i attract mental disorderlies, hahahaha...bawling now...

[iqqi]

hey fellas, i really missed everyone, and i need some advice seriously here on this one.

a couple of weeks ago i met a guy. we were just drawn to each other. we went out two days later, and have hung out almost every day since then. i don't really meet a lot of guys i am really interested in ( i even stopped giving out my # all together), so it was great to find him, i am so into this guy. i mean, haven't had a relationship in over two years. i'm not a relationship monkey, hahhaha.

this guy is extremely goodlooking, to the point where women harass him the way men usually harass woman. they straight up molest him on the street! he has money, a very nice ride, is always well dressed. and he is extremely intelligent. despite all of this he is down to earth, sensitive, free spirited, and extremely funny. and he is so fcuking sensual! i feel kind of like i am in a dream.

he told me a lot about his life immediately, and told me that almost a year ago he tried to commit suicide. well two days after we first uh...made out...he called me up. he said he needed to see me right away. we went to a bar, a live band was playing 80's covers, like poison, eric clapton and such. it was surreal. he had tears in his eyes the whole time. he told me how much he liked me, and that he got into it with his family again, and that he was moving away in a few days. i was stunned, and knew there was more to the story.

and there was. he was moving on, as in planning on killing himself. that night was bad. i spent the night with him to make sure he didn't do it then, and the next day i cried off and on constantly because he seemed to have made his decison. i was so hurt because he is so special, one of those individuals, spirits, that you rarely come across in life. but i was scared that there was nothing i could do.

later that night there was a complete turn around. he had a lot of resources come to light during that day, he realized he'd be alright. he's seeking professional help. we decided to take it slow right now because obviously he has some introspection to tend to right now. well as it turns out he can't leave me alone, and i still can't get enough of him.

and the story gets deeper. his best friend contacted my best friend and now all of my girls are tripping on me to leave him alone, because his friend basically hinted towards a serious drug problem with my new guy. which makes so much sense. why else would he be so hung up and suicidal about his family? he is not a child, he is a grown man living alone. i figured there must be something deeper going on. and this makes sense. i asked him about it slightly, and he denied it, but he was obviously affected by my questioning, and a couple of minutes later told me i was pretty smart, without elaborating.

this is all surreal thus far. what are your thoughts?

 

[honeyshark]

Not to be a hater, but....

"i spent the night with him to make sure he didn't do it then"
"later that night there was a complete turn around"
"and i still can't get enough of him"

score man:1 woman:0

Do not get to attached to this one person. Not only may he kill himself, but it's oneitis. I know I am being blunt and rude, but there is very little you can do except to protect yourself. How well do you really know this person?

This, of course, is all from a DJ perspective, and it's advice for DJing. It sounds like this person has become your friend and you genuinely care about him, so perhaps my cyniciscm that you are being manipulated is unfounded.

If he is thinking about suicide, of course there is "something deeper going on." Ask yourself if you really want to get involved any more than you are right now and go from there.

Peace.

 

[iqqi]

you are being manipulated

hmmm...elaborate here. because this is something that is a part of his fcuked up family situation.

 

[ShortTimer]

Look, 99% of people who go to kill themselves are just crying for help because they are broken in the head.

Unless you too are broken in the head and want some kind of dysfunctional relationship with this guy you should leave right now.

Not being mean, just being honest.

because his friend basically hinted towards a serious drug problem with my new guy. which makes so much sense. why else would he be so hung up and suicidal about his family?

At the risk of sounding like a drug fiend I would like to say that my experience with certain drugs would make me argue that, if anything, drug use would push someone AWAY from suicide.

A few years ago, my apendix ruptured and I had to have it removed. I was in the worst pain of my life for over twelve hours all because a tiny organ went pop. While at the hospital I was given morphine and other opiates. Lemmie tell ya, I can see how people get hooked. It's that experience that makes me say (at least those kind of drugs) would push one away from suicide. No, opiates don't make your problem go away; it just makes it so you don't care.

 

[K56Connect]

Don't deny it, you are absolutely loving the drama this guy is bringing. It makes you feel alive and worthwhile. Chicks are always into the fvcked up guys, always thinking they can help them out. But hey, you love this type of sh!t, so just continue on with him. Why ask for our advice? It's your life, do whatever makes you happy.

