"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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I don't think my game has any glaring flaws...advice?

Exhumed

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What can I do to speed up this process? I'm 18, moderately attractive, freshman at a large college, generally pretty outgoing but I don't often approach with the intention of closing. Still a virgin.

I know once I meet a cute girl who's into me it's going to happen. I'm not going to make any glaring mistakes. My game is pretty solid. Not steal-your-girlfriend solid, but I'm no social retard here. I just feel like I'm not meeting those girls and I'm not sure how to do so. So maybe it's a lifestyle thing.

What's holding me back:
-I'm really skinny, need to hit the gym
-I smoke pot a little too often
-I tend to hang out with the same 5 or 6 people

But that's no excuse, I've come close to landing some sexy ladies in the past, I'm not a social retard, and I'm at a university with thousands of babes!

How do I meet those babes? I'm not going to meet them one by one, in restaurants and coffee shops, by making a joke about jewelry she's wearing. Too late in the year to join any new clubs. How can I expand my social circle to include interesting, cute girls? Why are they not a part of my life?

Next semester my focus will be on getting good grades, meeting new people, and hitting the gym. In that order.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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ENIGMA16

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Exhumed said:
What's holding me back:
-I'm really skinny, need to hit the gym
-I smoke pot a little too often
-I tend to hang out with the same 5 or 6 people
Alright, you've identified three things about yourself that you want to change. Are these the only three things you dislike about yourself? Can you think of any more? If you can (and think hard about it) add it to the list and repost it here in this thread.

-I'm really skinny, need to hit the gym
Post a thread in the Health and Fitness forum regarding your stats (ht/wt/bf%/etc...), any exercise you currently do (if you bike a lot that counts as exercise, even if it's just for transportation) and your approximate diet. Then write out your goals (i.e. "I want to gain x amount of muscle mass in y amount of time" or "I want to be able to bench/squat/etc... x amount of weight by y" and so on). If you have trouble thinking up goals then everyone in H&F can help you out with that. From there you'll get help designing a program that works for you.

-I smoke pot a little too often
Easy. Stop smoking pot. Stop hanging out with people that smoke if it's that hard for you.

-I tend to hang out with the same 5 or 6 people
This one is interesting because I have this same problem as well. I've always had a small handful of friends that I call and hang out with all the time, and it's really limiting in terms of being social. I know a lot of people but I just don't hang out with them. So the past few weeks I've been giving myself assignments to resolve this; currently I'm just having myself call at least two people per week that I wouldn't normally call and hanging out. From there you can meet people they know, get their number and repeat. Eventually you'll have changed your habit so that you will have a large list of people to hang out with.

But that's no excuse, I've come close to landing some sexy ladies in the past, I'm not a social retard, and I'm at a university with thousands of babes!
Your university has a commons area, right? I've found success in just going there and sitting down right across from a girl and introducing myself. No situational opener needed, she'll probably be doing something that you could talk about if you really need some situational assistance and it portrays you as confident, open and up front, which are all admirable qualities not just to women but to everyone.

So:
1. Make a thread in the H&F forum.
2. Post your plan for stopping smoking.
3. Post your plan of action for solving your problem with being social.

And we can go on from there.
 

Exhumed

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I like your idea, perhaps I'll re-initiate contact with some people I haven't seen in a while....after break...most people have finals this week then christmas break starts. The only thing is, most people, especially guys, would rather smoke a bowl and play xbox with you than introduce you to all of the girls they know, and then those girls aren't dying to introduce you to their cutest friends. It's how relationships generally work, go figure. But I'll run with that.

As far as quitting pot goes...shouldn't be too hard, besides the fact that all of my friends smoke, and would rather smoke and play videogames than chill with girls sober. I probably don't need to stop for good, and I've got a sick hat with a pot leaf on it, when I wear it someone starts a conversation with me like once every ten minutes :)

And I'm gonna meet with a nutritionist and try and set some goals...I've had personal trainers before, I've just never stuck with it long enough or hard enough...so I guess above all, I need to improve my time management skills.

I'm sure I could rely on luck and coincidence to meet the next girl who's DTF, but I'd like to do something socially to meet girls/make progress every day. I could start an approach journal and approach random girls...sometimes I approach girls but I don't usually go into it looking for a number or anything...I hear it's mostly good for practice and most number closes flake anyway...should I do it anyway?
 

ENIGMA16

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Exhumed said:
The only thing is, most people, especially guys, would rather smoke a bowl and play xbox
Then you're hanging out with the wrong people. There's nothing wrong with being friends with people like that, but there is a problem with hanging out with people that just do that.

with you than introduce you to all of the girls they know, and then those girls aren't dying to introduce you to their cutest friends. It's how relationships generally work, go figure. But I'll run with that.
This isn't about meeting women. This is about becoming more social. You should be meeting guys as well.

And I'm gonna meet with a nutritionist and try and set some goals...I've had personal trainers before, I've just never stuck with it long enough or hard enough...so I guess above all, I need to improve my time management skills.
Also don't dive in over your head. I made the mistake of getting super into dieting/working out to the point where I gave myself a super strict diet/exercise program that I stopped doing after about a week. Take it in small steps and over time they'll develop into habits.

I'm sure I could rely on luck and coincidence to meet the next girl who's DTF, but I'd like to do something socially to meet girls/make progress every day. I could start an approach journal and approach random girls...sometimes I approach girls but I don't usually go into it looking for a number or anything...I hear it's mostly good for practice and most number closes flake anyway...should I do it anyway?
What do you have to lose?:up:
 

Exhumed

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My virginity. :D Thanks for the advice JLay. The next time I'm out and in a pretty good mood I'll try some legitimate approaches with the intent of making a new friend or lover, and post the results either here or in a new topic. And next semester I'll see what I can do to build a bigger social circle, preferably one that includes more babes.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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