I called my ex-gf and cried. Here's why it was a good move.

[b305d]

I know what you're thinking after reading the title.

Have you no pride? How can you call yourself a man.

Background.My father started getting ringing noise in one of his ear when he was in his 20s and occasional dizzy spell. Over the course of a decade, he slowly lost all of his hearing.

The same thing seems to be happening to me now. Recently, it's gotten a lot of worse to the point where all I can hear is that shrieking noise.

Needless to say, I am scared sh1tless.

It was 6am in the morning, the shrieking noise was keeping me from falling asleep and the vertigo attack came on every few minutes.

I had no friends to talk to. No buddies want you calling and complaining about your health problem.

So I call the ex. Read my other thread for background on that. LDR, small argument that lead to a mutual breakup. Still love her of course.

So we facetimed. I was crying more because of my ear than anything else but I was really glad to see her.

I told her I still love her, that I miss her, that I'm sorry blah blah blah. I didn't ask her back though.

She was friendly and consoling. She didn't say that she miss me or anything of the sort.

We talked for a while and she ended the conversation saying she had to go.
So I said I loved her.

Her reply? "Me too, I love me too lol"

How did you think I felt after I hung up?

I felt fvcking great. Why?

See, unlike some of you, I don't get an ego trip leaving the girl wondering or with lingering feelings. I don't have a secret plan to get back with the girl.

That call helped me move on. Why?

Some of you may be different,

but I always felt that dispite all the flaws that this girl has, she loved me more than anything and when a beautiful girl treats you that well, you can't help but reciprocate the feeling.

The break-up left me wondering, did I do the right thing?

Maybe if I had tried to stick it out and come see her, we would had a great life together, what if, what if.

But now, all those questions are gone.
She seemed to be moving on. That door is forever closed.
It's no longer just my choice but her choice as well.

It felt like a great weight has been taken off my shoulder. Now I can move on with my life without feeling guilty.

It wasn't an ego hit because she used to worship me.
I know that if we were in the same country, all I had to do was fvck her good and she would go right back to loving again.

Have a lot of alpha points and it'll let you slip some afc moves once in a while without penalty.

All this doesn't apply if you got dump, but if you had a mutual breakup and having trouble moving on, just call the girl.

Do everything you would ever want to do. So that years later, you'll have no regret.

It would have been even better if she'd been a b1tch and got a new guy.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time moving on from a girl that is nice to me.

Now, it would be AFC for me to keep calling and latching on to her, and I'm not going to do that.

Maybe she'll call someday in the future, maybe not. I will pick up because she picked up when I wanted to talk to her.

I know that the worst thing that could happen right now is if she says, I love you.
I'll go right back into "what if" mode.
Pretty sure it won't happen though, this girl is a very hard b1tch and had no problem dumping her ex-bf in the past for being too clingy.

 

[b305d]

Definitely agree with your post, even though I don't hate the girl.
Would have been better if she'd been a b1tch.

Some guys wouldn't agree though because it gives the girl attention and boost their ego.

To me, this is only an issue if you worry about your own ego.

I'm not. I feel great about myself, and I know I can get a better girl because I'm still in my 20s.

Guys shouldn't be too hung up on winning. LTR is not about winning.
You do whatever you have to do, to move on.

There's a fine line though. This was a good relationship.
Some girls, I regret saying some of the things I did and boosting their ego.

In the end, it doesn't matter what the girl thinks of you, if you're really trying to move on, as they're out-of-sight.

I don't get an ego-trip from some girl out there who might still have feelings for me.

That sh1t just makes me feel worse with regret.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Edit: Nvm

 

[b305d]

Well, if nothing else, her reply showed you what a selfish biatch she is, and how you are better off without her.

It's amazing seeing a girl do a complete 180.

I've always knew that she was selfish from all the cheating on her ex-bf and it cropped up toward the end of the relationship.

I think what happened is, during the relationship, the magical-euphoria-infatuation temporarily overrides everything.

I don't think she's going to call or text me again unless she hits a rough spot and have no one to talk to.

Either way, it's good to know the real her so that I can move on without regret. I think if we were together, I would've eventually found out the hard way.

If this girl was still hanging around my social circle, I would have regretted giving her an ego boost.

But she's in another country. I will probably never see her again.

That **** could matter less.
It was still a good ride, lots of sex, never had to pay for her, learn a lot about women, clean break-up. Would definitely do again.

