Hypergamy... what to do about it.

[mrgoodstuff]

There is no single 'feminine imperative', just as there is no single masculine imperative. Those that think there is are most probably just projecting their own ideology onto it. Just as various men will be driven by various aims, the same applies to women. Of course, you can always generalize, always look at the bulk of the bell curve and the norm... but there are always exceptions to the norm.

Anyone interested in self-improvement, the exceptional and the excellent, will always eschew the norm.

On average there is kinda an imperative especially amongst singles.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

On average there is kinda an imperative especially amongst singles.

Yes, this is the norm, which is why you always have to keep in mind the differences between norms and ideals.

 

[AJ84]

You kinda nailed bigdave17 too. Many of us actually. We don't get to decide female values and hypergamy.

True. It goes both ways. It can be frustrating when dating for sure. I remember when I was single and feeling like I don’t have control over whether a guy will like me, all I could do was be positive, put an effort into my appearance and hope there was something about me that he liked lol.

 

[corrector]

You aren't even making sense anymore.

If a guy got 1 chick to have sex with him, he can get another one to. Unless he has a defeatist attitude like yours.

Really. You mis-read my post, I never said never again before the man hits the grave. I said you don't know when that would ever happen again. These things could go up to 10 years and sometimes longer, or it could be 2 years. If it took you until you are in the mid-30's to get that first chick, that was over 30 years, how long do you think for the second? How does that inspire confidence that this is something that will occur with frequency enough so that the stakes don't feel that high?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes, this is the norm, which is why you always have to keep in mind the differences between norms and ideals.

Our ideals are the outliers. The imperative is the dating norms today.

 

[Toddz]

Really. You mis-read my post, I never said never again before the man hits the grave. I said you don't know when that would ever happen again. These things could go up to 10 years and sometimes longer, or it could be 2 years. If it took you until you are in the mid-30's to get that first chick, that was over 30 years, how long do you think for the second? How does that inspire confidence that this is something that will occur with frequency enough so that the stakes don't feel that high?

By 30, you should be an established man financially secure and maturely grounded. This is the crossover point where women who were out of your league in your 20's have faded looks wise and now are approaching the wall. They are seeking long term partners. It should be an even playing field for you if you played your cards right through life. Women age poorly, men not so much.

 

[user43770]

Really. You mis-read my post, I never said never again before the man hits the grave. I said you don't know when that would ever happen again. These things could go up to 10 years and sometimes longer, or it could be 2 years. If it took you until you are in the mid-30's to get that first chick, that was over 30 years, how long do you think for the second? How does that inspire confidence that this is something that will occur with frequency enough so that the stakes don't feel that high?

You said it would be best for low SMV men to avoid LTRs - i.e. regular sex with a woman - because the woman might eventually leave. That doesn't make any sense to me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

By 30, you should be an established man financially secure and maturely grounded. This is the crossover point where women who were out of your league in your 20's have faded looks wise and now are approaching the wall. They are seeking long term partners. It should be an even playing field for you if you played your cards right through life. Women age poorly, men not so much.

Should a woman who dogged out and devalue guys like you deserve a you after getting a train run on her by the carousel in her 20's?

Hasn't she been trained to be a ****ty relationship partners?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Our ideals are the outliers. The imperative is the dating norms today.

im·per·a·tive - of vital importance; crucial.
"immediate action was imperative"

synonyms: vitally important, of vital importance, all-important, vital, crucial, critical, essential, necessary, indispensable, urgent; More

 

[user43770]

Should a woman who dogged out and devalue guys like you deserve a you after getting a train run on her by the carousel in her 20's?

Hasn't she been trained to be a ****ty relationship partners?

That's the rub. We're all carrying around a bunch of failed relationships when we hit our 30s, men and women.

Ideally, we should have married young, had a bunch of kids and made the relationship work. Not in this day and age.

 

[skinnyguy]

Wtf? If you believe your first point then you don’t understand women AT ALL.
Only a complete ding bat would respect her guy for sleeping with other women.

