h2o
Banned
yeah, it's unofficial, not official, you read it right.
it's time i got on the road to self-improvement and achieving the dj state-of-mind. i am writing this because i think that describing my experiences will help to motivate/teach others (as so many others have motivated me), while the master djs can comment and help me out at the same time.
i will begin by saying i'm not doing this just to get laid. i want to hone my social/communication skills more than anything. my uncle gave me a little advice about this a few days ago, and i will tell it to you. he said that in life, especially in america, social skills are just as much of a key to your success as academic excellence, money, etc. you could be the smartest guy ever, but wouldn't be able to make your way up a company without good social skills.
everyone from parents, to teachers, etc drill into your minds to get good grades, to be so academically driven, or the media drills you to care about material wealth, etc. but, you can't become ceo of a company without being able to talk and discuss issues in a meeting. someone less qualified than you may be selected over you for a job if he/she has better social skills. even the best-looking guy in the world may not be able to get the hot girls without some good social skills (if you don't believe me, see all the recent threads about "who here is model-looking" bs and still can't get chicks). social skills are equally if not more, important than how intelligent or attractive you are.
ok, overall i have six-out-of-ten social skills, which is not great, not even close to where i want to be. i've had luck with girls in the past, but mostly because they approached me. even though i may be gifted in the looks dept (i'm also really skinny, but i just joined a gym and plan to gain some weight in the next few months with help from a trainer), i haven't taken advantage of it as much as i should/could have. i've been in situations where i knew the girl was checking me out, and i just didn't have the balls to do anything; missed so many damn opportunities.
anyway, i've rediscovered my balls lately as i've been starting the bootcamp. note that i don't get out that much, so i really didn't think it would be practical to set goals such as 50 hi/hellos in a week. i will set quotas for myself but it just may be a bit "unofficial," though nonetheless challenging.
in general, i have had difficulty initiating and trouble smiling at strangers, just been so f'n serious all the time (i mean, i'm naturally c&f when i know someone, but just uptight when i'm around strangers). i've also found myself to be quite nervous/tense around strangers, talking fast and not loud enough, etc. forget all the sh|t they teach you about "don't talk to strangers," "don't trust anyone," etc.
day 1 10/14/04
i actually began doing the "looking into people's eyes" exercise on monday, but today i became much better. true, it was a bit out of my comfort zone the first few times, but that's because i was so damn used to looking at the ground and being stuck in my 'own world' as i walked around. wtf? i will never look at the ground again. you'll be surprised how many people don't make eye contact. just think of yourself as being socially superior to them. to those that made eye contact, i did my best to smile. on monday i smiled at one or two cute girls.
so, after getting over the eye contact thing a bit, i thought screw the 50 hi/hello thing. i really don't need to say hi/hello to people walking by me. i just need to smile and loosen up. and, i'm the kind of person that when i set my mind to something i will do it. i thought it would be better to just start conversations with strangers.
since i'm new to town i'm usually alone everywhere i go, so i might as well start convos with random people, rather than sulk by myself. this morning, when i got on the bus, i made eye contact with this cute hb8 japanese girl. then i asked her "can i sit here?" pointing to the seat beside her. i sat down and for the first few minutes i still had that damn fear/nervousness holding me back from talking to her. normally, i'm afraid someone's looking, etc. and what's funny is that the longer i waited the more crowded the bus became, so i didn't want it to be packed before i began chatting with her. i said "are you going to (school name)?" at first i didn't understand a thing she said. i made sure to make eye contact with her when i talked and was smiling, etc. i found out she just came here from japan four days ago, so i talked more slow and deliberately for the rest of our convo and made her laugh once or twice, etc. i won't go into detail convo, what she said, i said, because no one is going to tell you what to say, and you can't prepare for it, you just have to talk about stuff on the fly. bounce questions off of what she says, and just relax and smile.
[the only trouble i had was that she asked me my name first. i can tell maybe she was interested, but to all you experienced djs, is that a bad thing? also, when i shook her hand, she had a pretty firm shake (damn, i usually don't even squeeze a chick's hand because i've almost never met a girl with a firm handshake)...so is it bad that i didn't shake her hand firmly also? i know, i know, i'm over analyzing, so just ignore these rants if they're not worth answering.]
anyway, we talked until the bus stop at the university. she didn't know where her class was (esl), so i walked her to the vicinity of the place. then i said something along the lines of we should have lunch together. she didn't know, so i asked, "what's your phone number?" and she took a second and looked at her belt, etc, to imply that she doesn't have a cell phone, etc. i didn't want to appear 'needy,' so i said "okay, it was fun chatting with you..." then she told me to wait and write my name down for her on a piece of paper. i didn't write my number because that's not how it should be, that would give her control. since we have class on the same day, i'll probably see her again next week, on the bus.
and by the way, NO ONE ELSE AROUND YOU CARES who you talk to, etc. yes, the first few words you say will make people glance to see who is talking, so they can adjust themselves and realize that no, i'm not talking to them, so they go back to their own little worlds, or convos. but after that, unless you start talking about killing people or something crazy, i don't think anyone will give a sh|t.