 

[coldblooded]

dude i cant believe you cried like a little girl. man card is suspended for 2 weeks

 

[JoeMarron]

That's interesting. I wouldn't have came out the same way you did. That "I love me too" comment would've pissed me off. The fact that I broke down in front of her and she still had the nerve to say some sh!t like that would have haunted me for quite some time. Props for looking at it from a positive perspective and moving on but it works better for me if I cut off all ties and don't bother looking for closure.

 

[skinnyguy]

Crying is good if you end up getting laid

 

[b305d]

coldblooded, if you ever had to watch your dad go deaf and seeing the same thing happen to yourself, only then will you understand my tears.

JoeMarron, that's because my ego is not attached. Only now can I see it as a kind of SS experiment.
I give her credit for picking up the phone and listening to my troubles. Most of my buddies except for one or two wouldn't have done that.

I don't look at the world like people own me something. If she didn't reply to my text, I wouldn't have even been angry. I probably would be if I was younger.

It's complete detachment. I would probably be sad if I really did love her that much. I would be angry if she was my wife and took me to the cleaners and stole my kids. But this, this is nothing.

Think of it as getting rejected by a fat chick. Most of us wouldn't feel any pain because our ego would just chuckle at such an attack.
This girl is beautiful, but the previous validation from her putting me on the pedestal was the ultimate defense.

skinnyguy, she swallowed my load multiple times already with a grin on her face.
You really can't get offended at a few words after that kind of deed.

Edit: I think that call was the single best thing I could have done. I relinguished all my feelings completely whereas before, I was looking at months of recovery.
I'm feeling great today and I geniunely don't care if she hooks up with another guy. I won't hook up with random girls and post pictures on fb to get back at her either. Who needs to do that when you're feeling great? No need to go NC or anything either.
If I ever run across pictures of her with the next bf, I will smile.

This sh1t is a great strategy. Why are you guys torturing yourself with NC?

 

[Mike32ct]

Sometimes, you need someone to talk to, especially if you're upset about something. If your ex was the only one you felt comfortable taking to, so be it.

"I love me too" made me cringe. That's textbook c&f "game.". It's even worse coming from a girl lol.

I hope you see a doctor about your condition if you haven't already.

 

[b305d]

Sometimes, you need someone to talk to, especially if you're upset about something. If your ex was the only one you felt comfortable taking to, so be it.

"I love me too" made me cringe. That's textbook c&f "game.". It's even worse coming from a girl lol.

I hope you see a doctor about your condition if you haven't already.

Yea thanks for the concern, bro. I'm seeing him tomorrow and hopefully I can convince him to prescribe me some antivirals. If not, I'll order from India. I think this is caused by HSV infection.

I thought that line was funny too, wondering if she goes on this forum.
Nothing to cringe at really.

It would have been bad if the guy is someone who gets attracted to insecurity.

I've always loved her out of compassion.

It was the single best thing she could have said.

Who knows what might have happened if she said, "I love you too".

I might have worked my butt off and move to her country, then hear that line 10 years down the road after getting cheated on lol.

 

[dasein]

Sorry about your hearing problem, but there are always, ALWAYS better people to call than an ex who dumped you, crying or not, so can't agree with your main premise as being good general advice for men dating. Good luck.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Sorry about your hearing problem, but there are always, ALWAYS better people to call than an ex who dumped you, crying or not, so can't agree with your main premise as being good general advice for men dating. Good luck.

I agree

I refuse to believe this was really the only person you could've contacted. And her "I love me too" was not only disrespectful but unsympathetic and obdurate as well. You were having a breakdown, you're about to lose something important to you just as you lost her, and she says something like that.

You are one strong person to feel "great" after that.
Nevertheless, you're on the verge of becoming deaf instead of contacting an ex shouldn't you be contacting family members, friends and anyone who could help you, say, an Otolarygologist ?

The priorities of some men.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but seriously.

I do deeply sympathize with you though Op. Being deaf from birth is one thing, but being able to hear and than having it go away has to be horrid.
Best Wishes

 

[TheGambino]

Crying is good if you end up getting laid

wow bro that's so desperate

I would def not cry to get laid I'd rather fvck my right hand

 

[Alvafe]

I really don't know about the whole calling ex and crying like that, and the way you just talked like I was guilty free from knowing she also moved on and you wasn't sure you did the right thing about breaking up.....

its tells me more you are so willing to please her then you will ignore your own wishes and when you do that you feel guilty.

if I was you first thing, medic, second don't go after medication if a medic don't do what you want, if you don't trust him find another medic. also I hope your please other behavior is only to her on when you are too much into a girl, if not that seek of validation from others will give you a huge headache.

 

[b305d]

I don't know if this is normal but my mood keeps changing.

