I Do This Too Much

[Ballistik]

Aight, I have a little problem when it comes to girls doing things I don't like. Yesterday, for example, I was talking online with a girl I went to a movie with last Saturday, and all of a sudden she stops talking, then a moment later goes "Oh, fvck." Naturally, I want to know what's going on, and she says she had just looked at pictures of her and her ex (broke up a couple months ago) and it brought back some bad memories. I thought for a moment and simply said calmly that I had other things to be doing and went away.

Couple hours later, I come back, and she starts talking like nothing happened. I said that in the future she shouldn't decide that anytime we're having a convo is a good time to look up pics of the ex. She said she had been going through a big collection of photos to find a specific one for a friend, and some of hte ex were mixed in there. Fair enough. I said something along the lines of "Alright, but I don't want to spend time talking to a girl if she's gonna suddenly be staring at pictures of her ex." Silence for a while, then I leave to watch Game 7 of Detroit/New Jersey (Pistons kicked ass, by the way).

My problem is that I don't really know how to lay down the law and let a girl know I don't like something without seeming pissed off and making everything awkward. Obviously I don't want to just let her get away with it, but I don't want a few forced sentences and silence for the rest of the night, either. Any suggestions?

Oh, and if you're gonna post something like "Dude, she obviously doesn't give a sh!t about you, NEXT her," don't bother posting. This applies to more than this one girl, and I'm getting tired of hearing that response to every little problem anyways.....

 

[deeloo]

uh what the ufck?

is she your gf? Well it seems to me that she isnt. Then she can do whatever the **** she wants.. and this is online am i correct? She's not just talking to YOU, she's prolly talking to like 10 other ppl and she's prolly sippin on scotch and watching TV while she's doing it. Face the reality, when you're talking online, it's very different. You won't be the first priority unless she's a loser and has nobody else to talk to. If this was on the phone then you probably have the rights to tell her not to do that, but for god sake this is ONLINE.. have you ever HAD an online conversation? You don't have to go "bye" to go afk, you can do stuff all the time..

you prolly blew all your chances with her when you told her not to do that.. shows you're insecure and weir.d

 

[JSH]

deelo, she was playin with him, in the middle of a convo she stoops talking and then says something (he doesnt even say where r u). The only reason you say oh **** is because you want someone else to question whats wrong, she said oh **** directly to him, if it was a web cam talk and it had come out indirectly it would be alright. However, she made a conscious decision to inflict it on him.











Roll with the punches

 

[Ballistik]

Originally posted by deeloo
uh what the ufck?

is she your gf? Well it seems to me that she isnt. Then she can do whatever the **** she wants.. and this is online am i correct? She's not just talking to YOU, she's prolly talking to like 10 other ppl and she's prolly sippin on scotch and watching TV while she's doing it. Face the reality, when you're talking online, it's very different. You won't be the first priority unless she's a loser and has nobody else to talk to. If this was on the phone then you probably have the rights to tell her not to do that, but for god sake this is ONLINE.. have you ever HAD an online conversation? You don't have to go "bye" to go afk, you can do stuff all the time..

you prolly blew all your chances with her when you told her not to do that.. shows you're insecure and weir.d

Wow, you obviously have no idea what the hell either you or I am talking about.

 

[xblitz44x]

You can't 'lay down the law' without looking like a jackass. If she's looking at pictures of her ex while she is talking to you, and getting all choked up over it, then she's not ready to move on to another relationship. You can try to step in there and be Mr. Alpha Male but you're going to look extremely insecure.

I'd ignore it and let her do her thing. Apparently you don't want to move on past this one, even though you know you probably should. So just hang in there, and act the same as if it didn't happen. If she wants to be with you, she will. "Laying down the law" or whatever you're trying to do is only going to push her further away.

 

[Ballistik]

Ugh, wow. Guess I have to go into ridiculous detail to get a response that's not either telling me what a dumbass I am or explaining why I shouldn't waste my time with her because of one incident. I'll try to make it short.