after that i went to my class. we're all guys but the professor. still, i did my best to make eye contact, smile, and greet my classmates. just remember, a confident person isn't afraid of being friendly, and presenting themselves in a respectable manner. before class i asked the secretary by the door where the restrooms are. when i got back, i thanked her. and, on my way out from class, i told her to "have a nice day." i think confidence is all about those little things. keeping to myself all the time was just stupid. i'd rather be insulted for being too outgoing than for being a shy idiot.
after that, i walked out of the building and made ec/smiled at a few cute girls. i bought a sandwich and sat down in the shade. some guy came around to another person sitting about 6-7 ft to my left, and asked him if he had 10 min to spare for a survey on moral conduct. the guy said he didn't have time, and i'd overheard, so i made ec/smiled, and said "sure, i have time to spare." he proceeded to tell me it was about psychology. i told him i took psychology last semester, then he said he couldn't do it on me because i could bs it since i may know what he was going to ask about. anyway, i chatted with him about who he had, and how i'm an engineering major, but still took psych.
after that little convo, i went to the library for a few hours to study. i didn't really see many cute girls, so i headed to the gym.
i got quite a workout (i'll probably be sore tomorrow). if i spend my time like this everyday i'll be self-improved pretty quick.
at the bus stop (after working out), i talked to some guy who asked me if i was waiting for (bus #). i said yeah, and he seemed tense. i've began to realize this is what confidence and being socially active is about. you should be comfortable to talk with anyone (there aren't that many hbs that wait for or take the bus) whenever you feel like it, and not care about sh|t. i actually don't think i'm all the way there quite yet, but i'm getting close. there was a really hot girl walking towards me as i walked down to the bus, and she was walking to the east, talking on her cell, but i didn't stop and wait to talk to her. i think that's the next level.
tonight, after coming home, i went to dinner with my uncle. then we went to different places where i could pick up job applications. again, i made ec/smiled with the managers, and greeted them in a friendly, personable way. in the past, i would be much more tense and serious. it's time for the new me.
i'll keep posting about my progress, even if it's not the official bootcamp way, i'll challenge myself to accomplish about the same in about an 8-10 wk time period.
i'm not going to count how many convos i have because that will make it more serious, and i know that won't help me. i want to relax, so i'll only start counting when i get to ca's and rejections.
finally, i know it's been said before, but i truly want to thank the guys who made this site (and everyone who continues to post here). it's really changed the way i look at life, and i'm loving it.
it's time i got on the road to self-improvement and achieving the dj state-of-mind. i am writing this because i think that describing my experiences will help to motivate/teach others (as so many others have motivated me), while the master djs can comment and help me out at the same time.
i will begin by saying i'm not doing this just to get laid. i want to hone my social/communication skills more than anything. my uncle gave me a little advice about this a few days ago, and i will tell it to you. he said that in life, especially in america, social skills are just as much of a key to your success as academic excellence, money, etc. you could be the smartest guy ever, but wouldn't be able to make your way up a company without good social skills.
everyone from parents, to teachers, etc drill into your minds to get good grades, to be so academically driven, or the media drills you to care about material wealth, etc. but, you can't become ceo of a company without being able to talk and discuss issues in a meeting. someone less qualified than you may be selected over you for a job if he/she has better social skills. even the best-looking guy in the world may not be able to get the hot girls without some good social skills (if you don't believe me, see all the recent threads about "who here is model-looking" bs and still can't get chicks). social skills are equally if not more, important than how intelligent or attractive you are.
ok, overall i have six-out-of-ten social skills, which is not great, not even close to where i want to be. i've had luck with girls in the past, but mostly because they approached me. even though i may be gifted in the looks dept (i'm also really skinny, but i just joined a gym and plan to gain some weight in the next few months with help from a trainer), i haven't taken advantage of it as much as i should/could have. i've been in situations where i knew the girl was checking me out, and i just didn't have the balls to do anything; missed so many damn opportunities.
anyway, i've rediscovered my balls lately as i've been starting the bootcamp. note that i don't get out that much, so i really didn't think it would be practical to set goals such as 50 hi/hellos in a week. i will set quotas for myself but it just may be a bit "unofficial," though nonetheless challenging.
in general, i have had difficulty initiating and trouble smiling at strangers, just been so f'n serious all the time (i mean, i'm naturally c&f when i know someone, but just uptight when i'm around strangers). i've also found myself to be quite nervous/tense around strangers, talking fast and not loud enough, etc. forget all the sh|t they teach you about "don't talk to strangers," "don't trust anyone," etc.
day 1 10/14/04
i actually began doing the "looking into people's eyes" exercise on monday, but today i became much better. true, it was a bit out of my comfort zone the first few times, but that's because i was so damn used to looking at the ground and being stuck in my 'own world' as i walked around. wtf? i will never look at the ground again. you'll be surprised how many people don't make eye contact. just think of yourself as being socially superior to them. to those that made eye contact, i did my best to smile. on monday i smiled at one or two cute girls.