 

[A1SteakSauce]

danger, will robinson -- this is borderline personality disorder behavior. the individual has been neglected as a child and restorts to seduction and manipulation to fill their empty void as an adult. the individual is highly seductive and highly manipulative. he will play on your need for drama and your sense of empathy. you will rescue him. you will weep for him. you will believe in the beautiful tragic myth of his existence. and you will be rewarded with a broken heart.

strap on your dj parachute and eject. this dream will become a nightmare soon enough

A1

 

[TesuqueRed]

Met a guy recently...
Immediately attracted to each other...
Went on a date...
Now spending every day together...

He's this and that and so much more and--and--and--(getting breathless here...)

What first sprang to mind was a bunch of tired old re-hashed advice lines something like: "iq---you know better" and "take it slow" and "you're putting him on a pedestal" and bla bla bla etc.

But none of these address a real issue, do they? I mean, if you took it slow, let things develop slowly, and backed-up to see him objectively, you would still have potential drug-using, bi-polar, manipulative, suicidal avoidant whatever with probably half a dozen other undiagnosed conditions on your hands.

And you'd still have you on your hands, too.

What does it remind me of--??? Someone I worked with over the summer. I'm going to guess and see if this is similar---

A co-worker of mine--after a long dry period for her--met a guy who got her wound up---I mean, really excited. She even dashed off to the Gap and bought a skirt and blouse just moments before a lunch date at work because she didn't think her current outfit was sufficient--!! He was, according to her, well dressed, self-employed, home-owning, handsome, young, ambitious, confident, funny, intelligent etc.

And she was frightened since she usually got out-of-work, poorly dressed leaches who were working their way towards AA or al-anon.

But this guy seemed so different. And the attraction was so strong.

And--yes, she soon found that he had a drinking problem, a family problem, didn't dress so nice most of the week, quit his former job (couldn't hold it) and was trying to get into real estate but wasn't quite making it yet, had a controlling ex who managed to crash at his place between jobs and apartments and I forget what else...and all this came out in the first 2 weeks of dating (I wish I had stuck around to hear more, it was very entertaining!)

Result? She was surrounded by a lot of great guys, but none of them attracted her. She couldn't "see" all the guys around her because of this. But when the attraction thing went "click" (similar to that click just before the bomb goes off in the movies..) it was because she came into the presense of whatever disfunction profile that fit her like a key in a lock.

It was uncanny how she did this--but not really, as I think of it, because I've seen a lot of people replicate this pattern repetition in their relationships (I'm not gonna unpack the redundancies in that last sentence--I tried to clarify it and only added another layer of redundacy--ha!)

The main lesson I took from this is that she's got something going on where she could sniff out these guys, no matter how disguised they were. It was that "strongly drawn to each other" thing--the sense of attraction--that did it for her. It was compelling. I had heard of this before, seen some of it, done some of it myself (we all do, I suppose)--but not as strongly as she seemed to do it.

Iq--I don't know if your situation is at all similar or if you have a similar pattern thing going, too. It's the pattern of cueing in on a certain dysfunctional profile that I'm focusing on here.

I don't know that it can be avoided. I doubt it--your conscious mind really can't stand up against those things for long...hence the worthlessness of advising "take it slow, you know better, don't put him on a pedestal" and the like. It addresses the symptoms, not the causes.

I wonder how and what the latest therapy techniques do to handle this kind of thing--???

Anyway, Iqqi--am I way off base or somewhat close in guessing you've got something similar going on?

 

[Santos]

Hey iqqi

I've always been scared that I'd meet a woman similar to the man you've met. Why? Well, I've never had a LTR and I don't meet new women that often. When I do meet them, I try and make it work. I've always been scared that if I met the wrong woman, I might stay with her anway just so I could have "someone" in my life.

You are in a very dangerous situation. Drug abuse? Suicidal thoughts? I've read that a lot of people who DO commit suicide never mention it to anyone. Sometimes suicide threats are just a cry for help, but that doesn't mean the person won't carry it out.
It's very sad that he is experiencing these problems in his life, but do you realise how BADLY your life could be affected if you keep seeing him? I don't want to upset you, but imagine he comitted suicide or overdosed tomorrow? You'd be very hurt and upset.

