I can do no right

[monster squad]

It feels like I'm losing grip.

A year ago everything was going fine. This changed last fall. The girl I was seeing was fvcking around behind my back with one of my "friends". My only response was silence. I cut contact with her, him, and anyone that had anything to do with either of them, immediately. If someone asked me what was going on, I told them I didn't want to talk about it, and I just kept dropping people left and right. Anyone that considered them friends became irrelevent to me. I silently burned so many bridges that I have almost no one left.

I decided to take my new found free-time and began working on myself, doing only the things that I wanted to do. For example, I became more serious about working out. Now, I physically feel like a tank. Mentally, it's a differant story altogether. I just can't socialize. My mouth opens, and shlt comes out, or I simply freeze up. I don't understand. Where did the confidence go?

Tonight:

I went out for some drinks. Wouldn't you know it, the girl who fvcked me over last fall was at the same bar with her friends (I've been told that the douchbag she ditched me for dumped her, and she's been single ever since). I felt like I was ready to have a heart attack. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her looking over at me every few minutes, and she seemed almost to be trying to get my attention, in a suble way at least. All I could do was find some other girl I know, and invite her over to a different place.

We met up, and it was almost an instant letdown when we got there. To make it short, some belligerent fat guy, who kept making fart jokes ended up taking her attention away. So I left. Before this, I had a brief conversation with my roommate, who was also there.

She asked me when I was getting up tomorrow, and told me to expect a blowout, because she was dumping her boyfriend, who also lives here. Having heard this a hundred times before, I kinda made light of the situation. I told her that I never liked the guy anyway. She got a little defensive after this, and now I think she's reconsidered, as when I was dropping her off I asked her if I was gonna have to hear it tomorrow, and she said "no".

So I went back to the first place to desperately look for any left overs, and the bltch who drove me away in the first place was still there, so I bought a six-pack, got the hell out of there, and here I sit, pissing and moaning on the internet. She probably thinks I'm a stalker, and I spent too much money.

Uhh.... yeah. I don't get it, at all. Girls are always looking at me like I'm the second coming or whatever, but I ruin it by either avoiding them altogether, or saying some totally dumb shlt. I shy away from anyone from my past. Whenever I'm in a good mood, the few friends that I have left become confused, and treat me like an alien. My personality is fvcked. I don't trust anyone, and I'm at the point where I'd rather fall off the face of the planet altogether.

Where the hell do I go from here?

(note: I'm not a drunk. This is the first time I've been out in a while, and I regret even bothering.)

 

[Last Man Standing]

How old are you?

 

[monster squad]

29

 

[monster squad]

... and my age is another problem. I'm almost 30, look like I'm a teenager (last week I got carded buying a videogame), and I've got the experience of a 13 year old. I only lost my virginity last January.

My life is full of contradictions. Girls either say I'm cute, or too intimidating (I'm over 280 pounds, built like a semi, pierced up, the type of people that the average person walks across the street to avoid, walks across the street to avoid me, ect..., but I have a "baby face"). I always hear either "he's hot" or "he's creepy". Gay guys keep hitting on me. Slutty girls keep hitting on me. Anyone I actually want treats me like a kid. The girl I attempted to hook up with tonight kept saying to people that she was excited to see me tonight, but ended up fawning over some jack-o-latern in the end.

I'll fully admit, I've got a huge infatuation on my roommate, but I never made a ****ing move because anytime someone tells us to just get it over with, she pulls the "but we're like brother and sister" thing. So I have to keep living with that over my head, and keep my mouth shut. She's in her mid-30's by the way, and used to keep telling me that I'm "cute", before I began this bodybuilder crusade anyway.

My formative years were messed up too. The entire football team in highschool wanted to fight me every day. Girls avoided me, except for the "preppie" types, who seemed intrigued (but I could never get anywhere with them, because I was a disfunctional pvssy). I didn't get my driver's license until I was 21, because I got caught drinking too many times before that. I grew up in the middle of ****ing nowhere, and had no friends. My dad brought me up to be tough as nails, but my mom taught me to be a pansy. They probably think I'm gay by now.

All I do is sit at home playing videogames, or go out and drink myself into oblivion. On my 29th birthday I went out with my roommate, and ended up blacking out. I hear that I spent a good portion of the night talking to some girl (I vaguely remember this), who everyone said was hot, but I ****ed that up too. Something about her being into me at first ("dude, you coulda gotten laid"), but then I started slamming my fists into the bar and talking crazy about smacking the shlt outta someone. Then when I stumbled home I apparently threatened to pummle my roommate's boyfriend, before I drifted off completely.

(note: Like I said, I'm really not an alcoholic. Drinking is a rarity for me.)

I have no idea. My plan was to move out at the end of this month, and just disappear for the next year, save my money, and move to another state. I want to start over.

 

[Modro]

hmmm, perhaps you should go through weapons of mass seduction (i found this the best) and concentrate on improving yourself, you cant expect a women to go for you when you have no self esteem dude.