Yesterday, I thought I was over this girl.

Today I drove to the city where we first met, to see the Dr.

2 hr drive back and forth. I was fvcking miserable. Miss her so much it was painful.

All I did sitting in the car for 2 hr was go back over all the good memories, it was terrible.

I also had some delusion of getting back with her in the future.

Got home, and I couldn't even work (I'm a programmer). Just sitting there, a big pile of misery.

Then that quote, "Me too, I love me too." kept running through my head.
I got angry about now for some reason.

At least this is better than depression, hoping that won't come back.

 

[:-)]

OP - your story is all very well and all but the point is:

You don't love her. Something is triggering off a reaction in your brain that makes you 'think' you love her just like something that triggers your brain to hear 'ringing'.

The ringing is not outside of you it is an internal reaction as is your 'love' for this girl.

The realisation of this would have saved you the bother of losing your dignity by telling someone whose brain isn't triggered by you to feel those feelings of 'love' that you love them.

Both your 'love' and your ringing are internal problems which have no bearing on the outside world and the people you are projecting them onto.

 

[b305d]

I realize that's possibility.

Sh1t just went completely 180. I've always had the upper-hand.

Always looking out for the next girl. She always call and text me first.

She always say "I love you" first.

I was growing bored of her when we were together. Broke up, got back together and things got better.

Then it started going downhill again. And she left the country.

Even there she always text and call me first.

My IL rose again after she left.

But I was prepared for the breakup. Thought I would have handled it like a cool DJ.

Now I feel disgusted at my past self for being so weak in that moment, calling her.

And I feel disgusted at her for being so cold.

After everything we've been through. If it was me, I would have said something like, "you should try to move on".

I'm alternating between feeling miserable and angry. I think it's just a reaction and not about the specific girl. I can't believe it, I was bored of her when we were together with all the nitpicking and attitude.

 

[:-)]

I realize that's possibility.

Sh1t just went completely 180. I've always had the upper-hand.

Always looking out for the next girl. She always call and text me first.

She always say "I love you" first.

I was growing bored of her when we were together. Broke up, got back together and things got better.

Then it started going downhill again. And she left the country.

Even there she always text and call me first.

My IL rose again after she left.

But I was prepared for the breakup. Thought I would have handled it like a cool DJ.

Now I feel disgusted at my past self for being so weak in that moment, calling her.

And I feel disgusted at her for being so cold.

After everything we've been through. If it was me, I would have said something like, "you should try to move on".

I'm alternating between feeling miserable and angry. I think it's just a reaction and not about the specific girl. I can't believe it, I was bored of her when we were together with all the nitpicking and attitude.

all triggers that have nothing to do with the girl and everything about you.

imagine her being happy with another dude? how does that make you feel? do you feel happy for her being happy? if you don't, then you do not love her. chances are you need her to make you happy.

this is all about you and has nothing to do with her. if it wasn't her it would be some other girl. this is a great opportunity to examine yourself. once you understand yourself you are free. free as a bird! because you will know that no-one has the power to make you feel all those things you felt. only you are allowing yourself to dwell on those feelings. once you understand that nobody can hurt you again.

your mind is a cup and in those cups are all sorts of feelings - hate, anger, pride jealousy etc. they are all already there. when you meet someone who triggers these feelings it is not the person who is making you feel these things, these things are already there. therefore don't blame the person but rather see what filth is in your cup and clean and empty your cup.

 

[b305d]

Well, before I met her, I thought I was the sh1t.

Then I met her, and I turned into a god.

My ego got bloated to epic proportion.

She literally stares at me everyday and ask, "how are you so good-looking".

I swear, I have never been put on a pedestal that high in my life by any person.

Whenever I feel like the pedestal is getting lowered, I just pretend to walk away and she would panic and come running after me.

Now my ego is smaller than even in the beginning, probably because I'm back living in my hometown.

Guess the fall was just shocking to my ego. Damn blurry face on an iphone is nothing to admire.

I don't think I'll be over this until my freelance career takes off and getting out of this small town.

The reason we broke off was because she thought I didn't love her anymore supposedly.
I played the cool game, and said "Do whatever makes you happy".

 

[Jaylan]

Sorry about your hearing problem, but there are always, ALWAYS better people to call than an ex who dumped you, crying or not, so can't agree with your main premise as being good general advice for men dating. Good luck.

This. Though I believe a man can cry in front of a woman he really trusts and who has earned his trust, an ex isn't one of those women. Once she dumps you she's lost that trust. Have more respect for yourself Op.