Khloe Kardashian respects TT even though he cheated on her dozens of times. She’s trying everything to make it work.

Would she be with him if he was home all day?

 

[user43770]

When it comes to relationships, I agree with @Toddz. The best thing you can do is be indifferent.

Show your woman love, but never cower when she has her emotional outbursts. Stand your ground and be stubborn.

Expect the worst from her eventually (because every woman is capable), but don't let that hold you back from enjoying the good times.

The great stoics would sleep on the floor occasionally, just to remind themselves of how random fate can be.

Never become too attached to anything.

 

[corrector]

By 30, you should be an established man financially secure and maturely grounded. This is the crossover point where women who were out of your league in your 20's have faded looks wise and now are approaching the wall. They are seeking long term partners. It should be an even playing field for you if you played your cards right through life. Women age poorly, men not so much.

That is not a low SMV scenario.

 

[corrector]

You said it would be best for low SMV men to avoid LTRs - i.e. regular sex with a woman - because the woman might eventually leave. That doesn't make any sense to me.

Why doesn't that make any sense to you? If you can't easily replace a woman when she leaves, and she has the upper-hand in the relationship because you have no other options and doesn't respect you, then that just sucks as bad as being single. You are stuck with her in your mind and can't move-on properly. If one is not emotionally prepared for such eventualities, coming from a low SMV vantage point, then one could be devastated if it doesn't work out in the end.

 

[user43770]

Why doesn't that make any sense to you? If you can't easily replace a woman when she leaves, and she has the upper-hand in the relationship because you have no other options and doesn't respect you, then that just sucks as bad as being single. You are stuck with her in your mind and can't move-on properly. If one is not emotionally prepared for such eventualities, coming from a low SMV vantage point, then one could be devastated if it doesn't work out in the end.

So a better alternative is to avoid women entirely? It seems like that's your suggestion.

My advice: if the cup is full, take a big swig and enjoy every bit of it. The cup may be empty soon, but who cares...more cups will be proffered.

And a woman only has the upper hand if you give it to her. She may leave you, but you don't let that affect you.

Expect them to leave you.

 

[Spaz]

Instead of using the word hypergamy, I prefer to use standards, preferred standards that a man should have to ensure survival of her yet unborn child and the abilty to provide her the emotional support she needs.

People here enjoy blaming hypergamy as in women all around can't control themselves, that at the merest opportunity should it present itself she would monkey branch. Pure delusions.

I keep saying this throughout the forum, should any man either meet or exceed a woman's standards, then hypergamy doesn't exist.

People has standards, even you that's reading this has it, when ur woman has continuously proven 2 be below even your minimum standards, it's more then likely you'd be looking elsewhere.

Does that mean you as a man subconsciously hypergamous?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Khloe Kardashian respects TT even though he cheated on her dozens of times. She’s trying everything to make it work.

Would she be with him if he was home all day?

She's a old "girl"

 

[user43770]

Instead of using the word hypergamy, I prefer to use standards, preferred standards that a man should have to ensure survival of her yet unborn child and the abilty to provide her the emotional support she needs.

People here enjoy blaming hypergamy as in women all around can't control themselves, that at the merest opportunity should it present itself she would monkey branch. Pure delusions.

Every woman is capable of making rash decisions that go against your happiness as a man. That could be via hypergamy, an oops baby, a cuckold baby, ridiculous consumerist purchases, voting for liberals, getting swindled by mechanics, giving money to bums, texting while driving etc.

 

[Spaz]

Every woman is capable of making rash decisions that go against your happiness as a man. That could be via hypergamy, oops baby, cuckold baby, ridiculous consumerist purchases etc.

Every man is also capable of the same.

Do we also name it hypergamy?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

That's the rub. We're all carrying around a bunch of failed relationships when we hit our 30s, men and women.

Ideally, we should have married young, had a bunch of kids and made the relationship work. Not in this day and age.

Every man is also capable of the same.

Do we also name it hypergamy?

Only if it's spelt hyper-gamey.