i didnt need to hear that!

[jungleman pete]

Merry Christmas everyone!

At the gym I go to, they must have had some staff changeovers for the Christmas break, because theres been a whole new bunch of girls working there over the last week or so.
Theres one in particular who has been really friendly and outgoing towards me. Shes my type, so there was interest there. Last week we spoke a fair bit and over the weekend I decided to myself that on Monday i'd see if she wanted to meet outside of the gym environment.

Well, today I went in and she was working behind the front desk. We started talking and I mentioned how I was (like everyone over here) shopping for presents over the weekend. Then she says that she is doing all her shopping this afternoon, because she couldn't get around to it over the weekend. So I said I hope you don't have much shopping to do, cos its going to be really busy. Then she starts saying all the people she has to buy for, parents, friends, then boyfriend. Well, that was something I didnt really want to hear.

I went upstairs and did my workout, glad I never asked her out.

I'm going to forget about her now, but I thought I would see what you guys thought. She seemed really interested in me, and even though I know not to read to much into body language, she was playing with her hair all the time she was talking to me.

Am I right in thinking that if she was interested she never would have mentioned a boyfriend?

Thanks guys!

 

[justheretohelp]

Originally posted by jungleman pete
Merry Christmas everyone!

At the gym I go to, they must have had some staff changeovers for the Christmas break, because theres been a whole new bunch of girls working there over the last week or so.
Theres one in particular who has been really friendly and outgoing towards me. Shes my type, so there was interest there. Last week we spoke a fair bit and over the weekend I decided to myself that on Monday i'd see if she wanted to meet outside of the gym environment.

Well, today I went in and she was working behind the front desk. We started talking and I mentioned how I was (like everyone over here) shopping for presents over the weekend. Then she says that she is doing all her shopping this afternoon, because she couldn't get around to it over the weekend. So I said I hope you don't have much shopping to do, cos its going to be really busy. Then she starts saying all the people she has to buy for, parents, friends, then boyfriend. Well, that was something I didnt really want to hear.

I went upstairs and did my workout, glad I never asked her out.

I'm going to forget about her now, but I thought I would see what you guys thought. She seemed really interested in me, and even though I know not to read to much into body language, she was playing with her hair all the time she was talking to me.

Am I right in thinking that if she was interested she never would have mentioned a boyfriend?

Thanks guys!

Dude!

There are four different case - scenarios that could be a possibility here: 1) She could be interested, 2)she could be a BAF(Big Ass Flirt), 3) she could be putting you on the back-up shelf, or 4) she could be testing you out.

Case - Scenario - #1

If she was interested, she could easily later say she broke up with her bf.

Case - Scenario - #2

If she's a BAF then she flirts w/ all the guys, and you know how those chicks are. It's hard to know if they just like the attention or if they're really interested.

Case - Scenario - #3

She could be interested but really does have a bf in which case she'll put you on "hold" for now so that she can come back to you later, when she's single.

Case - Scenario - #4

If she said she had a bf she actually could be single but just said that to see your reaction, to see if you would be disappointed, and gauge your IL in her.

 

[Big Pappy]

That's a tough one for me. I've had so many girls tell me that they're constantly looking to trade up. I knew one girl who kept going out with the guy for an entire year after she had made up her mind to drop him as soon as she found a guy that was half way interested in her.


Here's an approach that I've tried before. (rather a synopsis)

I was in a large meeting at the university. We were trying to get our student government to appropriate funds for our respective school organizations. I was feeling really hyper and was just zinging out the one-liners. This doll in the front row that I was joking with was returning fire just as quickly. I noticed that she was a graduate student as well.

The meeting came to order and decorum made it rude to continue.

So, after I got the funds appropriated for my group, I got my cell out and added her name. Next, I had to enter her digits. So, i just handed the phone to her, with a little whisper in her right ear, while my phone was in my right hand, holding the cell in front of her chest. My left hand was on her left shoulder. I told her that we were having too much fun to just never see each other again and that she should key in her number. She did.

I called her 3 days later and she asked me to call her back as she was on the other line with her boyfriend. I told her that she should call me back, as I would have no way of knowing when she would be done.

5 minutes later, she calls. I crack a few more jokes on her phone etiquette and then ask her out for a game of air hockey and a pitcher of beer.

She asks me this question: Is this just more snappy banter or is it a date? I told her that I had no idea if I wanted to date her or not. I told that I just wanted to have a few beers a few laughs and find out if I wanted to date her.

She says, "I really don't think I can. I would just kill if my boyfriend met with someone else."

I asked her "Does your boyfriend not trust you or is it that YOU don't trust you?"

I remember her saying, " That's not fair!"

I just told her that I was going to have a pitcher with or without her. And that I would like her to show up, because it would be really tough to boast about kicking her a** in air hockey if she didn't show.

She did show, but somehow the chemistry that was there earlier was not at the same level.

But, I think you can figure out the psychology behind the chat.

Was this girl interested in me? No, I doubt it. She was probably interested in something, maybe a game of air hockey. The point is, when they tell you about a boyfriend, I really think it's so that if you persist, they won't feel accountable. They can blame you, because you knew about the boyfriend.


HOWEVER:

Many receptionists, cashiers, saleswomen, etc. appear interested in you because that's what a good employee does. A good employee makes the customers feel welcome.

She may be particularly pleasant to you because you provide her with a great excuse to not have to wipe the sweat off the machines.

