I am awkward around women

[sosumba]

I am a bit awkward around women and poeple in general since I have trouble keeping a normal conversation flowing let alone a seductive one. I know the best way is to ask open questions but I feel that I ask the questions about the wrong things since the conversation doesn't usually progress as far as I would like to.

Could you guys please share some tips or recommend litterature/YouTube channels that could help me on my path to keep a normal conversation flowing more easily.

 

[andreihaha]

You are probably just stressed about it. Kinda like performance anxiety.
You could always go to a more active first-date. Go play some pool, darts, mini-golf. I like to smoke shisha on some first dates.
You don't have to talk as much and also...it makes physical contact easy, if not necessary.
I'm sure dancing is also good, just not my thing.

 

[Scars]

You're not gonna like this answer, but... practice makes perfect. You have to go out of your comfort zone and engage in as many conversations as you can until you feel comfortable with it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Agreed. Practice, OP.

Pre-covid some good practice was improv and Toastmasters. Helps with the confidence.

What helped me get funnier was light self-deprecating humor. After some practice, you'll get good at finding more relatable jokes. Now I can crack a joke at any little thing.

Eventually you'll start realizing the ability to tell a good joke carries over into regular conversation ability and giving thoughtful and sincere compliments. Not saying you'll have to compliment people, it just comes naturally.

Example -
Her: these mosquites are eating me up!
Me: they have good taste
Her: *blushes* you really think so?

 

[Xenom0rph]

I am a bit awkward around women and poeple in general since I have trouble keeping a normal conversation flowing let alone a seductive one. I know the best way is to ask open questions but I feel that I ask the questions about the wrong things since the conversation doesn't usually progress as far as I would like to.

Could you guys please share some tips or recommend litterature/YouTube channels that could help me on my path to keep a normal conversation flowing more easily.

Mastering the art of conversation is not only a dating skill, but it's a survival skill.

In all honesty, you really can't land a good job or climb the corporate ladder or get paid big time dollars unless you master the art of talking.

First things first: you gotta have something interesting to talk about. You gotta have an interesting hobby, interesting job, interesting passions etc...

And then you have to advertise your passion so that it can spark conversation with others.

Example: When I was in my 20s I was big time into sportbikes. So I would wear certain brands of clothing such as Alpinestars and Teknic, and I would walk around campus with my Shoei helmet strapped to my backpack..... I was advertising my passions so that if a woman found me attractive she would have an excuse to come up and ask me "what kind of bike do you ride?"

You gotta have some sort of unique quality to advertise to world so that people can have an excuse to approach you and spark up conversation....

..... The PUA boys would file this under "P" for "Peac0cking".... yes, there are some aspects of PUA that are actually useful...


Second tip: It's a conversation, not a job interview, ask light-hearted questions and keep it mellow

Third tip: You can't force someone to conversate with you.... if she's giving you one word answers like "yeah" "sometimes" "no" "Not really" then it means she doesn't want to talk to you. Her reason for not wanting to chat is irrelevant, if she doesn't want to talk then it's time to wish her a nice day and move on.


Fourth and most important tip: You have to be good-looking and have style..... sorry bro, this brutal blackpill truth, looks matter, PERIOD.

....If you've got good looks, game will work.... If you don't have good looks, game just makes you look creepy.

I recommend you get yourself as fit as possible and develop an edgy style to get attention....

 

[Mike32ct]

Don’t ask too many questions. Conversations should typically not be an interview.

A fun exercise is to minimize YOUR questions. You make a comment. She makes a comment. And you go back and forth. If she asks you questions, fine; you can answer. But go easy on your questions to her. I like this because you aren’t putting pressure on the other person.

That’s actually my default mode when I talk to people. I don’t ask people shyte unless I really want to know. Then they seem like the tryhard ones by asking me lots of questions lol.

Lastly, I’m going to really go against the grain here and say that having at least one female friend is good for conversation practice. I understand that it’s not a sexual vibe, but learning to be “chill” and letting conversation just flow is helpful.