so, after getting over the eye contact thing a bit, i thought screw the 50 hi/hello thing. i really don't need to say hi/hello to people walking by me. i just need to smile and loosen up. and, i'm the kind of person that when i set my mind to something i will do it. i thought it would be better to just start conversations with strangers.
since i'm new to town i'm usually alone everywhere i go, so i might as well start convos with random people, rather than sulk by myself. this morning, when i got on the bus, i made eye contact with this cute hb8 japanese girl. then i asked her "can i sit here?" pointing to the seat beside her. i sat down and for the first few minutes i still had that damn fear/nervousness holding me back from talking to her. normally, i'm afraid someone's looking, etc. and what's funny is that the longer i waited the more crowded the bus became, so i didn't want it to be packed before i began chatting with her. i said "are you going to (school name)?" at first i didn't understand a thing she said. i made sure to make eye contact with her when i talked and was smiling, etc. i found out she just came here from japan four days ago, so i talked more slow and deliberately for the rest of our convo and made her laugh once or twice, etc. i won't go into detail convo, what she said, i said, because no one is going to tell you what to say, and you can't prepare for it, you just have to talk about stuff on the fly. bounce questions off of what she says, and just relax and smile.
[the only trouble i had was that she asked me my name first. i can tell maybe she was interested, but to all you experienced djs, is that a bad thing? also, when i shook her hand, she had a pretty firm shake (damn, i usually don't even squeeze a chick's hand because i've almost never met a girl with a firm handshake)...so is it bad that i didn't shake her hand firmly also? i know, i know, i'm over analyzing, so just ignore these rants if they're not worth answering.]
anyway, we talked until the bus stop at the university. she didn't know where her class was (esl), so i walked her to the vicinity of the place. then i said something along the lines of we should have lunch together. she didn't know, so i asked, "what's your phone number?" and she took a second and looked at her belt, etc, to imply that she doesn't have a cell phone, etc. i didn't want to appear 'needy,' so i said "okay, it was fun chatting with you..." then she told me to wait and write my name down for her on a piece of paper. i didn't write my number because that's not how it should be, that would give her control. since we have class on the same day, i'll probably see her again next week, on the bus.
and by the way, NO ONE ELSE AROUND YOU CARES who you talk to, etc. yes, the first few words you say will make people glance to see who is talking, so they can adjust themselves and realize that no, i'm not talking to them, so they go back to their own little worlds, or convos. but after that, unless you start talking about killing people or something crazy, i don't think anyone will give a sh|t.
after that i went to my class. we're all guys but the professor. still, i did my best to make eye contact, smile, and greet my classmates. just remember, a confident person isn't afraid of being friendly, and presenting themselves in a respectable manner. before class i asked the secretary by the door where the restrooms are. when i got back, i thanked her. and, on my way out from class, i told her to "have a nice day." i think confidence is all about those little things. keeping to myself all the time was just stupid. i'd rather be insulted for being too outgoing than for being a shy idiot.
after that, i walked out of the building and made ec/smiled at a few cute girls. i bought a sandwich and sat down in the shade. some guy came around to another person sitting about 6-7 ft to my left, and asked him if he had 10 min to spare for a survey on moral conduct. the guy said he didn't have time, and i'd overheard, so i made ec/smiled, and said "sure, i have time to spare." he proceeded to tell me it was about psychology. i told him i took psychology last semester, then he said he couldn't do it on me because i could bs it since i may know what he was going to ask about. anyway, i chatted with him about who he had, and how i'm an engineering major, but still took psych.
after that little convo, i went to the library for a few hours to study. i didn't really see many cute girls, so i headed to the gym.
i got quite a workout (i'll probably be sore tomorrow). if i spend my time like this everyday i'll be self-improved pretty quick.
at the bus stop (after working out), i talked to some guy who asked me if i was waiting for (bus #). i said yeah, and he seemed tense. i've began to realize this is what confidence and being socially active is about. you should be comfortable to talk with anyone (there aren't that many hbs that wait for or take the bus) whenever you feel like it, and not care about sh|t. i actually don't think i'm all the way there quite yet, but i'm getting close. there was a really hot girl walking towards me as i walked down to the bus, and she was walking to the east, talking on her cell, but i didn't stop and wait to talk to her. i think that's the next level.
tonight, after coming home, i went to dinner with my uncle. then we went to different places where i could pick up job applications. again, i made ec/smiled with the managers, and greeted them in a friendly, personable way. in the past, i would be much more tense and serious. it's time for the new me.
i'll keep posting about my progress, even if it's not the official bootcamp way, i'll challenge myself to accomplish about the same in about an 8-10 wk time period.
i'm not going to count how many convos i have because that will make it more serious, and i know that won't help me. i want to relax, so i'll only start counting when i get to ca's and rejections.
finally, i know it's been said before, but i truly want to thank the guys who made this site (and everyone who continues to post here). it's really changed the way i look at life, and i'm loving it.