MidnightResistance
Senior Don Juan
Yeah, you got it right
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I am absolutely fed up with sh!t tests
- Thread starter johnnyrem
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
First of all, stop the "I was only responding to her earlier request." No, don't do that. Why are you responding to her earlier request? What has she done to earn it? When she hinted that she wanted to learn, you should have immediately come back with a "If I can do that for you, what will you do for me?" response, or something very similar.Originally posted by johnnyrem
Near the end of the date, I pulled into an empty lot and said, "Wanna give it a go?" Her response was, "Gawd! How many times are you gonna ask me? You're like drive my truck now or something!" This was said in a really pissy tone.
What could I say? I was only responding to her earlier request. That pretty much killed the tone for the rest of the evening. Needless to say, that ruined it. I could go on with similar experiences with other women.
Unfortunately, I get this all the time with the good looking chicks. There's not much you can do to salvage the situation when she feels free to be a ***** for no good reason. Major disrespect.
I associate this *****y behavior with low IL, and it is discouraging how often it happens, even with attractive girls (7's-8's) that really aren't out of my league.
You just did what every major chump does, comply and give her what she wants, when she wants it. NO NO NO. You were just put in the same categories as every guy before. Her response was not one of someone being rude, well maybe on the surface, but of her being fed up with guys who act like wusses. She was frustrated that you didn't pass the test. She was annoyed because she was really into you and by not being able to handle her test, stupid as it might sound to you, you put yourself in that "he's not in my league" categorie.
Women, specially very attractive ones, want to feel they earned your approval. They will not have too much respect or attraction for a guy who's already putting them in a pedestal, etc., just because of their looks. If you are the one guy who makes her jump through your hoops, you are already the one she's intrigued by. This is a very universal principle with anybody, not just hot chicks.
Whats very frustrating to you is that it comes after these girls are already showing some type of interest, and then they test you, and sure enough, you fail with flyin' colors. How do you think they must feel. Probably just as frustrated, but believe me, they are tired of "Yes Men". You are not an AFC, in fact, it seems like that is the stickin' point for you now, when they test. You are already doing enough to initially attract some of these hotties, but you are constantly failing the tests that will come dealing with them. So it becomes low IL after you come across as weak.
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
Originally posted by johnnyrem
Yeah, could be I recycled it too much. Maybe my problem is trying to redo things that she enjoyed, but hey, sue me. It's tough to find things chicks like, and my time with the good looking ones hasn't been that frequent. I'll know better next time.
It is a lot to ask for a chick to behave normally, or at least somewhat civilly. I can be civil, but I suppose it is too much to ask for them to do so if they're used to having their butt kissed so much.
Trouble is, I don't want their behavior to make me chase less attractive chicks-I want someone attractive to me as well.
It sucks pursuing women that think they are God's gift, but what else am I gonna do? I gotta stake my claim sometime. It's just very, very disproportionately tough to get more attractive chicks, and this even applies to ones I think I should be getting more easily (no looks disparity).
Enough *****ing, I suppose. Time to get back out there and take some more lumps.
If only God made sheep better looking.
This is your main problem. You are giving them too much credit for being beautiful, something they had nothing to do with. They were born that way. You tolerate that behavior simply because of their looks.
Don't expect them to change. You gotta change.
Damn, Gangster, that's some hard advice you're dispensing.
Maybe I can state that my character is too accomodating, as you say. Perhaps an overextension of trying to show them a good time.
Right now, it is hard to know when to strike a good balance, and maybe that is part of the process in accepting that she must prove herself to me as well. Maybe I haven't been doing that enough.
Maybe I've been dating women uninterested in proving themselves to me at all. It's hard to say right now because I sure don't have all the answers.
Which is why I posted this in the first place. I need to be doing better at getting the desirable women. All perspectives are welcome. Facing hard reality is something that is good for me.
I want to get better, come hell or high water.
So in this particular instance, your advice would have been to offer another lesson only when she specifically asked for it, as a way to get her to show interest. Correct?
Maybe I can state that my character is too accomodating, as you say. Perhaps an overextension of trying to show them a good time.
Right now, it is hard to know when to strike a good balance, and maybe that is part of the process in accepting that she must prove herself to me as well. Maybe I haven't been doing that enough.
Maybe I've been dating women uninterested in proving themselves to me at all. It's hard to say right now because I sure don't have all the answers.
Which is why I posted this in the first place. I need to be doing better at getting the desirable women. All perspectives are welcome. Facing hard reality is something that is good for me.
I want to get better, come hell or high water.
So in this particular instance, your advice would have been to offer another lesson only when she specifically asked for it, as a way to get her to show interest. Correct?
