I don't know how to handle this situation, no newbs please.

[Epic]

I've been in a serious relationship for awhile now and my girlfriend has become distant the last couple of months. I think it's because she's in love with me and wants to spend her life with me (she told me this). See, before we got together she was with a guy that treated her with respect at first, but then oppressed and abused her later on and she dealt with this for two years before leaving. Now I love this girl, and while I'm not at the point where I'm thinking about taking it to the next level, that has always been my final goal as far as dating goes, and I want to make sure that she is going to be an active participant in this relationship before I consider that. I understand her reasons for feeling that way, but all the same I can't be in a one-sided relationship. So my question is what is the best way to make her snap out of it? I know it would be easier to just move on, but I like this girl and I don't want to jump to that just yet because I KNOW she is still in to me. Should I pull back from the relationship some and show her that I'm getting ready to move on because she won't snap out of it. I really do think that she's just getting cold feet, but at the same time I'm tired of dealing with it and I want her to decide what she really wants once and for all. Any thoughts?

 

[Nighthawk]

Sadly many women say their ex was abusive but somehow they just couldn't leave the monster - oh what a sweet heart she must have!... though she finds it easy to be distant with you.

Many times a woman will set up her reason for quitting an unsatisfactory relationship so her conscience is clear. She will make the guy believe it's because some past abuse makes her unable to commit, or will start hundreds of bull**** arguments and use however the guy responds as a weapon against him, oh she just can't trust him after he lost his temper that time, even though she knows damn well she kept pressing his buttons until she got him to that place.

I don't know how much this applies to your current situation, but I know if I was in an 'abusive' relationship I wouldn't find it difficult to judge whether the next guy was a danger or not. Judge her by her actions, not her words.

 

[DavenJuan]

What i have learned is that you cannot ever change a person. be the best bf and "person" you can be and leave it on the table.

just dont take any underserved crap if it starts to come to that. her being distant could be a number of things. just dont lose sight on the the prize..you

 

[Rex Man]

Yeah, what Nighthawk said.

You may also want to gauge her psyche for red flags, because that's a long time to be in an abusive relationship. (Most sane and mentally healthy women would have left much sooner.)

You may have to sit down and ask yourself some questions:

What kind of family does she come from?

As far as you know, does she lie as a matter of habit?

What are her views on relationships, families and such?

Nothing wrong with liking a girl, but don't be so blinded by the pu$$y that you get burned in the end.