I can't stop acting AFC. this sucks :(

[unplayer]

ive read the dj bible. i still have some questions about this situation.

My gf broke up with me a few months ago because I was basically being jealous about other guys and an ******* when i got drunk with her. so just in the last couple weeks weve been hangng out together, like 'friends with benefits'

It all started with fat tuesday plans. she told me that i could not come because it was just a girl thing. I pressed the issue and she told me its because none of the girld were bringing guys they were 'involved with'...but that there would be guy 'friends' there, WTF?

A guy she knows kind of likes her will be there tonight and she said her and her friend will maybe stay at his house tonight...that she'd sleep on the couch and her friends would try to hook up with this dude because she likes him.

So im not invited (the 'involved' guy), but it's cool for a guy that tey think likes her to be there along with all these other dudes?

Rewind to Friday night and her and her friend said they were going shopping and to the gym she told me to go rent a movie for us (me and gf) to watch. she said she'd be home at 10:30 pm.

I forgot the name of the movie she wanted me to get so I tried callinhg her on her cell at about 9:00pm. she didnt answer. at 11:00pm, i had already called an d left a couple messages because i was tired of sitting at the movie place trying to figure out which movie she wanted.

I got suspicious and went to the gym, her car wasn't there, so i drove to her work, a grocery store, by pure coincidence to get a lighter and saw her car there! (i though they took her car) i called another several times and finally got ahold of her at 11;30pm. she was pissed that I called so many times and she said I was stalking her (I wasn't no matter how much it looks like) i wa just going by there to get a lighter.

well, this guy she knows likes her was with them, and then later she told me he's been hanging out with them a lot lately. her and her friend took him to the gym together, invited him to the bar and stuff.

I got pissed because it seemed shady, she swears she doesn't like him (theyve been 'friends' since we were togehter a year and a half ago) so this morning she told me she wants to just be friends. No friends with benefits, just friends, 'for now' she says.

she told me my personality is bad and that if i ever want to be anything more with her i have to change it. she said we can still hang out, but NO MORE SEX AT ALL. until maybe she sees me 'change'

i don't know what to change! maybe i'm a jealous person and i dont want to be anymore

if I lose this girl i feel like my life will be over. i begged her not to make us take steps backward but she said it has to be this way.

 

[MacDiddy]

I don't think you really grasped the key concepts of the bible as you were reading it... were you speed reading it or just skimming or headlining.... seriously...???

You got a major case of oneitis....

She has effectively dumped you albeit slowly and at a pace that is dictated by her, but I suspect that she did it to let you off lightly... You should thank her for it....

Your AFC behaviour is handing her to your new enemy on a platter.... your neediness is driving her to him like you're a plague and he is the saviour...

Cut her out of your life completely... totatlly and irrevocably.. cut communications with her...
of course you won't listen to me coz you enjoy the pain and suffering... Its like your only friend!!!!

 

[diablo]

Welcome to the forum, but you're a frickin' psycho.

Okay, let's lay out the facts:

• The girl in question was someone you haven't been exclusive with for several months now.
• She's the one who ended your relationship.
• She doesn't want you to go to a party she's attending.
• A guy who likes her will be at the party she's going to.
• She and her friend tell you to get a movie.
• You didn't know what movie she wanted, so instead of choosing something that you want to see, you wait at Blockbuster for nearly 2 hours calling her over and over and over again.
• Let's assume for the sake of things that you called her 10 times throughout that time you were at the video store.
• You then drove to the gym to see if you could find her, after she hasn't been answering her cell.
• After the gym, you drove to her place of work, also to try to find her.
• You finally spot her car in a parking lot, which causes another rash of cell-phone dialing.
• You dial her at least 4 more times and get in touch with her at 11:30. At this point you've called her at least 14 times in 2 hours. Divide that by 120 (minutes) and you've called on average once every 8.5 minutes.
• When you get in touch with her, she lets you know that a guy that likes her is with them.
• There is no way she just "forgot" that you were at the movie store. Not when you've been psycho-dialing her cell.
• She wouldn't be with a guy that likes her if she didn't like him back.
• The guy she likes... who likes her... is riding around with her and her friend while you drive around town trying to find her or her vehicle.
• She tells you that the guy she likes has been hanging out with them a lot lately. Hmmm, wonder why.

