I don't even know anymore

[TheFixer14]

These last few weeks have been pretty emotionally tough. Some good things have happened. But a lot of tough things have happened.

I've been thinking about my relationships with women. I just feel so that life creates an adverse effect on me with women. Be it my scene partner, women I am dating, even my mom and sisters sh!t always seems to happen.

As a few of you know, I decided to stop dating. I just got tired of everything about it. It really got annoying. Going out, meeting someone new, and it not working out. I was dating two women and they both basically ditched me at the same time.

I've been avoiding dealing with whatever pain that may have caused me. Particularly the 31 year old woman from my home state that I was dating. I really thought that she'd be in my life for a few months. The funny this is that since then I've gotten a decent amount of female attention here and there. I'm just genuinely not that interested.

I have been re reading the power now lately and I got to the chapters on love. Tolle says that it's better to be in failed relationships then to just tap out and not engage in relationships. That you can learn from them and get closer to closer to true love.

I don't think with 21st century Western women that true love is possible. But learning from failed relationships sounds plausible. Lately I've been avoiding connecting with women if I can. At this point they just activate a pain body. And I can't find any good reason as to why I should engage.

But something keeps telling me to go back there. To do something about it. I went to a club after a callback on Saturday night. I didn't approach anyone. Part me felt that I should go and the other felt that I was wasting my time.

For a while I've thought that my life was sh!t. Not in the boohoo kind of way. Just that it was bad. Things are looking up in a lot of areas in my life. But with women, I don't know. I don't know if I'll even ever ask out a woman again at this point. I'm just tired of people in general at this point. I bet God looks down on us and shakes his head at how dark this game of life has become.

I see a pretty woman and just think about how she is going to hurt me. This is part of the reason why I snubbed my female scene partner a bit. I just can't get how the fact that every woman in their own unique way is going to hurt you. I think I am a machinist. But I am not insane.

I don't even know what to do anymore. Should I just continue this hiatus? Should I plunge back in?'

What a cruel, beautiful world.

 

[TheFixer14]

Damn it has gotten real scarce out there haha

I totally disagree that it's a good idea to pile on more baggage and scar tissue by entering relationships with women that aren't LTR material. You'll end up just like them and think just like them by the end of it...That's half of how they got so jaded and embittered.

Huh? I was dating two women and if I had been in the mood, could have dated a few more since.

I didn't want to enter an LTR. I just wanted to date her for a few months. I thought that there was a connection. She was also extremely attractive (dancer) and her personality was interesting.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I was dating two women and they both basically ditched me at the same time.

I don't think with 21st century Western women that true love is possible.

With due respect, this demonstrates your main problem. You're telling yourself (all) Western women are the issue, when actually, it must be something you are doing that switches them off. You're obviously capable of attracting women, but keeping them requires an entirely different set of skills; something I'm not sure even many red pill guys understand.

The long and the short of this is, if you are of the mindset to blame and entire race of women for your own personal failings, opposed to taking a long hard looking in the mirror, then you're going to continue having trouble. The only thing you have direct control over is your own actions; not those of 'all Western women'.

These last few weeks have been pretty emotionally tough.

As we've said only earlier this week, how a man expresses his emotion is of paramount importance, especially around women. A man must exude masculine energy, in order that a woman can exude her femininity. I wouldn't mind betting that you have been giving off a certain amount of feminine energy; to which yes, all the women in your life will be reacting. It makes them feel extremely uncomfortable. They have enough to deal with processing their own emotions, and those of other women, let alone those of men in their lives too.

I appreciate, as we have discussed, your work requires a certain level of emotional intelligence. But allow that to be your outlet. Part of this learning curve is re-programming one's emotional circuit board; which sure is far easier said than done.

At the moment, I'd say you are in the wrong head space to be dating; fixated on externalising the responsibility. But then, you shouldn't stay out of the game for too long, or you'll just become more jaded.

Tolle says that it's better to be in failed relationships then to just tap out and not engage in relationships.

This is true, but we must always try to understand these things from every possible angle; both light and dark. For me, this does not infer that we stay in failing relationships, or indeed expect them to fail. Rather we should react appropriately when they do fail.

Go out, learn to enjoy yourself and the company of others again, for what it is, with no expectation. Hang out with other lads, doing masculine activities. Even if it's outside your comfort zone, you might enjoy it. You are too emotional and focused on your dealings with women at the moment. The best way to re-balance that is to hang out with men.

