I burned a bridge. I think. We had good sex and I broke it off.

[ThunderMaverick]

I've recently learned a new method of dealing with my problems.

A little Q& A. The deal is if you're ever feeling confused about something and you're unsure of what you should do then just keep asking yourself questions over and over again. When you give an answer, question that answer and dig deep; ask yourself WHY you believe what you believe and say what you say. Whenever I'm frustrated about what I should do in life I do the Q&A.

I recently put myself in a situation where I was "seeing" a chick. But I broke it off today. Here's why, in Q&A style.



Alright what’s the problem?

I broke it off with Lori

Broke off what?

Our “exclusive physical relationship”

Why?

Because I didn’t want anything else coming from it.

Like what?

Like something more intimate

What do you mean?

When people sleep together, they get close

Are you feeling that?

Yes.

And you don’t want that?

Yes.

Why?

Because I don’t want to be with anyone right now?

Do you believe that?

Come on Jonathan. What are you feeling?

Sad.

Why?

Because I wanted to have gotten to know her better before sleeping with her.
I felt like I skipped so much. Like it wasn’t suppose to happen this way.

Why?

Sex is the final thing you give someone after you’ve shared everything about yourself intellectually and spiritually. That’s the desert.

You think so?

In my opinion, yes.

Why wouldn’t it work the other way around?

Because sometimes sex traps people. I know this?

You do? How?

I’ve seen example where friends would tell me sex was good between them and their partners, but they didn’t know the people they were having sex with. They didn’t know or like each other when they weren’t having sex. I want to know who I’m having sex with.

And you don’t know Lori?

I know her, but not that well. I wish I knew her. That makes me sad that I don’t.

Don’t you still have a chance to get to know her?

Yes.

So you have a plan?

Yes.

What is it?

I want to know her as a friend. If something else comes from that, then that will be a good thing.

Why?

Because I’ll be closer to her and sex would be ok.

Why?

Because there won’t be any complications like last night.

What happened last night?

We had sex and I got up to leave after we were done. She said she felt used and I didn’t mean for it to go that way. I explained to her my motives for doing that and apparently everything was ok.
But I felt things weren’t ok, and that she seemed to care about me more than she led on. I didn’t like that because I don’t know her well enough for her to care about me like that. I don’t know her and I don’t want a relationship. I want to not feel like a loser when I’m with someone. She chose me because of my status. Vice versa. She could do better. I could do better by waiting. I don’t want someone who’s on the internet all day. I don’t want someone who’s bi sexual. I don’t want someone who thinks little of my belief. I hate this feeling because I gave her my body. It’s harder to walk away from this situation now.

And you feel insulted that she’ll eventually sleep with someone else?

Yes?

Why?

BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HER! I DON’T KNOW IF I WAS GOOD ENOUGH. I SHOULD BE WORTH WAITING FOR! SHE SHOULD WAIT AS LONG AS SHE POSSIBLY CAN FOR ME! SHE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL SHE’S OLD AND DECREPID AND SHE’S MISSING ALL OF HER TEETH! SHE SHOULDN’T BE HAPPY WITH SLEEPING WITH ANYONE ELSE. SHE SHOULDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

You feel silly for saying all of that?

Yes I do.

Why?

Because she’s going to do all of those things whether I like it or not.

Why?

Because it’s her life and not mines. It’s a selfish feeling I have.

Why?

Because she slept with me and I thought I was good.

Should you be upset if she sleeps with someone else?

No.

Is it ok to be upset that she’s sleeping with someone else?

Yes.

Why?

Because it’s a natural jealousy. I mean if someone is sleeping with me then I would expect to be the best. That’s just my own silly ego talking.

You know it’s silly?

Yes?

You know it couldn’t help anything if you told her you were upset that she was sleeping with someone else?

Yes.

Why?

It wouldn’t change anything and I would look like a selfish fool. Plus I would be giving all of my power to her. So if I DID sleep with her again, she would think less of me whether she thought so or not. It wouldn’t be good for me in the long run as well.

So what will you do now?