Also a team sport would be good meet some cool guys get a fun hobbie and dont drink as much when you do go out, you cant talk to people if your that trashed.

about your room mate, dont go there, she has a BF its not going to happen.

Just have a break find out what you want in life and how to get it, it may be hard but your 29 now dude there are still plenty of good years left, havn't you wasted enough?

You have to actually go out and work at it.

 

[monster squad]

I've been trying to work at it, and making no progress. Things were better when I was oblivious, and just let whatever happen, happen. Yeah, I got hurt here and there along the way, but at least I grew in the process. Now that I'm more aware, something inside of me cancels out any possiblities before I can humiliate myself.

I realize nothing will ever happen between me and my roommate. Gave up a long time ago. It was a nice dream (from the outside looking in, we're probably perfect for each other, since everyone that knows us keeps trying to push us together), but I won't even bother. She keeps settling on these ineffectual types who more or less need a mother rather than a girlfriend, and I'm not into wasting time.

And I don't like sports. Maybe I should join the military, or become a cop. That's something I've considered.

 

[Obsidian]

Yeah, if everyone hates you already and you like to fight people, you may as well become a cop.

Seriously, tho, why the hell are you rooming with a female? I mean aside from morality and social norms, that's basically AFCish. If you're attracted to the girl at all, you don't need to tantalize yourself by living with her without sexing her.

It sounds like you're mainly just frustrated by recent events...Maybe you should go on a vacation or something.

And I doubt the girl in the bar thinks you're a stalker just because you came back to the same place after leaving it. But who cares what that b itch thinks anyway.

 

[John_Galt]

I decided to take my new found free-time and began working on myself, doing only the things that I wanted to do. For example, I became more serious about working out. Now, I physically feel like a tank. Mentally, it's a differant story altogether. I just can't socialize. My mouth opens, and shlt comes out, or I simply freeze up. I don't understand. Where did the confidence go?

Seriously, you wanted to work on yourself, so you went to the gym. You can buff up all you want, but you'll always think the same way. The flaw with this forum, is that chicks are what people use to validate themselves.
If you want to improve your life and gain real life long confidence, confidence built from within, rather than externally from a woman, friends, family? Than sit down and think about your dreams. What have you always wanted to do with your life? Picture yourself on your deathbed tomorrow. You're in the hospital, there's tubes coming out of your arms. Will you die happy, or will you wish you did a lot of things? What are they? Write out your ideal eulogy that someone would say at your funeral. If it be from your family, or friends, or from your spouse/woman/gf. Are you working a day job when you deep down yearn to be an entrepreneur?
The people here will have you believe that you can swap the women in your life and you're a different person, but all you've really changed are the women. PUA's are people that demand attraction from women, winners(people who live the life they want to live and do not compromise to anyone) command attraction.

 

[monster squad]

I apologize for my rantings, and I'm afraid to even review what I've written. Two weeks ago I fell down a flight of stairs (slipped on ice), and injured my knee. I haven't been able to do any big lifts since, and I've been depressed about it (edit: and seeing that b*tch, coupled with heavy drinking brought me further down). It's feeling better (I still feel a tendon "snap" every once in a while when I'm walking, but the pain is gone), and my optimism has returned. A little more rest and I think I can get back into things without missing a beat.

But uhhh.... this roommate thing, I know I have to get away. Last night I had to hear more about her breaking up with her BF, and she even mentioned getting another place with me in the future. Her mom's moving in at the end of the month, so I'm taking off. She was trying to get me to move somewhere temporary, so she can stay here and save some money, because, get this, she wants to use the money she has now for a new laptop. I'm supposed to put my self at a disadvantage, and move twice, because she wants a ****ing laptop! And I know they're just going to get back together again anyway. Hell, he's probably already swindled his way back.

I'm at somewhat of a loss.

 

[Last Man Standing]

It feels like I'm losing grip.

A year ago everything was going fine. This changed last fall. The girl I was seeing was fvcking around behind my back with one of my "friends".

This story has been told here 1,001 times!! Hors are not trustworthy nor are they loyal!!!! I empathize with you bro, betrayal is a bytch!!!!!

Here is the thing - just because a hor did as hors do this shouldn’t determine your outlook on life or attitude toward others!! You are letting her affect your mental and emotional state to your detriment!!!!

The hor did you a favor by leaving, REJOICE!!!! BE EXCEEDINGLY GLAD!!!! You were with a deceiving, lying, demoralized hor - to be away from this is a good thing!! Now you can spend your time on more fulfilling matters and better people!!! You were not going to leave her on your own volition so she did you a favor - you were living a lie and did not know it!

If you give up on life then she destroyed you – don’t give hors that much power!!!

Get your head together first, then fix other things!! Have a positive attitude and only hang out with those who share your values!!

Hors "can't do right" - but you can! Don't let her destroy you!!

Even though you are a monster and all monsters should be destroyed - for hiding under my bed and in my closet throughout my childhood years