I can take rejection but I can't take being ignored

[Leporello]

So I've been in this game long enough to understand the importance of numbers. Even the best DJs will get rejected a certain amount of the time. You just have to move on to, uh, greener (or pinker) pastures...

BUT there's something I still can't tolerate. Last Friday I went out with some students from my MA program As the night went on the other people (girls and guys) started paying less attention to me. When this happens.- even though I try to resist it - I start brooding and withdrawing into myself. Obviously that makes me even more isolated and charmless. By the end of the night I started to feel like That Guy, which is something I hoped I would never be.

Is this a common experience?

 

[J. Darko]

I know what it's like.

I think the best thing you can do is just leave to save face. My experience is that if you try harder to make contact you're being a try hard, a desperate attention starved loser and if you try to accept the situation or even withdraw, you're being 'that guy'. It's just that the group atmosphere seems turned hostile and then you got to leave.

 

[Mike32ct]

Were you outgoing/social with your group early on? If you were and they just turned cold on you, there is nothing more you can do. Sometimes the groups break down into cliques (yeah like high school lol), and it is what it is. At that point, find some other people (outside your group) to chat with so you can keep your social proof going and not feel left out.

The reason I asked the first question is that I am an introvert by nature. So, in the past, I would be quiet early on and then try to be more outgoing with the group later in the night when I felt more comfortable. I can tell you from experience that that does NOT work. If you don't establish your social value (hate to use PUA jargon) early on, you will be frozen out of the group and later attempts at conversation may be ignored.

I agree with J. Darko's comments completely.

 

[^__^]

I feel your pain except that my circumstances are different.

I can't get along with other dudes because we usually end up in disagreement and conflict. I have a few close, male friends, but that's it.

I am very social with chicks, however.

 

[Leporello]

Were you outgoing/social with your group early on? If you were and they just turned cold on you, there is nothing more you can do. Sometimes the groups break down into cliques (yeah like high school lol), and it is what it is. At that point, find some other people (outside your group) to chat with so you can keep your social proof going and not feel left out.

The reason I asked the first question is that I am an introvert by nature. So, in the past, I would be quiet early on and then try to be more outgoing with the group later in the night when I felt more comfortable. I can tell you from experience that that does NOT work. If you don't establish your social value (hate to use PUA jargon) early on, you will be frozen out of the group and later attempts at conversation may be ignored.

I agree with J. Darko's comments completely.

Well...they're not really 'my group'. I just started the program so this is the first time I met some of them.

It's social experimentation, you know. The first month of college I tried hanging out with different people to see who I could really get along with.

BUT I do wish I were able to be comfortable under more circumstances..

 

[PapiChulo]

I think you care too much about that. The right way to handle that would be to leave and find cooler people to hang out with, to teach them a lesson. You should do yourself and love yourself, so why subject yourself to it, when you feel that's it's unwarranted of them to ignore you. Try to be your coolest and act like they need you, not other way around. At some point they will come around.

It's "their loss" attitude always works for me, plus, I always try to offend and make as many people look inept right before I leave.

 

[Leporello]

I think you care too much about that. The right way to handle that would be to leave and find cooler people to hang out with, to teach them a lesson. You should do yourself and love yourself, so why subject yourself to it, when you feel that's it's unwarranted of them to ignore you. Try to be your coolest and act like they need you, not other way around. At some point they will come around.

It's "their loss" attitude always works for me, plus, I always try to offend and make as many people look inept right before I leave.

I agree until the very last part. No point burning bridges.

 

[EA Gold]

Try relating to people more, it makes them more comfortable being around you. People like other people who think like them.

 

[kingsam]

you are not adding value..... so they ignore you

 

[xdreamz]

same **** happens to me, its tough work at times man... i have a cold heart when it comes to try to add value to people that i barely know or girls that expect the world.. and i get many silent and deadly enemies because of it so its for the better. i give them so much attention i connect with them as best as I can and they won't even give me half of a second of politeness. it hurts. that why i feel your pain man when you get ignored. just today, a bunch of girls ignore the **** out of me even after helping them out with something, i sat with my back turned to them at the pool and recollected myself. do i really like these people? no... so what the **** am i doing here? I just stood up from what felt like a dagger through my ego, picked myself off, showed the world that I was ok, and ran off.

some people are really great with social circles. they're comfortable, they always have something to say and everybody responds to them well. they're like that because they've learned and taught themselves to be that way. Although i would love to be a magnet of 'coolness' at times, everybody does, and that is just a process that we all go through. There's just one thing that I am notorious for, which is just being myself by myself and that i know is a good enough person.