I Am Numb

[Wildstyle]

What are we? What the fcuk are we? Someone answer that for me.

We live and then we die. End of story. Does it matter if you believe in the spirit or not?

Are we eternally alive or does it even matter when we take that last breath. We enter this world as a growing piece of organic matter and then perish. The only thing that will last is our thoughts. That is why I write. We can only look at the world and ourselves? I hate that I have realized I am trapped in a world where I always want something. There is always a feeling of loss because of it. Cause there is nothing else we can do other than want more.

This proves that we will always feel loss because we feel we should have something we dont. This disgusts me. I see a girl I feel I fcuking love and because I cant communicate with her I feel loss. I cant do something I want to do, I feel loss. I feel loss because I fcuking “CANT”. I begin to doubt EVERY FCUKING THING IVE DONE, and enter a state of mental limbo.

What am I doing here? Is our existence only defined by our thoughts? Why is it that I feel loss because people don’t treat me in a certain way? Why do I have to be even treated in a certain way? Why do I want PEOPLE to treat me in a certain way? The answer would be this essay.

I am trapped. Morales and personal values have no meaning in this limbo. It makes me angry because I cant. I keep falling into this ****y state, where I doubt everything because I have nothing. I HAVE FCUKING NOTHING. It brings a tear to my eye because I have lived on this planet for twenty years and I feel as naked as I first stepped into it. All the experiences I have had have lead me to this wet-sand I call tonight.

Mans greatest enemy is himself, but we cannot attack this enemy. We cannot get rid of this one bastard that is breaking us. I feel fcuking broken. This is the most pathetic thing ever written and im really fcuking disgusted. It is on a night like this where I feel trapped because I cant get rid of this feeling of loss. Mans greatest enemy has thrown me in a dark corner with a laptop so I can question my own existence. Every achievement I have ever had feels worthless. I do not know how to get out of this limbo and I feel I am fcuking NOTHING.

I don’t know why I posted this tonight, I guess a part of me wants something I cant have. Feel free to insult this as much as you want, I encourage you to do so, cause I have no fcuking idea where im going from here.

I AM NUMB.

 

[black jesus]

i wanted to tell u that you need to see a fcking phsycologist or something but s then that isnt really helpful. what you need to do is to realize that that feeling of loss can be stripped down to be one of the purest good that can ever happen to you. when you realize that WANTING something is one of the only reasons people can come close to perfection because without want there is not need and without need there is not action. if you see a girl that you like and you realize that you cannot talk to her, you feel loss. then after you feel loss you feel the need/want to talk to her and THAT is what will motivate you to learn how to talk to girls. for example i dont have a job but yet i am always looking for something to buy. i saw this item that i wanted for Christmas but did not have money to get it. i felt loss then i felt the need to get myself that christmas present so guess what? since then i was inspired to turn my life around and i did all because i felt loss. do not let feeling this consume you because it can tear you apart and lead you to the most depressing way of life possible

 

[exile663dfx]

You are a walking husk of negativity. Get a grip.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, what event or events precipitated this? Tell Uncle Atom and he might try to help you.

 

[ken chang]

I actually like posts like this. It feels real. I'm not saying it actually is real. Only the OP knows that, but it feels real. Like it was written with raw emotion.

Sometimes, I feel like that, too. Although, probably not as intense.

I can only say that life is sh!tty sometimes. But sometimes it can be really great, too. Just enjoy the good times and brace yourself for the bad times.

Interesting post. I was bored at work today and needed a good read.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Unfortunately the older you get the more things get taken away from you.. your looks, your friend and family, even your capacity to do your profession, and last of all your life. Having said that, dude you might as well bang as many HBs as you can before you take a dirt nap and do what you can do to make your time here something more than a personal hell.