 

[TheFixer14]

With due respect, this demonstrates your main problem. You're telling yourself (all) Western women are the issue, when actually, it must be something you are doing that switches them off. You're obviously capable of attracting women, but keeping them requires an entirely different set of skills; something I'm not sure even many red pill guys understand.

To be fair, Western women are all kinds of fvcked up. I'm sure that I have something to do with my issue. But it isn't 100% on me.

The long and the short of this is, if you are of the mindset to blame and entire race of women for your own personal failings, opposed to taking a long hard looking in the mirror, then you're going to continue having trouble. The only thing you have direct control over is your own actions; not those of 'all Western women'.

I didn't say that I do t do that. But these women in Cali kinda suck.

As we've said only earlier this week, how a man expresses his emotion is of paramount importance, especially around women. A man must exude masculine energy, in order that a woman can exude her femininity. I wouldn't mind betting that you have been giving off a certain amount of feminine energy; to which yes, all the women in your life will be reacting. It makes them feel extremely uncomfortable. They have enough to deal with processing their own emotions, and those of other women, let alone those of men in their lives too.

I appreciate, as we have discussed, your work requires a certain level of emotional intelligence. But allow that to be your outlet. Part of this learning curve is re-programming one's emotional circuit board; which sure is far easier said than done.

At the moment, I'd say you are in the wrong head space to be dating; fixated on externalising the responsibility. But then, you shouldn't stay out of the game for too long, or you'll just become more jaded.

I suppose that I should be more clear. When I say emotional trouble I mean anger. I've been really mad a lot lately. It's like I've gotten an extra boost of testerone.

Even if I was more feminine that wouldn't be an issue for my because #1: I don't care about what women want. #2 I'd just be doing me. #3 I'd attract more masculine chicks. I only attract feminine women so I feel fine about my masculinity. Though I am not even concerned with it.

This is true, but we must always try to understand these things from every possible angle; both light and dark. For me, this does not infer that we stay in failing relationships, or indeed expect them to fail. Rather we should react appropriately when they do fail.

Go out, learn to enjoy yourself and the company of others again, for what it is, with no expectation. Hang out with other lads, doing masculine activities. Even if it's outside your comfort zone, you might enjoy it. You are too emotional and focused on your dealings with women at the moment. The best way to re-balance that is to hang out with men.

He isn't saying to stay in failing relationships. He is saying it's better to be in them and continue to grow rather than to avoid them.

I didn't say that I don't enjoy the company of others and I spend more time than I'd like with other men. I'm okay with that. I just don't know what to do about my romantic life.

 

[El Payaso]

He lives in LA so....

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I only ever heard good things about Californians. But then yeah, I imagine LA probably is a nightmare.

I was dating an actress for about a year and was warned against showbiz chicks by another poster who's whole family was apparently involved in the Hollywood merry-go-round. To be fair, I never could trust or rely on her to stick to a plan. Flaky as fck. But then I just had to except her for what she was; and that's kind of what I'm saying above.

There's no point focusing on what women are, what they do or moaning about how they need to change. None of that is going to change. Too many guys here get stuck in this spiral of bitterness. I'm not saying ignore it, nor let women get away with bad behaviour. But do take responsibility for your own part, and learn to roll with the punches.

So long as you're being honest with yourself, your behaviour and and what you want.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

It's ok bb Winry will always be your waifu <3

Og Mandino, the great salesman, liked to talk about how young bulls were tested for their courage. They were made to charge at a picador, who would prick them with a lance. Then, each bull was measured based on how many times he would keep charging despite feeling that pain.

 

[TheFixer14]

I know all about where you are right now because I was in the same exact place myself once. I eventually figured out that my issues didn't come about over any failures with women. It was actually success that twisted things for me.

I grew up on the East Coast not far from NYC. I was used to dating hot women with hot tempers and loud mouths, tight pants, lots of makeup, high heels... the kind of women who would cling to drama like a strong magnet. This was the norm of women for me. In my early 20's I was at a party full of friends and ended up meeting a new girl in town. She was this sweet-mannered, perky, little petite thing from Tennessee wearing a summer dress with hair down to her ass. Natural beauty that didn't require one ounce of makeup. Easy to talk to and entertain. She was just a completely different animal.

I never thought of her as "the one". I didn't have any "soul mate" thoughts or anything like that. What f*cked me up was that I realized better quality women with more than just one or two good attributes actually do exist out there. This forced me to raise the bar with women; with what I expected out of someone I would even consider a LTR with.