I will be Lori’s friend. If she needs me I’ll will do what I feel I can do to be there for her. If we sleep together again it will only be because I know her better. I will also get tested in the near future. If we are sleeping together then I would ask her if she’s been with anyone else. I would want her to get tested. My reality. My rules. I also won’t take it personal if she sleeps with anyone else. I am the one who decided to break off the exclusive sex. It is my fault that it is happening. I don’t have a problem with it.

Ok then. Read this over again. And again. Don’t lose it, Jonathan. Stay strong in what you believe. Ok?

Ok.

Promise?

I promise myself I’ll stay strong.

You know it’s not like this with all girls?

Yeah.

You know you don’t have to do this to yourself over and over again?

Yeah.

You know theres someone out there for you?

Yea.

You feel bad for hurting Lori?

Yeah

Why?

Because she’s been through a lot these past few months and I is just another problem being added.

You realize you’re not the only one who put herself in that situation?

Yeah.

You realize that she agreed on the just sex policy as well?

Yeah.

So if she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions, should you be upset?

No.

Why?

Because she knew what she was getting into!

Are you saying that everything isn’t as simple and clear cut as she said it was?

Yes.

Why?

Because I don’t feel that way.

But she does? She feels it can be simple?

Yes

Why?

Because she doesn’t’ understand me. She’s forcing herself to think that this situation isn’t a big deal.

Well it obviously is to you?

Yes.

So you think It would be ok to just let the chips fall where they may?

Yes.

Why?

Because In the end, I’ll be the one with a clear conscience and she’ll still be confused.

You don’t want her to bring you down with her?

Exactly.

You’ll let her have the job of figuring it out if she doesn’t get it.

I’ve explained how I felt. If she’s refusing to see how I see it. Then it really wasn’t meant to be.

Let the chips fall where they may?

Yes

Let the chips fall where they may?

Yes, Jonathan. Yes.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Basically she's just being more affectionate the more we have sex. She calls almost everyday and last night when she said she felt used....I just knew what was lying ahead.

She says that she cares about me, but she dosen't want a relationship either. But her actions are telling me something else. I've learned to trust a woman's actions more than her words

She's not an attention whore. She's not a drama queen. She's not a slacker or a drug addict. She has had 9 partners since she was 17. She's 21 now. So... I mean she's a great chick. But I want to know her better. I just want to better myself also. I'm not where I want to be in my life. That's why I dont' want a relationship. Dammit. Also yeah that...She got with me less than a week after she broke it off with her boyfriend of 2 years. Oye! Yeah that's what was bugging the shit out of me also!

So besides all of this she's not bad at all.

Got any good suggestions, guys?

To Dr. P; Yeah this is the same girl I was talking about a week before



Oh yes. One other thing. I lost my virginity to her also. I guess that's another reason I'd have a gripe about her sleeping with someone else.

 

[bud_2005]

You think like a girl

 

[ThunderMaverick]

And you're an asshole.

Any other feedback?

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

I think you are fighting with yourself because you are developing feelings that you don't want to have, for whatever reason. Stop trying to think up reasons of why she is not good enough for you. Get to know her better without the sex and see where you end up. you are thinking to much and want everything to work out as a plan, that doesn't happen.

 

[Lifeforce]

Go where your heart tells you. You'll be alot happier that way.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You guys are right, I think. I might be making up excuses to break it off with her.


I guess I'm still trying to figure out why.
I'm just evaluating the whole situation with a fine tooth comb. It's proably unnecessary.

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

Do you think that deep down inside you realize that you have a connection with this girl and could have something good with her. You may be trying to sabotage the "relationship" out of fear....

Cut it out!!! Relax and stop analyzing!!! Yes, she may have her problems and there may be things you don't like, but, no one is perfect and no situation, or date or relationship starts out according to that fairy tale plan.....

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Yeah you're right.


There is someone else that's been on my mind. That's what's been bothering me also. I don't want that to get in the way if I want to be with this current girl.

So...you know how that goes. I'm going to press my luck. We'll see how things turn out in the comming months.

 

[spider_007]

this is normal. Sex is an emotional thing after all.

ther are times after when i get up after sex, that I feel guilty for doing it (especially if it's good). For me it usually last a few hours and then i don't care anymore. I think it has something to do with the fact that i wish she had somebody that loves her so she can do that to him (puity).........i don't know....

oh and i use that question and answer thing all the time. helps cut through the crap.