Dude, she's moved on. The only reason she might have kept you around is because she didn't want to feel like a slut by sleeping with random guys, but now that she's found someone else you're history. It's been several months since you've dated exclusively, and in that time she's been spending more and more time with someone that obviously likes her... and when a girl spends time with someone like that, it's even more blatantly obvious that she likes him back. The only thing at that point you might have had going for you was the history you two have shared - psycho dialing her, going around town trying to find her (yes, look up the word stalk in the dictionary... 'to track prey or quarry'... the word stalker fits you to a T), and living in the past has destroyed any chance you have of ever getting back together with this girl. Now, just like she's already done, it's time for you to move on. Oh, and if I read about a girl who's been brutally murdered somewhere in Oregon in the near future, your IP is being sent out to every law enforcement agency I can get my hands on.

 

[Kaine]

I stopped reading because it appeared that

a) you read the bible with your eyes closed
b) have no control over yourself in spite of the knowledge in it
c) lied about reading the bible
d) you need to reread the bible

Kaine

 

[belividere]

I like Diablo's explanation of the situation. Take the pot of boiling rabbits off the stove and back away slowly. Hopefully you can learn to truly see what the hell you are doing wrong. You have a lot of work to do on yourself if you ever want to get into another relationship in particular a sane one.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by unplayer

if I lose this girl i feel like my life will be over. i begged her not to make us take steps backward but she said it has to be this way.

I lost all hope in humanity after reading that.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah man you'v got some work 2 do. Seriously cut contact with her, its the only way you will grow. Then you will realize that its not her your afraid of loosing after all....its the feelings you feel. These feelings can be with any girl. You have to go out and talk to other girls to realize this.

 

[wind20mph]

Don't Just read... Understand.

My commets:

Please stop what you are doing. because if you are doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting.

You see, knowledge is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do. (Remeber Bruce Lee).

OK here is my point of view. Go out and meet as many as you want. (Hey there are plenty here). Start dating someone in a couple of days (let her know about it). Play hard to get. When she calls you, end conversations immediately. and stop acting like a looser it won't do you any good. have some SPINE and be successful with women. cheers!

 

[A-Unit]

unplayer.

Man have I been there, in the EXACT same situation.

My gf during college and I split. She had all single friends who had guys with more single guy friends. She'd proclaim "he's just a friend" all under the cover of it, yet still feel O.K. being on a date with him. It's her own justification for it.


IN REALITY, if she REALLY cared, she'd invite you and not CARE who her friends invited. Shyt, I know girls who go to strip clubs with boyfriends. Your girl won't even let you in on parties where other guys are?


Man up, pal.


The only way to change the situation is to change yourself. Say fcuk it and walk on. Yes, walk on. The longer you endure her b.s., the longer you endure the pain.


XGF=pain.


Therefore, let her go. There's no psychological trick, and she has full control of the situation. To gain control, you must realize...


YOU HAVE A CHOICE!


Yes, that choice is to walk on. Move on. And find someone who will respect you. You're in LOVE with the OLD IDEA. Look at the new image of her. What's she doing?

If she were a girl you just started dating, would you stick around for more torture or would you next her? exactly.


Dude, what you did months ago is over. If she's going to hang it over your head , you don't want her. And if she's over it, then she is sadistically playing you.



BOTTOM LINE: MOVE ON. You don't even have to say anything to her. Stop contact. And if she asks, say...


"I used to really care for you, but I don't tolerate disrespectful treatment of myself or my time. I've been there for you like a puppy; I'm through with it. Capice? If you want to be a real woman about things and care for me, act like, or not. But i'm done with the one-sided stuff. Peace."



A-Unit