Now imagine how much MORE you would hurt if you've known him for two years and have been trying to help him with his problems, become his friend and he comitted suicide or overdosed. You'd be SERIOUSLY hurt and very traumatised.

Please don't put yourself through this. Even if he never takes his own life you will have to go through all kinds of horrible experiences, what if he overdoses? Fails a suicide attempt? If you really did get to know him and he took his own life, you'd blame yourself.

He is getting counselling. There's nothing you can do for him. There are people trained to help him and he must help himself.

Keep us posted
Santos

 

[Celadus]

I'm in the same position as the guy you are dating. I have a lot going for me, but I'm fuc*ed up in the head. Women notice me, but I'm too shy and my confidence is too low to do anything about it. The past few weeks I've thought about suicide.

Its hard to say what to do in this situation. The DJ way is to NEXT, move on, leaving no chance to get hurt. I think its alittle more complicated then that. You can't fix him, but you can support him. I don't think anyone can tell you whether you should continue dating him. If you do, it will be difficult, but the end result could be great.

If you stay his friend and support him, then possibly he will be indebted to you when/IF he gets better. Of course, if he's as great as you say, he might find someone better.

I say do whatever you feel like doing. But be prepared for the consequences.

I may be fuc*ed up now, but I have hope that things will work out. When I do get straightened out, my life will be great with the resources I have.

Listen to Matchbox 20 - Unwell. It makes me feel better.

 

[Player_Supreme]

this guy is extremely goodlooking, to the point where women harass him the way men usually harass woman. they straight up molest him on the street! he has money, a very nice ride, is always well dressed. and he is extremely intelligent. despite all of this he is down to earth, sensitive, free spirited, and extremely funny. and he is so fcuking sensual! i feel kind of like i am in a dream.


Sounds like a real pimp to me except:

1. You are getting played by a manipulator. Even if he does commit suicide it is not your place to step in between. Save that for the professionals. If a person is going to do it they will do it...

2. I would run so fast from this loser, my head wouldn't even turn back.

3. Your post stated that you always attract this. There is an old metaphysical adage:

So it is above-So it is below.

What that means is that in order to change the outside you gotta change the inside first.

4. A real man can handle his problems. He doesn't fit the bill for what you posted under my thread about your criteria for cool.

5. You can't be captain save a Player...let it go. The universe will take care of it. If he is to leave then so be it. But your place is to find something better than this psycho shyt.

6. I could tell something was wrong when he spit his life story at the beginning of your post.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by A1SteakSauce
the individual has been neglected as a child and restorts to seduction and manipulation to fill their empty void as an adult. the individual is highly seductive and highly manipulative. he will play on your need for drama and your sense of empathy

please read the following with this is mind, i am speaking of a person when i say this, not just a man i am romantically interested in:

this rings true. but before you condemn him based on this, check out this article by osho: click here

many men, many people, have issues because of their parents, their enviroment, whatever. i can not write an individual off because of something like that, what kind of person would i be? who does not have issues? is it not more important how a man grows from his misfortunes, rather than the fact that he has them? is not the man's character more important than his issues, which are temporary? and isn't it misfortune that creates character, as well as personal growth?

who am i to ignore the crossing of our paths due to his unluckiness at this time? perhaps the fact that i am a strong, wise human being is precisely why our paths crossed at this time. what kind of person would i be to judge a man when he is at his lowest? and would not i pay, in spirit and soul, if i was to turn my back on this event that has been placed before me? i have a hard time swallowing the idea of judging a man by his misfortune.

i do not need drama, A1, though i do crave excitement. but i already had this just from meeting such an exceptional person! the feeling turned to dread and foreboding as the other issue came to light. imagine if you will that you find an extraordinary record (this could be the extraordinary anything, but i need an analogy so bear with me). this song is unlike anything you've ever heard, and it is yours to play at will, you feel so fortunate, so lucky. but in the third verse there is a scratch. the record is broken, imagine the disappointment, the hurt.

well, this is not just an object, this is a man.

Its hard to say what to do in this situation. The DJ way is to NEXT, move on, leaving no chance to get hurt. I think its alittle more complicated then that. You can't fix him, but you can support him. I don't think anyone can tell you whether you should continue dating him. If you do, it will be difficult, but the end result could be great.
If you stay his friend and support him, then possibly he will be indebted to you when/IF he gets better. Of course, if he's as great as you say, he might find someone better.