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
johnny_dangerously
Don Juan
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My friend, there's an old Turkish folk song with a lyric that goes, "They invented the pistol and honor is dead." Well, guess what? They invented TV and breeding is dead.Originally posted by johnnyrem
NEVER, EVER, EVER has considerate behavior and an attractive exterior ever been combined in one woman in my dating experience...Every time, by the second or third date, the sh!t test starts flying, and I think, "Why does she have to act like such a b!tch already?"
I can't help noticing that Jay Leno and Mel Gibson do not have Hollywood showbiz wives--they have plain wives who love them to death, & only one marriage each. Is there perhaps a lesson there?
Perhaps the best revenge of all is to stay with that average-looking woman who treats you like a king, and when you are good to her too, all those gorgeous b1tches will eat their hearts out & wonder, "What's she got that I don't?" (Answer: GOOD BREEDING!)
Another alternative is to date women from a part of the world where women still believe in ladylike behavior. (There's a reason why American men are the most highly prized husbands worldwide, & American women are hated & reviled).
But whatever you do, PLEASE DO NOT waste your time & energy wishing for the world to be other than it is! The hand has been dealt already, now you must play it!
Over & out,
-J.D.
great insight from the last post.
id like to add...
I think us men are just as guilty as many women in having been brainwashed by western culture.
men want a beautiful woman as a status symbol, a symbol of their own value and worth. A man wants the world to look at him and say 'now theres a conquoror'
but do you really need a porsche to be happy? Couldn't you be happy with a mazda 3?
i mean, once you get past the status symbol of it all, aren't they basically the same experience.
personally i've been amazed at how i can be with a hot woman and after a month or two think 'god she is so ugly'. and i've been with a "cute" woman and after a month or two thought 'this is the hottest woman ever'
I remember the first time i banged a hot woman and afterwards i thought 'this was no better than banging any other chic'. i mean, they may look better all decked out for a night on the town, but under the sheets the experience aint that much different. and if you're finding it that much different thats becuase of your own IL - driving the mazda 3 can be just as much fun as driving the porsche if you are open to it.
anyway, just my 2 cents.
J
id like to add...
I think us men are just as guilty as many women in having been brainwashed by western culture.
men want a beautiful woman as a status symbol, a symbol of their own value and worth. A man wants the world to look at him and say 'now theres a conquoror'
but do you really need a porsche to be happy? Couldn't you be happy with a mazda 3?
i mean, once you get past the status symbol of it all, aren't they basically the same experience.
personally i've been amazed at how i can be with a hot woman and after a month or two think 'god she is so ugly'. and i've been with a "cute" woman and after a month or two thought 'this is the hottest woman ever'
I remember the first time i banged a hot woman and afterwards i thought 'this was no better than banging any other chic'. i mean, they may look better all decked out for a night on the town, but under the sheets the experience aint that much different. and if you're finding it that much different thats becuase of your own IL - driving the mazda 3 can be just as much fun as driving the porsche if you are open to it.
anyway, just my 2 cents.
J
I understand the perspectives just given, and I think I get Gangster's advice of not going out of your way for a woman unless she's proven her worth to YOU. Gangster, I should have added that no more driving lessons would have been offered unless, as you suggested, she did something for me in return. In appearance, I am not an AFC; in behavior, I think I most definitely am.
Some of the lumps I am experiencing are part of the process of dating women at this level. And yes, guys, I get the point that a less attractive woman can turn out to be more attractive once you get to know her.
It's just that I'd like to explore the realm of dating attractive women before I can say with certainty that it is or is not for me.
And to date them successfully, I need to get better with my behavior. Besides walking away (maybe a moot point because they likely wouldn't have agreed to another date anyway) I need to modify my behavior to avoid bringing out this reaction in them (appearing weak in their eyes). Which is ironic, because women that have just met me describe their first impression of me as as a guy "that looks like he could beat the living crap out of someone." I think I'm overcompensating for my appearance by exhibiting excessively compliant behavior. My behavior does not match my physical appearance. I had not thought of the situation from Gangster's perspective, that I was disappointing women with my actions. I thought I was the only disappointed one.
Thanks to all who have replied so far; it's helped, it really has.
Some of the lumps I am experiencing are part of the process of dating women at this level. And yes, guys, I get the point that a less attractive woman can turn out to be more attractive once you get to know her.
It's just that I'd like to explore the realm of dating attractive women before I can say with certainty that it is or is not for me.
And to date them successfully, I need to get better with my behavior. Besides walking away (maybe a moot point because they likely wouldn't have agreed to another date anyway) I need to modify my behavior to avoid bringing out this reaction in them (appearing weak in their eyes). Which is ironic, because women that have just met me describe their first impression of me as as a guy "that looks like he could beat the living crap out of someone." I think I'm overcompensating for my appearance by exhibiting excessively compliant behavior. My behavior does not match my physical appearance. I had not thought of the situation from Gangster's perspective, that I was disappointing women with my actions. I thought I was the only disappointed one.
Thanks to all who have replied so far; it's helped, it really has.