals something about her character. The fact is you're still spending your precious time with her on a fun "action date". That's already a gift in itself that other girls are missing out on. And to me personally, this is an appropriate approach at this stage of the relationship. Save the romantic stuff for when you already have her heart and you want to share your love. AFC guys go overboard in attempt to "win" her, funny thing is that most times it does the opposite.