"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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I can't think on my feet

Darth

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I had the worst missed opportunity today. I am still slapping myself and pounding walls, cabinets, in my dorm....

I was in the elevator with 2 girls, just after working out. One of the girls was holding flowers. The other girl was really cute. I asked the girl with flowers, "Are those yours? Or are they for someone else?" She said that they were for her, that her boyfriend sends her flowers every week. I said that's really nice. The other girl laughed as the door opened and flower girl left the elevator.

So now it's me and this cute girl, but I'm on the very next floor, so it's about 10 secs, and again, I'm not thinking. The girl smiles and says, "I feel jealous now." Then she turns her eyes down to the floor and says, "I wish I had someone to send me flowers."

So I smile and say, "Yeah," or something stupid like that as the door opens again. I smile at her as I walk out of the door. Her eyes follow me.

So so stupid. It sunk in as I was walking down the hallway that that was a huge missed opportunity.

I'm feeling really down on myself now. I know there are probably a lot of different ideas, but how would you all have handled this differently? So that I don't make this mistake again. Apparently I can't think under pressure and need to plan out all my responses beforehand....

Damn, these things make me sick to my stomach.
 
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"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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COD

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u know I was in the dollar store the other day...........seen these talking sticks (wooden sticks with questions on them). U would pass a stick the person would read it out loud and then answer.

Great way to practice on the fly with sarcasm.
 
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Thinking On Your Feet
Staying Cool and Confident Under Pressure
..... Here are some tips and tactics:

1. Relax
This is often the opposite of how you are feeling when you're under pressure, but in order for your voice to remain calm and for your brain to "think", you have to be as relaxed as possible.

* Take deep breaths
* Take a second and give yourself a positive and affirming message
* Clench invisible muscles (thighs, biceps, feet) for a few seconds and release.

2. Listen
It comes as no surprise that listening is critical to thinking on your feet. Why do you need to listen? To make sure you fully understand the question or request before you reply. If you answer too soon, you risk going into a line of thinking that is unnecessary or inappropriate. To help you with your listening remember to:

* Look directly at the questioner
* Observe body language as well as what is being spoken
* Try to interpret what is being suggested by the question or request. Is this an attack, a legitimate request for more information, or a test? Why is this person asking this and what is the intention?

Tip:
Remember that the person is asking a question because he or she is interested. Some interest is positive - they simply want to know more - and some is negative - they want to see you squirm. Either way they are interested in what you have to say. It's your privilege and pleasure not to disappoint them!

3. Have the Question Repeated
If you're feeling particularly under pressure, ask for the question to be repeated. This gives you a bit more time to think about your response.

At first glance people think this will only make them look unsure. It doesn't. It makes you look concerned that you give an appropriate response. It also gives the questioner an opportunity to rephrase and ask a question that is more on point. Remember, the questioner may well have just "thought on his or her feet" to ask the question, so when you give them a second chance, the question may well be better articulated and clearer to all.

By asking to have the question repeated you also get another opportunity to assess the intentions of the questioner. If it is more specific or better worded, chances are the person really wants to learn more. If the repeated question is more aggressive than the first one, then you know the person is more interested in making you uncomfortable than anything else. When that's the case, the next tip comes in very handy.

4. Use Stall Tactics
Sometimes you need more time to get your thoughts straight and calm yourself down enough to make a clear reply. The last thing you want to do is blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind. Often this is a defensive comment that only makes you look insecure and anxious rather than confident and composed.

* Repeat the question yourself. This gives you time to think and you clarify exactly what is being asked. It also allows you to rephrase if necessary and put a positive spin on the request. "How have I considered the impact on customers in order to make sure they have a continued positive experience during the expansion?"
* Narrow the focus. Here, you ask a question of your own to not only clarify, but to bring the question down to a manageable scope. "You're interested in hearing how I've considered customer impacts. What impacts are you most interested in: product availability or in-store service? "
* Ask for clarification. Again, this will force the questioner to be more specific and hopefully get more to a specific point. "When you say you want to know how I've analyzed customer impacts, do you mean you want a detailed analysis or a list of the tools and methods I used?"
* Ask for a definition. Jargon and specific terminology may present a problem for you. Ask to have words and ideas clarified to ensure you are talking about the same thing.

5. Use Silence to your Advantage
We are conditioned to believe that silence is uncomfortable. However, if you use it sparingly, it communicates that you are in control of your thoughts and confident in your ability to answer expertly. When you rush to answer you also typically rush your words. Pausing to collect your thoughts tells your brain to slow everything down.

