I can't like a woman for her looks alone! Advice needed :/

[CharlieCW]

Hi there guys. Well first of all I just wanted to thank everyone here in the forums and the very website of Sosuave for opening the eyes of thousands of boys and men to the secrets of attraction. In essence, I think most of the base is being confident and having a goal in life, and improving oneself, something which not only applies to dating, but to life success itself.

Well to the question, I need your advice on this. I see lot of you give advice on how to date hot women and made them fall for you, you know, the ones with great physical appareance and all. However, as weird as it may sound, I am not attracted to these hot women, I mean, I'm no obsessed with watching breasts and curves and all the stuff, simply I can't get it. I'm simply not attracted by looks, but I only fall for a woman until I get to know her personality and attitude.

To put it into perspective, let's say some of you walk into a bar and check out the girls there. Most of you will instantly choose one or two to be the hottest and start wooing them. However in my case, I can't tell you who are the most beautiful women in the bar. The most I could do would be to tell who are the ones I would definitively not date, but until I get to know each one, I will not feel any attraction.

Thinking ahead, more than a quality sometimes it's a big problem. Since I cannot like a woman (or at least show interest) only by her looks, and only after actually befriending her, the problem is, when I start to feel attraction, often I'm in the friend-zone already. And as you know, while it is possible to escape, it is very very hard to get a girl who already sees you as a friend to see you like a potential date-material.

I'm a very confident boy most of the time (only 21 years old by now), and have a lot of goals in life and obviously getting rejected is something I can
easily deal with (trust me, in investigation you get rejected A LOT!).

However, I would like to actually have the chance to get a girlfriend or get to know a "special one", so I would like you to hear some tips from you guys.
What should I do in my case to get out of the friend-zone? Or maybe a way so that I'm still friends with a girl, enough so in case I start liking her, I could go on and ask her on a date and, who knows, maybe make her my girlfriend?

Thanks in advance, not forget to dance :rock:

 

[TheException]

1. Your bullsh1tting yourself. I hypothesize you are too scared and lack success with women and rationalize it UNDER THE GUISE of "I need to get to know a girl before I feel attraction".

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2006/celebdatabase/jessicasimpson/jessica_simpson1ALT_300_400.jpg

http://images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/t_full/v1364527674/jessica-simpson-bikini-pic.jpg

So you need to have a conversation before you find her attractive right?

How about this...whose more attractive?
http://www.hdpaperwall.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/jessica-biel-beach-body-986156210.jpg

http://ll-media.extratv.com/archive/images/news/0429FP_1531199_Alley_Kristie_Exc_12_092809.jpg

You're telling me you need a to have two separate and very lengthy conversations to figure that one out? Quit fibbing to yourself and quit making excuses.

 

[DonJuanit0]

I completely understand you mate, although it took me some years to get where you are now! I just ended an 1 year LTR with a woman I was only interested in her looks. She was a dance instructor and was really beautiful but that didn't do the trick! It was good in the beggining but later on, she was immature, uneducated, boring. After her I decided that looks is not all it takes for someone to be with me!

I will disagree on the part that I won't be attracted to a beautiful woman anymore, I'll just say that for me to be in a LTR with her, I will need something more than just looks! If it is only sex, well... Who can resist a HB8 or more?!?


2 years back I had a story with a woman I met and pretty much went just like you say and I posted here so you can have a look if you want. Before reading it, I will just say to you, that I don't believe in friendship between a man and a woman and I make sure every woman around me knows that! I will either steer the convo there so she will find out, or I will say it plain straight to her.

I met this girl that some friends of mine brought to our company and we came close telling about EVERYTHING, we were each others emotional tampon... I knew that it was wrong if I wanted to have any chance with this girl, anyway, at some point we had a discussion with my friends and her, if there can be friendship between a woman and a man! I strongly believe that there is no such thing and everyone was trying to convince me that I am wrong! The point to this discussion was to make clear that I don't see her as a friend of mine despite the things we talk about! So, after 3 months of knowing each other, she asked me, if you say that there is no friendship between a man and a woman, then what is happening between me and you? I told her that we are just to people who DO like each other and for some strange reasons we've decided to hide those feelings! So we are not actual friends! Friends don't like each other! After this discussion things became a bit more personal between us and she came over my place 2-3 times for some movies! I knew she liked me too, she wouldn't come and spend 3-4 hours with me just for some movies! She could do anything! The third time she came we made out and the day after we facked! I told her that I was right about the friendship matter, she laughed and agreed!


The thing is that I had made my self clear to her from the beggining! I don't have, don't want to, don't think it's possible to have female friends! No matter what we discussed, she KNEW that I wasn't her friend! I was someone who would talk to her about everything but also liked her!

Hope it helps, I believe you can meet a woman and get to know her, just make yourself clear that you ain't interested in a friendship! It might not always work, because friendship is a defensive mechanism for women, but it will give you the upper hand when you want to escalate!

 

[thatfeel]

If you really do want a committed relationship, hold on to your butt and strap yourself in because you're going to be here for a long time while you play the hands across from you over and over and over.

The issue I see here is some pretty hardcore selective perception. You recognized that women respond to betas with the friend zone, and there's nothing you can do to change the reality. So just get this out of your head right now, no matter how much you try to convince yourself reality will always move ahead without you.