Naturally, very few women I met from that point on came close to having as many good attributes, and I would usually know it within minutes of meeting each of them. Because of that, my expectations were usually flat right out of the gates. I would expect these "relationships" to fail because deep down I knew I was settling for less than what was possible, and I didn't really want or care if they succeeded. I didn't sabotage. I didn't do anything intentional to make them fail. I dated and went through all of the motions, of course, but I wasn't excited about anything. My head and my heart just wasn't in it. And it usually didn't take long for women to realize it.

In my early 30's, while living in Boston, I met a Russian girl from St. Petersburg. Sweet-mannered, perky, little petite thing with hair down to her ass. Natural beauty that didn't require one ounce of makeup. Easy to talk to and entertain. This sparked off a very short-lived "All American Women Suck" phase, until, of course, I remembered the Tennessee girl who was about as all American as you can get. The Russian girl was an affirmation that it wasn't just a one-time thing with the Tennessee girl. It was proof there's more than one and that they don't come from a particular place. It was confirmation that my standards weren't set too high over one chance encounter in the past and that there are still women out there who can meet and even exceed it.

Since the Russian girl I have met a few others that have been able to rise to the standard, the most recent a sweet, petite little preschool teacher. But you know what? I would have never met any of these women if I wasn't out there mingling and dating all the ones that fell below the bar.

Truth is, its all of those women that suck, all the women who can't stack up, that actually make those few who do stack up worth their weight in gold. The trick is to realize that even though they don't come along very often, they will always come. And even if that rare one does come along and you f*ck it up, there will eventually be another. May take time. But there will always be another.

You have to be out there for that opportunity to come.

Great post. It's horrible how we will only meet one or two women who are truly on the same wavelength. I'm battling if it's worth it to continue on, or if I am fighting a battle that I cannot win. Sex drive can be such a b!tch.

I only ever heard good things about Californians. But then yeah, I imagine LA probably is a nightmare.

I was dating an actress for about a year and was warned against showbiz chicks by another poster who's whole family was apparently involved in the Hollywood merry-go-round. To be fair, I never could trust or rely on her to stick to a plan. Flaky as fck. But then I just had to except her for what she was; and that's kind of what I'm saying above.
There's no point focusing on what women are, what they do or moaning about how they need to change. None of that is going to change. Too many guys here get stuck in this spiral of bitterness. I'm not saying ignore it, nor let women get away with bad behaviour. But do take responsibility for your own part, and learn to roll with the punches.

So long as you're being honest with yourself, your behaviour and and what you want.

I stopped dating actresses after a while. Most are crazy and self absorbed.

Ultimately with this post you are correct. But is it all really worth it? Just so that I have a warm hole to plug my d!ck in?

It's ok bb Winry will always be your waifu <3

Og Mandino, the great salesman, liked to talk about how young bulls were tested for their courage. They were made to charge at a picador, who would prick them with a lance. Then, each bull was measured based on how many times he would keep charging despite feeling that pain.

Haha, that's a really good catch on your part. I wish that Winry could come to life. A man can dream...

I suppose that these lyrics from the song Bad Dream by Keane state how I feel.

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind

I got fight in me in other areas. But not in this area right now.

 

[Serenity]

Did you get the part about the power of now, like being in the present moment? Don't worry about it, just relax.

 

[wifehunter]

Giving up, means not giving a fukk. It's a good place to be. Be skeptical, and let women qualify themselves.

Focus on your mission, ladies will happen.

True love is not something our society gets anyway, we're to into ourselves to actually care about someone else.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

Haha, that's a really good catch on your part. I wish that Winry could come to life. A man can dream...

I suppose that these lyrics from the song Bad Dream by Keane state how I feel.

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired to be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind

I got fight in me in other areas. But not in this area right now.

I think the fact that we yearn for that seemingly fantastical, sweet, supportive, and unconditional love from a Winry says something about our psyche.

I feel ya on the fatigue. Remember it's normal to want to avoid pain/struggle. The point of my Og Mandino reference wasn't to try to yell you "back in shape" or something. Just to help you realize that whenever you've finished with your break and are ready to get back in the game, the pain and struggle of rejection/incompatibility/tediousness/shallow b1tches will still be there. Yet, you'll know that the struggle is necessary and worth what you're striving for.

If your finances are solid, perhaps you could bang a hot escort or two so you can satisfy that sex drive a bit?

Or if you want to go budget and are indeed in LA, well then TJ isn't too far as long as you don't mind Mexican chicks.