i always have to initiate!

[LoneWolf]

hey hey guys!

so i'm still seeing that same girl (2 months now) who i went crazy about .. i have stopped texting her and calling her all the time and i keep it to once or twice a week now .. almost always just to organise something. we are getting closer i feel. hung out with her last saturday, under the blankets, watching movies, having sex, etc. hung out again on tuesday, had sex again. then this is the part that bothers me.

am i expecting too much from a 2 month relationship? after we have those great times together and mind blowing sex, she never texts or calls unless i do first. 3-4 days goes by, nothing. there's only been two/three times where she initiated first because i went a few days without contact.

if i call she's usually busy which gets annoying cause its like jinxed to me. i rarely get her on the first call. she always calls back or texts after that. is that the normal thing or something these days? i hear other guys girlfriends always texting everyday and calling. i wouldn't mind some of that just a "hello how are you" every couple days. everything is going great with us, romance in the air when we are together etc but its just that. i hate calling and texting all the time. on tuesday she asked me to come to her house friday (tomorrow) to play some poker with her and her friends. i told her i'd let her know .. so two days later i texted her late at night about it and she said she'll call me tomorrow during the day.

so why am i the one who has to always initiate this sh1t? we always plan things before it happens but then i have to always follow up even though she invited me or suggested. is this normal? is it the guys job to chase this much? fuk! lol

now just so you know, she's a busy bee.. she has two jobs, studies, lives with family, plays basketball, goes to the gym, has a lot more friends than me because i only just moved here a year or so ago. i only have one job and few friends. i have been living alone for about 3 months because my mother went overseas. so it's dead for me. she's a tomboy as well btw so she doesn't really have the same mindset as those everyday HOT girls. she's... somewhat different.

 

[anointed]

Im in a similar situation. I can get this girl to go out every time almost, unless one night of this week which is her girls night. But weekends I can get her.. and when i get her itll be like 3 days of ****in, hanging out etc. but then later i dont get too many texts or calls. I always have to start it.

I put it down to her just wanting to be single and liking being single and just has her mind on other stuff. Don juan on the girl side maybe. lol

 

[LoneWolf]

i found this on some other random forum:

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I love girls playing 'hard to get' contact wise.
I mean think about it;
- Girl A likes you and blows up your phone
- Girl B likes you and you initiate all contact

I will take girl B over girl A every single time because it means
- I talk to her when I feel like it
- I don't have to put up with her ****
- If I want to chill with some broskis I don't have to tell her
- She's basically a booty call when I want it..

As long as you don't blow up her phone, and text her every few days then you're fine.

Only ***s whine about having to initiate all contact because they're too simple to figure out how to use it to their advantage.

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i guess i never saw it that way. my friends wife calls him all the time and harrasses him and i see it annoys him. like when he's at my house she's like "when are you coming home!?" calls again ten mins later "i thought you were coming!?"

i wouldn't want that lol.

 

[rocket87]

You answered your own question with that research in the above post.

It's kind of a preference thing. Some guys are "needier" (not necessarily NEEDY personalities but more so that they find more appreciation in the girl going out of her way to maintain contact) and others prefer to take the lead and control/determine when they want to talk/hang/sex/etc..

Using the same variables as above:

Girl A would. Any girl that blows up your phone is either sorta obsessed with you or just straight up jealous/insecure. Most likely the latter of those two options... Worrying that you're out screwing around or whatever (this really never ends well)

Girl B is absolutely submissive and likes the lead given by the guy; I would say as a general observation and based on experience this is technically better for a more stable relationship.

A mix in between is always nice too for more long-term. (Not the her blowing up your phone part, but a good solid connection where communication doesn't hinder your plans yet keeps you two in touch.

Regardless, neither are accurate indicators of interest. People just vary on things like this. Men are just the same with male friends of ours; some we contact all the time, some we wait to contact less often, some contact us more than we contact them, etc.

Two interdependent individuals = key to a happy, successful LTR.

 

[loveshogun]

am i expecting too much from a 2 month relationship? after we have those great times together and mind blowing sex, she never texts or calls unless i do first. 3-4 days goes by, nothing. there's only been two/three times where she initiated first because i went a few days without contact.

Damn, dude. Two months? That's nothin'. That's normal dating period. In fact, I would never refer to anything less than 20 dates (1 per week) as a "relationship." Especially if those words didn't come out of her mouth first, or if she hasn't punched out another girl for eye-f*cking me.

However, you seem relatively new to the game, and this is a new girl, so I wouldn't sweat it too much. Remember, a girl who likes you will make things easy, but no one said that this would mean ZERO effort on your part - I'd say she's making it pretty easy by coming over when you call and banging you.

You'll know she REALLY likes you, though, by her making effort to see you - notice I did not say anything about her CALLING you. It's easy to dial a number to see what's up. It's genuine attraction that makes a girl leave her house and hop on the D-train.

Keep an eye out for her actions. Two months in, I'd say this behavior from her is normal (though lately for me, girls start showin' up at my door and booty callin' me after 2 weeks). If the situation hasn't changed and you're still feeling like she has cold feet in another month, then I'd start considering that perhaps it's time to move on.

 

[LoneWolf]

You'll know she REALLY likes you, though, by her making effort to see you - notice I did not say anything about her CALLING you. It's easy to dial a number to see what's up. It's genuine attraction that makes a girl leave her house and hop on the D-train.

yeah, that's why when we are together i've noticed she loves every minute of it. if you looked at us in public you'd think we were in love. holding hands, holding each other, kissing and almost always during the date or toward the end she'll ask to hang out again for the next date. but yeah, it's only the part when we AREN'T together that was bothering me but i guess i'm just being needy too early. this one doesn't fall in love too quick it seems

p.s. - she does all the driving since i don't drive atm. always takes me home etc. i guess that's considered effort lol.

 

[loveshogun]

yeah, that's why when we are together i've noticed she loves every minute of it. if you looked at us in public you'd think we were in love. holding hands, holding each other, kissing and almost always during the date or toward the end she'll ask to hang out again for the next date. but yeah, it's only the part when we AREN'T together that was bothering me but i guess i'm just being needy too early. this one doesn't fall in love too quick it seems

See? It's not as bad as you made it out to be - except for the part in bold. It's ALWAYS too early to be needy, brotha. NEVER, EVER be needy. We don't accept that crap in women, so we sure as hell shouldn't accept it in ourselves.

p.s. - she does all the driving since i don't drive atm. always takes me home. i guess that's considered effort lol.

Fix this. Immediately. It's not a sexist issue. It's an issue of you not being able to get around on your own. Everyone should be able to do that.

 

[LoneWolf]

Fix this. Immediately. It's not a sexist issue. It's an issue of you not being able to get around on your own. Everyone should be able to do that.

oh i have no problems getting around. i live right near a train station and i've put in some decent effort to meet her. i usually catch a bus all the way right near her house and its very easy.. so she picks me up from there. but she always takes me home cause it's night by then. i don't think she minds as i pay for fuel (SOME times) and/or give her a nice back massage when we get to mine. i think she appreciates that on my behalf. i try to put in equal amount of effort into our dates that makes up for her driving. i think it's okay though. she doesn't complain and always offers to take me home anyway.

the reason i don't drive is i have a problem with it. i almost had an accident a long time ago and i find it's best that i stay off the roads cause i don't feel safe behind the wheel. not to mention i would need glasses to drive (i can't read from far away) and i don't have the money right now for all that sh1t. i don't expect people to understand that but it's the way it is for me at this stage.