I can't find anything to talk about with people

[nelysses]

I've been reading books about girls for a long time. Then @BPH told me it was ridiculous and that I should go out, so I did (I can't meet anyone because there are only cafes in my city. Even my gym is separate for girls and boys.)
So I decided to go to the university campus. People are sitting on benches or playing volleyball (I can only watch since I can never play).
And I realized that my problem was very different than I thought.

The problem is, people are playing volleyball and doing other things, but I'm hesitant to approach them.
I realized how pointless the books I read are here.
Frankly, if someone wants to join me in on something, I wouldn't want that person. That's why it seems like everyone thinks the same way, and I can't go.

Just walking up to a girl and saying, "Hi, I just like you and wanted to talk," is a piece of cake for me. I've even done it at the library before (even though I've been rejected ).
But going up and starting a conversation, small talk, etc. seems impossible for me. Even my closest friends and I can't find anything to talk about when we sit together for a long time.
How can I overcome this?


And my second question. As I said, I'm in a small city, and there are only cafes around me. Do you think Daygame is problematic here?
I had a girlfriend who I could describe as a hoe. She told me frankly that you could easily find someone at cafes X and Y, but that the girls there were a bit dirty. But I don't know how that would work in a cafe.
Being a medical student is supposed to be an advantage, but I couldn't understand anything.

 

[BaronOfHair]

How can I overcome this?

In a number of ways, such as:

Developing an encyclopedic comprehension of The Great Basin Murders https://www.inhumanpodcast.com/episodes/tamika-houston-ay8fl + Have opinions on how you would've exacerbated the pain and suffering of those targeted, were you the perp, which are firmer than Syd Sweeney's bajongas on a O degree Celsius day in December

Chicks dig true crime

 

[DonJefe19]

Just walking up to a girl and saying, "Hi, I just like you and wanted to talk," is a piece of cake for me. I've even done it at the library before (even though I've been rejected ).
But going up and starting a conversation, small talk, etc. seems impossible for me. Even my closest friends and I can't find anything to talk about when we sit together for a long time.
How can I overcome this?

The cliche answer I have is... it depends. If you're approaching a group of people at a conference in a specific industry, then you start the conversation with a question, "Hey guys, I had a question about functional programming vs. object oriented programming. Is functional programming any better? Or OOP will always win?" People always have opinions about things and more than happy to express them. And what if they don't respond very well? Well you tried and you asked the next group of people. They're bound to give you an opinion.

However, I'll use women as the demographic because that's why we're here right? Chicks stereotypically like to talk about people: drama, feelings, who broke up with who, what's her sign saying about her situation? etc...

Typically if you want a great opener with women in both environments (more day game because nightlife can be a meat market) you want to ask a question in the realm of people, not necessary things and has to be something that creates opinion.

"Hey all, real quick opinion, should roommates be banned from dating each other?"

And make sure you root it when there's a lull or they start asking questions

"Interesting, the reason I asked is because my friend recently had her roommate profuse her love to her and she's not sure what to do."

Sometimes, you can add a kicker,

"Oh by the way, did I mention her roommate is trans now? Yeah, she's a man now"

The idea is that you're giving an opportunity for the women to express their opinion on things they care about.

But again, it's rare for normal life interactions to go sour but it's more common for women to shut you out. So you'll have to repeat the process until you get a good interaction.

 

[BPH]

Just walking up to a girl and saying, "Hi, I just like you and wanted to talk," is a piece of cake for me. I've even done it at the library before (even though I've been rejected ).

Being more direct would improve the dating lives of so many guys, and I read stuff like this and wonder why that's a foreign idea to you...

"Hey, you're really gorgeous, what's your name?"
(Answer)
"Nice to meet you, my name's @nelysses . Listen, I was actually just leaving, but I'd love to grab a drink with you this weekend."
(Reaction)
"Ok great, what's your number? I'll text you and we'll figure it out."
(Phone number)
Call it in front of her so she has yours AND text her something to remember you by: @nelysses the really hot guy from the library (or something similarly funny)
"Alright, cool, I'll text you later. It was nice meeting you (name)."

Then just leave.

I don't know why you think you need to make small talk or have a whole conversation. Since you seemingly cannot access any sort of venue with alcohol on a weekend at night, this is probably your next best bet: getting a number and setting up a future date.

Stop making this more complicated than it needs to be, and start acting like you have the balls you were born with.

 

[plumber]

this can be related to your other thread about not feeling well. the way you describe not feeling well is consistent with this topic.

double down on solving why you don't feel well.

 

[nelysses]

In a number of ways, such as:

Developing an encyclopedic comprehension of The Great Basin Murders https://www.inhumanpodcast.com/episodes/tamika-houston-ay8fl + Have opinions on how you would've exacerbated the pain and suffering of those targeted, were you the perp, which are firmer than Syd Sweeney's bajongas on a O degree Celsius day in December

Chicks dig true crime

I think it was a joke but my native language is not English. So I couldn't understand and sorry

The cliche answer I have is... it depends. If you're approaching a group of people at a conference in a specific industry, then you start the conversation with a question, "Hey guys, I had a question about functional programming vs. object oriented programming. Is functional programming any better? Or OOP will always win?" People always have opinions about things and more than happy to express them. And what if they don't respond very well? Well you tried and you asked the next group of people. They're bound to give you an opinion.

