"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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I don't know how to understand this.

Kalakol

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Hey,

day ago i was having a conversation with a girl. She basically said that my favourite sweater is horrible and that i should burn it. Then she pointed out i remind her Tarantino with my eyes (Clooney or Neeson would be certainly more preferable but anyways...). She also said if i grew my hair little longer and changed my way of clothing, girl would go crazy about me. In the end she offered me she would gladly go shopping with me, so i'm supposed to let her know when i'm ready to change my ''style''. Truth be told, i'm not experienced in the matter of relationships and would highly appreciate any kind of sincere advice about meaning behind this all.

I feel i should add a few info about the whole thing, so i've been seeing her in the classroom for 4 months. Never had any kind of deep conversation with her, just casual chat like 3 or 4 times. I'm 18 years old, she is also 18. She is remarkably smart, incredibly beautiful and very decent girl and i really like her.

I'm certainly going to accept her offer and i was thinking i would take her somewhere nice after that, to show i'm really thankful for that. But i don't know if it is a good idea to tell her about my feelings for her right away that same day. So i thought i should maybe give her space so to speak and tell her, i really enjoyed spending the time with her (which i certainly will) and that if she wants to see me again somewher else than in the classroom just let me know and we will arrange something.

So what do you think people? :whistle:
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Uncharted

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Holy F bro.

Do you want to be one of her girlfriends? Man up and say "no I don't go shopping - but let's go to dinner this Friday (whatever day)".

If she says "no" she's not interested. Redirect your energy elsewhere.

If she says she can't make it that day but doesn't offer a reschedule date, she's most likely not interested.

If she says anything except "Yes", stop talking to her. Don't text chat whatever, if you bump into her in class just say Hi how are you (small talk).

And that's it.
 

Purefilth

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Shiit man she has no interest in boning you, but take her up on the offer. Girls know how they like men to dress.

Try the style she chooses, if it don't work it don't, but it can't hurt to try.
 

Slowclimb

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Yeah, she's not hitting on you but she does sound like she's trying to help you out. And having a friend that is a remarkably smart, incredibly beautiful and very decent girl won't hurt you one bit. Problem is you're obviously crushing on her like a puppy dog because you don't get much attention from women. Don't do this. I know it's hard, but play it cool and keep an alpha vibe and you'll learn something with this experience. And flirt with her for ****s sake.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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VladPatton

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First and foremost, be advised that she airlifted and dropped you into the high-fenced Friend Zone. Her sexual interest in you is zero. However, your advantage lies in your association with her. You'll have access to her social circle where there are other girls you can mac on.

For your safety, do stop on the crushing. DO NOT confess any feelings to her. Expel them from your brain ASAP, it will repel her as if you were dipped in liquid ṣhit. Go with the flow, friend zone her back, and go for another chic.

In the future, ask them out soon, don't beat around the bush, or they will friend you so fast your head will spin.

Good luck.
 

Kalakol

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Thanks for advice guys, im gonna accept the offer and see what happens. At least im gonna get some insight into the fashion lol. And just to be clear the sweater isn't that bad, just plain khaki sweater from camel active! Lol.

I also asked a few girls and all of them arent as negative as you guys, they think i might really have a chance, depends if she wants to take me shopping as a friend or wants to see me somewhere ''in private'' and spend time with me to see who i really am, if it could work out with me...

Again im really thankful and ill keep both yours and the girls' advice in mind. Ill also might let you know what happend. I think it might be interesting for you to see if it proves your point or doesn't.

Wish me luck you harsh bastards! Lol. :D
 

VladPatton

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Kalakol said:
Thanks for advice guys, im gonna accept the offer and see what happens. At least im gonna get some insight into the fashion lol. And just to be clear the sweater isn't that bad, just plain khaki sweater from camel active! Lol.

I also asked a few girls and all of them arent as negative as you guys, they think i might really have a chance, depends if she wants to take me shopping as a friend or wants to see me somewhere ''in private'' and spend time with me to see who i really am, if it could work out with me...

