I am at a loss

[Fenderules]

I think at this point i'll just ignore her for a bit cause i dont feeling like bothering with her anymore, i'll just flirt with the other girls around.

The good thing is i'v been blown off so many times my interest falls extremely fast so i dont get caught up. This one i tried a little harder with cause i thought she might just be shy and possibly worth it but i'v already overstayed my welcome.

 

[chili kat]

No offense, but I'm sick of you already. I've read your first post and half of your second....and really struggled to get that far. You know why? Because it's always about you. You're first post, there are over 55 "I"s. A bunch of "me"s. I, me, I've. Me me me. Hell, there are 5 "I"s in your FIRST sentence.

 

[Fenderules]

lol yeah true. It has become about me.

 

[chili kat]

Clear your head,man. Forget everything for 10 minutes. Forget the books, the women, the past experiences, this web site. All of it. Let it go for 10 minutes and find a state of comfort in your head and body, and I mean that literally. You should FEEL it. Go blank and find the feeling of serenity and confidence. You'll know it because it'll feel GOOD. It's like a wave of relief once you hit it.

The idea is not to change your mindset, your entire belief structure. You just want a physical feeling here.

When you finally find that actual physical feeling, make it priority #1. Learn how to zone in on that feeling quickly with practice.
When you've got that down, always do that before you do anything else. Before eye contact, before c&f, before you answer the phone.

Just slow everything down for a moment and put yourself in that zone first, then work on techniques and all that other jazz. Everything else will mold to that feeling eventually.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I think your problem is that:

1) You're a depressed/emotionally battered guy and you send off that vibe (which is a negative one).

2) Your actions, thoughts, words, and feelings are all incongruent with each other.

I think you're looking for meaning and looking for it in the wrong places. You're looking for meaning in a girl and the type of friends you hang out with.

You first have to look for meaning within yourself before you find it in other people. You can go jumping around from friend to friend your whole life if you don't find yourself because nobody you meet can really tell you who you actually are. That's for you to decide. This is just like the idea that you have to respect and love yourself before you can truly allow other people to love and respect you. You have some soul searching to do.

Remember girls want a man who brings meaning to THEIR life. It should not be the other way around (that is generally the way AFCs think).

We (men) bring meaning, strength, and support into the relationship. In return they (women) give us the love and power we need to do these things.


P.S. I would like to tell you this is not just random BS I made up. I've been in a similar situation. I've done the jumping from groups of friends to other groups of friends deal. I've had some people turn cold on me, both girls and guys.

I used to be very depressed.

It all changed when I finally tried to search for meaning in myself, who I was, and who I wanted to become. It's like I was just trying to search for direction in my life. This is not an easy task. It took me 1-2 years to really find myself and my meaning.

Now my smile is genuine, I emit a positive, warm vibe. I can relate to all sorts of people and very seldom have trouble getting along with the people in my life.

 

[cant think of a user name]

I hope I'm not repeating what someone has already said, but about your self-perceived "awkwardness" when you're talking, do you think that stems from your over-analytic behaviour and self-consciousness? Even when you say you "tried" to be indifferent, you're still "trying".... the key to being indifferent is not trying at all!

Let me ask you this about the phone convo thing: Why do you expect that it is YOU who has to entertain the girl? Why don't you just kick back, relax, and let the conversation 'happen', rather than trying to get it going? Make the girl put some effort into the convo too!

 

[whistler]

Two vastly different responses:

1. Just pull out and forget girls for a while if you feel you're caught in a spiral.

2. How's your breath / body odor? No, seriously. I know you're no newbie, but many people develop bad breath or B.O. but never seem to notice it. Girls can be turned off the second they get close to you.

 

[Fenderules]

no its not bo, lol that would be 2 easy. I shower every time i go out, wear deodourant and some cologne, I'v been told i smell nice.

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by Fenderules
no its not bo, lol that would be 2 easy. I shower every time i go out, wear deodourant and some cologne, I'v been told i smell nice.

Maybe you have mad cow?

(j/k-- are we importing your beef again yet?)