I cheated..

[DonGorgon]

Ur stupid but more than that ur human... so live.. and then die

 

[TizZle]

Just break up with her. I deem cheating as a sign of disrespect. She wants revenge? Better just tell her it's over.

 

[MikeBrown30]

So are you going to let her get with 10 guys, then get back together? If so, what self respect do you have for yourself? For her? For your relationship? If you really "loved" her, you wouldn't have just forgotten you were with her when that girl came onto you. Either you're a mental midget, or you don't really "love" your girlfriend.

 

[Captain]

If you stay together, and then she cheats on you, dump her. Yes, you cheated on her too, but if you tolerate her cheating, then she'll see you as weak and will lose respect for you (shortly followed by dumping you.)

If she was serious about wanting to get revenge by kissing 10 guys, you should dump her anyway, regardless of whether or not you talk her out of it. It's immature. Talking her out of it is an AFC behaviour. It is putting her in control.

Act normally towards her, not awkward and apologetic. Tell her you're sorry once, and only once. No begging, no rolling over for her in the future. If she brings it up in the future, dump her. You can't let women manipulate you.

Next time, don't tell her. From what I can tell, you didn't mean to cheat, and you don't want it to happen again, so you may as well keep each other happy by keeping your mouth shut. You can't lie if you don't say anything.

Some people here have been saying that you wouldn't have cheated if you really loved her. Millions of years of evolution and instincts are telling men to reproduce and to spread their genes as much as possible.

To be honest, I'm surprised that men cheating is seen as being so bad. These days, men are expected to conform to the female relationship model (monogamy), despite everything their instincts, which have evolved over millions of years, are telling them. Women, meanwhile, do exactly what their instincts are telling them (find a strong man and settle down. It takes women 9 months to have a single child, men can father a single child every day.)

 

[trv26]

You were wrong, but that's no reason to lose your self-respect. How can you even try to defend what she wants to do?

So you think its only fair, since you did wrong by her? What will you say is she wants to shag a guy so you two are truly even? That would logically be fair. But would your male pride still accept that?

 

[LovelyLady]

I honestly did not do it on purpose. I mean of course I'm more than to be blame, but I just really lost it. The girl was all over me and it just didn't hit me that I have a girl. We kissed, made out for 3 minutes. I told my girl about it because I can't keep a secret, specially with something like that. Obviously, she's very very very mad and she wants revenge by making out with ten different guys. I just don't know what to do.

I told her everything I had to say. I explained everything I had to explain. I guess right now the only thing I can do is wait till she's done doing what she said she'll do. I really love her, been together for more than 3 years. I can't believe I cheated when I really hate cheaters ever since I found out what cheating is.

Anyone has any knowledge to share? What to do? How to handle this?

My reflections:

You have now set the frame that it is ok for her to "forget" (not have it "hit her", as you say) that she has a boyfriend. You have set up the dynamic that it is ok for each of you to put your own personal urges and needs ahead of the needs of your partner and the relationship as a living entity in and of itself.

I think a question you may want to focus on at this point is not so much whether she follows your lead in kissing other people, but can you live within the framework of the relationship you your self have created?

Also, it is my belief that her saying she will kiss ten other men is her way of trying to express the level of pain she feels. How she received your interpretation/taking responsibilty of the damage done to the trust in your relationship was too small to the violation and betrayal she felt.

She is trying to let you know that for her heart and trust level, the damage your actions did to the relationship is actually ten times what you want to think it is.

If she does follow through with being with other men, then you might look at it as everyone else has suggested: she is a cheater and beneath you. Or alternatively, you could view it as she is simply fitting comfortably in the frame your actions have created for your relationship and you are therefore even more compatible and alike than you realized.

Either way, trust when violated, is virtually impossible to get back.

You failed to keep the relationship safe - and you betrayed her trust in you protecting her vulnerability as well. So now, regardless of what you say, she is left to source that protection from within - and feels she has to protect herself from YOU! the very person she thought was on her "side"!

So, she is left to be the protective, male/masculine energy. When we as women are left to be the man for ourselves while in a relationship with you - we ultimately realize you are not really "the man" in the relationship at all... and will eventually have to move on until we find a man who will be The Man for us so we don't have to be both the man and the woman/masculine and feminine energy for ourselves (and ultimately also have to be the man for our boyfriend/relationship as well).

It will be very difficult, if not impossible, for you to regain true male/masculine leadership in this relationship, regardless of how much either one of you may want to return to the way it was before you did this. Even if she creates a space for you to heal it, her innate, valid need for trust in your ability to provide safety and security for the relationship has been severely hurt by your actions.

And besides, if the shoe were on the other foot - wouldn't you feel the same way?

Even if she does get to a time and space within herself where she can forgive you, how can she ever forget? Her heart of course will have to shut down to some degree (whether she wants it to or not is irrelevant - it simply will) as a point of necessity in sourcing her own masculine protective resources.

She will no longer, understandably, have the security in which to yield to your wisdom, leadership, or "good" judgement, and thusly will be unable, in an intrinsic way, to be her best feminine self with you because she will have to provide all that masculine energy instead. So, your needs will not be met by her then, anyway.

I have no idea how you can successfully change the consequences that naturally take place when a man betrays the trust of a woman.


__________________

 

[vagrant]

Hi!
in your story, you cheated her so you are wrong with her. but she revenge you by making out with ten guys, she is also wrong with you. so both of you are wrong with each other. that's all i can say.

would she still be wrong to do such thing is we're not even together?

 

[vagrant]

You were wrong, but that's no reason to lose your self-respect. How can you even try to defend what she wants to do?

So you think its only fair, since you did wrong by her? What will you say is she wants to shag a guy so you two are truly even? That would logically be fair. But would your male pride still accept that?

I really don't know what to say. I feel like because of what I did I don't even have the right to say anything anymore. All I'm doing now is trying to be as ripped as Bruce Lee and working on my goals and dreams and be the best man I can be.

 

[MisterMcGee]

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

That doesn't even qualify as cheating in a womans mind. She's never going to tell you if she does that. you shouldn't have either.

Read this over and over.

 

[The Logical Player]

You spilled your guts about a 3 minute kissing session "because I can't keep a secret?" You are a spineless pusssy excuse for a man. Wake the fvck up and take off your panties.

And why in the fvck are you 19 and in an LTR "with my first kiss?" (vomit) She should be one of 3 other girls your are playing, not your lifemate. Jesus.

Just break up with her now. You've already accepted her revenge of kissing 10 other guys, so for the years to come she'll just hop on any random c0ck and if she ever gets caught she'll just bring up that excuse that you agreed to.

ahhh how refreshing, someone who finally agrees with my advice

 

[Dante420]

She wants to make out with 10 guys? Is she serious? You didn't even do anything that involed your ****. It's not like you eat her out either. Lose her