-celadus

i agree here. i do not want to fix him, i DO NOT! i truly believe a man must save himself. and as for getting hurt, you take that risk ANYTIME your feelings are involved, its just easier to judge this situation because his issues are all on the table.

Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell. That was Doc's mistake. He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can't give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they're strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That's how you'll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing. You'll end up looking at the sky.

-from breakfast at tiffany's.


this is my fear, my insecurity if you will. that once he is healed, strong, that he will disappear. but then that would speak more of his character, not mine. it is just an insecurity i would like to admit to.

TESUQUE:

What first sprang to mind was a bunch of tired old re-hashed advice lines something like: "iq---you know better" and "take it slow" and "you're putting him on a pedestal" and bla bla bla etc.

hahahah! i do know, i do! i know that i need to step back here and be objective. the knowlege of his issue and the passionate attraction between us has kind of thrust us forward too soon, and it is unhealthy and scary! you lose sight of things, and i am telling you now my vision is hazy. i am wrestling with the stepping back, please spell it out exactly, what should i do and what should i not do, because i am so confused, i do not want to seem like i am brushing him off. and maybe i am just scared that he will brush me off if i give him enough space to- a rediculous insecurity! but i am confessing! thoughts? perspective?

Anyway, Iqqi--am I way off base or somewhat close in guessing you've got something similar going on?

some of this i do not agree with, tesuque, because i think that a little insanity is wonderful! i will say that everyone that has ever been really close to me has been slightly "off" but i think this is great! it is liberal, it is free, it is not ordinary, and i would choose slight insanity over complete sanity any day. it is one of my favorite traits. to more specifically answer your question- i have had problems with depression (i think too much), but never have even experiment with any drugs. though i do have experience with people who have.


i am very confused right now, i admit. vision is hazy. feelings are conflicted.

 

[ShortTimer]

it was because she came into the presense of whatever disfunction profile that fit her like a key in a lock.

It was uncanny how she did this--but not really, as I think of it, because I've seen a lot of people replicate this pattern repetition in their relationships

YES! I've seen this too, and you're absolutly right! From reading Iqqi's responces below I think she is doing exaclty this.

many men, many people, have issues because of their parents, their enviroment, whatever. i can not write an individual off because of something like that, what kind of person would i be?

You would be a SANE one with high self-esteme. People like him don't need girlfriends, they need THERAPISTS. You cannot be his therapist thought I know deep down you want to.

Sure, you can lie to us; but stop lying to yourself about this. You DO want drama, and you know this man will provide this for you.

who does not have issues?

Stop making excuses. Normal helthy people have issues about public speaking or spiders maybe, not drug addiction and suicide. I know how bad you want a dysfunctional relationship with him, and I'm sure you're gonna make it happen no matter what we say.

So I think I'll just stop here because I know you'll never listen. You'll make excuses and cry when things don't work out and no matter how many times people say "I told you so" it'll never be enough because you need this kind of broken relationship to fit the image of yourself.

I'm going to say this with as much compassion and kindess as I can, though I know it will come off as mean and crappy: you ending up in these kinds of relationships all the time means one thing -- you = broken. You need to go see a therapist about your self-esteem and get fixed before you can have an adult relationship. STOP with that guy now while you're ahead.

because i think that a little insanity is wonderful!

Like I said: therapy.

it is liberal, it is free, it is not ordinary,

it's broken!

i have had problems with depression

Right, therapist... go now.

 

[princelydeeds]

All of this nonsense simply validates this whole forum. This post shows just how crazy GIRLS (yes I do mean girls) are. Most girls will choose the worst possible mate. The chick who wrote this mess is drawn into some crazy drama, shes caught up in her own real life soap opera and she cant get enough.

Man isn`t it just great to get to know some suicidal crazy guy? It just makes life so much more exciting. I bet she truly feels alive. Women love drama. This guy is a master player. He has obviously reached the level where he gets his kicks out of drawing women in, and he blows there minds with his sob story. How could any woman resist the chance to MOTHER and nurture Mr. Irresistable in his hour of need. When she mothers him back to life, she will have Mr Perfect waiting for her.

I don`t buy his suicidal story as anything more than a way to draw in yet another victim. In a few days he will be banging herr brains out, next he will have some drama that requires her money, then she will be crying when he leaves her flat broke with maxed out credit cards for his next victim.

