I did the right thing.

Cassanova_Child

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Bear with me through the wall of text guys, sorry, but its necassary, no way to shorten it down....

So with the help of this site, both my game with women and my outlook on life has improved and changed drastically.

I was never a failure with women - just your normal guy, not an AFC, not a PUA or a DJ or anything like that.

Now I've found myself, instead of aiming at the HB 6 - 8, im aiming at HB 8 - 10.

The current girl I've been hitting on for about 1 1/2 months now is considered in the top 10 of the 150 girls in our high school, shes a freshmen, I'm a sophomore.

I started talking to her 1 1/2 months ago, we have some common friends, she hooked up with one of my best friends at the beginning of the school year, but I never spoke to her before. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, another freshman (who has an older brother, a junior).

We talked about four days, and then on a Saturday she confessed I was a person she could have sex with in the future. Two days after that she admitted that she liked me. She asked me if I liked her too. Foolishly, I said yes at the time, even though I didn't, I just found her hot. A few days later, though, I started liking her too (after I really started to get to know her).

So we chill(ed) everyday and people started to assume we were going out - apparently I've gained something of a reputation lol. Including her ex (who funnily enough, I used to play soccer and Warhammer with back in middle school, but forgot who he was). He gives me dirty looks now.

So I find out (about the same time I start to like her) that she hooked up with her ex's older brother in the grade above me a few times after they broke up, because she was really depressed over their breakup, people were ripping on her, etc... (I confirmed this with her 2 closest friends, who are sick of her behavior).

So one day, I ask her, "you like me, I like you, wanna just make it official?" (im aware, not the smoothest thing lol, but I'm still learning). She's like no, its too soon after my ex and the incident with his brother, people would make fun of me. I personally find it ridiculous, but I can understand it, self conscious girls dont wanna look like sluts.

so our school has this outdoor educational thing for freshmen, they go on a canoe trip for a week. her entire trip she called me every night. that was kinda cool, made me feel kinda special (got too emotionally invested too soon)

she comes back, the flirting continues, she starts every conversation we have. at school though, she acts like i dont matter and I'm just another one of those guys who follows her like a puppy dog, but when we're by ourself anywhere, she cuddles up with me and she says she hates how she has to pretend at school. Whatever, I keep things going, but I've sorta found that the other girls I was gaming became less important.

FAST FORWARD to this last week:

I find out that on that trip thing, she was also talking to her ex on the phone (who didn't go) and his brother. At that point she was still not fully over him (or so I guess), but now she hates him (hes been trying to get back together). That kinda bothered me.

But I found out that the brother was talking to her cause he wants to get with one of her friends - so that wasn't an issue anymore, it seemed like things were fine.

Then today, we were hanging out by this pier place near our school. and people were taking pictures. there's a picture of me hugging her from behind; she really liked the picture then.

Today it got uploaded onto facebook. She threw a fit. She told the guy who uploaded it to delete it. I commented: "I like this, don't delete it". She flips a **** on AIM, tells me to delete my comment, etc.... I asked her why, she says shes sick of how her grade assumes we're a couple and the picture reinforces that idea. I told her that's silly and that she shouldn't care what people think.

She says that if I don't delete it, she will never talk to me again. I'm like, ok, whatever. I delete the picture.

Next minute I tell her:
"you are too used to getting your own way from guys, probably because you are gorgeous and that's how **** works, guys do stuff for gorgeous girls lol. but it needs to change. you cant get your way all the time."

"you are too used to getting your way all the time from your friends and guys, thats not a good thing all the time."

"its kinda a problem, but its part of you, im not gonna try to change it, i wouldnt try to change it."

"But your not getting your way with me - I RUN this, I don't get played by people, I don't like bull****."

she goes completely silent. her fb status becomes:
What have I got to do to make you love me, What have I got to do to make you care? What do I do when lightning strikes me, And I wake to find that you're not there.

Then she went into a little depression and isnt talking to anyone else all night.

Her two best friends are sick of her also. Ive been texting one about it all night, but she's actually the exact same as the girl I'm interested in, she's just not hot enough to get the same sort of attention.

The other one though, had her head on correctly. she'll just think you're *****ing and come running to us girls saying "omg matt is such a bastard, he thinks he knows me blah blah blah..."

and
i love zsofia. shes my belgian sister. but like you said, she ****ing needs it. im tired of hearing her get hurt the same way every time. im tired of her asking me for advice and when i do give it to her, she dont listen. she then gets hurt, and the cycle repeats itself.

The girl doesnt learn, its what I'm thinking. Her ex broke up with HER, and not the other way around, which was completely shocking to her, because she's a
 

Cassanova_Child

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"Goddess" and that doesn't happen to people like her. She may have learned that things don't go her way, but her ex's brother and I popped into the picture, reinforcing in her mind that its just HIM that sees her as not special.