 

[Medina]

Treat women exactly the same as everyone else in your life

I talk to 55 year old women in the exact same manner as I do 18 year olds

Flirty banter with old grandmas is fun. I don't care if it doesn't actually mean what it is

This way, when you come across someone you ARE attracted to, you won't freeze

Your aim is to become a people person, not a ladies man, that will come secondary

The people who enjoy your company will slide into your life. Others won't

 

[Baron_O_H]

You're trying too hard, too attached to what happens next.

The biggest turn in my head was when I started engaging in types of conversation that were fun for me, rather than what I 'should have been doing/saying'.

The process was: beta/weird "ughh hope she likes me" --> very early redpill "be alpha, be alpha, neg#13, amplify, neg#05" --> now "Fun chatter, poke some fun, wow this btch is weird, cool story, bye".

When you go about your day and speak to random people at a cash register or whatever put more effort in than "I'm good, no, no receipt, bye". Say something interesting, ask something fun, whatever... You will learn and you will no longer need to think, it will just happen. Just start talking and you'll realize it's not a big deal to do this with other humans who happen to be young and who happen to be attractive and who happen to be female.

 

[andreihaha]

This is pretty much learning communication as a second language.
Also, if she's getting bored when talking to you, it might be her fault also. Maybe she has nothing to say and you should find another woman.

 

[Baron_O_H]

This is pretty much learning communication as a second language.
Also, if she's getting bored when talking to you, it might be her fault also. Maybe she has nothing to say and you should find another woman.

100% this. We place so much attention on 'how well we did'.

OP, ever considered that the girl might just be hot.. and that's it? Ever considered she may just be an attractive loser? Ever considered if she was in a Male body she would just be some dorito eating, weed smoking, basement gamer? No one cares unless you either have substance or you make dudes hard.

A favorite one of mine.. Ask a girl what her hobbies are, watch her squirm as she realizes that "friends, youtube vlogs, and a foggy definition of 'health'" don't actually qualify as interests.

Put it back on her, have fun with it.

 

[Serenity]

You don't need to learn more, you need to unlearn your idea of what a perfect conversation is. You're putting yourself under pressure and you'll likely never be quite satisfied with your own performance because a conversation rarely ever goes the way you imagine.

I used to have this type of social anxiety myself, until I started pushing the boundaries. Turns out you can push those imagined boundaries a LOT further than you think you can and still be successful.

Stop taking yourself, the game, women and other people so seriously. Have the courage to risk saying something stupid or even better, say something stupid intentionally. If the other person takes everything too seriously it's you who need to steer clear of them, like people do to you because you're being too serious now.

 

[andreihaha]

You don't need to learn more, you need to unlearn your idea of what a perfect conversation is. You're putting yourself under pressure and you'll likely never be quite satisfied with your own performance because a conversation rarely ever goes the way you imagine.

I used to have this type of social anxiety myself, until I started pushing the boundaries. Turns out you can push those imagined boundaries a LOT further than you think you can and still be successful.

Stop taking yourself, the game, women and other people so seriously. Have the courage to risk saying something stupid or even better, say something stupid intentionally. If the other person takes everything too seriously it's you who need to steer clear of them, like people do to you because you're being too serious now.

Great post!
There is no perfect conversation. That only exists in movies. We're living real life.
Sometimes, there's moments of silence. Tension, if you may. That's normal. Actually, that's really good. There is no sex without tension.

 

[Stoic]

I am a bit awkward around women and poeple in general since I have trouble keeping a normal conversation flowing let alone a seductive one. I know the best way is to ask open questions but I feel that I ask the questions about the wrong things since the conversation doesn't usually progress as far as I would like to.

Could you guys please share some tips or recommend litterature/YouTube channels that could help me on my path to keep a normal conversation flowing more easily.

Big thing is limit or cut screen time completely if possible. Cut out time surfing the web. Talk to people in real life. Get in the habit of being sociable. TV and internet erode social skills.