However, I'll use women as the demographic because that's why we're here right? Chicks stereotypically like to talk about people: drama, feelings, who broke up with who, what's her sign saying about her situation? etc...

Typically if you want a great opener with women in both environments (more day game because nightlife can be a meat market) you want to ask a question in the realm of people, not necessary things and has to be something that creates opinion.

"Hey all, real quick opinion, should roommates be banned from dating each other?"

And make sure you root it when there's a lull or they start asking questions

"Interesting, the reason I asked is because my friend recently had her roommate profuse her love to her and she's not sure what to do."

Sometimes, you can add a kicker,

"Oh by the way, did I mention her roommate is trans now? Yeah, she's a man now"

The idea is that you're giving an opportunity for the women to express their opinion on things they care about.

But again, it's rare for normal life interactions to go sour but it's more common for women to shut you out. So you'll have to repeat the process until you get a good interaction.

When someone comes up to me with random things like that, I think I'm crazy. It feels so embarrassing to do it. It feels so weird to go up to a complete stranger and say, "Hey, what do you guys think about this?" I can't do anything beyond hello.

Being more direct would improve the dating lives of so many guys, and I read stuff like this and wonder why that's a foreign idea to you...

"Hey, you're really gorgeous, what's your name?"
(Answer)
"Nice to meet you, my name's @nelysses . Listen, I was actually just leaving, but I'd love to grab a drink with you this weekend."
(Reaction)
"Ok great, what's your number? I'll text you and we'll figure it out."
(Phone number)
Call it in front of her so she has yours AND text her something to remember you by: @nelysses the really hot guy from the library (or something similarly funny)
"Alright, cool, I'll text you later. It was nice meeting you (name)."

Then just leave.

I don't know why you think you need to make small talk or have a whole conversation. Since you seemingly cannot access any sort of venue with alcohol on a weekend at night, this is probably your next best bet: getting a number and setting up a future date.

Stop making this more complicated than it needs to be, and start acting like you have the balls you were born with.

I've actually done this before, both in the library and on campus. I'll be honest, I was embarrassed because the cafes were crowded. But after three attempts failed, I thought maybe this was the wrong approach.
After all, my goal isn't "I'll go and find a girl." It's "I'll go and find a girl I like/want to date." So, trying out 100 people and getting positive feedback from three won't make me happy.
In this case, should I still try the opener?

Or is this just for people who look better? Because even though I've lost 17 kilos, I'm still losing weight.

By the way, it was actually two different questions. Small talk is for more casual people. For example, I'm with a girl I already know, so there's no opening or anything, and I can't really think of anything to say.

this can be related to your other thread about not feeling well. the way you describe not feeling well is consistent with this topic.

double down on solving why you don't feel well.

How can it be? I couldn't understand. One was about my hormones and the other one is about socializing(when i talk to someone its like my mind is a blank paper.) Probably because I grow up playing pc for hours without friends because I was a nerd.

 

[DonJefe19]

When someone comes up to me with random things like that, I think I'm crazy. It feels so embarrassing to do it. It feels so weird to go up to a complete stranger and say, "Hey, what do you guys think about this?" I can't do anything beyond hello.

If the topic of the question isn't wildly ludicrous and you're not being a gross weirdo, it's not so random. People start conversations with other people all the time.

On the other hand, if you can't get past at least saying hello to any stranger in a nice neighborhood, then I would suggest just trying anyways even if it's the most artificial genuine greeting you have to muster.


In other words, there's only one direction here to fix your problem and that's opening your mouth despite how much your nerves are being aggravated by an industrial cheese grater

 

[MatureDJ]

As I said, I'm in a small city, and there are only cafes around me. Do you think Daygame is problematic here?

I think it's OVER for SmallTownDayGameCels (college towns excepted).

Being a medical student is supposed to be an advantage, but I couldn't understand anything.

As amazing as it seems, the high earning potential of a physician is not as much of a poontang magnet as it should be - at least to decently attractive, CHILDLESS women.

Physicians have to Passport/BetaMax just like everyone else:

 

[BPH]

I've actually done this before, both in the library and on campus. I'll be honest, I was embarrassed because the cafes were crowded. But after three attempts failed, I thought maybe this was the wrong approach.
After all, my goal isn't "I'll go and find a girl." It's "I'll go and find a girl I like/want to date." So, trying out 100 people and getting positive feedback from three won't make me happy.
In this case, should I still try the opener?

If you gave up after 3 rejections, this isn't for you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

If you gave up after 3 rejections, this isn't for you.

That(a chick we'd like to bed turning us down) can = discomfort, same way getting up on stage and having an audience NOT piss themselves laughing at your material can be disagreeable

Not surprisingly, most men wind up not getting the results they'd prefer in the realm of mating, just as most aspiring comics throw in the towel after a couple of "bad" sets, end up stocking shelves at Trader Joe's

 

[ValiantMale]

Its hard to answer that its kinda like trying to tell a fish how to walk .. if you don't know how to already-- that's a big climb for you and something you're going to have to figure out on your own.

The most obvious answer people might provide though is to practice talking with people.. as much as you can.