Every other guy worshipping her doesn't help either. Her friend's don't have the balls to make her see daylight. Her being asked to model for abercrombie doesn't help.

We were going to a party and a random 30 year old in a bar we passed walked out and asked if she wanted a drink - I told him to back off. Same night she got incredibly drunk, we started doing stuff, but only because we werent in public in front of people in our school yet (only close friends).

So I'm taking this upon myself as my personal crusade - to make one HB 10 out of millions see that she isn't the Goddess she thinks she is. It probably won't work, but I have to try.

There was this thing in the Tips section I read today, and a few of them are very relavant:

make her jealous
Don’t play by her rules
keep her guessing
always keep two in the kitty
ignore her beauty
be irrationally self confident
never be afraid to lose her

sorry for the long ass post guys, its not even everything, just all i could remember right now.
 

NewAndImproved

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Brilliant. Which is not to say that you did everything "perfectly" but when it mattered you put your foot down. I wish I realized this stuff when I was your age.
 

jeffthechef

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nice...thing is (from one spectator's point of view..given only this information)

it seems as though you are falling a bit in love with the reputation that you derive from your courtship of her...i'm a bit confused, are you still interested in her?...or are you just trying to tell her she's not the queen of the world..
BASICALLY, what is your plan now?
 

Cassanova_Child

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I'm still interested in her, I like her a lot, even with this view that the world revolves around her. I want her to understand that shes NOT the queen of the world though.

but I also understand that that's part of really hot girls.

but i see what you're saying: i wouldnt continue with this if it was just about the reputation of BEING with her, and not actually liking her for herself. I'm not like that.

basically, I'm confused now. I've lain my foot down, but where do I go with that now?
 

jeffthechef

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well, now you set up an outing...if she accepts, you still have a chance...if she doesn't, then it's over

as for her image of herself, you can try and change it still...but you would have to be closer to her first...you can't do it from the stance of that guy that she's semi-interested in...she has no reason to listen to you whole-heartedy right now...

and it's not liek you have to work at it...through a balanced relationship..she'll understand it by herself
 

Analyzeit

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Jeffthechef speaks nothing but the truth bro.

Your GOING to have to be closer to her to change her, why the hell would she listen to you?? your not official your not exclusive and it's not like she automatically loves you heaps. She may listen to you a little but the fact is not enough to change her unless she gets closer.

And as jeff said again, her just spending time with her and you showing your opinion on things (maybe not so bluntly as before lol) will slowly change her if she really wants to stay with you and she'll just slowly understand, it'll soak into her like a sponge

You just really gotta get closer to her if you want to change her.

And for what to do now just keep up with normal game you should know what to do. But what you said will always be in the back of her head and she WILL think about it just whether she takes any notice or not
 

Igetit!

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Cassanova_Child said:
So I'm taking this upon myself as my personal crusade - to make one HB 10 out of millions see that she isn't the Goddess she thinks she is. It probably won't work, but I have to try.
My only question when I read this thread was....WHY?

Cassanova_Child,why are you taking on this girl as your "personal crusade"?
I'm not telling you not to do it,I mean it's your time/your life. If you want to make this girl finally "see the light",that's your business,go for it. I'm just curious as to why you want to do this.

Since this is the High School Forum,I'm guessing this girl must be around 16 to 18 years old. So this behavior of hers of her thinking she can get anything she wants whenever she wants didn't happen over night....and won't be cured over night. You sure you know what you're up against here?

My guess is that she's been spoiled since she was a child. It started with her parents giving her everything she wanted,then as she grew into an attractive young woman,she's had guys falling all over her probably since she hit puberty. She been getting everything handed to her on a silver platter for the past 17 years,and is still having things given to her by mom and dad and a countless number of AFCs. And you,all by your lonesome,you plan to be the one to snap her out of this? So it's you versus....

her herself,because she WILL BE resistant to change.
her mom
her dad
her friends
Probably half the guys at her school
random guys who approach her throughout the day/week

That's like one man versus an army. Who do you think you are,Rambo?

In my opinion,you're already at a slight disadvantage. Seems to me like she used the same tactic she probably used growing up as a child to get her way on you. You just didn't know it.

What do spoiled brats do when they can't get their way? They throw a tantrum. And once you give in to the tantrum,she has some power over you.

I give you exihibit A...
Casanova_Child said:
She says if I don't delete it,she'll never talk to me again. I'm like,ok,whatever. I delete the picture
She threw a fit here. Told you she either gets her way,or she'll never talk to you again. Deleting the picture isn't the issue. If she had a problem with the photo,no problem,delete it. But by you giving in to her temper tantrum,I guarantee you she'll have that little weapon ready for use the next time something comes up between you two,and she can't immediately get her way.

