I called my ex-gf and cried. Here's why it was a good move.

[:-)]

I don't think I'll be over this until my freelance career takes off and getting out of this small town.

.

nah. if you're relying on something external to make you happy (be it a woman or your career) then you're always gonna be disappointed.. chances are neither your love life nor your career will take off until you discover your 'inner game' for want of a better word. i speak from experience.

 

[b305d]

Our break up convo literally went like this.

Her: You don't love me anymore do you? (I didn't reply to her text two days before because her reply was two words)

Me: You shouldn't ask me that because you never call

Her: You never call me either

Me: I don't want to be like your ex-bf

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Calling you when you might be with some other guy (that other guy was me lol)

Her: Should we break-up?

Me: Do whatever makes you happy
I know some girls who wouldn't bring up breakup so easily.
But you're not those kind of girl. Your love is fleeting. That's ok, it's just life

Her: It won't make me happy. I love you but I don't know what I should do.

Me: Depends on what you want

Her: I don't know what I want

Me: lol

I think you're still young and you just want to have fun, nothing wrong with that

Her: I don't think we can fix this.

Her: What do you want? I agree that I'm still young and don't know what I want.

Me: I want to find a girl that truly loves me, make some money, have a happy family and die

Her: Then you should find a nice girl who can give you that, I'm not good with that. (Note, she was always obessed about marrying me)

Me: I knew this was going to happen eventually. That's why I said at the airport that it would be the last time we're together. You just needed time to prepare for it. That's why I gave you time and stayed with you, even though I knew.

Her: Thank you

Me: See you some other life maybe

Her: Goodbye, see you

Paraphrasing above because I can't remember.

The next day, she texted me. Said she accidently called and sorry for the mistake. I said it's ok.

Day after that, I texted her a long letter.

Told her I still love her. But I couldn't trust her. (she's a serial cheater)

That the relationship was broken from the beginning, but I never said anything about it and couldn't be fixed.

That I couldn't love her completely, love her the way she deserves.

That maybe someday someone else can give her that.

That I want to see her again someday.

That if this was a perfect world, and she was a nice girl and I'm a nice guy and we met like normal people, maybe we could have been happy together.

But reality is not perfect.
That she used to be my girl but now she's free. That she should take care of herself and try to live a good life. That I love her and I'm sorry.

She responded with an equally big letter. Basically, saying she knows I don't trust her love so she couldn't trust her love either (wtf?lol)

That she can't afford to think about love right now (she's graduating). And she's sorry for being selfish.
Thanking me for the love, saying she wants to see me again someday too. Wishing me a happy life too. That she'll always be by my side (?lol).

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

"Me too, I love me too lol"

This right here says it all.

And not in the way most people would think.

In my original post on this thread, I basically flamed you. Told you how you had just made her day and this and that. Then I re-read your post and I couldn't get past what she had said.

What you've added confirms what I was thinking. I've had two LTR's that would say those type of comments to me, in one way or another, at all the wrong times. Unlike you though, I had never told these particular two that I had loved them, but that was the problem. Keep reading. They were in love with me and would basically do anything for me. One of them even bought a brand new nice house in the hopes that I'd move in. They both hoped that I would love them, but eventually they both realized that I never would.

Obviously, I had the upper hand in both of these relationships, like you OP. One of them was basically paying my bills for me and doing whatever she could to keep me around. But the only time either of them would be a B1tch or give me snide remarks was when I showed weakness.

The reason they would do that is because they were getting me back for not loving them. They saw weakness so they saw a moment where they could attack me for the pain I was causing them. Afterwards they'd usually make up for it some how, but it was always strange to me how these two, who were so into me, would kick me when I was down. Instead of trying to prop me back up, they would go on the attack. It never really bothered me, I could handle it, but, at the time, I just didn't understand why they would do it.

So, OP. I may be stating the obvious here, but in my original post I had stated how you had made her day, and that for the rest of the day she had a smile on her face because an ex boyfriend had told her he still loved her. But really, I think you just put her hamster into a tail spin. Now, she's more confused than ever. Plus, the fact that she responded that way, is going to irk at her. She's not going to be able to let it go. Her response is going to cause her more pain than it's causing you, which is none. But that's also one of the points, she probably knows that it doesn't bother you.

I understand why you feel this was a "good move". You put the ball in her court, now the relationship is on her shoulders. She can't use the excuse that you dumped her anymore. She's got the pressure to make it work. You told her you still loved her, and poured your heart out to her. You wiped your hands clean.

The problem here is, even though you said it. Do you mean it? And Does she feel you mean it? If she comes back to you, are you two going to fall into a perfect harmonious couple that lives the rest of their lives together? Probably not. She probably feels this, as do you, but that fact that it's possible, and the decision is now in her hands, is eating her alive.

I may be making something out of nothing. That's why I originally deleted my post instead of changing it. But your recent comments about the relationship made sense to me and confirmed what I was thinking. And, I believe you're aware of all this, and I'm basically re-stating what you already know and/or have said.