Again im really thankful and ill keep both yours and the girls' advice in mind. Ill also might let you know what happend. I think it might be interesting for you to see if it proves your point or doesn't.

Wish me luck you harsh bastards! Lol. :D
NEVER take a girl's dating advice. You were warned. Let us know how it went. Good luck.
 

Down Low

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Websites such as this one http://www.askandyaboutclothes.com/ will give you straight-up, no-bvllsh1t advice about how men dress.

OP, ask yourself this question: where would a teenage girl have gotten decades of experiences with men's wear, so that she could give trustworthy advice to inexperienced young men? Yeah, right. She doesn't have any experience, any firsthand knowledge, because she never wore any men's wear, and she's not a seamstress. She doesn't have second-hand knowledge, whether from buying clothes for her husband, or from book learning. She probably doesn't even have any real interest in how some stranger dresses. In saying that you dress badly, but that she knows better and could teach you a thing or two, she was just trying to build herself up by knocking you down. She's not a fine person. She's an assh0le. The kind of mind games she's playing shows that she is not smart. She's just trying to play you for a fool -- trying to make you think that you're dumb in comparison. And, the very fact that she knows how to play these mind games with guys -- proves that she has a lot of experience with guys. Including, yes of course, lots of sexual experience.
 

betheman

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Kalakol said:
I also asked a few girls and all of them arent as negative as you guys, they think i might really have a chance, depends if she wants to take me shopping as a friend or wants to see me somewhere ''in private'' and spend time with me to see who i really am, if it could work out with me...

Ill also might let you know what happend. I think it might be interesting for you to see if it proves your point or doesn't.

Wish me luck you harsh bastards! Lol. :D
plough full steam ahead young man, really, let not love escape your tender grasp. its there for you, love awaits, those fine young ladies could not be wrong after all, they know her and you far better than we do. what use is this site, full of hardened, bitter crushed hearts, glued together by countless tearsand bile.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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YAboi

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while shopping crack jokes and tease her playfully a bit.Act like she doesn't know what she's doing and make fun of the whole idea while ur shopping. use your God given instincts bro. You can nail this plus its not the end of the world if you don't date her. You can meet other babes thru her just be fun and accessibly friendly
 

HalfPUAHalfAFC

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First off, I agree with the guys here telling you that you might be able to use this girl as a pivot, some proof into her social circle. If your goal is to simply befriend her, you'll have to kill your crush on her and game her as a way to become friends so you can meet her friends.

If you do that, don't come off as a tool. Act confident, aloof, cool, friendly. Joke a little, keep it light, etc. But even then, you'll probably have to drop a sexual joke or vibe here or there so that she'll feel you are a sexual, confident guy she can introduce to her friends.

Second, if you want to give it a shot at gaming her to get into her pants, there are some things you might try.

* You are going to lead the interaction. That is, you pick the day and time and you drive. Pick her up at her place.

* Stop somewhere unexpected first. Say, drop in a coffee shop and get a to go order. Know what you are going to order before you go in. Also, it might be a good idea to visit the shop first and get to know the people that work there in a first-name basis. Befriend them and use their name when you drop by with the girl you are gaming. You pay for yourself. If she wants coffee, that's up to her. It's not a date, don't treat it like one.

* Think of her as your bratty kid sister. Bust her chops here and there, but not too hard. Act like you don't take some things she says seriously. Think of almost everything she says as a sh!t-test, and agree and amplify. If you do this too often, you'll be a jerk, the bad kind. Do it just enough and you'll raise your status to or above hers. The point here is that since it was her offer to dress you better, she's entering the interaction more valued than you. You gotta get that leveled or even reversed.

* DO NOT at any point, apologize for your lack of clothing style. Act a little skeptical that you need anything changed. "Okay missy, since you know everything about clothing and evidently I do not, here's your chance to prove it to me."

* Make her work for the things she picks out. Don't like the first several things. In fact, that would be a good time to bust her chops, "REALLY? I'm mean, c'mon, dorks, IT specialists, and peeping toms where crap like that." ****y-funny, amused mastery. Make her prove to you she knows what she's doing.