Not my style, but Play on Playa! I certainly wont feel sorry for her

 

[iqqi]

shorttimer, hahahhaa! funny, you are!

i just did some research on what A1 said, and he fits the bill perfectly for borderline personality disorder and this too , to a T! check out that site, it is crazy how it and other sites described him perfectly.

so yeah, he has a problem. and this disorder sounds serious, "bpd's emotionally bleed to death" and such. wow.

but i still have an issue with just writing someone off. call me what you will. are you saying a person with issues is a person undeserving of any relationship? romantically or friendshipwise?

but maybe i should definately just be friends with this cat. i feel some serious introspection coming on, about my feelings on all of this...

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
All of this nonsense simply validates this whole forum. This post shows just how crazy GIRLS (yes I do mean girls) are. Most girls will choose the worst possible mate.

actually, (i am in the midst of my research here), it turns out that 75% of people with BPD (2% of the entire population) are women. so i am really helping out you fellas by posting my experience with this cat, cuz you have a severely higher chance of hooking up with a woman with borderline personality disorder than i do -if that is what he really has.

BTW, people with BPD are described as bright, witty, funny, life of the party. sexy and passionate, and they have a way of quickly drawing you in by projecting feelings onto you. so in reality, this is very probable to happen to any one of you, moreso since you are interested in women, not men.

 

[Bonhomme]

A1 and princelydeeds are right

.

 

[honeyshark]

Originally posted by princelydeeds
All of this nonsense simply validates this whole forum. This post shows just how crazy GIRLS (yes I do mean girls) are. Most girls will choose the worst possible mate.

Although a lot of people on this board are here because they have been burned by women, I think it is important to try and keep an open mind about gender differences. I'm sure that any fat or ugly girl would say the same thing about how men choose female mates.

Peace.

 

[princelydeeds]

Originally posted by honeyshark
Although a lot of people on this board are here because they have been burned by women, I think it is important to try and keep an open mind about gender differences. I'm sure that any fat or ugly girl would say the same thing about how men choose female mates.

Peace.

Help me Im slow, I don't understand your point. Is this yet another "NOT ALL WOMEN" post. Yes , there are gender differences, and I am pointing them out. Fat and ugly girls are still girls, and are subject to the same rules that apply to all women

 

[iqqi]

a decision

hey guys, thanks so far for your input. i did a lot of thinking and sorting and what i kept thinking to explain to "naysayers" was "if he is treating me right and good to me, i don't see the problem" so i realized that that is what needed to be said to him. he is also conflicted about starting a relationship right now.

but here i am. here he is. that is life, it doesn't always happen at the "right time".

we had a long, great talk last night about things on our mind not being said. he is so intelligent, the way his mind works is so admirable, so refreshing. i am not so sure he really even has BPD, is just going through sh!t right now. i am not a professional. i love everything about him, i feel so lucky to have met him. its like that sometimes. i do not like this situation, but it is just a situation, not him. and this may be my enlarged ego speaking, but i think i will be just fine, seeing as i am so strong and wise and all

a main point i made was that i would not be treating him any different due to his situation, AS IN making excuses for him treating me bad because he is feeling bad, or insecure at times. i know that in his situation, there is a great chance of him projecting his own doubts and fears, insecurities onto me, in effect treating me wrongly.

in other words, i AM understanding, empathetic, but to a point. i will not tolerate or understand if he treats me like sh!t due to this. (he has not so far, but it needed to be said. in this unstable period in his life, i think i need to be the stable one.) he is getting some therapy, he is handling business.

and as long as he helping his self, and doing alright by me, i am riding this wave. i know that it seems like a bad idea, because the situation is not perfect, but i really think he just might be worth it.

 

[princelydeeds]

My mother used to tell me a hard head makes a soft behind. Everything that feels good to you isnt good for you. But the one that best suits you is "Common Sense" aint all that common.

Im sure you will save the guy from himself and the two of you will live happily ever after. because no one knows you or knows him. Your situation in unique and you are that special rare flower that can tame the wildest guy. He is that rare player who has been walking around lost until he found you. Yes he will soon carry you off into the sunset. He is a prince trapped in a frogs body all you have to do is kiiss the frog and save the day!