I don't fvcking understand... the hell's wrong with me?

[FirstInstinct]

Hey all, this is gonna be a pretty long post, but I feel ****ing lost right now... I would REALLY, REALLY appreciate some help here for your fellow brother, 'cause I don't know what the hell's goin on.

Been running through a pretty rough patch in my life... don't wanna go into details, but there's backstabbing, loss of a bunch of friends, loss of my band (and guitar is a pretty big thing for me), loss of much of my social life (less going out), oneitis rejection, etc. It's like I'm going through this kind of depression where it feels like I'm at the bottom of the social ladder, like I'm looking up to the skies and seeing everyone flying free while I'm still grounded by boots of lead. I still have a couple friends, but we're not as tight as my old friends (who I cut the thread with) were, and they don't go out as often. It's like everything's startin' to fall apart - I was feeling pretty happy, motivated, like I was improving, and that if I set my mind to something I could achieve.

Before I lost all of this I was trying harder to get somewhere, and it's like my friends got pissed at this, got pissed at me changing, and ALSO, got pissed at a whole bunch of NOTHING. To this day I don't ****ing fully understand WHY they got pissed at me (a part of it is my personality change), and in turn this makes me pissed at them. This one *******, part of the group, essentially STOLE a bunch of childhood friends from me and turned them against me. I don't even fully understand what I did (or didn't do) to piss them off, and now I've lost some close friends over a bunch of nonexistant bullshyt. I feel so goddamn BETRAYED.

So I tried harder for a while. I was pissed. I wanted to come back later, a totally changed man, with chicks swarming around me and a new circle of bro's who weren't afraid to have some fun. I got back on my feet, I made a couple of new friends, but eventually I started to kinda close up on the world. I don't know how to further expand my social circle, because there's this little program thing going on at my school which I'm a part of. It's respectably sized, got some cool guys, some hot girls, but an unsettling majority of them are of the undeniable nerd variety. :crazy: I don't exactly know how to involve myself with new groups. It's hard to find someone with similar interests to me. On top of that, I don't feel like I can just start talking randomly to people here, 'cause the social circles they're in are pretty tight knit, and from experience it's typically difficult to involve myself in these circles. :cuss:

I've been feeling pretty unmotivated lately, and I just don't get that same fire inside, that desire to go out there and achieve, to make something happen, to experience something fresh and new. I don't know why, but even after about half a year of reading the stuff here, I still don't feel like I'm that Don Juan, that alpha who calmly exerts confidence and coolness, the conversationalist, the high-energy party guy who gets all the ass. I've been fvcking TRYING hard these past couple months... I've seen improvement, but I don't know why I'm still not seeing the gains I've been wanting. Like, I'm probably missing something crucial here, but I just don't feel very high value, and it's difficult for me to believe that I am when a couple of the people I'm in classes with don't exactly see me as high value either. They don't dislike me, but then again, they don't like me. How am I supposed to come off as high value when these people (many of which I've gone to elementary with) already have this preconceived notion that I'm just another run-of-the-mill AFC?

I've been trying. I've been persecuted for my own self-development, and I've lost a lot. This pisses me off but at the same time depresses me.

Kick me in the ass, cuss me out for all I care. I just want to fvcking get out of this realm of AFC-dom, I want to fvcking ENJOY school, and most importantly I need to LIVE life.

 

[nedoraes]

you're describing me. i am having the same exact situation. how old are you by the way?

man, almost every single line is the same for me. and i still couldnt get over the oneitis rejection even though its been a year and i hate oneitis now.

 

[pg_lost]

hey man,

that use to be me right before I found this place(I think it was 5-6 years ago). As soon as I found this place, I started a path to change myself right away. And within one semester, I had done some significant changes. I thought everyone viewed me as an AFC and it would be hard for me to change. However, I came to realize that the only people to view you as AFC are your friends, or people who knew you best. And as sad as it may seem, the popular crowd, or people not in your circle, prolly dont care enough to know you or give a sh!t. But that is a good thing. Because as soon as I started acting like I had a pair of balls, and used humor, lots and lots of humor to accompany my c*ckiness, I started to get along with more people. And hot girls in my classes. I was still new at it, but I could see a significant change, and respect from people who never bothered to talk to me. However, that was in HS. When I went to Uni, I guess I chose the wrong ones, or I just plain forgot about the stuff I learned, stop going to this forum, and reverted back half way to my original self. I was not as bad, but was not improving. Now I am back on track, but I feel like I am starting over, and have lots to learn. But its easier this time around. So dont lose hope.

My best advice: Dont give a ****, and show that. But make sure you add humor to your character, so people dont think you are an unfriendly person. Watch stand up, find your style.

 

[Fallen]

For a better understanding some info about the "rough patch" probably would help.
I've found myself in a similar situation in the last years and still don't know exactly what to make of it.

But here's what i can tell from my experience:

• Stop being angry all the time. Calm the F down!
  
• Stop trying too hard. Most of the time, improvement and success takes longer than planned. I am not a very patient person. I guess neither are you.
  
• One step at a time. Losing a few pounds, working out again and running/swimming has helped me a lot.
  
• Stop thinking about the alpha thing and about the girl stuff. Just go out with your remaining friends and try to have a good time. Outcome independent.
  
• Find a new band and keep the music alive

 

[FirstInstinct]

Hey all, thanks for the replies... I guess I came off as a bit angrier than I actually was... I'm still pretty frustrated at myself, but moreso at my (old) friends.

If you really need more background info on what's been happening, I pretty much lost my core group of friends (maybe 8+), and these were the guys who would go out during the week and have a good time. My other friends now are still pretty cool, but what I dislike is that most of them are too lazy/closed up to go out. I'll call them up at 2 PM and they'll say, "naw man, don't feel like it", "I just woke up" etc.