* Also, get some compliance going. For instance, you are going to check out some shoes. Tell her to go over to the shirts and pick out 4 or 5 and bring them back to you and you'll try them on.

* Go to more than one place. This will create a time distortion and a sense of adventure.

* Make sure to try on some stuff that is way over your budget but that looks great and masculine. This will give her a chance to see you in a new light.

* If she picks out something you really don't like (and this might be a way of her testing you), you say, "The only way I'm trying that on is if you try on some of that lingerie over there first." Say this sort of sarcastically, funny, but derisively. It's not an insult, it's more, "your not very good at this, are you?" with a sexual twist thrown in.

* While at racks looking at shirts, this will be a good time to break slightly into her body space. Hold up a shirt in front of you, arm half-stretched, you stand behind her, your right shoulder up gently against her left, "What do you think?" She needs to get used to some kino early in the interaction. A little later as you move to one part of the store to another, gently put your hand on her lower back very briefly as you turn a corner or change areas. You are a team.

* At some point when you have something new on, stand about 5 feet from her and ask her how it looks. Look her straight in the eye and don't break contact. It should look a little like you are checking her out. Make sure your posture is good (hands on hips should work here).

* Don't let her demand you walking up and down the aisle with something new like you are a model there for her approval. Don't be her dancing monkey.

* When you find something she has picked that you really like and want to buy, say, "Hmmmm, I don't know. Not sure if I should trust you. If this looks like crap, we're never talking again."

* When you are finished shopping, go get a bite to eat. Take one of the bags into where you go and hit the bathroom. Change into a whole new outfit. Top to bottom. When you return to where she's seated, you'll look like a whole new person. She might even see you that way too.

* You'll make sure to get a table where you have an ability to sit next to her rather than across. When you return to the table, stand in front of her for a second, let her check out her work, and then sit down next to her.

* Now, get her talking about herself, not you. Make statements, not questions. Girls love talking about themselves and as the first part of the day was about your clothing style, you need to make this time about her. If she starts telling you all sorts of stories about her past, her likes, etc. You are doing good. Ask questions about her passions, dreams, goals, etc. Not factual crap like "where did you grow up", etc.

* If she starts asking you similar questions, she's interested. Keep your angle about only 1/4 towards her at first. Don't be overbearing with attention. Make her earn it

* If she sits to face you square, you are doing very well. Turn a bit more toward her, make good eye contact. See if her eyes are dilated. If they are, she's definitely into it.

* If she looks at your eyes, then your mouth, and then your eyes again, she's thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. Lean in confidently and give her a short but hot kiss. If she doesn't do that, you might still be doing okay.

* Now you bounce. Walking out the door, again you open the door and walking through place your hand on the bottom of her back and you guide her through.

* Open her car door. Drive her home. Walk her to her door. If she's talking and having fun, you are going to say, "This was fun. Thanks, I enjoyed it. Hey, there's a band playing (or something) Friday night and I was going to go. You should come with me." If she says yes, now you kiss her good-bye and do it well. Step into her space, your hand around her waist, look her in the eye and kiss her with confidence. Done and done.

All of this is irrelevant if she's a AW. Just notice the tenor of the interaction at each step and calibrate to what she's giving you.

It may not be a lost cause and she may be interested. But you'll have to lead the interaction and take responsibility for moving things along.

It snowed hard here yesterday. Evidently, I don't have much to do this afternoon than write up long missives to strangers on the internet.

Good luck
 

Kalakol

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Man that's a really long answer, i really thank you for that. Im definitely going to stick to your advice.
 

TillTheEndOfTime

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Take it from experience, girls who want to take you clothes shopping have absolutely no interest in you whatsoever. Gushing about your "feelings" for her will do nothing other than make things between you two INCREDIBLY awkward.

You already lost this one. Take her up on her advice. Girls usually give good advice when it comes to clothes because they know how other women think.

But that's it. Never take a woman's advice on relationships & dating. But clothes? Absolutely.