So you've got a BIG job on your hands my friend. Don't know why you want to do it,but it's none of my business.

One man versus an army. I've GOT to see this. :D

Be sure to let us know how things turn out.
 

Cassanova_Child

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Igetit! said:
My only question when I read this thread was....WHY?

Cassanova_Child,why are you taking on this girl as your "personal crusade"?
I'm not telling you not to do it,I mean it's your time/your life. If you want to make this girl finally "see the light",that's your business,go for it. I'm just curious as to why you want to do this.

Since this is the High School Forum,I'm guessing this girl must be around 16 to 18 years old. So this behavior of hers of her thinking she can get anything she wants whenever she wants didn't happen over night....and won't be cured over night. You sure you know what you're up against here?

My guess is that she's been spoiled since she was a child. It started with her parents giving her everything she wanted,then as she grew into an attractive young woman,she's had guys falling all over her probably since she hit puberty. She been getting everything handed to her on a silver platter for the past 17 years,and is still having things given to her by mom and dad and a countless number of AFCs. And you,all by your lonesome,you plan to be the one to snap her out of this? So it's you versus....

her herself,because she WILL BE resistant to change.
her mom
her dad
her friends
Probably half the guys at her school
random guys who approach her throughout the day/week

That's like one man versus an army. Who do you think you are,Rambo?

In my opinion,you're already at a slight disadvantage. Seems to me like she used the same tactic she probably used growing up as a child to get her way on you. You just didn't know it.

What do spoiled brats do when they can't get their way? They throw a tantrum. And once you give in to the tantrum,she has some power over you.

I give you exihibit A...


She threw a fit here. Told you she either gets her way,or she'll never talk to you again. Deleting the picture isn't the issue. If she had a problem with the photo,no problem,delete it. But by you giving in to her temper tantrum,I guarantee you she'll have that little weapon ready for use the next time something comes up between you two,and she can't immediately get her way.

So you've got a BIG job on your hands my friend. Don't know why you want to do it,but it's none of my business.

One man versus an army. I've GOT to see this. :D

Be sure to let us know how things turn out.
I'm aware of everything you pointed out lol. :D. You're right 100%, her parents spoil her with clothes and ****, she gets hit on in whatever store she goes to, and more than 1/2 of the guys in our school follow her like man-*****es. The way I see it actually, this makes my job easier :), its all about how you work it. She's TOO used to these things.
Rambo? naah. I'm not a muscular beast who can take out hundreds of people by myself. I do have a brain though.

And yeah, I realized that I relinquished some of my power over her by deleting it, but I figured that it was a one time thing, and seeing how I told her immediately afterwards that shes never getting her way with me again with things like that, If my actions speak with my words, it'll be fine.

I'm gonna keep up with my regular game along with her. Mixed on the trying to change her, you guys brought up some good points lol...

but it really bothers me. I'll see what I can do, and keep you informed lol.
 

Cassanova_Child

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need some help guys.

But not in the way that most guys on this forum do I guess, my problem now isn't trying to get, or even keep the girl. It's getting over her.

after everything that's happened above, shes my gf now.

back on topic. complications with the hungarian government (her dads a diplomat) have forced her to move back to belgium (where she was before this year). She's an emotional wreck right now, and oddly, I've found myself emotionally destroyed as well, which was not something I was expecting, because when this started, I was the cool, collected one, and she was chasing me. (it has taught me to get not too attached to one object/person though.... good lesson or not???)

She went on vacation to hungary 2 1/2 weeks ago, we chilled the day before, and so now she's coming back for 2 weeks july 18th in preparation in moving back to europe. I leave to camp july 18th, so I won't have to/ be able to see her (double-edged sword, I'm currently thinking).

She's made me promise to keep talking to her through AIM, MSN, facebook, etc... whenever possible, and she says shes going to come visit, and my family's european so I go to europe a lot and I said I'll try to visit too... but come on guys we all know thats a joke of a friendship (i barely talk to any of my friends who've moved back to europe).

So I'm asking your advice on how to get over a girl, who I think I may have developed a serious case of oneitis for (something I swore I wouldn't do again, but whatever, lol).

EDIT: sorry, I didn't mean to revive this thread, I accidently typed my message into it when I tried to retrieve the link to the thread to paste in a new one about this... whatever.
 

jeffthechef

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hmm...
detachment = bad
attachmend = bad
non-attached attachment = good

it's all about balance...8you shouldn't have a ****-it attitude, but you shouldn't obsess over something...care but realize most things will have to come to an end sometime

as for getting over her...i find that the only time i have trouble getting over a girl, which happens less often now...is when i dont have other plates...of course, if you had something extremely special with her, which isn't what you make it sound like...then it shouldn't be hard...meet new girls and you'll be over this shortly

balance and more plates
 
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