This is really starting to dent my confidence, because not only am I going out less, I don't really feel like I "belong" to a particular group/clique/social circle. I do hang out with a bunch of people at school, but rarely outside of it, and we're not really all that tight. It's like, if someone were to ask me, "who's your best friend right now", I wouldn't be able to give an actual answer.

I'm just not having as much fun as I should be during school, with the same, boring people (save for about 3-4 people in one class or the other) in all of my classes. I'm not having as much fun as I should be outside school either, with nowhere to really go. It's hard to find fun when most people I see are either quiet or just introverted, not exactly the outgoing, energetic, party guys/girls. Lots of the guys in my classes are typically low-energy, boring, introverted, or slightly emo... and a lot of the girls in my classes are pretty exclusive in who they chill with. There are a couple ***** shields going up, but they're not THAT bad. It's more the fact that all the circles are almost closed off to the world, like some super exclusive club. Not only does that mean I can't expand my network of friends, it means less pvssy. :woo: All the really cool guys seem to be OUT of the program I'm in.

I can't really just start randomly blabbing off, can I? I know next to no one with similar interests as me. And even if I can spark a good conversation, I don't really know how to actually be more than "just an average guy". If I've already somewhat established this sort of image, or reputation as just "another guy", how can I shake this off and start coming off as a REAL DJ?

If you asked me to name the number "naturals", of "alphas" I know in ALL of my classes, the answer is a resounding ONE. A bunch of the guys don't come close.

I'm starting to dislike this program thing I've been put in here at this school. My parents wouldn't dare pull me out of it, even if it means being in almost the exact same classes with almost the exact same people.

I don't even know where to go from here. It's hard to meet new people - I can't just randomly sit with people I don't know at lunch. A lot of the clubs out there are either closed (signup is long gone), or just plain do not interest me. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not just to hook up with chicks. That's just pure AFC and I'm not stooping that low. I didn't even get placed in one of the courses I wanted (music) for a reason I have not yet been told. At least there I'd be able to find people with similar interests, or better yet, a band.

Jesus. I've tried to climb outta hell, I've gotten somewhere, seen improvement, but I seem to be slipping back in with no footholds to be seen.

 

[Aragon034]

Dude, i know where you are man. I lost my core group of friends as well when i started changing for reasons that are just as much BS. (i ended up having to punch out one of them it got so bad) i ended up only remaining in contact with 1 of them often, and 2 others every now and again.

I now how it feels, like you're the modern version of Sisyphus, the ancient king condemned to push a boulder up a hill for the rest of time, just when you think it's over, it rolls back to the bottom.

First off, half a year is nothing, patience is the biggest commodity you need right now and without it you're gonna burn out on anxiety and anticipation.

No one masters the DJ lifestyle immediately, it takes alot of commitment. Insert any motivational phrase you want, it all ends up being the same.

Especially if you have to start from teh beginning (few friends, restarting social circle, etc) it takes time and the drive to do it.

Fallen is completely correct. The more you think of being "alpha" and getting the girls the more you're going to analyse every little interaction, and the less you're going to be able to act naturally in those situations.

Where does your confidence come from? What makes you know that you're the prize? I emphasize, What makes you KNOW, not believe or think, but KNOW that you are the prize. That's a deep part of being "natural", an inner confidence that cannot be shaken by some ignorant AFC ****head saying "What are you doing? Don't talk to her, She's WAY above YOUR league."

Develop yourself as a person and in your career, being successful in daily aspects of life (school, work, physical fitness) will leech into the parts of your life you aren't satisfied with (Women, Friends, etc)

People notice RIGHT away when you are better, and unfortunately some people want to keep you down, your old friends were probably like that and mine were too.

Think of it this way, what kind of friend starts insutling you, putting you down when you start something to improve yourself?

You've had a valuable and harsh lesson that very few people know, Friends are RARE. Aquaintances are plenty, and Haters ABOUND.

This sort of change takes time, it never works out as fast as we want, but you WILL get there. Do not falter and i guarantee you'll get to the point where you are happy with your life, and you can smile at your old friends as they look at you and say "No way is that him, he must have cheated or something."

As far as social circle, you might want to consider social events OUTSIDE of school, i know it sucks since school is grade AAA hunting grounds for chicks, but from what you say it's getting frustrating.

Check online for music related events that you're interested in, join a forum with locals on it to make some new friends with similar interests.

I hope this was helpful, and Good Hunting.

 

[Vice]

I had something similar happen when I started to grab my balls and become more of a man. My friends were not used to the change, and could not deal with the power change. I was getting more female attention than they were, and they were getting jealous.

Get some new friends. You may be lonely for a while, but you'll eventually find them, and when you do, you'll look back and wonder what you were doing with the chumps from times before.

 

[HeavyString]

One thing I did when I learned about this stuff: I stopped letting friends determine whether or not I went out. Hell... nowadays, I actually PREFER to go out by myself and roll solo. I have so much more success when I'm by myself that it's unbelievable, whereas when I'm with friends my success rate drops to pretty much 0 with women. Just don't be that creepy guy in the corner... socialize with people and be confident in yourself.

And **** gets 100x better when you're out of school and into college or in my case, the real world.

 

[FirstInstinct]

Thanks guys for all the input... through both this thread and a mysterious twist and string of recent events, my whole perspective on the art of pickup and DJ-ism was shifted into a new lane...

I realized I had been overcomplicating this ****. I was wondering why this happened or didn't happen, how to make it happen again in the future, and what to do next time the opportunity came up. I was losing focus on the MOMENT - and really, I realized that the moment is all we have, so we better stay locked and focused in it. There, things come naturally.

I started talking more today. I made more people laugh, decided to roll with some kids I barely knew through a new friend of mine.

It's interesting.