I am confused, I need to vent....

[ItsOnNow]

Well, b.s aside, you know how I feel and where I am at. My fear is always being alone. No one there by my side. I see these people, my own age, already getting married. It feels Like I have been doing something wrong my whole life, and I am behind everyone else. Seriously, like my stuff is not together, Like I am not/have not been living. I mean, what shell have I been living in? I get up, I go to work, and then whatever. It's like I am looking for this way out. I can think of where I went wrong. Where I didn't focus, and that is why I feel I am at where I am. Maybe I am too average, too regular.

I mean all this talk of "being the ultimate don juan", what if its not in you? What if you feel like you don't know who you are, and everyone else seems to have everything together?

 

[DarthAngel707]

don't worry, it gets better as you get older.

If you become successful in your career, all those girls will realize in time that you are a good catch.

I know a ton of guys who are single at your age who are happy or at least it seems they're cool about it.

Cheer up.

 

[forward]

Many people work very hard at seeming like they have "everything together". I would stop comparing yourself to them. Work on improving yourself, and do it for yourself (not others opinions). Maybe with constant improvement you will eventually feel like you have your stuff together, or at least be happy with your stuff.

I wouldn't know from experience, but I will venture a guess that marriage doesn't necessarily grant the security of "never being alone" or "always having someone by your side". If you have a fear of being alone, then won't that transfer to a fear of her leaving you? Fight the fear directly.

 

[ItsOnNow]

It's hard for me to not feel this way when it seems like everyone else has someone, for instance, a freind of mine at work is seeing his girl tonight, and is or was seeing like 3 others. I feel like I don't have that spark, that energy. Know what I mean? Like that instantaneous where she automatically likes you.

 

[WC2]

Maybe the mod will do you a favor and ban you from this forum.

But seriously, I see you making a different depressing post every single day. Early on I felt some pity, but now I just feel like you need a reality check.

Reality CHECK : posting your depressing thoughts WILL not put you on the right track to a positive life style.

If you REALLY want to improve your life right now you need to forget this forum, forget going on your computer, and get your ass out in the real world. Do something you're good at.

Hell, you're not a bad story teller, why don't you try to write a book? Or be a journalist?

Seriously, ItsOnNow is a very bold nickname for someone who can't get his ass off of his computer to find something useful in the real world.

I'm always helpful to those who ask for genuine advice, but now I'm just being brutally honest. You need to get off the internet and step into reality. This is the best advice anyone could give you at this point in time. Good luck.

 

[nightcrawler]

don't worry, it gets better as you get older.

If you become successful in your career, all those girls will realize in time that you are a good catch.

I know a ton of guys who are single at your age who are happy or at least it seems they're cool about it.

Cheer up.

It's this scenario that makes me bitter.

I'm relatively young at 21, and not yet having lived the post HS/college experiences that I want to live (such as having friends and having crazy monkey sex)..In fact I missed out on em I think...I'll be a junior next year in college.

I'm short in stature and not easy on the eyes. Women will just see me as a sack of money they need to take advantage of.

In short: I'll be getting sloppy seconds.

I hate the game. I really do.

 

[Igetit!]

Boy,that WC2 ain't no joke!Even though he seems sort of harsh,I'd have to agree with him.

 

[Dr. Cherry]

To the OP, at some point you have to realize that you, and you alone, are responsible for your experience of reality. You will never be able to move forward until you do. I'm not talking about a person's "lot in life", but rather the way we choose to experience the world we interact with.

I remember a point much earlier in my life where I had the same feeling that I was sure I was going to be alone forever. No friends to hang out with. No girl. School, work and rented movies were all I had. So, when I read your post, I can identify. I understand the emotional agony. That trapped feeling. You can't find your way out.

I had drawn the conclusion that I wasn't someone people wanted to hang out with. Justified by the internal belief that "I'm just not a social person". Reinforced by people giving me the cold sholder sometimes. Self fulfilling because of the internal longing for companionship that breads a neediness vibe that sends people running for the hills.

I had similair beliefs, justifications, reinforcers, and self fulfilling actions with respect to women as well.

I was only able to start breaking this type of self reinforcing reasoning when I realized that I was the only person responsible for my experience of reality.

You could think of it as being responsible for your own thoughts.

I was responsible for my conclusion that poeple didn't want to hang out with me. So, I then had to ask myself, was there ever a time when someone enjoyed hanging out with me? The answer is yes. Was my conclusion then valid? No.

I then had to ask myself, if I hold on to the belief that "I'm just not a social persion", what will my life be like in 20-years? Wow. It'll probably suck that much more. What a wasted life. So, I must conclude that this belief does not serve my best interest.

But, because I was responsible for this belief, for this thought, I could work on changing it. In the end, if I hadn't realized that I was the only one responsible for this belief, I would have been powerless to it, a slave to it, and I couldn't have moved forward with life.

 

[ItsOnNow]

Thats it. Its all in my head. Its like this big block that I have tried to find a way to get over. Like hoping it just goes away and that it would come with some sort of major success. I mean, it always felt like it was my said "lot in life" as you put it. This mindset took over me. Maybe I am out of touch with reality. Reality to me was, "everyone is happy and successful, and I am not. Everyone has all these Girl(s) and i dont." Like I am trying to escape from this, rather than confront it. I mean, I guess I have to completely change my vibe. To me, it was always other people, and not me. I mean, Its not like I am like this around other people. I mean, I am so used to this, it seems very hard to change. Like alot of the natrual stuff, merely going out in social environments, seems hard for me. It seems unless like you fit a cetain criteria, ya know. I feel like I have not been out there getting results, not taking action. I cant get it into my head. Seriously, its like I dont know how to read/attract women. Seriously.

 

[Dr. Cherry]

It is very hard to change. It took me about ten years to get past the social awkwardness. I got there, but how how much time was wasted? Had I known about this site earlier (as you do), maybe it wouldn't have taken as long. This is an advantage you have.

I remember spending a lot of time wishing and hoping for that miracle. That it "just goes away and that it would come with sort of major success." It's not going to happen overnight. You have to do the work. That's all there is to it.

You seem to be, much like me, in the sense that we are "thinkers". Introverts, if you will. But, I have learned that, there are some things you can't think yourself out of. There are some lessons you can't learn by just thinking about them.

I'd like to recommend a book that was extremely helpful to me. It's one of the books recommended by D. DeAngelo., "Feel the fear...and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers.

The other thing I'd suggest you read up on, and you can find a lot of info about this online, is to learn how to identify and reframe limiting beliefs. Part of my previous post was illustrating identification and reframing a couple of limiting beliefs.