Spin plates and let them prove to YOU that they're worth having a relationship with.

 

[Skyline]

It really just sounds like your issue is being friend zoned and as a result, you can't escalate because you failed to properly establish attraction. Your error isn't that you "don't like girls for their looks" but its you failing to create attraction in a romantic non friendly way. There are ways to seduce woman into liking you without "being friends first" and even if they say that their actions will speak other wise. Not liking a girl for her looks can actually be an advantage, "not fooled by good looks."

Recently I did some volunteer work selling merchandize. I came across both genders, ugly and attractive, yet I was still able to properly activate "impulse buying." Attraction is a lot like being a salesman, you get what you want with no strings attached.

This is how you should view the situation when dealing with women. It sounds manipulative but alas attraction isnt logical. You want a Don't Juan "friendship." One that is based off of playfulness and kino, she won't even see the attraction coming. (This is also just being charming.) Again, I think you're real issue is just being friend zoned.

Or you're gay and don't know it.

And TheException, that Jessica Biel(gray bikini, beach) girl you linked is the hottest girl I've ever seen.

 

[CharlieCW]

Ok I think most of you didn't get me right, so I'll try explaining it with other words. I hope I can express myself better with some responses to the commenters.

1. Your bullsh1tting yourself. I hypothesize you are too scared and lack success with women and rationalize it UNDER THE GUISE of "I need to get to know a girl before I feel attraction".
(rest of text ommited for space purposes)

Like I said, I consider myself a confident and intelligent person and I know and don't run away from rejection, but I face it and handle it always like a true man (and this doesn't include dating only). What I said in my OP is completely true, and in no means is an excuse of wussies, trust me, I hate people making stupid excuses just not to face things.
The pictures, seriously, I simply can't say like most men "omg Jessica Simpson hottest girl eva", I struggle inside even to try to get why you may call her beautiful, and besides her so called hot-physical traits are something so common, especially in actresses and models (ok that last thing is obvious, I feel pro). And as I said, obviously I can tell you, if I go for example, which girls I definitively won't date (say for age, trait, etc.), but besides them, I can't tell you which are the hottest for me until I actually get to know her (I only fall for personality, attitude, etc.)

I completely understand you mate, although it took me some years to get where you are now! I just ended an 1 year LTR with a woman I was only interested in her looks. She was a dance instructor and was really beautiful but that didn't do the trick! It was good in the beggining but later on, she was immature, uneducated, boring. After her I decided that looks is not all it takes for someone to be with me!
(rest of text ommited for space purposes)

You made a point here, women have a lot more of atributes that make them attractive, not just looks, and I guess in my case I simply developed this "situation" since childhood. Now that I remember, I recall that when I was like 5-6 years old I could see a particular girl in my class and call her "cute" (dunno why now lol) and let's say she was my 1st crush. However, I think when I grew I saw many girls were beautiful, to the point I naturally started unconciously ignoring that trait and ended focusing more on the less common ones, such as intelligence, positive attitude, emphathy, etc.
I differ on the last part, for me men and women can actually be very good friends if from the start you simply want that, a nice friendship. Man, I have a lot of female friends which I don't even feel attraction for (even my best friend is a girl, she's like my younger sister), and I have great time with them. I actually learned a lot of attraction things from them, and they often allow you to see things in a new way we men are not used too (besides from Sosuave and DeAngelo).

It really just sounds like your issue is being friend zoned and as a result, you can't escalate because you failed to properly establish attraction. Your error isn't that you "don't like girls for their looks" but its you failing to create attraction in a romantic non friendly way. There are ways to seduce woman into liking you without "being friends first" and even if they say that their actions will speak other wise. Not liking a girl for her looks can actually be an advantage, "not fooled by good looks."
(rest of text ommited for space purposes)

Well, yes and no. I'm not friend-zone as a part of me trying to get a girl to like me from the very moment I meet her . I'm friend-zoned as a result of getting to know a girl for some time, and afterwards starting to feel attraction to her since I see how awesome for me is her personality.
I mean, once I meet some random girl, if she has the kind of personality and traits I like, I am probably going to start feeling attraction for her. However, since I'm already friends with her for that feeling to start, I'm often stuck in being in friendzone right from the very moment I start liking her.
That is my problem, I want to find a way so I can sparkle the attraction on the girl I like even after we have met some time. While as you mentioned, not liking a girl only for her looks is an advantage (I laugh when my friends see a model and they are like "omg! I wanna *** her, and I just stare at the poor guys), it still gets me into this problem, to the point I would like even to be more superficial.

 

[Skyline]

Yes, I don't know why you're like that but the answer to your situation is in my example. To prevent being friendzoned, after you have established that she's "worthy" personality wise, you should already be advancing with kino and playfulness. Or being Charming in other words. Part of being a man/DJ is having that "effect" or "aura" around women. Meaning when it gets to that point that youre into her, some of the attraction will already be there from the kino and playfulness. Kino is a powerful thing.

Much like being a salesman. Regardless of what the they look like or gender you always deploy the same tactics on everyone.

I consider your lack of interest on looks on first sight a huge plus. You can act with indifference for real. You should already be flirting(playful) with every girl you encounter anyway.