I've known this girl for about two weeks. Went on the date, made out a lot, she's hounded me to talk every day, I've had three of her friends tell me she won't stop talking about me, and the past three days in a row she's asked me the question "What happens if I really like you?" before finally just up and saying that she does yesterday (not that it wasn't obvious, I just joked around with her every time she asked it to leave her wondering).

I'm not concerned about her not being interested in me.

I'm simply looking for a few good ways to show/tell a girl that something she did ain't kosher without it creating unnecessary tension. I'm sure we've all had experiences with this before. Hopefully not everyone here immediately nexts a girl every time they have a tiny dispute.

 

[*new*]

I don't know the situation, but sometimes insecure chicks pull tricks like these to make you jealous.
In every relationship, there comes that x problem. I generally tell them that i have no intention of knowing about the xes

 

[deeloo]

if you can't take our opinion, then why posting the question?

again, it's an online conversation, people are free to do whatever they like during the conversation. you can't expect her to focus 100% on you. And furthermore, you said you told her that you don't want to "spend time talking to a girl if she suddenly looks at her ex's photo". Uh, from what it looks like, the only way that you could be offended is if she's the only person you were talkin to online, and if that's the case, you're a loser for giving this girl so much of your time in the first place. If you were talking in person then yeah it would be alright, but you're on the computer, and you could be doing other stuff.. So the problem is not how to lay down the law, the problem is to stop being a loser.

 

[Hollowpoint]

I have nothing to say regarding laying down the law or being alpha here, just my personal empathetic knowledge.


She mentions something bad.....on IM, ignore it.
Find some funny/cool news article and send it to her, hilighting certain parts of it that stand out.

If she tells you what she was looking at, recommend firmly but gently to her (can you even do this online?) that she should take out the old negative memories and gather them all up and burn them. Tell her this symbolises the death of the old and start of a new. Which YOU are the new and improved.

(Though finding out what IS wrong with her will help in the future with you possibly making the same mistake or saying or doing the same thing.)

Trust me I've dealt with people like this, got a lot of baggage and they don't know what to do with it. Tell them to focus on the future, THE FUTURE!!!!!

 

[Trance]

quote:
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Originally posted by deeloo
uh what the ufck?

is she your gf? Well it seems to me that she isnt. Then she can do whatever the **** she wants.. and this is online am i correct? She's not just talking to YOU, she's prolly talking to like 10 other ppl and she's prolly sippin on scotch and watching TV while she's doing it. Face the reality, when you're talking online, it's very different. You won't be the first priority unless she's a loser and has nobody else to talk to. If this was on the phone then you probably have the rights to tell her not to do that, but for god sake this is ONLINE.. have you ever HAD an online conversation? You don't have to go "bye" to go afk, you can do stuff all the time..

you prolly blew all your chances with her when you told her not to do that.. shows you're insecure and weir.d
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Originally posted by Ballistik
Wow, you obviously have no idea what the hell either you or I am talking about.

It was a good coment, i see it pretty much the same way, its the way it happens when u're talking on msn, what's the big deal?

 

[Ballistik]

A good comment? He's trying to educate me on how to talk to girls online when I'm already more than skilled in that area, questions the way I think about all of it when he has no idea what the situation was, misread some of what I wrote, then he decides to throw in a few little insults as well. Yeah, good comment. I know I sure as heck got a lot from it.

Hey, Deeloo, your advice sucks. You must not have anything better to do with your time than give really sucky advice on the internet. Wow, that makes you a total loser. Obviously you need to stop being a total loser before you can give advice to other people.

Pissed that I'm jumping to all sorts of conclusions? Yeah, now you get it.



On the other hand, Hollow here has actually posted something useful in response. Thank you, Hollow. You had a couple good suggestions there. New might be onto something to, though with this girl I doubt she'd be pulling that. I haven't noticed her using any sort of mind games so far.