 

[b305d]

Peaks&Valleys, I never really thought of it that way.

I've always shown her love, and this isn't the first time she has seen my tears.
But it's always distant and not enough kind of love.

In the entire relationship, I have never ever texted her first or say I love you first.
Maybe 1 out of 1000 times. I've always wondered if she noticed.

When we broke up, I wanted her back the next day because my branch swinging was not successful lol.

I even told that branch that we broke up (after we got back together) and words got around to her. Pissed her off for about 5 seconds. I made it seem casual and past-tense, playing on the language barrier card.

When we got back together, she broke up with me 2 days later over a c&f joke.
She was sad about the joke, and I got tired of the attitude and lost my cool.
Then she wanted to break up.

She came after me when I was walking out the door -> make up sex.

We stayed together for the rest of the time but my IL went down because the moody attitude and constant nitpicking (that I should not eat the last piece of cake, etc.)

She was always asking if I still love her, etc.
Gets jealous very easily, and extremely paranoid about me cheating, I think partly because she was a cheater and thought I had a lot of options.

She always get moody over my c&f joke,
ex. That I would block her on fb when she leaves the US. Or that I don't read her twitter feed because "you don't care about me".

I care about this girl a sh1tton but SS has ingrained in me the 2nd nature to not show it.

I'm in that stage now where I wonder if I ****ed up because I basically never text or call her first when she left the country.

Sometimes I don't reply to text if the reply is a one-liner like "sounds interesting".

Her twitter feed has a lot of sh1t, don't know if it's directed at me, but something along the line of somebody not knowing her worth, being condescending, not appreciating her.

We always get in major fight over me being "condescending" . But it's just normal for guys like us to talk that way.

I wish SS could have seen the look on her face when she said, "Me too, I love me too".

It was a smile with teeth. Sends chill down my spine thinking about it.

I'm not going to hate her for it because there was a lot of love before that, but it was just so unexpected.

Our last text, I pretty much implied that she wasn't the kind of girl that would appreciate my love. Which is true.
She is a serial cheater.

She always tell me to love her more. But my reply has always been, "Look at your exbf, he loved you to death and it didn't do him any good".

It just seems very vindictive. The opposite of what I would do. I wouldn't attack a girl when they show me weakness, I would love them more.

That's why sometimes, it feels counterintuitive. You can't open up and show women anything because they'll prey on it like wild animals.

 

[JoeMarron]

JoeMarron, that's because my ego is not attached. Only now can I see it as a kind of SS experiment.
I give her credit for picking up the phone and listening to my troubles. Most of my buddies except for one or two wouldn't have done that.

I don't look at the world like people own me something. If she didn't reply to my text, I wouldn't have even been angry. I probably would be if I was younger.

It's complete detachment. I would probably be sad if I really did love her that much. I would be angry if she was my wife and took me to the cleaners and stole my kids. But this, this is nothing.

Think of it as getting rejected by a fat chick. Most of us wouldn't feel any pain because our ego would just chuckle at such an attack.
This girl is beautiful, but the previous validation from her putting me on the pedestal was the ultimate defense.

I don't know if this is normal but my mood keeps changing.

Yesterday, I thought I was over this girl.

Today I drove to the city where we first met, to see the Dr.

2 hr drive back and forth. I was fvcking miserable. Miss her so much it was painful.

All I did sitting in the car for 2 hr was go back over all the good memories, it was terrible.

I also had some delusion of getting back with her in the future.

Got home, and I couldn't even work (I'm a programmer). Just sitting there, a big pile of misery.

Then that quote, "Me too, I love me too." kept running through my head.
I got angry about now for some reason.

At least this is better than depression, hoping that won't come back.

And this is why we advocate NC. All that ego less zen Buddhist stuff is nice and all but lets be practical, NC is simply the best way to get over a breakup. It sounds like the relationship was doomed from the beginning anyways. She's a serial cheater, she clearly has some issues that no one can fix besides herself. Rid your mind of this toxic by not contacting her and focusing your mind on other things and other women.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Q: why would someone be attracted to a serial cheater?
A: because if she were to remain faithful to me then that would mean i am different to everybody else. it would mean i am special.

OP - stop relying on other people for your own validation.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Q: why would someone be attracted to a serial cheater?
A: because if she were to remain faithful to me then that would mean i am different to everybody else. it would mean i am special.

OP - stop relying on other people for your own validation.

Great post that applies to quite a few different situations as well.

 

[b305d]

Well, she called me this morning.

I'm back to my usual c&f self,
past that stage where I'm listening to sappy music and reminiscing about our good times.

She just asked about my ears and my visit to the doctor. I asked her about her job hunting.

I asked what made her call me, perhaps she was bored. And she said she miss me and that I don't miss her blah blah blah.

Anyways, I was friendly and chill with her, really no axe to grind.
I ended it after 5 minutes because I didn't want her to be the one to end it again.

This is much easier because she's in another country.
I feel bad for guys who's ex-gf live down the street.