6. Stick to One Point and One Supporting Piece of Information
There's a high risk that, under pressure, you'll answer a question with either too much or too little information. If you give too short an answer, you risk letting the conversation slip into interrogation mode. (You'll get another question, and the questioner will be firmly in control of how the dialogue unfolds). When your reply is too long, you risk losing people's interest, coming across as boring, or giving away things that are better left unsaid. Remember, you aren't being asked to give a speech on the subject. The questioner wants to know something. Respect that and give them an answer, with just enough supporting information.

This technique gives you focus. Rather than trying to tie together all the ideas that are running through your head, when you pick one main point and one supporting fact, you allow yourself to answer accurately and assuredly.

Tip:
If you don't know the answer, say so. There is no point trying to make something up. You will end up looking foolish and this will lower your confidence when you need to think on your feet in the future. There is (usually) nothing wrong with not knowing something. Simply make sure you follow up as soon as possible afterwards with a researched answer.

7. Prepare some "what ifs"
With a bit of forethought, it's often possible to predict the types of questions you might be asked, so you can prepare and rehearse some answers to questions that might come your way. Let's say you are presenting the monthly sales figures to your management team. The chances are your report will cover most of the obvious questions that the management team might have, but what other questions might you predict? What's different about this month? What new questions might be asked? How would you respond? What additional information might you need to have to hand to support more detailed questions?

In particular, spend some time brainstorming the most difficult questions that people might ask, and preparing and rehearsing good answers to them.

8. Practice Clear Delivery
How you say something is almost as important as what you say. If you mumble or use "umm" or "ah" between every second word, confidence in what you are saying plummets. Whenever you are speaking with people, make a point to practice these key oration skills:

* Speak in a strong voice. (Don't confuse strong with loud!)
* Use pauses strategically to emphasize a point or slow yourself down
* Vary your tone and pay attention to how your message will be perceived given the intonation you use
* Use eye contact appropriately
* Pay attention to your grammar
* Use the level of formality that is appropriate to the situation.

9. Summarize and Stop
Wrap up your response with a quick summary statement. After that, resist adding more information. There may well be silence after your summary. Don't make the common mistake of filling the silence with more information! This is the time when other people are adsorbing the information you have given. If you persist with more information, you may end up causing confusion and undoing the great work you've already done in delivering your response.

Use words to indicate you are summarizing (i.e. "in conclusion," "finally") or briefly restate the question and your answer. So - what did I do to analyze customer impacts? I reviewed the Dallas case files in detail, and prepared a "What if" analysis for our own situation."
Key points:

No one enjoys being putting on the spot or answering questions that you aren't fully expecting. The uncertainty can be stressful. That stress doesn't need to be unmanageable and you can think on your feet if you remember the strategies we just discussed. Essentially, thinking on your feet means staying in control of the situation. Ask questions, buy time for yourself, and remember to stick to one point and make that one point count. When you are able to zoom in on the key areas of concern, you'll answer like an expert and you impress your audience, and yourself, with your confidence and poise.
from:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/ThinkingonYourFeet.htm
 

Darth

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Thank you both, those are good ideas. I guess it's one of those things you've got to practice and practice until it becomes second nature.
 

Faded Image

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You handled the situation really well under those circumstances of being on an elevator, unless you walked off the elevator like Evan from Superbad who walked away from his oneitis really fast in the hallway.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Poonani Maker

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If I was horny, which is almost always now that I hardly ever masturbate, I would've said and DONE Anything, something stupid whatever, but Hold the door to the elevator to give you more time to talk. Hold her captive for a minute or two. I would have eventually said, "Give me your number. I'll send you some flowers sometime." And she'll probably say, "Ok" since A. You two were alone, and B. because she was already attracted to you and was thinking about using you as another one of Her plates.
 
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It kinda sucks if you don't have the skill, but thinking on your feet is kinda like trying to become more athletic...it really is an innate ability that you are born and blessed with. Sure, you can try and improve it and hone what skills you have, but you probably aren't going to be able to read some book that will help you become quick-witted. My best advice is to learn to just relax and say whatever comes to the top of your head. A word of warning though- if you don't have a built in filter, this will cause problems. Haha
 

Captain

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You need practice. Go out and talk to women. Practice will desensitise you, so you won't care if you say something which turns out to be stupid and gets you rejected. It'll improve you improvisation skills and your ability to think quickly.

It's better to say something than it is to stand there in near silence.

In situations like that, either get a number/kiss/etc close or get rejected. Either one of those outcomes is good, anything else is a failure.
 
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