I don't think I could ever be loud, energetic, or rambunctious

[TheWanderer88]

I went out to bars this weekend with a couple friends. We started out in a quiet bar just sitting at a table, and I met a couple new people, and I could talk to them very easily and comfortably. No problem at all. You put new people in front of me in this kind of setting and I can usually handle it just fine and make a good impression.

But then the girls we were with decide they want to go to the crazy, loud bar with dancing and people around everywhere. And in situations like that I lose all my social abilities. I'm very quiet and soft spoken by nature and it's extremely difficult for me to be loud, and I'm just really uncomfortable in general around people being crazy and dancing around, and I'm also not exactly interested in trying to get comfortable in these situations either. I can do fine in the other situation, do I really have to become a club/party/dancing guy? Anyway, I had a horrible time and left early.

My question is, if I want to be successful with women, am I going to have to change into these kind of loud, rambunctious, crazy people that frequent these kinds of bars? Is this something I necessarily have to spend time on- developing these kind of personality traits? Or can you be successful with women as a calm, soft-spoken guy that doesn't like getting very crazy?

 

[HyperAnalyze]

Is this something I necessarily have to spend time on- developing these kind of personality traits? Or can you be successful with women as a calm, soft-spoken guy that doesn't like getting very crazy?

From what I know, changing your integrity and becoming something that you are naturally not (which is the loud, rambunctious type) can be draining.

What I've noticed when in the night club is that you can put on the song and dance for people but an hour and a half into the night and you start to feel like you can't keep up that energy level for long.

If you are grounded in your own energy, you should be able to attract women just by offering your own presence alone. When I go out, sure I may try to come off more energetic and fun but it gets to the point where it becomes exhausting to be the monkey in the interaction.

I would say just be present in the moment. If you aren't feeling rambunctious. Don't try. Your calm personality will attract the women.

Good luck out there.

 

[LongLostFriend]

You may be a natural introvert (which is different from being shy). You just have to run the "low-level energy" game rather than the "high-level" one:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/the-sexiness-of-shallow-communication/

 

[Mike32ct]

No, don't try to force yourself to be the loud party guy.

Stick with places that WORK FOR YOU like the quiet bars. If you can't get friends to go to those places, go alone. While I dance well, I actually prefer quiet bars over loud clubs because it's easier to communicate.

Introverts need to play to their strengths. One on one conversations in quieter places is probably your strength. Own it. Use it. There's nothing wrong with that.

I went out to bars this weekend with a couple friends. We started out in a quiet bar just sitting at a table, and I met a couple new people, and I could talk to them very easily and comfortably. No problem at all. You put new people in front of me in this kind of setting and I can usually handle it just fine and make a good impression.

But then the girls we were with decide they want to go to the crazy, loud bar with dancing and people around everywhere. And in situations like that I lose all my social abilities. I'm very quiet and soft spoken by nature and it's extremely difficult for me to be loud, and I'm just really uncomfortable in general around people being crazy and dancing around, and I'm also not exactly interested in trying to get comfortable in these situations either. I can do fine in the other situation, do I really have to become a club/party/dancing guy? Anyway, I had a horrible time and left early.

My question is, if I want to be successful with women, am I going to have to change into these kind of loud, rambunctious, crazy people that frequent these kinds of bars? Is this something I necessarily have to spend time on- developing these kind of personality traits? Or can you be successful with women as a calm, soft-spoken guy that doesn't like getting very crazy?

 

[spang]

i used to feel that way a lot. im an introvert, but i work on talking and expressing more now. i have my moments where im loud and hilarious and pull off shenanigans.
these days i throw away labels about myself and trust my natural responses. being your natural self is where you are your best.

 

[GS750]

No, don't try to force yourself to be the loud party guy.

Stick with places that WORK FOR YOU like the quiet bars. If you can't get friends to go to those places, go alone. While I dance well, I actually prefer quiet bars over loud clubs because it's easier to communicate.

Introverts need to play to their strengths. One on one conversations in quieter places is probably your strength. Own it. Use it. There's nothing wrong with that.

As an introvert myself, this is the best advice. Stay cool, calm, and collected and a lot of times girls will wonder "hmm, what's this guy about?". Use it to your advantage and it will come off as genuine and non-fake. No need to try and be something you're not.

 

[BeDJ]

Throw yourself out there, corporations still rely on advertisement and marketing to generate revenue. I'm an introvert by definition. Don't let self limiting beliefs hinder your growth.

Women will wonder about 'who this guy is bout' AFTER they test drove the ones they have given priority to. The ones their illogical perceptions have "evaluated." The majority of young women are naive. You will get more lays as a crooked salesman than being in the church choir. When you fully accept your fate, you are also accepting your own demise. Accepting that you are an Introvert give you that comfort as to why things are they way they are. You accept it. You don't try to change because you have accepted that reality - the ways things they should be - nothing can not be changed.

You were NOT born introverted or extroverted. Same as how you are born straight or gay. It all comes down to your experience and environment. Truly embracing your introverted character is the same as telling yourself you are born fat. Snap out of it.

 

[The Simple Man]

Throw yourself out there, corporations still rely on advertisement and marketing to generate revenue. I'm an introvert by definition. Don't let self limiting beliefs hinder your growth.

Women will wonder about 'who this guy is bout' AFTER they test drove the ones they have given priority to. The ones their illogical perceptions have "evaluated." The majority of young women are naive. You will get more lays as a crooked salesman than being in the church choir. When you fully accept your fate, you are also accepting your own demise. Accepting that you are an Introvert give you that comfort as to why things are they way they are. You accept it. You don't try to change because you have accepted that reality - the ways things they should be - nothing can not be changed.

You were NOT born introverted or extroverted. Same as how you are born straight or gay. It all comes down to your experience and environment. Truly embracing your introverted character is the same as telling yourself you are born fat. Snap out of it.

Amazing how people go out of their way fighting their own individualities in order to get some pvssies.

And be fvcking proud of it. SMH

 

[GS750]

I guess the point I was trying to make is; no need to fake being an energetic outgoing extrovert when you're not. Don't stand in the corner staring at your feet either. Find what works for you.