Don't take her out to "thank" her. She honestly enjoys this stuff. Unless she's BUYING you clothes, there is no need to thank her.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Down Low

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ScottMustaine said:
She seems not to be into you, but she wants to help you. Take her offer, and yes, grow a bit longer your hair. Depends how you look, but look at that fag from OneDirection, or if you want to be more manly, or got receding hairline, go for one of Johnny Depps looks.

And don't wear the 'classic' look older guys advice you here.

Being 18 year old guy and 30/40/50 is a great difference.

Dressing as a GUY and a MAN is a different thing.

I got one dude that is a materialistic moron, he's all into suits, branded name things etc. Gets rarely girls. Had 2 girls in his LIFE.

I on the other hand go with ripped jeans, simple t shirts, various sneakers etc. and girls feel more comfortable around me. Since it's the teenager wibe. Not the SERIOUS BUSINESSMAN.
Ten years from now, I'm going to remind you that, when you were 18, you thought putting a bit of metal on the side of your head would add to your personality.

What ages of men have the best lay rates with 18-year-old girls? Do you think it's 15-19? Do you think the men picking them up wear the costume of a street urchin? Does the teenager vibe bag the babes?

No. Countless posts on this site complain that young men are mocked, ignored, teased, and otherwise disrespected by young women. Men over 25 have far greater success picking up teenage girls. That's your competition. To succeed with young chicks, you're going to have to walk the walk and talk the talk of a higher status, mature man. For sure, that doesn't mean dressing in the same T-shirt and blue jeans that mommy thought were so cute on you since you were a toddler.

Do girls feel more comfortable around you? Of course they do. You're non-threatening, emasculated, prepubescent.

Young people are wholly brainwashed by feminism to believe that the self-deprecating unisex uniform of sh1tty Wal-Mart garbage pail clothes worn by all the other billion ignorant slobs is some sort of chic, rugged-individualist rebellion. Hey! Being too goddamned lazy to wash and iron clothes isn't a virtue. Stop putting back on yesterday's filthy clothes from the floor and live like a human being, for crying out loud!

BTW, a guy around 20 who's had "only" two girls -- is doing fine. You're not supposed to be some sort of hardened bar cruiser at that age. A new girl every year gets you up to, what, about 50 notches by retirement. That's way above average.
 
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Down Low

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ScottMustaine, you shouldn't take this stuff personally. Almost everyone wears the same pair of blue jeans several times between washes. For some, it's out of poverty. For others, it's out of laziness. Few men wash jeans after each wear. That's why wearing jeans all the time is a sign of general filthiness.

I'm not familiar with Mr. Slash. But I think you're exaggerating; blue jeans nowadays are made from low-quality, short-staple cotton, and they come bleached to the point of falling apart (prewashed), so they don't last one year, much less ten. Denim wore like iron -- right up until it became a fad. Today's blue jeans are like today's women: a shabby imitation of the real thing.

At any rate, practically any man is going to rack up a higher notch count than me. I get more lays from fewer women. I think that a man who never gets into / can't stay in LTRs is dysfunctional. A high notch count is a symptom of mental illness. Especially at a young age that should be characterized by relative innocence rather than libertine boredom with the normal. Relationship discussions interest me more than the PUA stuff. But to get those women, I still have to pick them up.

What I think you're doing is mistaking the mass slvttery of today's young women for the purported success of some hypothetical "I don't care" model of masculinity. The fact that there really is no such model is the reason why no one can identify its supposed aphrodesiacal qualities. When a girl is out after her 108th c0ck, she has to pick from whatever's available. All a man has to do is be breathing and not shoot himself in the foot. However, merely playing cool isn't sufficient material to build a LTR.
 

Down Low

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The "I don't care" topic is too broad for this thread. Suffice to say there's a huge difference between not caring too much about a strange woman, and being punked into presenting yourself to the world as if you don't care about yourself.
 

joe henny

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I think- no scratch that I know, she only sees you as a friend. See how good of a friend she can be though by plugging you in with some of her girl friends.
 
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