I Cannot Decipher The Enigma That Is A Female

[thequestfortruth]

Hello all,

I randomly discovered this forum today and decided I would make my first post. I guess I've decided that the point of it will be to present my current situation with girls, and to seek help/advice on the matter from people who can relate to it or simply know better than I do. So feel free to comment with your thoughts.

I currently feel quite overwhelmed with the prospect of courting and dating women. I usually don't have many problems with talking to them, I'm pretty sociable and charismatic. I just haven't really been able to "reel one in", or gotten to any sort of grounds where there is interest on both parts and things are moving along. I usually try to just "be myself" and act natural, as I would to anyone else, be it male or female. The difference here is that I'm trying to initiate romance with them, so everything gets screwed up. By that I mean that I want something more than just being an acquaintance, or a friend which I know how to be. I want to see if dating is an option with this girl and I just don't know how to get to the point and get things moving in that direction.

Because I've been having so many problems with this as of late I've started reading up on the concept of dating, specifically from the male perspective, to try to help me figure it out. I found a wealth of information, and assuming it is all information that holds true, I have a lot I need to work on. A lot of what I read involved drastic changes to my persona, to a point where I'm essentially becoming someone I'm not naturally. Not to mention there are so many "tips" and "rules" that need to be followed I feel like I need to study three hours a day just to remember all the information. That doesn't even include being able to apply it when talking to girls.

My point is that it's all extremely overwhelming, and makes me wonder how any guy gets a girl if he never took the time to learn how. Because I'm pretty sure that not everyone spends hours each day studying the science of romance.

So anyways, I'm at this weird point in my dating life. My past three relationships (I don't know if I can even call them that) have ended extremely poorly and have just left me feeling defeated and in despair. I figure I must be doing something wrong. I just haven't been able to reach any solid point with a girl in a while. Am I just having bad luck? Are the girls I've been interacting with just not right for me at all? Why is it that every girl I try to talk to it doesn't really ever get past the first conversation? All of these are questions I don't have the answer to.

I just want to know what I should do. I am typically able to talk to whatever girl I want to, especially if she seems interesting to me. Of course sometimes I just don't have the nerve to go talk to one because I feel the situation isn't right; but I'm getting better at sucking it up, not making excuses, and just going for it. But after I talk to her, saying "hi", initiating conversation... it's getting her interested in me that seems to be the main problem. Maybe I'm just not running into girls that click with me, but I feel like if that's the case then I'm extremely unlucky when it comes to this.

I apologize if all this information is quite vague, but I just want to present and basic idea of how I'm feeling about girls presently. Feel free to probe me with whatever question and I will try to answer to make things more clear. Thanks for reading, any thoughts on the matter are appreciated.

 

[Zarky]

Just start reading, I'm sure guys here will have plenty of suggestions. The fact that you use the term "courting" means you're at Step Zero. Be patient, you have a long way to go. Imagine you're trying to become fluent in a foreign language, how long do you think that would take? A long-ass time.

 

[GotED?]

how old are you , OP?

 

[Scars]

My point is that it's all extremely overwhelming, and makes me wonder how any guy gets a girl if he never took the time to learn how. Because I'm pretty sure that not everyone spends hours each day studying the science of romance.

Some guys are just born naturals. The world isn't fair. But if it makes you feel better, everyone here on SS has at some point had trouble with women. Otherwise none of us would be here. Despite that, there's a lot of experienced and intellectual people here willing to offer you advice, you just have to listen. And like Zarky said, it will take awhile. You won't learn all this stuff over night. The best you can do now is start educating yourself, the articles here are a good start. Learn from your mistakes, don't dwell on them too much, but reflect on them and learn from them. A lot of us here had to learn from trial and error. Identify why X + Y = this outcome and adapt to it.

-Scars

 

[flashpoint]

I just want to know what I should do.

learn how to escalate (adding touch and tease to your conversations might be a good start). most guys try keep it friendly until they are in the "friend zone". so you not only need to show some genuine male traits, but also need to act like a male sexual being eventually. rather sooner than later.

and in my experience this is something completely mind depending. for me the most important change in this area was how i saw myself, not how i made others look at me. if that makes sense. becoming sexually aware and aggressive (where according to my understanding aggressive means "clear about my intentions") seems paramount to me. that said you want to keep a laid back attitude. never chase. always show that you either can take it or leave. you want to take it of course, but you dont need to.

 

[thequestfortruth]

Thanks for the helpful responses guys.

The fact that you use the term "courting" means you're at Step Zero.

Okay, I can agree with this. By courting I just mean finding a girl I like and attempting to start the game with her. Is there another way I should be viewing this?

how old are you , OP?

22



Once again thanks everyone for the quick and helpful responses. I'm going to continue being active here and learning this foreign language of "suaveness" :rockon:

 

[Zarky]

Look up the term "courting." It's decidedly what you're NOT going to be doing to women.

Does anybody have a reading list for the OP?

Keep in mind I've been doing this for about 17 years now, and I'm still progressing. You can pretty much get all the knowledge you need within a few months to a year, but getting out there and actually putting it to use is another thing entirely.

It's like playing tennis. You can learn the rules in a week, but that doesn't mean you can out and beat Roger Federer.

 

[WC2]

Can I ask you some questions?

What do you do for fun?
What makes you a 'sexual' person in a woman's eyes?
Does you being fun & sexual translate to women when you speak to them?

There are a lot of guys on these forums who take such an analytical approach to the whole 'game' that they forget what energizes women about men the most:

Fun, Emotions, and Sex.

Master these, and you'll be showering in women.

Fun

Ever been in that moment when you're having so much fun, that you barely even have to think about what the next step is? Have fun with a chick and she'll keep following you as you lead her, almost blindly.

Emotions

Not what you think. Make her laugh, poke fun at her, and naturally don't give her attention 100% of the time (aka be your own man, naturally). No games needed here.. nothing analytical about it.

Sex

Not as straight forward as you may think. How do you project your sexual presence when talking to women? Maybe its a slight brush on their thigh as you walk by them. Maybe it's a play on words that no one else understands except for her. Whatever it is, you should always be displaying it. When a woman knows a man loves sex with all women, he is irresistible to her.

---

So what do you get when you put all these things together? A fun, sexual guy who knows how to make women emotional between their legs and between their ears.

And look-- there are no books to read on this stuff. We're talking inner-game here. The only way to build it is to get out there, watch others, and see what works for you.

It's my belief that anyone with half a brain on here can become a natural as long as they put the work and effort in. Be open to being different and being your own man with women.. not caring what others think.

 

[HalfAddict]

Lets take women out of the equation real quick here. Women are not end game here, you are.

How old are you? How do you feel about your situation and how do you feel about yourself?

It may sound crazy but should you even be giving a **** about women?

Self improvement leads to women, because you become awesome and being awesome attracts females. Sounds vague? Because it is...as much as others wish to make this a science it is not. Certain people are just not going to ever be attracted to you and vice versa regardless of your sick day game bro.

That's my take on it anyways.


TL;DR Get awesome, play the numbers game.