Here's the thing: get her number and find out. What have you got to lose?

Personally, I only flirted with the aforementioned girl because I had gotten the number before I knew she had a boyfriend. So, Big Pappy would suggest that you think clearly before you do anything.

 

[Aramas]

Many receptionists, cashiers, saleswomen, etc. appear interested in you because that's what a good employee does. A good employee makes the customers feel welcome.

Bingo

 

[jungleman pete]

Unbelievable posts guys, thankyou very much, I really appreciate it.

I was thinking all last week before I decided that I wanted to ask her out, that she probably is just a really friendly girl and that it is her job to be nice to all the guys. Thats what makes it really hard. But i've seen the way that girls who work there act and shes been much more nicer to me than any of the others have been. Offering personal information and things like that. On Friday i'm trying to walk out the front door and shes shouting out to me "I'll see you next week!". WTF?

Its really strange. But the problem is that she'll probably be gone in a few days or so (probably after Christmas). So I'll have to make it quick!

Its a tough one!

 

[Austin Allegro]

Big up to Big Pappy - he da man.

In my experience, a lot of women with boyfriends seem to behave, either consciously or subconsciously, as if they have an 'invisible boyfriend shield' around them - ie they can flirt with as many men as they like, but nothing will happen if they mention the BF. Kind of like the way some women flirt with gay men.

This seems to me the most likely scenario.

Then you have the 'monkey swingers', ie the women who are unhappy with their current boyfriend but want to find another man before they dump their BF. In my experience they tend not to mention the BF or at least just refer to him as 'this guy I've been seeing' etc.

 

[ChesterB]

Similar things happened to me.
The worst one: I got a girl's number in the bus. When we parted _she_ said "We can go have a cup of coffee one time."
So, a few days later I call her, set up the date.
When we meet, she starts with some line about the weather and then says "Well, I've been at my boyfriend's place last night ..."
I just thought "What am I doing here?".
Well, we still had a cup of coffee. She kinoed me here and then, but also mentioned her bf then and again.
Girls are strange.

 

[squirrels]

There's the other possibility...that she mentioned her boyfriend not for YOUR benefit, but for HERS. That she really wants your d**k in her right there on the desk. But she's got a "boyfriend" and doesn't want to seem slutty, so she conveniently brings him up to pretend that she's not thinking about banging you.

One way to find out.

 

[ChesterB]

My personal belief is that those girls just love to talk and the attention you give them and they want to have as many friends (the word we hate) as possible. (BTW, the girl I mentioned was new in town, so she surely wanted to get to know people).
So, you will never bang them.

 

[jungleman pete]

Thanks everyone for your responses, you really helped out a lot.

I'm going to wait and see how she acts over the next couple of days. I'm not really too worried about her now, because its starting to look like she'll be at the gym for a while.

One of the reasons I was interested in her was because I thought she was basically a temp at the gym, which would make it all right if I asked her out. She wouldnt be there long, so if I asked her out and she said no, it wouldnt be too uncomfortable.

Now i'm sort off up against the wall. I know that if I ask her out, the odds are more than likely with her saying "I have a boyfriend". Me saying "Thats fine" or whatever, then having to see her every week day, feeling uncomfortable. And we all know that would really suck.

Then theres also the fact that shes probably nice to everyone at work anyway. Oh well

Thanks again and have a great Christmas guys!

 

[Phrozen]

Girls are fickle, if you like her and she hasn't flat out rejected you yet then do not give up. If you continue to present yourself as the bigger better deal, then soon you may hear her mention how things aren't working out. Even in my limited experience, I've already heard girls mention their boyfriends and then mention how the relationship is on its last legs. Boyfriends aren't forever and there isn't a single girl out there who wouldn't be willing to trade up if someone they deemed better came along.

 

[legolas]

Remember this as it will serve you a lot in the future.

Friendliness is not the same thing as romantic/sexual interest.

To find out if she is interested, you only need to either ask her out right there, or ask for her digits/email wi the intent of going out.

 

[becker]

I know from experience now that there are girls out there who are just too nice to say "no". This means that if you ask them for their number, they'll give it to you, and if you ask them out, they'll go with you, but bottom line is, they may not be interested in you even then.

If you read my last long post about the HB10 I was pursuing, she gave me her number, had good eye contact, played with her hair, faced me when talking, all that good positive body language, and even went out with me. However, I find later that she probably wasn't that interested but was just being nice to me.

I'd say don't assume too much from all this. If she accepts your proposal for marriage, that's the only time when you might be certain that she's interested. Before that, forget it. Women are unreadable creatures who hate conflict. Why do you think they generally don't play sports too often, and when they do, they do it to socialize? It's because they have enough cattiness going on with other women, and they don't need more conflict with a man, so they try to at least be nice to the guy. As toward girls, there's not as much of an issue because it's sort of given that all girls will try to cut each other down somehow, and it's more survival of the fittest involved there.

 

[jungleman pete]

Update

Well, the complete opposite to what I thought would happen, happened.

She ended up leaving after the Christmas break. Which sucks cos i was enjoying talking to her over the time she was there.

However! I know that she is now working at another location of the gym i go to, in a area i usually go shopping at on the weekends anyway.

So i'm going to go do my workout there tommorow morning and with some luck run into her too and get her number, regardless of this borefriend stuff.

I'll let you know how it goes

EDIT:

Hmm. Its Valentines day tommorow. Would this affect anything?