 

[deeloo]

LOL

Hollow basically said the same thing: What she did is NOT a big deal and you don't need to go all dramatic over it. He just put it nicer.

He's trying to educate me on how to talk to girls online when I'm already more than skilled in that area

Apparently not! Especially when you automatically put "online" with "girls"

 

[Hollowpoint]

I still can't get over people calling me "Hollowpoint."

PM me if you want to add me on MSN Messenger.

 

[Ballistik]

Originally posted by deeloo
LOL

Hollow basically said the same thing: What she did is NOT a big deal and you don't need to go all dramatic over it. He just put it nicer.

Did I say it was a big deal? I don't recall writing that once. You're assuming things, once again. Good job.

Apparently not! Especially when you automatically put "online" with "girls"

Apparently not? Don't get into a history contest with me, bro. And I have no idea what you mean by the "automatically put 'online' with 'girls'" comment, seeing as we're talking about a convo with a girl I had online. I can only assume that you, once again, misunderstood what I said. No surprise there.

 

[Seraph]

Ballistik, why are you even bickerring with him? If you don't like his advice or someone else's, fine. Denying all advice except what you want to hear is not the correct way to getting help. Arguing solves nothing.

 

[Ballistik]

"Stop being a loser" is not advice.

 

[DEKKA]

ok man heres the deal.
she was playin a little game the point of which i don't really care.

the point you should be worried about is not caring either. by showing/telling her your disapproval she knows she's gettin to you in some way. remember, under no circumstances does jealousy or the appearance therof help anything.

indifference is by far the key.

what i would have done would be to give her a short glance and go about my business (not giving precious attention to things i don't give a sh!t about)

think about it this way. do you really give a jet-powered flying sh!t about what she has to comment about a pic of one of her exes? maybe you do, but i sure as hell wouldn't. thus, if you really don't care or care to listen to things like that then act like you don't care or care to listen to things like that. be real. don't pay attention or give validity to things you don't want to be an issue.

attention is probably the one power a man has to give and take at his will. use that and you should see powerful changes in your relationships. attention is a beautiful thing when used properly.

good luck playa

-J

 

[MindOverMatter]

ok.

If she mentions her boyfriend on a date, break eye contact, look absentmindedly somewhere else (as if you're not listening), then change the conversation topic, and resume eyecontact. This is a way of letting her know that you are not interested in talking about past relationships without making a big deal out of it and looking like a jealous type.

If she mentions her bf over phone or chat, do what Hollow said. If on phone, pretend you didn't hear it and mention something funny you just saw on tv or in person (if you didn't see anything funny make something up). If she mentions him on chat, ignore it, send her a link (one of these articles is great: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index2&cid=757) and change the subject.

However, your main mistake is using these modes of communication. You're still in the early stage of a relationship. you should only be using phones to make plans, and you should not be using chat programs at all. Sitting on your ass and chatting with her over the net makes you look like less of a challange. Remember, you want this girl to think you're a prize to be won, you want to make her pursue you. The less time you spend talking to her outside of dates, the more she will look forward to them.

Back to your problem. If she only mentions her ex-bf once, do one of the above, and be happy because you just passed a jealosy test.

However if she keeps bringing him up, then it is obvious this girl has problems getting over her past relationship. you can't solve these for her, only she can. Your next course of action should be to break it off with her. You're there to have fun, not be her therapist.

 

[blienk]

Getting pissed off about the ex shows nothing but insecurity on your part...She was probably testing you to see if you would get jealous, and you failed miserably. Just act like you couldn't give a sh*t less and eventually she'll stop talking about him.

 

[AMF]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
ok.

If she mentions her boyfriend on a date, break eye contact, look absentmindedly somewhere else (as if you're not listening), then change the conversation topic, and resume eyecontact. This is a way of letting her know that you are not interested in talking about past relationships without making a big deal out of it and looking like a jealous type.

Like it. Mature.